The People's Cube: Guaranteed Results

 

The People's Cube Manual is finally out! I had such a hard time without it. This game makes a lot more sense now!
 

I'm still confused... I think...
 

I once played the game for seven hours straight and never once got bored!

It's exceedingly addictive, but in a good way, of course. I think I can use it to help improve the focus of my students, the majority of whom have been diagnosed with Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD), the plague of our postmodern age.
 

I have been diagnosed with D.U.M.B. Syndrome, (Dangerously Underdeveloped Mush for Brains) and this can occupy my time for hours on end. I frequently have to reffer back to this page though because I am constantly forgetting how to operate it.... Wait... what are we talking about again?
 

Wait...no one is "dumb" because that word doesn't exist. No one is too smart or too slow. Need a refresher course, Comrade Betty?
 

Dumb and D.U.M.B. are two diffirent things. "dumb" is a made-up capitalist extortion word used to demean the population. D.U.M.B. is a scientifically diagnosed disease common in today's youth. The fact that they sound the same is complete coincidence... I think....
 

I believe Komrade Ivanov is correct. Betty, you seem to have forgotten that no one has mush for brains. Everyone is equal. Completely equal. For your dedicated service, you will only recieve a refresher course... this time...
 

Am I detecting a "Prolier than Thou" attitude from Comrades Ivanov and Koz? You must realize that while all of us are equal, some of us (i.e., the Party elites--nomenklatura) are more equal than others.
 

Hey, It's not like I made the disease up, that's just what the doctor told me I had. After all he is a doctor.... I'm sure the real disease is nowhere nearly as bad as the name suggests, I think.
 

 

Prof. Palimpsest,
There was never a "Prolier than Thou" attitude from either Komrade Koz or myself (nor was there any intention to demonstrate one)...I wanted that to be cleared up. Of course we know there are some who are more equal than others! Why would I have been educated by the Institute for Re-education if I was going to lose the education quickly? Just clearing things up.

Vladimir Ivanov
Red Journalism Headquarters, Moscow, USSR
 

Dutiful Comrades,

To be quite honest, there is nothing wrong with having a "Prolier than Thou" (PTT) attitude, provided you're able to back it up with a convincing record of actions that you've taken to promote the Party and its progressive agenda. Frankly, PTT has been the bedrock of my academic career and I've used it quite adeptly to advance beyond many of my equally capable colleagues. Actually, PTT posturing, when performed in the correct manner, is a sure-fire way of rising through the Party ranks. What is the correct manner, you may ask? Ah, that is the question, indeed! It's rather tricky, being contigent on the capricious will of the Party elite at any given moment in time. So be careful!

Nonetheless, it is always advisable to inform against those whom you believe may be engaging in thought crime. Just be sure that they can't turn the tables on you! When the purges come: better them than you, right?!
 

stape using your rasources, ancluding your branes, for personayl use. you shade bee thanking about they collective, remabar thayt no won owns anythin an a commayst society, idioths.

Et ees nic to se tht ther ar peple oot ther tht ar on the sam intellectual levl as me.

-Kommissar Betty
 

I want to buy many of these, how do I?

Coming to within a month or so.

Comrade Red Square
 

Now I can die a happy man!

A recommended politically correct and non-sexist way to say it would be -

"Now I can die a happy person..." or

"Now I can happily sacrifice myself to the collective!"

Red Square
 

 

Forgive me if I am out of line, I am a feeble peasant looking for a chance to rise in the ranks of social equality and moral superiority. I'm willing to sell my soul for reeducation even if I have to wait in line for a week. Advice needed.

Selling your soul is not necessary. The idea of "selling" goes along with "profit". This means that only you and the buyer gain. Instead you must give up your soul for the common good and become a prefect little conformist robot.

-Kommissar Betty
 

Why not send a cube to the DePaul U. people who didn't appreciate the presence of one Thomas Klocek.

