Comrades, while viewing the Fox News website (just to keep an eye on our enemy of course), I ran across this story.
Apparently the farts from cows in the USSA are creating more methane than previously thought. Dear Leader must divert his attention from less important matters like Obamacare, Iran, Benghazi, Fast N Furious, etc. to put a stop to this immediately!
I say he give the sex toy industry trillions of dollars to produce enough butt plugs to put a stop to this environmental disaster.
Opiate of the People
You did well to sniff this problem out, comrade.
Steps are being taken to address the problem
Methane from cows is better for you than methane from fracking <spit> because it comes from a natural source. Take the millions of gallons of raw sewage the city of Milwaukee dumps into Lake Michigan every year. This pales in comparison to the minute amount of coal ash the last coal fired vessel on the Great Lakes (GL Carferry, SS Badger) dumps in the lake in any given season.
In the interests of Party efficiency couldn't these emissions be collected and then released into the vans transporting kulaks to reeducation camps? Waste not, want not.
Ivan the Stakhanovets
This crisis will "blow over" soon enough. Nothing to see here. Move along.
The Mighty Winds of Hope & Change.
I knew it! Cows are seekrit tea-baggers! Fire up the grills Comrades, its time for some steak.
It is important comrades that we all stand in line to receive daily rations from the great leader. Meat is poison. Rice is the peoples proper food. I will work harder.
The debate is over, the threat is real. We will direct responsible agencies to produce regulations and include them in the five year plan. It is difficult for folks out there, but we are here to help. Change is coming.