Kim Jong Un Demonstrates Show Trial Technique

Kim Jong Un to CUBE: "I watched your recent show trial and was amused by your child-like ways. This is how it's done, turkeys!"



Young North Korean leader Kim Jong Un's previously powerful uncle has been executed as a traitor, the country's state-run news service said Thursday.

According to KCNA, the uncle, Jang Song Thaek, was guilty of "attempting to overthrow the state by all sorts of intrigues and despicable methods with a wild ambition to grab the supreme power of our party and state."

On Monday, the isolated regime announced that Jang had been dismissed from his vaunted official post for a string of criminal acts, including corruption, womanizing and drug-taking.

"All the crimes committed by the accused were proved in the course of hearing and were admitted by him," KCNA stated on Thursday — in a report that claimed that "people throughout the country broke in to angry shouts" when they heard of Jang's alleged crimes.

Any questions, comrades?
 

No self confession? No appointed representative taking bribes from both sides of the bench? No parties in the Judges Chambers after hours? No Pudding-Wrestling?

Those North Koreans are PANSIES! Young dictators these days <spit> ... When ROCK and I were show-trialed, things were TOUGH!
 

Yes Tovarichi, those were the days...But Comrade Kim is still young. Give him time to master and fully appreciate his growing powers. Great things lay ahead for this lad.
 

From investigation to arrest to trial to conviction to execution in less than an hour! That has to be a new World Court record!
 

Womanizing? Is that what Bill Clinton did with Monica Lewinsky and various other womyns?
 

I will not tolerate any further criticism of the North Korean Workers' Paradise. They are absolutely vital to the global economy, being the world's largest producer AND the world's largest consumer of ridiculous military hats.
 

I guess that's one way to keep the "crazy uncle" from ruining the family Marxmas get together.
 

 

At least our North Korean friends seem to have a certain decisiveness about it. There's no hesitation when it comes to dealing with traitors. Also, think about it: If they can execute a family member for the Common Good™, think of how much their Dear Leadyer has already accomplished!
 

I LOVE IT WHEN THE SYSTEM WORKS!!



Do we have any 'volunteers'????
 

Thank you, Frau, but I already have a military-issue hat.
 

"North Korea executes Kim Jong-un's ‘traitor' uncle, calling leader's former mentor Jang Song Thaek ‘worse than a dog'."

What is wrong with a dog? Did we not hear of Comrade Obama's dog eating habits? Dog therefore is good.



 

The car appears thirsty, but eating snow can lead to illness - this is why the People's Healthcare policies must cover animals in all advanced states. This is good.
 

 

 

Dennis Rodman said He is very nice guy, why are you still all complaining about our Handsome Great Young Invincible Leader! Haven't you all learned from the important lesson how Uncle Jang was punished?
 

Kim Junk, the lesson is: the crazy uncle Jang used, so to speak, his junk inappropriately around his niece, Un's wife. Details shall be unspoken, unless there are volunteers to join Jang at his new assignment.

Future trials, that do not involve Dear Leader's wife, may last longer and be more publicized. We can teach them about the processes. We can train them. Truth Secretariat and Special Programs Office are ready.

All we need is someone like Bull Richardson, Lurch F. Kerry or Dennis Rodman to initiate cultural exchange with our little progressive ally.
 

Uh, almost forgot:

If you like your uncle, you can keep your uncle. Period.