For those still reading the Cube's user guide, perhaps a look at

http://chicagojournal.com/main.asp?Sear ... ionID=&S=1

will be helpful.
 

It took Jimmy Carter a couple of tries, but by George, he finally got it! Once he stopped trying to take the decals off and rearrange them so the colors matched, he nailed it!
 

Is there a web site available to give out tips on helping me solve this puzzle?
 

Bensnooty:

www. democratic national comittee . organ

They will help you with all questions (in exchange for your vote and rejection of civilized capitalists ways and reality a.k.a. Western Civilization)- Monday through Fridays 3:50 - 4:00 pm, except on Tuesdays, Wednesdays, Thursdays, and Fridays (when closed for diversity training and commune educational seminars and union dues spending sprees).

Chief Main Big Organ M.O.E.

(oh - if you are a white male Christian - do not appeal for aid).
 

Well, I tried your approach but the DNC didnt understand the object of the puzzle too well even though they claimed they are a "sanctioned" authority on the people's entertainment. However, they almost succeeded in convincing me that I needed to strap on a few pounds of plastic explosives and take myself to a local capitalist pig shopping center to avenge those globalized oppressive mall rats. In four part harmony, the DNC sang to me about the mall rats:
"What have they done to the earth?
What have they done to our fair sister?
Ravaged and plundered and ripped her and bit her
Stuck her with knives in the side of the dawn
And tied her with fences and dragged her down"
 

http://www.nypost.com/news/regionalnews/57841.htm

IT'S SPIN CITY AGAIN
By HEIDI SINGER
November 19, 2005

The famed spinning cube of Astor Place — a sculpture known as "Alamo" — was returned to its Cooper Square home of almost 40 years yesterday, scrubbed, scraped, painted and buffed.

"The cube is back!" shouted Parks Commissioner Adrian Benepe, as city officials, cheering neighbors and creator Tony Rosenthal unveiled the spiffed-up sculpture and took it for its first spin.

Photo: Josh Williams


PHOTO COOPER SQUARED: The return of "Alamo" - the restored 1967 piece - is hailed by lovers of "revolutionary" art yesterday in Cooper Square.

City officials removed the cube for renovation suddenly in March, sparking conspiracy theories and howls of protest from old-time East Villagers, graffiti artists and skater kids alike, who worried it had been removed because of a glitzy new building across the street.

The piece — installed in 1967 as "Sculpture in Environment," and later dubbed "Alamo" — has been a major neighborhood landmark and gathering spot for graffiti-loving gutter punks and drunk frat boys who used it for "spinning" contests.
 

 

I oppose The People's Cube Manual. It will divide us into groups of those who know how to use The People's Cube, and those who don't.

Comrade,
Thanks for your input (ahh, wait...YOUR input?). The People's Cube can be used by all. The People's Cube Manual is certainly not a necessity. In fact, maybe we'll name it as The People's Cube Supplement...then we'll all know how to use it.

V. Ivanov
 

Without Cube I am looser. Now with Red Square I win everytime!


Thank the poliburo for the freedom to succeed!


Stoshu
 

 

That chess game still needs much more improvement, Comrade Red Square. As you can see, the white chess pieces are preventing the black chess pieces from advancing by poisoning their malt liquor and using crop dusters to rain down magnesium over their squares which causes the black chess pieces to become “stupid”, “lazy, and “violent” as Dick Gregory would claim. We also have to take into account that the pieces are black and white as opposed to the more progressive and forward-thinking shade of grey which is where real morality can be found.

In short, I give Comrade Fry an “A+” for effort and an “A+” for morally superior failure.
 

Am I the only one here with a filthy mind, or can't the rest of you see those chess pieces are nothing more than symbols of male oppression?
 

Well...not that much opression. Perhaps midget male oppression?
 

If anything, it's male-on-male oppression. For more details consult Commissar Theocritus.
 

Where's the Red Queen and Bishop Gore?
No Mimes...err...I mean Knights?
What about the Ivory Rooks of Academia?
 

