Orientation Training for Newly Arrived Thoughtcriminals

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Comrade Border Collie! Whatever you do, regardless of your gender and sexual orientation, stay away from Chairman Punchenko. Don't ask.



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A splendid tutorial indeed, Glorious Red One! This has been greatly needed in these heady days, as the unwashed masses flock to enlightenment under our Great Society of Obamaness.

As for my Inner Comrade, he ran into my Inner Child (who was an irritating teenager at that time) and strangled him. Since having been liberated from the misery of selfhood, I have found true enlightenment and inner peace. That, and a generous ration of catnip, have kept me near the top of the Party since Mao thought he'd like a cute kitten to help engineer his Cultural Revolution. The rest is history.

Comrade Border Collie, welcome to the Collective! You will find Marshall Pupovich well-meaning but misinformed about a wide range of subjects. Yet on the topic of digging he is actually correct. You don't need to use those paws! A shovel, a cold gray day, and an empty mind are the essential ingredients for reducation. You dig with your claws, and you might think you did something YOURSELF. On your OWN. That would be ThoughtCrime!



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I tried and tried to get in touch with my Inner Comrade and I succeeded--and heard such a lot of whining and moaning that I immediately presented myself to a Jifi-Lobo(tm) for treatment. And no more Inner Comrade. And not a lot of thinking either but then as a Commissar that is not required.

But I suggest that when you get in touch with your Inner Comrade you not do it in a room with mirrors. How do you think that Bruno got to be the way he is: staring for hours into his reflection? You really have to be careful: Inner Comrade can lead to Max Factor.



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Border Collie Patrol wrote:
General Mousey-Tongue wrote: Comrade Border Collie, welcome to the Collective! You will find Marshall Pupovich well-meaning but misinformed about a wide range of subjects. Yet on the topic of digging he is actually correct. You don't need to use those paws! A shovel, a cold gray day, and an empty mind are the essential ingredients for reducation. You dig with your claws, and you might think you did something YOURSELF. On your OWN. That would be ThoughtCrime!

Much groveling & thanks for guidance to keep from straying off collectivist path by committing crime of individual. I will still provide Marshall Pupovich with coffee & TYS notes so as to keep my brownshirt brown nose skills well honed.

Welcome Comrade Border Collie, your innate skills will indeed come in handy in future dealings with the sheeples. Be wise and heed the words of General Tongue. Afterall, has any friendly feline advice ever led you astray? (no pun intended)

Your fellow worker and furry friend,



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I denounce poofy 80s hair. Modern shaven skulls make all comrades more equal. While watching La Rêve by Cirque du Soleil in Las Vegas I noticed that all the men had shaven heads. The people dive in and out of the water in the Wynn Theater all the time.

Shaven heads makes us more equal because they make handsome men look less so and plain men more so. And are brutal.

Viva la Revolucion!



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[html]Rex, I am impressed. <i>Three whole integrations</i> over V, which I assume is Latin for <i>vulgaris</i>, of the common people.

I cannot believe that Comrade Gauss was so forward thinking. This may almost rescue him from Gaussian distribution, which first states that all people are not created equal. Some uncharitable people have suggested that integrating Gaussian distribution to find that it is 1 is the same as saying that the probability that someone has an IQ is 1.

I know this is not true. Consider Comrade Nansky. Or Jay Rockefeller, a senator of such limited lucubrative abilities that the most monocular, sunken-chested, barefooted backwoods WV hillbilly can look down on him. From of course his monoscopic vision.[/html]



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I was born with no inner child. Every day since my birth has been a constant struggle to deal with a reality that did not match my expectations. Now that the revolution has swept our land, reality has met my expectations. Now my struggle will be to construct my inner comrade so that I might fully appreciate the fruits of the revolution. My glass is no longer half empty, I have no glass and have no expectations that it would have anything in it were the Party to issue me one.



Red Jim, remember the dead are the Party's most significant voting bloc. It is in the Party's best interest to grow in this area. Particularly effective at turning rethuglicans and conswervatives to the Party line.



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CrashedSputnik wrote:Comrade Sputnik (only crashed once, good as new!) reporting for duty.

Welcome to the Collective Comrade Crashed Sputnik, which certainly explains why you in particular need to start off your socialist redemption with a shovel.



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Is that the allosaur pack led by Our Many Titted Empress? She is queen of the velociraptors too, you know. She's trained them to pluck out the wallet before going for the throat.



