USSA to invest $3 trillion in stimilus money for Caliphate

Dear Comrades,

, the Department of Socialist State spokesprol Comrade Marie Harf announced that the USSA would be offering the Sunni Islamic State (SIS) $3 trillion in stimulus funds aimed at improving employment opportunities to young Muslim peasants.

The direct transfer of wealth to the SIS, also known as the ‘Caliphate,' is intended to create millions of new ‘Kalashnikov-ready' jobs for under-employed youths as a diversion program similar to those successfully used in Amerikan cities like Detriotabad and Chicagograd.

Comrade President Barack Barackovich Obama has consistently taught that what is good for domestic policy is good for international policy, and so this extension of successful and compassionate social services will bare much fruit in the Middle East, as our Bedouin brethren struggle with the ravages of Western imperialism and social inequality imposed by Christianity.

By bringing the unemployment rates in the SIS down to Amerikan levels, the Party knows that the number of economically-related beheadings in the region will likely decrease significantly.

Once SISsies find more productive and self-fulfilling occupations, peace will prevail upon the region and social equality will be achieved even in the face of Western aggression and discrimination.



Faithfully submitted to the Collective of the People's Cube,
Comrade Nomenklatura-climber
Dialectical Progressivism Translator
 

I applaud Komrade Harf for her brilliance. She is right now giving me a thrill up my leg. However, what if Komrade Glorious Leader discovers that the "Kalashnikov-ready jobs" are not Kalashnikov-ready after all?
 

Comrade Harf is wrong.

Those people don't need jobs. They need only EBT cards, Obamaphones, and subsidized housing. Only then will they be truly happy in their lot in life.
 

 

 

 

Why must there be further decision after Allah wills the decision as voiced by the one true prophet, our own Dear Leader (PBUH) ?
 

 

No no, she may be on to something here



 

I propose that we create a Job Employment Cabinet position for ISIS so that they can have a voice and bring them in to the decision making process. Comrades, this would help remind everyone that these are gentle, peace loving people who are out of work and once they have a voice, a job and stimulus funding, there will be no acts of violence. As Mary Harf indicated, strait from the camel's mouth, peace begins with the simple admission that we are powerless against the enemy. Once we accept the concept that we are the blame for everything, we can simply empty our pockets and accept this glorious prize for peace in our time.
 

Somebody "gotta go" ...http://talkingpointsmemo.com/livewire/p ... rt-or-kill
 

I denounce this program as reactionary and pro-gun. The appropriate response is to make sure that all approved forms of progressive pro-Caliphateism and anti-westernism are supported by the stimulus money: IED-ready jobs, stone-ready jobs, and Qassam-ready jobs are also important and necessary to ensure ISIS can march steadily onwards upon their path to Glorious Next Tuesday.
Furthermore, this proposal is contrary to the Party's Kurrent Truth because these funds are not guaranteed to be allocated to union jobs - I demand card checks, public collective bargaining voting, and forced unionization of any and all entities that receive any of the Ongoing Unity and Realigning Caliphate Assistance for Success and Health, or OUR CASH, an appropriate name for this much-needed and sure-to-be-successful government program.
 

Saw this on the Inter Nets just now...

 

 

Ponder this a moment--

Dear Leader makes ISIS the 58th state...

they are already up to their eyeballs in ill-gotten petro-dollars, they would owe us retribution, and back taxes, no? They get the jobs that our undocumented visitors from the south would take because no Amerikkan wants to do them while unknowingly funding Obamacare and the EBT program, and sending everyone to community college to learn Videogame technique, Womyn's Studies, and Art History...

Free passage across our borders and inter-state reduces cost and processing time from our Border Patrol.

There is plenty more, but at the heart of this process we fundamentally transform Amerikka and get Sharia!

I am thinking Dear Leader (PBUH) is wiser than even we think he ought to be!

Discuss amongst yourselves, I am late for the 11:45 PM Jifffy-Lobo and won't be in until after bed-check...
 

Comrade Ivan, this is a brilliant plan. I am feeling also that these newly documented citizens of the State of ISIS should be given prominent places in the Bureau of Stimulating Stimuli, where their proven ability to recruit workers will add to the employment rolls everywhere.
 

I have pondered your proposal komrade Ivan and I think you are on to something good there. I might add that perhaps Komrade Glorious Leader and komrade Garth's sister should parachute in to ISIS-held territory to give some speeches in this regard. They should go in there without any security in a gesture of good faith. Just the two of them.
 

 

Comrades, SISies would make excellent Walmart people greeters! They are indistinguishable from the homeless bums, I mean fine clientele that wander in and out during the course of the day....!