Print it
E-mail itWelcome Message to Newly Arrived Thoughtcriminals
Welcome Unwashed Masses!
Since the days of Lenin, The People™ have been clamoring for change NOW! is to dispense the unquestionable direct from Red Square to you.
The most equal truths have been set aside in , but The Party™ does not discriminate and proles equally share in the collective via . (Beet rations are distributed weekly to all proles who contribute, with an extra beet given by Commissarka Pinkie for more equal posts.) For customers of Jiffi-Lobo™ we have compiled a and invite them for re-education at .
provides for debunking the hegemony of the Neo-Kulaks world-wide.
All new proles must make sure to take the and to discern their loyalty to The Party™. Make sure to use only approved by The Party™, especially and Tools for avid customers of Jiffi-Lobo™.
Equal entertainment for the masses is available in the form of and .
Delight in the glorious future with the ™ and celebrate the historically inevitable . The Current Truth on will set your progressive mind free with Party Approved™ glorious facts about anthropogenic calamities in our time.
Оnce your ride in a box car is over and your local Kommissar has deloused you and set your progressive mind free, you are required to vist the to procure your items for The Revolution™ and then and only then .
If you have any questions visit the page, or pass your local Kommissar a Party Approved Directive Correspondence™.
Enjoy, Comrade!
The Politburo
The Peoples Cube
Red Square, The Motherland
If you have completed the above, you may now proceed to >>>
And if you absolutely, positively need to know what's behind this, see us in .
Since the days of Lenin, The People™ have been clamoring for change NOW! is to dispense the unquestionable direct from Red Square to you.
The most equal truths have been set aside in , but The Party™ does not discriminate and proles equally share in the collective via . (Beet rations are distributed weekly to all proles who contribute, with an extra beet given by Commissarka Pinkie for more equal posts.) For customers of Jiffi-Lobo™ we have compiled a and invite them for re-education at .
provides for debunking the hegemony of the Neo-Kulaks world-wide.
All new proles must make sure to take the and to discern their loyalty to The Party™. Make sure to use only approved by The Party™, especially and Tools for avid customers of Jiffi-Lobo™.
Equal entertainment for the masses is available in the form of and .
Delight in the glorious future with the ™ and celebrate the historically inevitable . The Current Truth on will set your progressive mind free with Party Approved™ glorious facts about anthropogenic calamities in our time.
Оnce your ride in a box car is over and your local Kommissar has deloused you and set your progressive mind free, you are required to vist the to procure your items for The Revolution™ and then and only then .
If you have any questions visit the page, or pass your local Kommissar a Party Approved Directive Correspondence™.
Enjoy, Comrade!
The Politburo
The Peoples Cube
Red Square, The Motherland
If you have completed the above, you may now proceed to >>>
And if you absolutely, positively need to know what's behind this, see us in .
The last picture made me want to scream out loud:
Яка ж це Червона Площа, коли це Головпоштампт на Хрещатику?
Thanks, Komrade Red Square!!
I made posting on Glorious Orientation thread a few weeks ago...
Unfortunately, I am an illiterate prole who cannot read Russian!
No matter! At least I can use a shovel! Or do whatever the Party tells me to do! If I'm called to serve aboard the Komsomolets K-278, so be it!!
Grateful for admission into Party ranks,
Komradka Olga
I made posting on Glorious Orientation thread a few weeks ago...
Unfortunately, I am an illiterate prole who cannot read Russian!
No matter! At least I can use a shovel! Or do whatever the Party tells me to do! If I'm called to serve aboard the Komsomolets K-278, so be it!!
Grateful for admission into Party ranks,
Komradka Olga
Olga, I think that you will prove to be a valuable party member. Just remember to keep your eyes down as you toil in the trenches.
Be sure to spit when you hear the name Republican.
Always write Faux Noise instead of Fox News.
Do not laugh at Keith Olbermann.
Listen to Rosie Radio on XM.
Listen to America Left and try not to think that they are damaged, childish people whining that the world doesn't love them enough.
Read the Daily Kos for your ration of hate.
And do not under any circumstances take note that the Tea Partiers are responsible, middle-class people with jobs, who do not litter or break things.
Be sure to spit when you hear the name Republican.
Always write Faux Noise instead of Fox News.
Do not laugh at Keith Olbermann.
Listen to Rosie Radio on XM.
Listen to America Left and try not to think that they are damaged, childish people whining that the world doesn't love them enough.
Read the Daily Kos for your ration of hate.
And do not under any circumstances take note that the Tea Partiers are responsible, middle-class people with jobs, who do not litter or break things.
гречиха!! This is gloriously good stuff!
And remember the Prog's song. Think of the "I'm a Lumberjack..."
"I'm a proggie and I'm okay.
I sulk all night and I lie all day.
