Orientation Training for Newly Arrived Thoughtcriminals

 

Mighty and exhilarating are the things that The Obamessiah™ demands from his servants, the Proletariat.

--
Zampolit Boris Sukavich Blokhayev
Commissar, 1st Chief Directorate for The Party™ Approved Margarita, Research and Operations
Grand Inquisitor, The Reformed Church of Latter-Day Climatology (The Goremons)
 

 

 

Comrade Border Collie! Whatever you do, regardless of your gender and sexual orientation, stay away from Chairman Punchenko. Don't ask.
 

 

 

 

 

 

Thanks Comrades! For most warm welcome to collective & appropriate advice on how to think and act within. I should also mention besides digging myself into holes on regular basis, I am most excellent herder of Sheeple.

I will honored to provide necessary & required paperwork, coffee & fee. Speaking of paperwork, among the many skills I can bring to the Glorious cause is that I am also housebroken and have availed myself upon many a fishwrap of MSM.

In addition, I am Gender Neutral, having been 'fixed' some time ago, so none of those pesky urges to grab a leg, will get in way of duties.

Picture from National ID Card will be forthcoming.
 

Bem Vindo (welkome!) Comrade Border Collie Patrol! I too am new at this collective participation, and look for guidance.

I have read this wonderful exercise in reaching for my Inner Comrade from the beaches of Rio de Janeiro on my approved solar power Blackberry, while enforcing the proliferation of thongs. Proliferation of Thongs are my way to help in konservation of fabric for uses by those less fortunate. Less fabric on beaches means more buns, which is more bread for bread lines, and produces surplus fabric for comrades to mend sweaters and make gloves for shoveling. I notice yesterday that our Dear Leader used this proliferation word frequently in address to masses - it is approved word, no?

It is back to work for me on beaches. I walk the sands barefoot to better understand my comrades who cannot afford the evil capitalist Havaianas Designer Brazilian Flip-Flops. The sun baked granules roast my feet and produce sores of empathy.
 

I tried to contact my Inner Comrade but he refuses to speak to me. I left a number of msgs but he hasn't gotten back to me. I fear he is going to denounce me to the Politburo as a thought criminal. To retaliate, I am going to denounce him as a counter-revolutionary and a closet imperialist. That will put me in the lead, two denounciations to one.

Comrades, I hope you will all support me in my power struggle against my Inner Comrade. Anyone who does so will get extra beet rations and a new shovel. Hopefully, I will prevail and my Inner Comrade will be sent to the gulag; with the Politburo's help, I can prevent him from taking all the party organs with him. Thank you.
 

 

 

 

My inner Komrade Socialist has been fighting my inner Decadent Imperialist for days now and I am not a happy Socialist. My only hope is to contact Komrade the One, the great Obamasiah to ask for his guidance, and a little bail out money wouldn't hurt either. If that doesn't work I shall take up my Imperialist black rifle and find the local Bastille to storm. Of course with the new stimulus bill that may become the savior of our Glorious Socialist Nation, I may contact that glorious Socialist group ACORN help.

Viva la Revolution

Oh, and yes I also denounce all my inner selves for not conforming to glorious Socialists Socialisum and shall take up my shovel to dig to the glorious Leader.
 

 

 

 

 

Hmmm, after much meditation on the infallible wisdom of Pupovich, taking in the useful parts of The Black Book of Communism, as well as His O'liness' voluminous tome of Hallmark-grade proverbs (AKA Borscht for the Proletariat Soul), I have found my inner comrade!

He walks around intruding your privacy in a black leather overcoat and poofy '80s hair.


 

I denounce poofy 80s hair. Modern shaven skulls make all comrades more equal. While watching La Rêve by Cirque du Soleil in Las Vegas I noticed that all the men had shaven heads. The people dive in and out of the water in the Wynn Theater all the time.

Shaven heads makes us more equal because they make handsome men look less so and plain men more so. And are brutal.

Viva la Revolucion!
 

 

 

I sink therefore

(Gauss-Ostrogradskian)
 

 

 

 

I was born with no inner child. Every day since my birth has been a constant struggle to deal with a reality that did not match my expectations. Now that the revolution has swept our land, reality has met my expectations. Now my struggle will be to construct my inner comrade so that I might fully appreciate the fruits of the revolution. My glass is no longer half empty, I have no glass and have no expectations that it would have anything in it were the Party to issue me one.
 