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Watch it, Guin, or you'll be shoveling the sea with a spoon. Which will be a hell of a lot better than paying back Nanners' and His O'liness' trillion-dollar Porculus.



[html]Comrades, there is disturbing delinquent Penguin behavior going on, they are interrupting the People's Bliss. No wonder Comrade Guin is against the people's shoveling. I have "dug up" some unsettling Penguin on Penguin Crime, check the people's you tube list. What is there a herring shortage?

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Greetings, Comrades!
Image (One of the first things Obama will do - Politicize the Army around THE LEADER, and re-distribute some of their weapons amongst his minions... Civillian Nacional Guard, as he calls it)
From over the Ocean, I come, to tell you, first hand, what glorious Future awaits you!

What you will just now experience, I've already lived trough!

-Mind numbing anti-gun hysteria, from the Official Illegal Gun Sellers, I.E. the Police;
-Rules and regulations from Mitteleuropa, about each and every aspect of your free life;
-Stupid, cliché-barfing, Intellectuals that can't have an original idea to save their equal lives!
-A climate of FEAR, that will make you run from your own shadow, while the more equal Comissars prance around on their Limos, sorrounded by their Goons!

...And not to forget, the Media Circus every-time some American got shot, now replaced by a daily account of our own gun fights...
That our Glorious Commissars say should be ignored, so as the common serf can PERCEIVE it's his High Level of Safety!

Want to know what awaits you?

Ask me, been there, been done that!



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Ah, welcome to The Collective, Comrade McStupid. You're a Comrade after my own heart.

Now to business:

You have two bottles of vodka, but as a member of the unwashed masses, you are entitled to a ration of 1/2 shot per day. Hand it over.

Commissar Obamissar Vodkavich
Commissar of Obamissars, Gulags, and Car Wash Products
Not to be confused with The Criminally Insane Vodkavich



Commissar Theocritus wrote:To quote the French king, "So I contradict myself. I am large."

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I truly do not trust intellectuals. At the end of their lives they tend to get lazy and embrace totalitarianism.

People must age very quickly, here on Europe...
I heard many a young enough folk, here, say they are disillusioned with the Left, but will vote on the same Party, 'till they die!

...And you can quote in Latin!



I really hope you guys will do more than wit, when the proverbial shit hits the fan.
If, when America catches a cold, Europe suffers Pneumonia, doesn't take a genius to guess what will become of us here, if you guys take a head-on plunge into what I've witnessed here in 1975.

Does that make me old? Don't give a rat's ass. Inventors age slow!



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Marshal Pupovich wrote:What is this? Do I feel a tingle going down my leg. or is that my share of your contribution jingling in my pocket?

Socialist greetings to you, Comrade Marshal!

It is indeed a share of my contribution, but as said before, it is merely the tinny jingle of aluminum covered cardboard discs, which is the coinage of the recently introduced TYS. I, however, gratefully share my Change in Hope of the Change of Happy Days are Here Again for the Common Good.



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Yes, Welcome Comradka Lenya,

Your staying power for The Party™ has been noted.



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Staying power has it's advantage. Of course, the Party is far more powerful, for while staying is a finite concept -a comrade's "stay" has a discreet starting point and an even more discreet ending, the Party can go beyond this time period in that we can make it where a comrade never existed, was never even a figment of the imagination.



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Greetings, and salutations:

After careful scrutiny of the forums on this Most Glorious Propaganda Tool of the Masses, I have decided to join the collective!!!!!!

I have already begun scrutinizing those around me for Thought Crime, and for the breaking of laws that haven't been passed yet.



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I have it on good authority that Commissar Barnies Frank will not be available as he is pre-occupied spreading Glorious Socialism to the unwashed masses, and hunting scwewy wabbits.



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To all new Komrades:

You are hereby notified that under Obamthanasia, your bodies belong to the People. This is of course to extend medical coverage to more people.

If one of you perchance has a kidney or liver which I might make better use of, since I am a very equal comrade, it will be your pleasure to donate it to me. It's not about the individual. I've had lots more experience in putting my foot on the neck of other people. That's why I'm a most equal comrade.

This is to encourage all of you New Comrades to be very careful and assiduous in the performance of your duties. So you will rise in rank.

Remember: the liver, or eye, you save may be your own.