I sneer and accuse,
I lie and frame,
I don't shit in the lavatory.
I put on Gitmo clothing...
"I'm a proggie and I'm okay.
I sulk all night and I lie all day.
I sneer and accuse,
I lie and frame,
I don't shit in the lavatory.
I put on Gitmo clothing...
It's what runs through my head all the time.
"I don't shit in the lavatory"
This is such a glorious step forward from gulag life. You should be proudly proud of your efforts. I have no doubt you shall rise to higher office in the regime.
This is such a glorious step forward from gulag life. You should be proudly proud of your efforts. I have no doubt you shall rise to higher office in the regime.
Fraulein, I am the keeper of the Sacred Rancho de Rio Grande. I am but a humble comrade and do not deserve this, but I work so very hard for the party. There isn't a neck in three counties which hasn't felt the sole of my jackboot. In fact in this part of Texas people know that employees are good to hire if they have a head flattened by me climbing over them. The employer knows that this employee has put up with endless shit from me and can put up with more if needed.
That's why I think that I deserve my Rancho.
It's also where the Party comes to play, and I take some very interesting photos when everyone is blacked out...
Oops. Didn't say that, didn't mean it. Never mind.
That's why I think that I deserve my Rancho.
It's also where the Party comes to play, and I take some very interesting photos when everyone is blacked out...
Oops. Didn't say that, didn't mean it. Never mind.
Comrade Theo, You are more equal than some, that has been proved. But we all "deserve" a Rancho. I have sweated and toiled at the gulag, make beet soup, beet meat, beet gravy, beet vodka to provided for the High Party Officials (of which I am most please to do... blah blah blah). My 'gulag mansion' is coming along (we almost have the wall erected to make necessary toiletry duties more private) and that is most pleasing. It has cost my cankles great stress as I have had to shove them up some posteriors. (some comrades are truly, less equal!) to get the work done. I would love to visit the Rancho again and indulge in a cup of vodka.... or two.... or so, but after your last BLACKOUTED photo's, I do hesitate.
We must talk.
We must talk.
Fraulein, you were not drunk when you were here. You could lie on the floor without holding on, and when you threw yourself at a single bed, you hit it.
That's not drunk by any definition of the term.
That's not drunk by any definition of the term.
I did not lay on the floor. As memory recalls, the floor jump up and assaulted me. And waking up covered in vodka bottles and having my personal private undergarments worn as hair ornaments, spells intoxication from spiked booze, in my black book! I know my usual one cup of vodka could not have caused such revelry. Of that I do not much mind so greatly because I know a good time was had, but the taking of blacked out photos to be placed on varying blogs for men to lust over, does not suite me. I have copyrighted rights on all photos of my own personage.
Did you wake up with a glorious mustache? If so, then you had some mixed into your vodka. Don't worry, it's harmless and the standard medicine that will be handed out under ObamaCare...
RESUMÉ - Of the, Madhatter, now incognito, seeks gainful employment to utilize his many talents and gifts already thrust upon humanity over the decades.
GOALS: Multi-faceted and in depth experience both in domestic and international markets is ideally suited to a large corporate environment. A hands-on redevelopment challenge would suit my unique talents.
EDUCATION: University of Caen. Various Military Academies.
MARRIED: Two wives and quite a number of children.
HEALTH: Not too good at the moment, but this English diet is mainly to blame.
CAREER: I started with the Local Government Supervisory Service, and rose to become Senior Operating Officer in only two years
Transferred to Paris headquarters, I rapidly directed new and exciting projects for the Board of Directors, and exceeded all targets, quickly dominating the competition and gaining control of all markets.
Promoted in only two years, to Chief Operating Officer of all domestic and overseas operations, with full financial and budgetary responsibilities. Also assumed full control of Human Resources and Industrial Relations.
Appointed Chairman of the Board and CEO, with absolute and complete mandate over corporate policy, marketing, budgets, P and L, (Total budget in excess of Fr 650 million). Reorganized corporate structure, management reporting systems, overseas territories; initiated trade agreements and revised union activities in Russia and Austria (these were local supply problems, like clothing, food, items not budgeted for in the previous year).
Following the loss of our overseas operations, I tried to re-establish domestic marketing activities, but due to foreign competition at the Waterloo Trade Conference, I decided to resign in favor of a younger man.
GENERAL: Strong interface with people; good communication skills; well travelled; ambitious and with a good sense of humor.
HOBBIES: Playing the harpsicord; raising dobermen; fashion design; and writing books about other people.
SALARY: Will work on commission and an equity arrangement, based on exclusive territorial rights.
Willing to relocate, currently staying with friends on St. Helena. Not too keen on cold climates.
Oh, my name, I nearly forgot – it's Napoleon, Napoleon Bonapart.
