President Hosts Children to Discuss Weapons and Parents

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Dear Comrades,

The official Party Spokesman, Comrade J. J. Carney, has stated that Comrade Party Chairman and President Barack Barackovich Obama will host a gathering of children from throughout the USSA who plan to ask him for help with matters ranging from State security to problems with their parents at a meeting to be held in the White Fortress on Wednesday.

Obama plans to surround himself with children during gun control announcement

“They will be joined by children around the country expressing their concerns about gun violence and school safety, along with their parents,” Carney confirmed.

Comrade President Barack Barackovich has already pledged to offer these children all the resources of the State to help them with their concerns over their parents, along with school safety and the Party's struggle towards universal disarmament. B. B. Obama has already completed 19 Executive Orders aimed at the pacification of the Masses through weapons and ammunition control, and these children will be present to express their demands that more be done to control their parents.

The Party is working diligently to form Young Socialists who will help guide their parents in the Progressive direction of the Party. Citizens should congratulate children who bring their concerns about their parents to the State, where these matters are best dealt with. After all, the State cares for children not only through the finest education system in the world, but also Universal Health Care Rights, Collectivization, mandatory Unionization, and generous Welfare Benefits.

The Department of Social Justice will likely be instructed by the President to investigate the children's parents to make certain they are not being abused by receiving non-Socialist upbringing. Parents from the Bourgeoisie and Kulaks will likely find themselves being invited to mandatory State-sponsored parenting courses for the sake of their children's concerns.

Faithfully submitted to the People's Cube,
Comrade Nomenklatura-climber
Proletarian Red-noser



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Comrade Nomenklature Climber,

As always, you nail the hit on the head-- i.e., you recognize something important before my hand has had a chance to strike my forehead accompanied by the exclamation, "Why didn't I think of that?" The answer is quite simple-- I don't have any children left around to guide me. They've become grownups and are still desperately seeking to produce their own children for their own guidance. They've become quite frustrated at their loss of wisdom since attaining adulthood.

Obama is quite fortunate to have the advice of wise children. It's a wonderfully symbiotic relationship-- He learns wisdom from them and they learn from him the importance of helping the parents avoid unwittingly backsliding into their old ways. If we could all just learn to listen to these wise children:


Soon, Obama will isslue Wise Phones (better than Smart Phones) so they can used them to dial-in to the White House's 9-11 service for children abused by parents rejecting their wisdom.




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I, Barack Obama, your Fearless Leader, commend you, Comrade Nomenclature Climber, for so clearly perceiving the progressive wisdom of my action is taking counsel from wise children.

Those who question such course of action must be suffering from ideological amnesia-- After all, wasn't it the wise advice to Jimmy Carter from his then-minor daughter, Amy, on how to end the nuclear arms race with Russia that enabled Carter to have such unparalleled success in that area during his all-too-short administration?

We've always gotten our most wise advice from children, haven't we? Some critics of this approach mention "Lord of the Flies," but our own Maksim long ago recognized my own accomplishments in that field:


-- Fearless Leader