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Let's Call Them Tea-baggers and Save the Empire!


 

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I tremble in my government provided bloomers, we see what happened in Massachusetts. I think a bagger, invaded her camp with intentions of sabotage! Either that, or she attended a government re-education camp skool?

"Paid for by Massachusettes Democratic Party and Authorized by Martha Coakley for Senate. Approved by Martha Coakley."


In any case, comrades, follow the lead of our great Obamski and call these teabaggers itty bitty names - most frustrating for the enemy.

 

 

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Dr. Chicago wrote:Please inform me of the nearest Jiffy-Lobo as I feel I need to calm my nerves. I am new to the party and would like some assistance.
Dr., I am so glad to see you instantly seeking help from Jiffy-Lobo. A few years ago I was suffering the torments of cognitive dissonance. I was starting to believe that actions had consequences and that I was not an utterly free agent, capable of doing and saying just what I wanted to without consequence. So I created Jiffy-Lobo. It was a matter of survival for me. What, after all, would happen if a highly ranked Made Prog like me had a breakdown and <i>started believing in personal responsibility</i>?

I'll tell you. Chaos.

Since that time I've been well satisfied, and I've also started my own adult-diaper company, which is very profitable. Because, as you know, a successful Jiffy-Lobo session leaves the ThoughtCriminal incapable, at least for a time, of tending to bodily needs.

As for the act of teabagging. I personally think that Progressives are performing the Dirty Sanchez on the citizens of America.[/html]

 

 

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Whew much better. To fix things, I simply snagged some "bailout" funds from the taxpayers in order to hire a staff to type my thoughts for me. 1 staff member to listen to me, 1 to listen to the first and type, 1 to spell check, 1 to fact check, 1 to get me coffee, 1 to get the staff coffee, 1 to caddy for me on the golf course, 1 to be in charge of the staff, and 8 young attractive interns to.....to um....uhhhhhhh......assist? Yes, that's it. In fact, I felt so smug for creating 16(thousand) jobs that I decided I was entitled allocate some of the bailout money into my offshore phantom district. Vacation in Hawaii soon for this overworked czar! It's for the Children.

But back to the matter at hand. Theocritus you are correct: the risk of losing the use of the middle finger is not worth it. This risk is obviously magnified since the staff performing the Jiffi-Disarm will probably not have the use of their trigger fingers either. I also realized that the loss of index finger motility would disallow finger pointing, which is the most essential use of the hand, followed in importance by the ability to effectively grab money out of others' pockets and to make a fist. Proper fisting could not occur with the index finger flopping limply around.

Dammit. This is what I get for trying to come up with ideas myself. From now on, I'll just stick to stealing others' ideas and claiming them for my own. Now I'm temporarily stuck with two floppy trigger fingers because I feel too guilty about testing on animals. Can't stay this way too long, though, since I'M supposed to have and use guns while the proles can't. I'm going to crack open a few fetuses and drink their rejuvenating, deparalyzing juice.

They're chilling in my ice chest now; I'll wait till the mountains turn blue.

 

 


 
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