When I Grow Up I Want to be An Organ Donor!

The analysis is in and exceeds expectations! Our infallible experts have reviewed the Affordable Care Act and conclude that the average life expectancy in the U.S. will increase by 40 years.

This means that most people will live to be more than 100 years old!

So, if you're a thirty-something still living with your parents, you're really just an adolescent. Just think of what you'll be when you really grow up!

Here are some jobs that will be in high demand:

- Organ Donor: Party members who are “more equal” will, occasionally, need an eye, kidney, lung, liver, or heart. Donate and receive special thanks from The Party.

- Tax Collector: Not only will you get to wear a cool brown shirt, you'll also ensure that the able provide for the needy.

- Health-Guard: As part of the armed services, you'll get to carry a gun and stop “the ignorant” from trying to leave the country for what they perceive to be “better” healthcare, while smuggling out collectively owned organs contained inside their bodies.

- Inspectors of Procrustean Hospital Beds: One size must fit all!
 

Why wait 'til you grow up?
 

For only $3.00 Joe Biden will offer you a chance to receive a pint of your own blood that you donate! Fundraising + access to healthcare ... FWORD!
 

Palimpsest you damn commie, turn the chart right side up! It's decrease 40 years. Life expectancy will decrease 40 years!

Sheeeshhh.

Pretty soon people will be bribing the keepers of medical records to change their birthdays so they don't get marked too old for medical care. In fact, that's not a bad idea. Think I got another brilliant business idea!
 

My contribution to the collective propagandistic effort has been inserted into the lead story in the form of a glorious poster:

Donating organs to senior Party members is your patriotic duty!
 

Ask not what internal revenue service your country can do for you - ask what internal revenue service you can do for your country.


 

 

Welcome back from your "academic" hiatus, Professor! The collective could benefit from your intimate knowledge of Party organs. The Motherland needs you!
 

Ah, a new cause: Organ Fairness! Why should all the good organs be hoarded by the people who have them? Organs belong to the People!

Follow my logic: what are all organs made up of? Cells! What are cells made up of? Molecules and atoms! Where did the lying, greedy one percent GET the molecules and atoms the organs they are hoarding are made up of? The earth! Who does the earth belong to? All the people! Therefore, all organs belong to the state which acts on behalf of The People ™! You do not own your organs, the state simply lends them to you so you can serve it!

As Elizabeth Warren would say, "No one gets organs on their own!"
 

 

It is entirely unfair that some have been more fortunate than others when it comes to organs. What right does a 22-year-old tri-athlete have to a good, solid liver, when an unfortunate Party member has been given by fate a liver ravaged by alcohol?
 

People's Organs For The Common Good™. Don't be selfish. Someone may need your organs more than you do. Redistribute internal organs to each according to his need. The government knows best.
 

 

 

 

 

I regret to inform you that you are well behind the power curve in this instance,Komrade.

Your kind attention is directed to the following link:
https://thepeoplescube.com/peoples-blog/obama-czar-promotes-complete-circles-of-life-program-t4197.html



You may rest assured that should we require it, we will exercise eminent domain at the appropriate point in time... Especially should you be found making disparaging and disloyal remarks regarding the Party in general and/or Dear Reader (AP&PBUH) in particular.

On that point, I frankly find your lack of proper party homework on the Cube most disturbing. Lest you seek to move yur name up the Eninent Domain List , I suggest you always pay due homage to Made Progs...especially when you are being redressed by one!

FORWARD!!!
 

Anthony Wiener should be the new spokesperson for this. And also, it is important to think to yourself, 'do you really need that kidney'? For some people who want to lose some weight, it's a simple solution.

I also seem to have quite a few friends excited to perform their new duties as a Health-Guard. It's also pretty straight forward. Instead of all these esoteric random assignments I always seem to assign myself.
 

I promise to donate the following organ to the party.

(_*_)

Because too much is never enough.
 

 

Hey, what about me?
 

Senior party members in good standing: be sure to apply for your Great Leap Forward Healthcare Card. Show this card to any caretaker at the clinic of your choice and you'll immediately jump to the front of the care-queue. Why wait to have that boil lanced? You have important work to do in the name of The People™ . Don't worry, the proles will gladly let you go before them, for they understand that their needs come second. Think of all the frequent cared-for points you'll earn - maybe enough for a boob job for that special someone.
 

 

R.E. Goldstein,

I pulled your file and see that The Party rejected your recent application for a Great Leap Forward Healthcare Card because you suffer from a pre-existing condition, viz., Pantywaddington Syndrome. You may reapply in five months.

Cheers,

Dr. P
 

I just received this alarming email: not all doctors are supporting Obamacare! Who'd'a thunk?