 

The little red cube is excellent teaching tool and such a comfort. In just one match, effects of belonging and conformity are overpowering! Try one hand matches in pocket without looking. Bread lines will never seem so welcome!
 

In all seriousness, I want one of these, but I don't see it in the store. Are they making them anymore?
 

Order it online. That's how I got mine.
 

...I see.
 

Temporarily out of stock. Maybe next month.
 

Soon™ soon, or The Progressive World of Next Tuesday™ soon?

I, too, wanted a People's Cube.

All I got was a Shovel.
 

My fragile self esteem is not cut out for school (at least private schools where you have to actually earn your grades) or the corporate world, but I have finally found my place in this world with The People's Cube.
 

Since Komrade Obama is now Czar, I was wondering if I can still exploit the evil Kapitalism, to reeducate the lowly masses.. I would trade my Messiah-issued fur cap for one.
 

Komrads! This page is now officially linked to the . There are three People's Cube links on that page: one leads here, and the other two lead to the set up for this site by Commissar Maksim.

Everybody gets an extra ration of beets tonight! Potato vodka is on the house! Somebody get the ladder!

Red Square,
Director of Unanimity
 

Comrade Red Square-

Congratulations on

a masterful promotion, Director!! Bravo! Hurray! The Order of Lenin should go to you, my sage Leader.

ALL HAIL TO THE PEOPLE'S CUBE !!! LET'S PARTY COMRADES!

your jubilant Comrade,

Che' Gourmet
 

On the other hand comrades, boasting about having conquered the Cube with our Superior Collective Brain will seem silly when it is discovered that any and every prole can do likewise. We must convince them that we can do the Cube better than them because we are more equal than them. Then they will know their place within the collective and submit happily to their reeducation station.
 

 

I will promptly turn myself in as thought criminal #2509148 and report to the Kommisar.
 

Hilarious site.
Keep up.
Oh NO, is that a thought crime!
 

Comrades,

The glorious Cube is once again available in the Dry Goods Store. I have procured one, which was delivered today via the People's Mail Delivery Service.
 

I have liberated a Cube. It arrived today but I picked it up today. I must say, I am satisfied with The People's outcome. I shall use it to re-educate myself and everyone around me to turn them into People.
 

I denounce Comrade Red Square for capitulating to the pressures of the so called "free market" and raising the price of the cube to 21.99 CEUs. Luckily I got mine while it was still 19.99 CEUs, but what does this say about fairness??

-OV
 

 

 

 

Where can I download my coupon for this glorious product?
 

CUPON?!?!?!!! The price is quite equal. Click the Dry Goods link at the top of the page, add one to your People's Shopping Cart, PayPal your CEUs (carbon credits accepted as alternative currency as well) over to The Party Coffer, and wait by your mailbox Comrade.
 

Overcharge - Hillary Pulls A Biden
 

I cannot wait for the cube alloted to me to arrive. I shall take it on a whirlwind tour of Olympia. Just think, soon Comrade Cube will visit the Washington State Capitol building!
 

I received my most wonderful Cube today, and spent HOURS manipulating it while listening to NPR. Already I feel much more progressive! Did you know you can make all sides red even with your eyes closed?

Also, is there an exploding version of The People's Cube I can use as a grenade? Twist a side, count to three and then throw it at a Class Enemy?
 

 

Thanks for providing us with a game where every Comrade is a loser and nobody is a winner. The equal distribution of misery is something we should all strive to live under.

PS... Take the Red Pill
 

Komrades!

Where does line form to sign up for people's cube? How many years are required to receive permission to submit roubles to pay for cube? How many years to await cube to be lost in mail? Finally, how many roubles to reward postman for suddenly finding people's cube in mailbag?

Grateful to live in advanced country other peoples can only dream of.

RedRum
 

Comrade Red Rum,

Line forms right where you stand, in the ObamaNation. Year required for ruble submission: 0, please submit all payments NOW! Years to await Cube, 4-8 depending on your degree of re-education. How many rubles do you have? The Postman appreciates a hefty reward for his findings.