Red Jim, that is the perfect attitude for a good comrade. For we are nothing without the Party. See Boxer in Animal Farm. Oh, and don't read the last chapter when he works himself to death and only the donkey, and the pigs, can read on the side of the van that comes for him, "Knacker."
 

Commissar, I have learned that life and death are alien concepts. Death shows that one profited from having life. I have learned that life is being useful to the Party and death is when the Party no longer has any need of you. I hope that the Party will continue to find me useful.
 

 

Rejoice Comrades! Fearless Leader Scary Deed is making valiant effort to direct evile CEUs into most worthy shovel ready project! Will prove most useful for transportation of sheeple to gulag & make work camps.



Am trapped in Capitalist ridden province of northern Nevadagrad which not yet fully integrated with correct group thinkers. Must concentrate all efforts on escape to more progressive south for honor of partaking in glorious endeavor!
 

Of course, Red Jim, and the more useful you are the more use you will be allowed to make of other commissars not as advanced in the ways of lying, deceit, skulduggery, framing, finger-point, leveling false accusations, presenting false choices, and all those other little tricks that successful Made Progressives, like moi, adore and use.
 

Red Jim, remember the dead are the Party's most significant voting bloc. It is in the Party's best interest to grow in this area. Particularly effective at turning rethuglicans and conswervatives to the Party line.
 

 

 

 

 

 

I listen only to the 17 dominant inner comrades in my head. Comrade #13 tells me that there is no problem a screwdriver to the temple can't cure, while Comrade #9 suggests drinking a large bottle of cheap vodka on an empty stomach. Comrades 1,4, and 17 are engaged in a love triangle, while the rest of the inner comrades are simply drinking the bottle #9 brought.

Here are three of my inner comrades.


 

I love the "special helmets"...

-OV
 

 

 

Speaking of tools to the temple--shouldn't we be rehabilitating Trotsky? After all, a good red is a terrible thing to waste. Lord knows ACORN doesn't.
 

 

 

 

 

 

Dear Comrade Obama,

Speaking of "shovels", I presently have a "shovel ready" stimulus job to get the economy going again! My dog Sage has the capacity to keep one unskilled worker completely occupied. Unfortunately this is not a "green" job, it's more like a "brown" vocation. Yes, it does sound very "presidential", and I would have offered the position to you, but I see that you started your "shovel ready" occupation already! Feel free to contact me after your loss in the next election. With your experience "shoveling shit", the position is yours for the asking!

Publius
 

Publius, Obama does not talk to hoi polloi like us, although we are highly placed in the hierarchy of the proletariat, remembering of course that some animals are more equal than others.

Obama talks only to Marx. Never forget that.
 

If he did talk to us I'd ask him if his head was okay after bonking it on Navy One.


 

I'd also ask him if he gets royalties whenever his image is used (cause that would be whack!)



thanks to sneakerobsession.com









thanks to for this one (way to go Theo)





etc. etc. etc.
 

 

 

 

 

And here is is:

 

 

 

Now all we need is The People's Butt-plug (or PTC Freshness Saver) with the likeness of The One and we'll be GTG!

-OV
 

 

 

 

Rex, I quite like your idea. How about attaching them to the foreheads of all progressive congressthings? That way when they meet they can give a new meaning to sniffing butts.

But it might make Media the Lapdog jealous.

Nansky, with that as a horn on her head, would be a double threat at the Rancho you know--the Hildo Hydra 7.0 would get jealous.
 

 

Is that the allosaur pack led by Our Many Titted Empress? She is queen of the velociraptors too, you know. She's trained them to pluck out the wallet before going for the throat.
 

 

 

 

Comrades my but I put it at your collective disposal.
 

Welcome, Comrade Reecant. We can use all able-bodied people in the Collective. And people who are not able bodies are of use too. Don't think too much about what that means. You won't find it comforting.

Leave your scruples at the door for they are of no use to a Progressive for Progressivism is larger than you.

And the world has a lot more money and power than you do too, and that's why we're all here.
 

 

 

 

Yes Commissar, the People's Park has a long history of lost "items." It is almost as "unlucky" as the People's Hotel™, where people check in, but they don't check out.
 

 

Watch it, Guin, or you'll be shoveling the sea with a spoon. Which will be a hell of a lot better than paying back Nanners' and His O'liness' trillion-dollar Porculus.