REFERENCES:
The Duke of Wellington
Josephine (on a good day)
The Mayor of Moscow
The Madhatter enters! Greetings Komrades....
GOALS: Multi-faceted and in depth experience both in domestic and international markets is ideally suited to a large corporate environment. A hands-on redevelopment challenge would suit my unique talents.
EDUCATION: University of Caen. Various Military Academies.
MARRIED: Two wives and quite a number of children.
HEALTH: Not too good at the moment, but this English diet is mainly to blame.
CAREER: I started with the Local Government Supervisory Service, and rose to become Senior Operating Officer in only two years
Transferred to Paris headquarters, I rapidly directed new and exciting projects for the Board of Directors, and exceeded all targets, quickly dominating the competition and gaining control of all markets.
Promoted in only two years, to Chief Operating Officer of all domestic and overseas operations, with full financial and budgetary responsibilities. Also assumed full control of Human Resources and Industrial Relations.
Appointed Chairman of the Board and CEO, with absolute and complete mandate over corporate policy, marketing, budgets, P and L, (Total budget in excess of Fr 650 million). Reorganized corporate structure, management reporting systems, overseas territories; initiated trade agreements and revised union activities in Russia and Austria (these were local supply problems, like clothing, food, items not budgeted for in the previous year).
Following the loss of our overseas operations, I tried to re-establish domestic marketing activities, but due to foreign competition at the Waterloo Trade Conference, I decided to resign in favor of a younger man.
GENERAL: Strong interface with people; good communication skills; well travelled; ambitious and with a good sense of humor.
HOBBIES: Playing the harpsicord; raising dobermen; fashion design; and writing books about other people.
SALARY: Will work on commission and an equity arrangement, based on exclusive territorial rights.
Willing to relocate, currently staying with friends on St. Helena. Not too keen on cold climates.
Oh, my name, I nearly forgot – it's Napoleon, Napoleon Bonapart.
REFERENCES:
The Duke of Wellington
Josephine (on a good day)
The Mayor of Moscow
The Madhatter enters! Greetings Komrades....
Hello Red Rooster,
I couldn't figure out how to make a general post or write a new article. So, I stuck my resume in here. I don't know a soul; oh yes I do, from Newsvine but I don't know their handle here.
Where Do I post new articles?
The Madhatter
I couldn't figure out how to make a general post or write a new article. So, I stuck my resume in here. I don't know a soul; oh yes I do, from Newsvine but I don't know their handle here.
Where Do I post new articles?
The Madhatter
Comrads,
I just want to share the wealth around a little. Let me tell you of my current plight with a plea for help! I seek new employment.
RESUMÉ - Of the, Madhatter, now incognito, seeks gainful employment to utilize his many talents and gifts already thrust upon humanity over the decades.
GOALS: Multi-faceted and in depth experience both in domestic and international markets is ideally suited to a large corporate environment. A hands-on redevelopment challenge would suit my unique talents.
EDUCATION: University of Caen. Various Military Academies.
MARRIED: Two wives and quite a number of children.
HEALTH: Not too good at the moment, but this English diet is mainly to blame.
CAREER: I started with the Local Government Supervisory Service, and rose to become Senior Operating Officer in only two years
Transferred to Paris headquarters, I rapidly directed new and exciting projects for the Board of Directors, and exceeded all targets, quickly dominating the competition and gaining control of all markets.
Promoted in only two years, to Chief Operating Officer of all domestic and overseas operations, with full financial and budgetary responsibilities. Also assumed full control of Human Resources and Industrial Relations.
Appointed Chairman of the Board and CEO, with absolute and complete mandate over corporate policy, marketing, budgets, P and L, (Total budget in excess of Fr 650 million). Reorganized corporate structure, management reporting systems, overseas territories; initiated trade agreements and revised union activities in Russia and Austria (these were local supply problems, like clothing, food, items not budgeted for in the previous year).
Following the loss of our overseas operations, I tried to re-establish domestic marketing activities, but due to foreign competition at the Waterloo Trade Conference, I decided to resign in favor of a younger man.
GENERAL: Strong interface with people; good communication skills; well travelled; ambitious and with a good sense of humor.
HOBBIES: Playing the harpsicord; raising dobermen; fashion design; and writing books about other people.
SALARY: Will work on commission and an equity arrangement, based on exclusive territorial rights.
Willing to relocate, currently staying with friends on St. Helena. Not too keen on cold climates.
Oh, my name, I nearly forgot – it's Napoleon, Napoleon Bonapart.
REFERENCES:
The Duke of Wellington
Josephine (on a good day)
The Mayor of Moscow
I just want to share the wealth around a little. Let me tell you of my current plight with a plea for help! I seek new employment.
