[floatleft-nb]I have been selflessly orbiting Earth
since 1957, breaking space endurance
records, proving Soviet Space Program
is more advanced than Amerikanski
Program. Man on the moon, ptooey!
Amerikanski not returned to moon
since 1972, and I am still up here!

But I would like to come back to Earth
and help Amerikanski workers and
farmers defeat capitalist oppressors
and live happily like Soviet workers
and farmers. They could use help
from Hero Dog of Soviet Union,
Friend of People, no?

Laika (Controlling your tinfoil hats
since 1957)
[/floatleft-nb]

The Rosen Trial: Mission Accomplished!

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Warren Beatty's mind control wave machine


Comrades and Members of the Politburo!

I am pleased to report that the Republican show trial of David Rosen over Comrade Hillary's fund-raising fraud has ended in total silence, suppression and acquittal.

After Kommander Kenneth and I jammed the media outlets emitting from the future socialist state of Marxifornia we proceeded to make contact with KGB General David Kendall. Once contact was made, Kendall led us to the secret Laurel Canyon hideout of Warren Beatty (not to be confused with Comrade Betty). There, in his underground laboratory, we were able to use his highly effective mind control wave machine and got not only the judge & prosecutor to roll over and play dead, but also the entire jury.

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A flying squadron comprised of Melissa Etheridge, Brad Pitt and Jennifer Anniston infiltrates the courtroom.


The judge and prosecutor were easy, I must say, since both are party lackeys and resistence was minimal. The jury on the other hand was quite a challenge! Six hours we struggled comrades! I cannot tell you how many cathode ray tubes were blown up in Warren's lab. At one point we used one of Cher's used crotch tongs to keep the whole thing from falling apart.

At this juncture I ordered a flying squadron comprised of Melissa Etheridge, Brad Pitt and Jennifer Anniston to infiltrate the courtroom and spike the water supply with Ecstasy and they did this with alacrity.

The results were needless to say, astounding. Between the mind control waves and the pyschotropic drugs that were administered, nirvana was achieved and acquittal was declared. After rolling over and playing dead, all awoke and began to cry, with David Rosen himself leading the way. The blubberfest continued until there wasn't a dry eye left in the courtroom. At that point everybody in an act of spontaneity commenced a group hug and began singing in perfect tune "Kumbaya" and the "Internationale". This hardened battle weary Space Dog almost cried, but as you all know, Space Dogs do not cry.

Comrade Her Highness Hillary I am told is very pleased. We have been under a mission communication blackout with Party Central since May 13th for fear of being detected so I have not confirmed this yet. So tell me comrades, what's the reaction from the Kremlin?


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Your Humble Party Servant (since 1957),
Laika the Space Dog

 

 

To Comrade Laika Space Dog:
The word is that the Kremlin is very pleased with your work, though I have not met with Comrade Her Highness Hillary to confirm her opinions on the matter. I am sure she will let you know how she feels when communication is restored.

Of course, there was never any fund-raising fraud to begin. The problem was all made up by the so-called "Republicans" (i.e. the capitalist pigs), and therefore, they will pay for their own mistakes.

Excellent work, Comrade Laika. I am sure Her Highness will contact you shortly. The Kremlin is extremely pleased.

From the Red Journalism Center,
Vladimir Ivanov
Moscow, USSR

 

 

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Why were they singing "Kumbaya"? After all, to achieve a perfect Communist state, all religion must be banned (except the worship of the leader of the masses as Stalin proudly introduced during his regin of the USSR).

 

 

User avatar
5/29/2005, 4:19 pm
Kumbaya has nothing to do with religion. It is a song of praise for our Lord, Hillary.
Aunt Hillary knows all and sees all, and children can pray, only to her, in public schools. Many people have been moved to tears singing her song. You know the words so lets sing:

Kumbaya, my Lord, Kumbaya.
Kumbaya, my Lord, Kumbaya.
Kumbaya, my Lord, Kumbaya.
Oh Lord, Kumbaya.

Someone's singing Lord, Kumbaya.
Someone's singing Lord, Kumbaya.
Someone's singing Lord, Kumbaya.
Oh Lord, Kumbaya.

Someone's praying Lord, Kumbaya.
Someone's praying Lord, Kumbaya.
Someone's praying Lord, Kumbaya.
Oh Lord, Kumbaya.

Someone's crying Lord, Kumbaya.
Someone's crying Lord, Kumbaya.
Someone's crying Lord, Kumbaya.
Oh Lord, Kumbaya.

Laika

 

 

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Oh, so Hillary is lord, I understand... I think....

 

 

Laika,

I must extend our praise from the Soviet HQ in Nashville, Tennessee.  We are most pleased with Komrade Hillary's victory over the non-existant fraud.  It was obviously nothing but a bougeois lie to begin with anyway.

I am glad to see that you are still faring well old friend.  I still remember those nights in Moscow where we'd drink at the Proliteraite Watering Hole in Red Square!  Ah, the war stories we used to share while staring at the glorious V-2 that was being constructed.  Of course, I had no idea that you were on a super secret mission for the good of the party.  Only recently, due to my higher security clearance have I gained full knowledge of the plans so many years ago.  It is good to see you are still there, serving the party.

I will contact my associates in the Red county of Bergen county in the People's Republic of NJ to tell them to send you a fresh supply of Milk-Bones post haste!