The American Medical Association has weighed in on Obama's new health care package. The Allergists were in favor of scratching it, but the Dermatologists advised not to make any rash moves. The Gastroenterologist's had sort of a gut feeling about it, but the Neurologists thought the Administration had a lot of nerve. Meanwhile, Obstetricians felt certain everyone was laboring under a misconception, while the Ophthalmologists considered the idea shortsighted.

Pathologists yelled, "Over my dead body!" while the Pediatricians said, "Oh, grow up!" The Psychiatrists thought the whole idea was madness, while the Radiologists could see right through it. Surgeons decided to wash their hands of the whole thing and the Internists claimed it would indeed be a bitter pill to swallow.

The Plastic Surgeons opined that this proposal would "put a whole new face on the matter". The Podiatrists thought it was a step forward, but the Urologists were pissed off at the whole idea. Anesthesiologists thought it was a gas, and those lofty Cardiologists didn't have the heart to say no.

In the end, the Proctologists won out, leaving the entire decision up to the assholes in Washington.
 

 

Our picture made it to the American Thinker today.

http://www.americanthinker.com/cartoons ... qus_thread


 

Bully, comrades! The Vital Public Service™ campaign is making colossal strides. Please recite our motto with me: "Give us your vitals and we'll give you our undying thanks!" (yeah right, suckas!) The organ harvest -- far from grinding to halt, as some neo-kulaks claimed -- is proceeding at a pace that far exceeds all expectations (read: quotas)! So much so that we're having to "cryo" the overwhelming surplus. We're building up a stockpile, comrades. The future is ours, i.e, if you're a member of the Nomenklatura.
 

" Nomenklatura "............

Wasn't that a command given to Gort in " The Day the Earth Stood Still " ?
 

First, if the earth stood still, the iron core at its centre would stop spinning, and the molten magma surrounding it would stop circulating, thus causing the protective magnetic field that surrounds earth to disappear, leaving our atmosphere open to being stripped away by particles from the solar wind, as well as by particles spewed out during coronal mass ejections such as we experienced last night.. it took about three days for them to reach us from 93,000,000 miles away (the sun being at the 10 year point in its 11 year cycle of solar storms, which will reach their strongest next year... )... and which supposedly caused aurora borealis to be seen as far south as Alabama and even Florida (I remember the summer of 1994, we had northern lights visible in Toronto, which is unusually far south... although they were only green, which is not particularly strong... last night was too cloudy, unfortunately, for us to see them)... In any case, gamma rays that we are normally protected from by the magnetic field surrounding earth, would cause our DNA to fall apart and we'd all just melt into piles of goo, as would all living things, and with no atmosphere, earth would turn into a larger Mars, eventually reaching about -18C... to put it in simple terms.

Since I haven't disintegrated from the inside out, I believe the earth is still rotating, and as such, given the nature of this thread, I am wondering if I should be preserving fresh necro-proxy donations for registration, or collecting and distributing their organs instead... or I suppose I could do both, as long as you're okay with them having glass eyes and being stuffed... In which case, Dear Peoples Direktor... Our Glorious Incarnadine Trapezoid... who shall I be distributing the harvested organs to? By what criteria are they to be allocated. Some direktion would be appreciated... although if you are taking requests, I would like to put in for some new vertebrae and a rib cage... considering that I have been on immunosuppressant medications for 12 years, I'm an excellent candidate, as I am probably the least likely amongst us to reject any donated body part I receive... Waste not, want not!

The problem is this... Unlike the 'cryo' solution that Dr. P. has eruditely suggested, we have still not actually developed a preservative solution possessing the qualities of antifreeze that would protect the cells of larger organs such as (in our case), the ever-in-demand liver, from simply lysing. This results from the water in cells crystallizing when frozen, thereby puncturing the cell walls, and causing them to... well... melt into piles of goo... Think of the difference between a freshly plucked strawberry, all nice and bright red and firm, just waiting for you to bite into it and release its juicy sweetness, as compared to a frozen and then thawed strawberry, lying mushy and shapeless and almost purple in colour... and while still juicy, those juices have released themselves... its firm fleshiness having disintegrated into a something fit only for topping blintzes with....

Now, while I don't advocate utilizing frozen human livers as a compote on which to enjoy blintzes, neither would they be particularly effective as working livers, and, in fact, would actually be much less useless than the failing liver they would be intended to replace... And while on a very simple cellular level, cryo-preservation is possible, up to the level of, say, corneas, for short periods of time, and simpler clusters of cells for a number of years... for larger organs, it is simply not yet a viable technology, and organs such as livers, kidneys, hearts, and whatnot, must be used within a very short period of time after harvesting or they will become compromised and damaged to the point of uselessness.