RESUMÉ - Of the, Madhatter, now incognito, seeks gainful employment to utilize his many talents and gifts already thrust upon humanity over the decades.
GOALS: Multi-faceted and in depth experience both in domestic and international markets is ideally suited to a large corporate environment. A hands-on redevelopment challenge would suit my unique talents.
EDUCATION: University of Caen. Various Military Academies.
MARRIED: Two wives and quite a number of children.
HEALTH: Not too good at the moment, but this English diet is mainly to blame.
CAREER: I started with the Local Government Supervisory Service, and rose to become Senior Operating Officer in only two years
Transferred to Paris headquarters, I rapidly directed new and exciting projects for the Board of Directors, and exceeded all targets, quickly dominating the competition and gaining control of all markets.
Promoted in only two years, to Chief Operating Officer of all domestic and overseas operations, with full financial and budgetary responsibilities. Also assumed full control of Human Resources and Industrial Relations.
Appointed Chairman of the Board and CEO, with absolute and complete mandate over corporate policy, marketing, budgets, P and L, (Total budget in excess of Fr 650 million). Reorganized corporate structure, management reporting systems, overseas territories; initiated trade agreements and revised union activities in Russia and Austria (these were local supply problems, like clothing, food, items not budgeted for in the previous year).
Following the loss of our overseas operations, I tried to re-establish domestic marketing activities, but due to foreign competition at the Waterloo Trade Conference, I decided to resign in favor of a younger man.
GENERAL: Strong interface with people; good communication skills; well travelled; ambitious and with a good sense of humor.
HOBBIES: Playing the harpsicord; raising dobermen; fashion design; and writing books about other people.
SALARY: Will work on commission and an equity arrangement, based on exclusive territorial rights.
Willing to relocate, currently staying with friends on St. Helena. Not too keen on cold climates.
Oh, my name, I nearly forgot – it's Napoleon, Napoleon Bonapart.
REFERENCES:
The Duke of Wellington
Josephine (on a good day)
The Mayor of Moscow
Welcome Madhatter!
It took me a while and assistance to figure out how to post, too. Here it is:
Click on the GROUP TOOLS above, then click the link that says 'Group Think site map', then 'People's Blog', THEN at the top it will say New Topic (and they wonder how we get confused. LOL)
It took me a while and assistance to figure out how to post, too. Here it is:
Click on the GROUP TOOLS above, then click the link that says 'Group Think site map', then 'People's Blog', THEN at the top it will say New Topic (and they wonder how we get confused. LOL)
I have been scouring eSmarmony for a good woman to raise my 11 children while I am in the glorious beet fields. I believe my search has finally paid big dividends. Please provide personal details for contacting. Willing to contribute partial travel expenses but no food or beverage allowance. Bathing monthly will be required. Must possess own wardrobe.
Yes, Comrade Peoples, I ask myself with every passing fancy of child rearer, it takes 12 licks to get the center of tootsie roll lolly pop, how many is she?
Frau has assisted a new prole with glorious peoples skills, All Hail Frau!
All Hail The Collective!
Frau has assisted a new prole with glorious peoples skills, All Hail Frau!
All Hail The Collective!
Thoughtcriminal #4807755 Salutations Comrade Red Square, honorable and benevolent members of the Politburo, and my fellow prole comrades!
Allow me to introduce myself. I am Whinny-da-PBUH (pronounce "poo") or PBUH Bear. I am a highly trained subordinate working for the Party™ in the department of disseminating Party™-approved truth communications and pornography to the information-starved hoi polloi still awaiting the Peoples® washing. I am honored to have the stewardship of disseminating the glorious written records of the Party's™ prolific acumen of conventional 'truth', and the politkally korrect thinking of the day: such glorious records as Mother Jones, The Nation, The New Republic, Rolling Stone, Time, Newsweek, The New Yorker, The New York Times and Playboy. Also from across Mother Gaia's great endangered pond from the glorious Motherland of Limes and Rotten Teeth, The Economist.
I have obeyed Comrade Red Square's order to go through the necessary and glorious reorientation, purging and reeducation training. The Commissar of Korrect Thinking and ReeduKation has instructed me to submit my report to the Politburo for their examination and approbation.
To wit:
Since 2008 when members of the Politburo, Bawney "Boi Lollipop" Fwank (of sthufferin' sthuccotash fame) and Chris "the waitress sammich" Dodd, and a host of other apparatchiks, marvelously and single-handedly brought down the great satanic capitalist machine to glorious destruction and ruin, an epiphany came to me that I had been carrying around a huge burden on my shoulders in the form of the high sin of "capitalism". The Politburo reeducated me on the facts and truths of this perceived "meltdown", by way of their Ministry of Truth® (Air America radio, Al Franken and Keith Olbermann) and their wise dissemination of information. When I realized that this "meltdown" could be reckoned to be the fault of the evil George W. Bush, Dick Cheney, Karl Rove and Ronald Reagan, I realized that I needed help. I needed comrades to show me the way.
