My Progressive Experiment Derailed by Nature

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[html]I don't see what the problem is with squirrels which do nothing--they are ripe for induction into the UAW. Or a federal government union. Why do you think that virtue has anything to do with industry? In fact it is the opposite. Virtue is the <i>opposite</i> of industry.

Industrious people are troublesome because they have a good sense of themselves. They have self worth. Whereas people who are identified only by groups have no sense of self worth and are easily manipulable, meaning that they're just what we need.

So bring on the drunk squirrels. Let some other sorry bastards pay for them because as long as we get the drunk-squirrel vote we're doing just fine.

And we'll never get the vote of people who do their own work, are proud, and self-reliant.

Because they have no use for us, the Made Progressives.


Excellent Post Commissar Theocritus! May our MTE bless your wobbled tripes.
- Supreme Commander of Thread Jacking & Stuffed Mice Toys(TM)



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Oh dear. Are we going to be flashed by Secret Squirrel? It seems that we are. He's not packing much heat, though, is he?



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Commissarka Pinkie wrote: Meanwhile, I wonder if Whoopie has considered redirecting his experiment from squirrels to Amazing Sea Monkeys?

Actually Pinkie those were the subjects of my early experiments. And I was having great success too until comrade Barney Fwank dropped by to visit and in a fit of thirst, accidentally swallowed all my sea men.

(They don't like being called monkeys, it hurts their self esteem)



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Give that Squirrel a Screw for The People![/quote]Red Rooster,

Youknow, Red, I think I just passed a kidney stone, expelled simply bylaughing at your most excellent advice to our dear Comrade Whoopieregarding meth-laced nuts for her hissquirrels, etc. Good thing, too, because I know I would have to waitweeks, perhaps months, in all that pain, to deal with it in an actualhospital. Such a waste of the People's money! Proof, once again, thatthe Collective Works!

Gender correctionapplied by Comrade Whoopie (I don't want any of our lonely malecomrades hitting on me, not that I wouldn't be flattered, but I don'tswing that way...not that I'm anti-gay either, I just mean...oh nevermind).[/quote]

Comrade Whoopie,

Please forgive me, Comrade Whoopie, I understand that my gender assumption might be a big stretch, as I feel the Whoopie Goldberg thing is... I don't know quite what to say about this... this is really difficult. But, here it is, and, I know this for a fact so, this is my unsolicited advice (always a crap-shoot, and mostly ill-advised): YOU JUST CAN'T BE A SILLY FUSS-BUDGET ABOUT YOUR GENDER!!!!! This is what I have come to understand. Meaningless rhetoric. Fer sure. I mean, men and women are exactly the same, aren't they? That's what they've been telling us for, I dunno, some sixty years? I never liked it. But, I'm confused. Really confused. Howsomever, I would be most interested in a natural man. You know...sort of in this order: common sense, sweetness, "lust" and loyalty for his wife, kindness, gratitude for everything. ie, A Good Man.

Here's Hope, though:

One place I know where to go to get the answers, and am still holding out, (I'd rather die than give up my freedom) is our most glorious comrade Commissar Theocritus's well-known franchise..."Jifi-Lobo". You can get a mighty quick lobotomy from any franchise in your area. As long as it says..."Jifi-Lobo" on the sign in front. I'm having a real hard time conforming, too. But, ya gotta do watcha gotta do. No? (That is, by the way, what every idiot says when they have no clue about whatcha gotta do.) They do feel mighty good, after they tell you this, however. That's what really counts! Feelin' mighty good! I say: Go "Jifi-Lobo", you'll be mighty happy you did!

p.s. I misspelled certain words on purpose! Ha! Sue me!

With "love"