Your sentiments have been acknowledged by The Party(TM).

Red Rooster
 

Greetings Comrade Rooster!

Husband does not bring home many roubles after buying vodka at government store. Therefore must save for many months for enough for authentic peoples cube. Am considering using red marker on old rubik's cube somewhere in apartment. Is such recycling activity allowed by compassionate collective?

Please advise.
 

Comrade,

It is against Party rules to even poses the neo-kulak rubiks cube, this piece of kapitalist debauchery should have burned in your furnace a long time ago. These items have been known to pollute the environment just by there very existence. I understand your concern for The Earth(TM) and trying to save resources, but we are way beyond that comrade. You need a jet plane, a yacht, and a limo to run while you are in meetings, just like The Goreman, if you expect to move forward in the Parties enviro sanctity unit.

Burn Immediately! Purchase proper Peoples Equipment(TM).
 

Husband burned counter-revolutionary cube in furnace last evening. Created enough heat to bring apartment temperature up 2 degrees Celsius. Wishing I consulted Comrade Rooster months ago when winter was freezing our collective noogies off!

Considering job at bar where husband stops after day at tractor factory. Husband said in backwards countries is such a thing as "tips" where waitress actually paid for service. However, does that mean such a job requires smiling? Or delivering drinks without spilling or sampling behind bar with Ivan? Not wanting job that makes too tired to watch Dear Leader spell out glorious future for our people.

Still learning to shed kapitalist thoughts.

Have you heard of these "tips"? It sounds like kulak activity to me. Perhaps should denouce to flag address.
 

Yes Comrade denounce immediately!



And purchase your People's Cube to support The Party™ in our efforts to stomp out kapitalism! All proceeds go to the Chairman's fund for the proletariat so that he can go on more trips to France with Michelle on Air Force One for shopping sprees. And well... Nancy Pelosi needs another People's™ lear jet. It's for The Children™.
 

Comrade Rooster,

Humbly begging pardon for kapitalist thoughts and instincts. Will purchase People's Cube after sneaking vodka money from husband.

Needing much re-education; hoping to be self trained and not requiring stay in Gulag college of soviet wisdom. Please to not denouce Comrad RedRum to commissar; will submit roubles immediately after husband drinks himself into stupor.
 

 

THOUGHTCRIME WATCH:



And how much carbon footprint will these new electronic cubes create on the planet? BAN THEM ALL, I say. We might reconsider our boycott if they made all sides red - the only carbon-neutral color known to humynkind!
 

Da, Comrades. Studies must be done comparing the carbon emissions exhaled by persons solving the analog cube, versus the polar-bear-destroying 5-volt USB power being diverted into these cubes. Someone must answer for this crime against the planet!
 

Da, not a problem comrades, we have resolved this issue...


 

A relevant news update:


https://thepeoplescube.com/peoples-blog/ ... t5530.html


 

This was sent to us by an old Party member Rikalonius, who took the picture apparently while on a fact-finding mission at the White House. President Obama is facing tough decisions daily, and we are just glad the People's Cube is his brainstorming tool of choice.


 

Most Equal! All Hail Obama!
 

hmmmm...


 

I just discovered this People's Cube commercial made by some college kid in 2009 and posted to YouTube without my knowledge. Show yourself, comrade!


 

posted this very equal promotion pitch:

An essential purchase for Collectivists, a People's Cube. I am learning the glorious satisfaction of "winning" through the absence of competition. The total lack of mental challenge is completely exhilarating. I wish I had purchased the Cube long ago.
 

A dedicated People's Cube gamer has just created an online puzzle that allows you to solve Rubik's Cube on your screen, using the mouse or the keyboard. He's also created a puzzle page with the People's Cube. Those who give up trying to solve Rubik's Cube, are forwarded to the People's Cube page, where they are declared winners in state-approved, harassment-free gaming.