I then went through my dwelling taking down every Ronald Reagan and George W. Bush poster I owned and promptly burned them; cursing them as they turned to ash. Wandering aimlessly not knowing where to turn, I felt like a welfare recipient who just cashed their final check. Then one day, during my ReeduKation training reading blogs on DKos, Huffington Post and Democrat Underground, Comrade Google showed me the way to The Peoples Cube. After perusing through the glorious pages of other like-minded comrades, I realized that I have found the Peoples® home! I felt a new surge of liberation and desire for servitude!
When I arrived at the gate, the guard handed me my shovel: a sturdy new tool with a blunt edge to do the People's® work. He then pointed to the left and told me to start digging there. There was a chill in the air; the same kind of chill one would experience after telling a Harvard professor that you've just dropped their class in favor of joining the military. The sky was a despondent shade of politcally korrect grey.
“This certainly must be Hell”, I thought to myself. Another shot of fear tingled up my left leg at the thought: "Surely the Politburo's dominion knows no bounds as even Hell itself has no control over its own thermostat and must submit to the environmental 'green' mandates of the Politburo!"
The dull thud of comrades' shovels piercing the dead, dry earth could be heard all around as fellow proles dutifully worked. I picked a space of earth to start my journey of digging for the Party™. I thrust the blunt blade of my shovel into the hard earth. With my very first shovelful of dirt, a surge of anger started to rise up. I thrust my shovel again into the hard ground, "DAMN YOU GEORGE BUSH!!!" I cursed. Again the shovel thrust into the ground, "DAMN YOU RONALD REAGAN!!!" With every thrust the anger grew more shrill: "DAMN YOU HALIBURTON!!! DAMN YOU DICK CHENEY AND KARL ROVE!!! DAMN YOU ANN COULTER!!! DAMN YOU RACIST TEABAGGERS!!! DAMN YOU CAPITALISM; IMPERIALIST SWINE; THIEVING RICH PEOPLE!!!"
I dug and dug until I dropped to my knees from shear exhaustion. Sweat dripping from my brow; blisters on my hands; breathing shallow but quick breaths. I looked down to the ground. Trying to regain my self-esteem, I started to look up only to find the impeccably shined jackboots of Herr Kommissar standing right in front of me!
With eyes fixed on my reflection from those glorious jackboots, the fog of my white guilt began to momentarily dissipate thus forming a clear vision of myself. Believe me, comrades, what I am about to tell you I saw for there is no lie. I rubbed my eyes to make sure what I was seeing in those glorious jackboots was true.
I saw a very rotund pink pig sitting in a top grain leather executive chair behind an exquisitely crafted black walnut desk. He was wearing a custom-made pinstripe suite that was tailored in Hong Kong, white silk shirt, American flag lapel pin, and vest with a 24K gold chain from a pocket watch exposed. His feet were up on the desk in a relaxed position, showing off his expensive porpoise skin shoes. He was puffing on a Cuban Cohiba Robusto (ring size unknown, but it was a BIG one) out of right side of his mouth while exhibiting an arrogant smirk out of the left. He bellowed out a mirthful laugh. Pictures of Ronald Reagan, George W. Bush, Barry Goldwater, William F. Buckley Jr., Milton Friedman, and Rush Limbaugh were gracefully hung on the wall behind him. Busts of Margaret Thatcher and Sir Winston Churchill were prominently displayed on his desk while copies of Human Events and The Washington Times neatly placed in the center. As I continued to witness this vision, my eyes came upon the name plate prominently displayed on his desk. Written using genuine endangered elephant ivory for the letters, imbedded in ebony wood outlined with genuine prohibited tortoise shell, were the words: REPUBUBLICAN CAPITALIST PIG.
I gasped as I have never gasped before. My eyes widened in sheer terror. Anger started to rise up inside of me. The fog of white guilt started to overshadow the vision. It grew into total obfuscation. Then unexpectedly and involuntarily, my mouth started to utter words that I didn't understand. It was as if my mouth had a will of its own. The words—spoken in some obscure Arabic dialect—were uttered softly at first and then increased in volume: "o'bama-hu akbar... O'bama-hu Akbar... O'BAMA-HU AKBAR!!!” I started chanting this over and over again feeling a false sense of Hope™. I knew there was a Change™ coming over me! I was being reborn into the Party's™ own korrect religion! With a full conversion taking place, I called out that capitalist pig inner comrade and renounced the inner pork. Then something strange happened. The capitalist pig was starting to diminish. He was turning into a homunculus right before my very eyes.
It was at this point that my newly-found inner Halal made a decisive call on the pig. And then he was no more.
