Super-model, author, and extremely clever twitter-er Chrissy Teigen has requested to be included in the next issue of Poor Me Magazine after her fall from grace recently. She has been cancelled amid allegations of Ellen DeGeneres-type behavior and stated she is "very sorry" to everyone she has hurt by getting caught.

Explosive revelations!

Cyber-bullying tweets were actually written by Trump, who hacked her twitter feed with help from Russian operatives.
And anti-vaxxers.
And Climate Change.
And racism.

Wants her corporate sponsorship deals back: "inflation has nearly doubled the cost of a Brazilian wax, just since January!"

Sick and tired of hearing "you're both pretty" when fighting with other models

John Legend is an abusive husband - he tells me the truth when I ask him if an outfit makes me look fat

She also reveals recipes from her new family cookbook "Cook With Your D**n Kids"
"You F***ing Jerk Chicken"
"Utter S**t Sandwich on Rye"
"Chicken and 'Monumental A**hole' Trumplings"
 

This is great material, comrade. I'll try to get to making the cover as soon as I finish collecting my quota of beets, which may be in a day or two...
 

If it helps, I know where extra vodka is stashed behind tractor barn #6....
 

Panem? You just throw stuff out there like life was some kind of circus. 'course here in Texazistan, we're more Rodeo Clown Circus. Like Texazistan's vaccinated super-spreaders of democracy's circusrodeo.

But, there is a connecting link between supermodel Chrissy Teigen and the ground up dissident comprising a certain taco manufacturer. Chrissy Teigen's name was mentioned in the truth about those tacos.

Once you see/hear this information about Chrissy Teigen and her appreciation of the taste of ground up dissident in her tacos, you will never doubt the absolute truth of ....

Rethugglikkkan Sabotage!

 

Panem Et Circenses

John Legend is an abusive husband - he tells me the truth when I ask him if an outfit makes me look fat

Of course not, honey. It's not the outfit that makes you look fat.........
 

Kapitan Kangaroo Kourt

Panem Et Circenses

John Legend is an abusive husband - he tells me the truth when I ask him if an outfit makes me look fat

Of course not, honey. It's not the outfit that makes you look fat.........
I am detecting some fat-shaming here. Or is it mansplaining? Whichever way, tsk.
 

RedDiaperette

I am detecting some fat-shaming here. Or is it mansplaining? Whichever way, tsk.

 

UPDATE: Magazine cover posted. Now on the Motherpage, too.

Comrade Panem Et Circenses is hereby awarded the Hero of Socialist Labor medal and a double weekly vodka ration for this and his previous extremely equal achievements.


 

I am deeply humbled and honored, Comrade Square. Anything I can do to help the collective...
Double vodka rations! Woo hoo! Party at my house! I have lots of water for you guys, too, most of it is safe to drink!