Having clarified the situation, as well as having requested some new vertebrae and a rib cage for myself (bone transplantation is actually quite an easy process, and it preserves quite well... I already have what is commonly referred to as 'cadaver bone' implanted in my jaw to strengthen it!) I would also request, as a kindness, to find a friend for Brain In Jar... I'm sure he is often lonely... Of course, we'd keep 'her' in her own jar, except for conjugal/hypothalmic visits... I'd have to requisition a special larger conjugal jar for such visits... and a privacy curtain... or just make it an opaque jar... or just put them in a cupboard for a while... I'll work something out...

Respectfully,
Sis
 

Dearest Comrade Dr. P,

Whilst 'tis most lovely to have you back amongst us (I hope you found your quarters maintained to your liking in your absence), I must inform you that as a result of cutbacks, should Chairman M. S. Punchenko; AKA: Chairman Meowsevich S. Punchenko; AKA: Meow; AKA: The Chairman; AKA: Meowsevich; AKA: Chairman M. Sizzy; AKA: Che Peezy; AKA: "username: HummelLover"; AKA: California Department of Corrections and Rehabilitation CDC# S92864; AKA: Punchy Pooh Bear; &c. &c.... also make an appearance, and the two of you find it necessary to go out for a celebratory reunion soiree, by direktive I am no longer allowed to deploy the Tupolev for extractions, should the two of you find yourself in any untoward situations, including taking fire. Further, as the current whereabouts of RedTheProgressiveFox (Commissar of The Ministry of Wildlife and Robotics) are still unknown (I believe Ray Kurzweil has kidnapped and inculcated him into a cult... at the very least, he is being held prisoner and being tortured by forcing him to watch endless reruns of My Three Sons, The Mary Tyler Moore Show, Family Affair and Green Acres... Roger Penrose may also be involved, but I have deprogrammers and hedgehogs standing by to treat him as soon as we locate and repatriate him)... and as you know, it fell to him to keep the Tupolev in tip-top working order, and although I have done my best, he is the machinery expert, and I know there are parts that are on back order... well... as you'll see when you read on, we may not be able to deploy and extraction team in our usual timely manner...

And so, I must warn you, Dear Comrade Doktor, that you and Meow, should he decide to show his face (given that his parole officer has put a warrant out for his arrest for non-compliance of the conditions of his parole, which he broke in a record 16 minutes of having left his first meeting with is P.O., leading to a car chase on the freeway - he even chose a white Bronco in which to flee, although those that chose to hang signs from overpasses seemed to be calling for his execution on sight, as opposed to those who supported OJ Simpson - and in which he could be seen waving several fully automatic firearms as well as toying with a hand grendage, while trying to snort an unknown powdery substance while driving over 100 mph with all the windows down... causing it to blow away in a large cloud... which only led him to swallow a large handful of mixed pills which he washed down with what appeared to be a fifth of Scotch, while visibly cursing the loss of whatever powdered substance he was trying to inhale until he subsided his seeming fit and settled into a loud rendition of Kansas' Dust In The Wind, while swerving back and forth wildly, in an attempt to hit the CHP vehicles which were following at a safe distance... all of which was captured clearly by several local news helicopters, eventually leading to the mid-air collision of two of them over a densely populated area, but ultimately allowing for his escape... There has been some speculation that the choppers' pilots' were 'blinded' by some still "unknown accomplice" on the ground, aiming a laser pointer device of some type at them)... As a result, I believe there is a rather large contingent of US Marshals that have staked out The Cube™ in the belief that he will eventually come home when he runs out of funds, and as his "love dolphin" with Chicken Sushi is due any day now... It has become quite annoying as I believe they are intercepting deliveries and searching them in the hopes that he may have secreted himself in some supplies in the hopes of sneaking back home, and I have grown tired of having all my housekeeping orders searched and messed up before they even get to receiving.

Frankly, the annoyance has been such that should the two of you somehow manage a reunion and the subsequent celebratory fireworks require an extraction by Housekeeping, I can't say that we will necessarily run any reds (which obviously mean "go") to get to you, unless otherwise ordered by our Glorious Incarnadine Trapezoid, The Peoples Direktor. It has nothing to do with you, My Dear Doktor... Only my annoyance with Meowsevich, who has once again given in to his libertine tendencies without a thought in the Cube for anyone but himself and his own selfish needs and addictions.

Honestly... I couldn't make this stuff up if I tried.

Kollektively Yours,
Sister Massively Opiated,
Kommissar of Housekeeping, Yadda Yadda Yadda, & getting you out of deep doo-doo
 

 

Dear Sister Massively Opiated'

The latest version of " The Day the Earth Stood Still " is a Keanu Reeves flick..........
And anything is possible in a Keanu Reeves flick ..........
Except good acting from Keanu Reeves.