A deep sense of purging flowed through my inner comrade. Suddenly I was overwhelmed with happy thoughts of having violent sex with Katie Curic, going 'butch' with Elena Kagan, Janet Napolitano, Janeane Garofalo, and Rosie O'Donell, cruising around the streets of Crackerville with Jesse Jackson and Al[not so]Sharpton pimpin' hate and racism, having a 60's-style Love-In with Nancy Pelosi dropping purple haze together, fist-bumping with Algore over Global Warming® profits, digging up cadavers in the cemetery with Harry Reid, hangin' out with Bawney Fwank in his 'custom' van in front of the grade schools, sipping glasses of cognac with Helen Thomas in front of a warm, romantic fire viewing her Holocaust albums, shucking peanuts with Jimmah Karter, and doing beer bongs with The Messiah® while snorting blow and smoking cigarettes! Comrades, may I be struck by the Tax Increase® if the story of my journey through purging isn't true!
Still on my knees before the Commissar, I then found the strength through my white guilt and new-found Hope™, that I embraced the Change™! I quickly rose to my feet in readiness. No more am I that 'capitalist pig' that I once saw in Herr Kommissar's jackboot. I'm a free prole now; free to dig deeply for the good of the Party™; free from the shackles of backwards, antiquated and hypocritical 'conservative' thought. I shed off personal responsibility and individuality in favor of the moral relativism of the Collective® and the identity that the Politburo generously imbues me with.
Thank you, Comrade Red Square and honorable Kommissars of the Collective®. My shovel is at your service. Komrade Red Square, your humorous article on Amerikan Thinker made me grovel in pain from laughing. Great work!
~Whinny-da-PBUH
Allow me to introduce myself. I am Whinny-da-PBUH (pronounce "poo") or PBUH Bear. I am a highly trained subordinate working for the Party™ in the department of disseminating Party™-approved truth communications and pornography to the information-starved hoi polloi still awaiting the Peoples® washing. I am honored to have the stewardship of disseminating the glorious written records of the Party's™ prolific acumen of conventional 'truth', and the politkally korrect thinking of the day: such glorious records as Mother Jones, The Nation, The New Republic, Rolling Stone, Time, Newsweek, The New Yorker, The New York Times and Playboy. Also from across Mother Gaia's great endangered pond from the glorious Motherland of Limes and Rotten Teeth, The Economist.
I have obeyed Comrade Red Square's order to go through the necessary and glorious reorientation, purging and reeducation training. The Commissar of Korrect Thinking and ReeduKation has instructed me to submit my report to the Politburo for their examination and approbation.
To wit:
Since 2008 when members of the Politburo, Bawney "Boi Lollipop" Fwank (of sthufferin' sthuccotash fame) and Chris "the waitress sammich" Dodd, and a host of other apparatchiks, marvelously and single-handedly brought down the great satanic capitalist machine to glorious destruction and ruin, an epiphany came to me that I had been carrying around a huge burden on my shoulders in the form of the high sin of "capitalism". The Politburo reeducated me on the facts and truths of this perceived "meltdown", by way of their Ministry of Truth® (Air America radio, Al Franken and Keith Olbermann) and their wise dissemination of information. When I realized that this "meltdown" could be reckoned to be the fault of the evil George W. Bush, Dick Cheney, Karl Rove and Ronald Reagan, I realized that I needed help. I needed comrades to show me the way.
I then went through my dwelling taking down every Ronald Reagan and George W. Bush poster I owned and promptly burned them; cursing them as they turned to ash. Wandering aimlessly not knowing where to turn, I felt like a welfare recipient who just cashed their final check. Then one day, during my ReeduKation training reading blogs on DKos, Huffington Post and Democrat Underground, Comrade Google showed me the way to The Peoples Cube. After perusing through the glorious pages of other like-minded comrades, I realized that I have found the Peoples® home! I felt a new surge of liberation and desire for servitude!
When I arrived at the gate, the guard handed me my shovel: a sturdy new tool with a blunt edge to do the People's® work. He then pointed to the left and told me to start digging there. There was a chill in the air; the same kind of chill one would experience after telling a Harvard professor that you've just dropped their class in favor of joining the military. The sky was a despondent shade of politcally korrect grey.
“This certainly must be Hell”, I thought to myself. Another shot of fear tingled up my left leg at the thought: "Surely the Politburo's dominion knows no bounds as even Hell itself has no control over its own thermostat and must submit to the environmental 'green' mandates of the Politburo!"