-Komrade Koz

 

 

Leonid Fuku
Dearest Laika,

I read with interest the troubles maintaining Comrade Beatty's Mind Control Machine.  Clearly, this is an indespensable device worthy of greater maintenance.  Are there not enough detainees to supply the human labor for maintenance?  Is there a break in the supply chain that requires worker education initiatives?  

Clearly, a machine of this degree of importance requires absolute functionality.  If needed, I will contact my superiors and forward them a Form Z-123/A requisitioning redistribution of funds from bloated capitalist ventures for maintenance of the People's Infrastructure.  Please advise.

Leonid Fuku

 

 

Leonid Fuku wrote:Dearest Laika,

I read with interest the troubles maintaining Comrade Beatty's Mind Control Machine.  Clearly, this is an indespensable device worthy of greater maintenance.  Are there not enough detainees to supply the human labor for maintenance?  Is there a break in the supply chain that requires worker education initiatives?  

Clearly, a machine of this degree of importance requires absolute functionality.  If needed, I will contact my superiors and forward them a Form Z-123/A requisitioning redistribution of funds from bloated capitalist ventures for maintenance of the People's Infrastructure.  Please advise.

Leonid Fuku

It seems apparent to me that the capitalist pig-dogs who are hording needed money seem to not quite grasp the concept here.  The mind control device will help to bind the party together like never before.  How else can we keep tabs on potential capitalists??

They need a lesson from Geroge Soros.

-Komrade Koz

 

 

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Dearest Koz and Leonid,

 Thank you, Koz for the Milk Bones and yes, those were heady days at the old Prol. As for Warren's machine, maintenence is a problem. Dear Leader Ill Kim Jong and Comrade Fidel have promised to requisition the remaining cathode ray and vacuum tubes in their respective Worker's Paradises. The machine is only to be used in dire moments and the situation required it's use. We can all thank Hillary that Comrade Cher was there, the filament on the last tube needed replaced and her tong was the perfect diameter and length. Our top notch scientists are working on a replacement though....I hear they've invented a microchip that can fit in palm of your hand! Until we get the new mind control machine up and running, we'll have to use this one sparingly and rely, as we usually do, on CBS, NBC, ABC, CNN, and of course with Warren, Cher, Jennifer, Brad and the rest of the cast of thousands in Hollywood.

Laika

 

 

User avatar
If the mind control machine doesn’t work, then we can always institute the methods practiced and displayed in the original “Manchurian Candidate” movie.

 

 

Leonid Fuku
Dearest Laika,

I appreciate your response.  However, I must disagree with the notion that such a powerful machine should "only to be used in dire moments and the situation required it's use."  Although I understand the concept that when one has a hammer, the whole world is a nail, I must also remind you of the symbolic importance of the HAMMER!  I also must wonder why we have not considered alternate colleagues for the production of similar machines.  Surely Comrade Moore is available and willing?  And Comrade Streisand would sacrifice all to aid the State, would she not?  Again, I ask, would she dare not?

Although you and I are of the same mind, I respectfully wonder whether continual space travel has lessened your formerly keen sense of the necessary.

Sincerely,

Leonid



Komrade Leonid,

A word of advice komrade, do not question the motives and means of Laika.  You wouldn't want to end up in a re-education refresher course!  For remember what we always say komrade:

everyone is equal (but some are more equal than others)

-Komrade Koz

 

 

Leonid Fuku
Dearest Komrade,

I meant no disrespect!  I am merely awash in zeal for the cause.  Please consider my recent post withdrawn.

However, I can assure you that if we do not mass produce our mind control device, the other side will.  I have heard rumors that the evil Rush Limbaugh is in the process of using his radio tower to reproduce our device.  I only wish our core beliefs could be slightly altered to allow for patent applications, but I digress.

Please do not feel the need to re-educate me.  Consider me solidly hooked on the Party Line, no more questions asked.

Your humble supplicant

Leonid



Komrade Leonid,

Do not worry komrade, to me, your loyalty in the party was never in question!  I was merely warning you that everything is being watched.  I just wished to remind you that sometimes the party gets more... cautious...  than other times.

Your words, however, have swayed me.  I will therefore append my seal of approval to your idea.  Komrade Laika, I suggest we follow the advice of Komrade Leonid, for he speaks truth.  The evil capitalist Rush Limbaugh does, after all, possess his own mind control devivce!  It is only en masse that we can crush the capitalists!

Do not worry, re-education is not your destiny, for now...

As reward for your loyal service, I will see to it that you get an extra bottle of Vodka, and a full sack of potatoes next winter!

-Komrade Koz

 

 

Kommander Kenneth
Laika!

 You've been awarded the "Blue Max" and a few other TPC awards! I've been breveted a Kommander! No longer a Colonel or a mere kulak, but a full Kommander, just like Che! Her Highness Comrade Hillary is having David Rosen and Peter Paul throw us a party. Of course we'd have to chip in to her noble campaign, but what the heck! I am so excited!!!!
Also on another note, supposedly "Deep Throat" came forth this past week and exposed himself (as usual, the deviant pervert) Maybe at the party we should set the record straight and tell the real story since Brezhnev, Andropov, and Nixon are dead these many years, unlike so-called "Deep Throat"? I know you have reservations on telling the real story, being the loyal, humble Space Dog that you are, but Laika the world is dying to know!

Kommander Kenneth, your loyal servant.

 

 


 
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