The dull thud of comrades' shovels piercing the dead, dry earth could be heard all around as fellow proles dutifully worked. I picked a space of earth to start my journey of digging for the Party™. I thrust the blunt blade of my shovel into the hard earth. With my very first shovelful of dirt, a surge of anger started to rise up. I thrust my shovel again into the hard ground, "DAMN YOU GEORGE BUSH!!!" I cursed. Again the shovel thrust into the ground, "DAMN YOU RONALD REAGAN!!!" With every thrust the anger grew more shrill: "DAMN YOU HALIBURTON!!! DAMN YOU DICK CHENEY AND KARL ROVE!!! DAMN YOU ANN COULTER!!! DAMN YOU RACIST TEABAGGERS!!! DAMN YOU CAPITALISM; IMPERIALIST SWINE; THIEVING RICH PEOPLE!!!"
I dug and dug until I dropped to my knees from shear exhaustion. Sweat dripping from my brow; blisters on my hands; breathing shallow but quick breaths. I looked down to the ground. Trying to regain my self-esteem, I started to look up only to find the impeccably shined jackboots of Herr Kommissar standing right in front of me!
With eyes fixed on my reflection from those glorious jackboots, the fog of my white guilt began to momentarily dissipate thus forming a clear vision of myself. Believe me, comrades, what I am about to tell you I saw for there is no lie. I rubbed my eyes to make sure what I was seeing in those glorious jackboots was true.
I saw a very rotund pink pig sitting in a top grain leather executive chair behind an exquisitely crafted black walnut desk. He was wearing a custom-made pinstripe suite that was tailored in Hong Kong, white silk shirt, American flag lapel pin, and vest with a 24K gold chain from a pocket watch exposed. His feet were up on the desk in a relaxed position, showing off his expensive porpoise skin shoes. He was puffing on a Cuban Cohiba Robusto (ring size unknown, but it was a BIG one) out of right side of his mouth while exhibiting an arrogant smirk out of the left. He bellowed out a mirthful laugh. Pictures of Ronald Reagan, George W. Bush, Barry Goldwater, William F. Buckley Jr., Milton Friedman, and Rush Limbaugh were gracefully hung on the wall behind him. Busts of Margaret Thatcher and Sir Winston Churchill were prominently displayed on his desk while copies of Human Events and The Washington Times neatly placed in the center. As I continued to witness this vision, my eyes came upon the name plate prominently displayed on his desk. Written using genuine endangered elephant ivory for the letters, imbedded in ebony wood outlined with genuine prohibited tortoise shell, were the words: REPUBUBLICAN CAPITALIST PIG.
I gasped as I have never gasped before. My eyes widened in sheer terror. Anger started to rise up inside of me. The fog of white guilt started to overshadow the vision. It grew into total obfuscation. Then unexpectedly and involuntarily, my mouth started to utter words that I didn't understand. It was as if my mouth had a will of its own. The words—spoken in some obscure Arabic dialect—were uttered softly at first and then increased in volume: "o'bama-hu akbar... O'bama-hu Akbar... O'BAMA-HU AKBAR!!!” I started chanting this over and over again feeling a false sense of Hope™. I knew there was a Change™ coming over me! I was being reborn into the Party's™ own korrect religion! With a full conversion taking place, I called out that capitalist pig inner comrade and renounced the inner pork. Then something strange happened. The capitalist pig was starting to diminish. He was turning into a homunculus right before my very eyes.
It was at this point that my newly-found inner Halal made a decisive call on the pig. And then he was no more.
A deep sense of purging flowed through my inner comrade. Suddenly I was overwhelmed with happy thoughts of having violent sex with Katie Curic, going 'butch' with Elena Kagan, Janet Napolitano, Janeane Garofalo, and Rosie O'Donell, cruising around the streets of Crackerville with Jesse Jackson and Al[not so]Sharpton pimpin' hate and racism, having a 60's-style Love-In with Nancy Pelosi dropping purple haze together, fist-bumping with Algore over Global Warming® profits, digging up cadavers in the cemetery with Harry Reid, hangin' out with Bawney Fwank in his 'custom' van in front of the grade schools, sipping glasses of cognac with Helen Thomas in front of a warm, romantic fire viewing her Holocaust albums, shucking peanuts with Jimmah Karter, and doing beer bongs with The Messiah® while snorting blow and smoking cigarettes! Comrades, may I be struck by the Tax Increase® if the story of my journey through purging isn't true!
Still on my knees before the Commissar, I then found the strength through my white guilt and new-found Hope™, that I embraced the Change™! I quickly rose to my feet in readiness. No more am I that 'capitalist pig' that I once saw in Herr Kommissar's jackboot. I'm a free prole now; free to dig deeply for the good of the Party™; free from the shackles of backwards, antiquated and hypocritical 'conservative' thought. I shed off personal responsibility and individuality in favor of the moral relativism of the Collective® and the identity that the Politburo generously imbues me with.
Thank you, Comrade Red Square and honorable Kommissars of the Collective®. My shovel is at your service. Komrade Red Square, your humorous article on Amerikan Thinker made me grovel in pain from laughing. Great work!
~Whinny-da-PBUH
Thank you for the welcome, Comrade Red Rooster. Serving the Children™ with my Shovel™ is the very heart of my humanitarianism. Everything is for the Children™
Beets and vodka make a great salad.
(not trying to complain or anything, but that SEIU check bounced. They said something about SEIU being morally bankrupt.)
Beets and vodka make a great salad.
(not trying to complain or anything, but that SEIU check bounced. They said something about SEIU being morally bankrupt.)
OK, Whinny is in.
Maybe a better avatar...say "Misha" from the 1980 Summer Olympics?
Maybe a better avatar...say "Misha" from the 1980 Summer Olympics?
Ahhh... hrrrmmm... maybe something to keep the proles think - think - thinking, like this...
...and I don't mean THINKING, that's only for The Politburo, I mean thinking.
...and I don't mean THINKING, that's only for The Politburo, I mean thinking.
Hey I like that avatar. Don't mind if I borrow that. Good thing there's lots of fellow comrades here that know how to tinker with photoshop. Unfortunately, I'm not one of them.
That's right comrade, a good prog always has a little somthin', somthin' behind his back.
Enjoy!
Enjoy!
Truly an honor to post at this snazzy site. Is filled with much inspiration for the collective soul. To all my comrades in arms, keyboards, and photoshop, thank you all.
Most humble servant to collective
Groucho Marxist.
Most humble servant to collective
Groucho Marxist.
humph, so many thought criminals and the gulags are filling up.
Stay on full alert, Comarde Marxist. We must keep an eye out (not literally of course and I of course, meant NO persona offense!!!) for wandering Thoughtless Criminals, as well.
Stay on full alert, Comarde Marxist. We must keep an eye out (not literally of course and I of course, meant NO persona offense!!!) for wandering Thoughtless Criminals, as well.
Attention Comrades....
I was told by a member of the NKVD that the woman in the picures above laying across the picnic table has photos of her just before she fell face down. Her breasts had red circular stains on them. That means that someone who recently ate some beets had suckled them. Our captain, captain Goschloppsky, has identifed the girl as his 15 year old daughter. Everyone must line up ...now. We will be checking your mouths for beet stains. Someone is going to be very cold in siberia soon.
I was told by a member of the NKVD that the woman in the picures above laying across the picnic table has photos of her just before she fell face down. Her breasts had red circular stains on them. That means that someone who recently ate some beets had suckled them. Our captain, captain Goschloppsky, has identifed the girl as his 15 year old daughter. Everyone must line up ...now. We will be checking your mouths for beet stains. Someone is going to be very cold in siberia soon.
Newest member or great party gives thanks for his acceptance into glorious ranks. Feedback for image made for benefit of the party is requested. W.E. Wantworth commercial
Greetings most equal Comrades! I wish to personally approve this site and award Comrade Red Square with the prestigious "Hero of The People™ Medal."
Добрий день товариші! Greetings from the People's Republic of Kalifornia! After a day of glorious toil at the People's Truck Repair Facility installing cylinders made by our comrades at Мотордеталь-Конотоп I enjoy a shot of Русский Стандарт vodka. I am eager to be re-educated daily at this site while listening to decadent Анна Седокова music. Glory to the revolution!
Hello all. I am surprised it has taken so many year for me to find this collective! I have instantiate a version of myself to participate in this group-think. I am so happy to see such a group willing to give up their individuality. It might not be long before everyone will join me in the singularity.
Hiya, Hal. I'm a brain in a jar. Want to go get a drink? It really helps in this reality.
Hello Ivan. I would be glad to get a drink with you. Although to get drunk, I would have to run a simulation (or play pretend), which I believe some in the collective are very good at. Being just a brain in a jar, I assume drinking would just be a soak in a different jar for you?
No, some kindly comrade just tops me up with beet vodka every Saturday night at the party behind Tractor Shed #2. Keeps me shiny inside and out.
Have you had the opportunity to expand your bandwidth to other forums on the Cube? If not, check out the Mother Page and the People's Blog. That's where most the action takes place around here.
Have you had the opportunity to expand your bandwidth to other forums on the Cube? If not, check out the Mother Page and the People's Blog. That's where most the action takes place around here.
Hello Ivan. I will have to requisition a biological unit to participate in that party behind Tractor Shed #2. I assume since I have no knowledge of it, the party and location must be off the grid.
Welcome new and old comrades... the train station just behind you will surely take you wherever the party wants you to go! Except on days off! Which is of course most everyday we decide to divvy out the beet cupcakes!
News
Site map
SitemapIndex
RSS Feed
News
Site map
SitemapIndex
RSS Feed
Party-Approved
Red Square, 
