CIA to replace agents with proper mix of multicultural goo

The age of the human is over. Now comes the age of the goo!



LANGLEY, VA - In a bid to better multi-ethnicize and multi-culturalize the intelligence community, the CIA has come up with a new plan that will allow the agency to meet its diversity quotas to the smallest percentage point and remain flexible in the face of any future adjustments. According to the new plan, the CIA offices will now be staffed by vats of multi-cultural goo instead of agents, while the actual work will be done by artificial intelligence (AI) and Chinese back-office staffers.

The advantages are self-evident. First of all, some teams are just too small to fully accommodate their diversity quota. Thus, a team monitoring Chinese takeover of American universities may consist of four persons: two blind men, one deaf woman, and a liaision officer kindly provided by the CCP. With just four operatives it is impossible to get to the mandated 13.7% handicapped female, 58.2% muslim, 96.5% POC, 83.7% transsexual, 0.6% Zulu, 5.9% Pacific-Islander, and so on.

By using vats of human goo, the diversity of even the smallest team can be adjusted to the quota of the day. If the government, peace be upon it, decides that an intelligence team needs to consist of 29% half-wits or 65% morbidly obese, it can just fill up their vats with "half-wits" or "obese" goo until the right concentration is reached. Once the agency finds a way to de-contiminate the vats from all traces of "white" goo (yuck), this new system will get a green light to be implemented in all other government agencies.

___________
Comrade Minitrue (Preferred pronouns: his Celestial Majesty, his Celestial Majesty's)
(0.0001% Cherookee Indian, 0.6% banana)
 

The machinery is already in place to produce goo from any input.


 

What a progressive idea! They can even take prefabricated skins of the desired CIA agents (making sure they peel off the Made in China label), and fill them with the right mix of the human goo, like sausages. The quota is met precesly to the most current standard, while their identities will remain appropriately classified since nobody wants to know how sausage is made anyway.
 

Well, only a mythical horned rodent would "goo" to find out the dirty truth about sausage making after Red Square implied no sane jackalope would even WANT to.

But, by golly, MiniTrue, this Goo Plan you speak of has in fact already happened.


 

This is very scientific - a great idea. US Gov't does it again.
 

The quota percentages for half-wits and morbidly obese are already being applied in Premier Cho Bai-Din's federal government....(except of course for Premier Cho himself, the token white male hired to meet some archaic diversity standard to be repealed as soon as President-ess [or president-ette?] Kamala takes over.


Until that glorious day, he has no real authority, we just dress him up and wheel him out when the A.F.G.E. union goons inspektors come around counting faces of color and genders of many)
 

Ivan the Stakhanovets

The quota percentages for half-wits and morbidly obese are already being applied in Premier Cho Bai-Din's federal government....(except of course for Premier Cho himself, the token white male hired to meet some archaic diversity standard to be repealed as soon as President-ess [or president-ette?] Kamala takes over.


Until that glorious day, he has no real authority, we just dress him up and wheel him out when the A.F.G.E. union goons inspektors come around counting faces of color and genders of many)
Yes, The Southern Poverty Law Center has long ago determined that CIA anti-terrorist infiltrators need to be 29% half-wits, 65% morbidly obese, and 12% red nek, which adds up to 106 (1/06, YES January 6th!) If only Langley had the goo ready last year, they could have had their WallyWorld Infiltrator units in place to protect AOC and the squad. I blame Trump.
 

In the future everything is going to be made out of good clean sustainable multicultural goo. My team is putting together the first five year plan to begin a nationwide rebuilding of everything to be made of multicultural goo. It is the perfect building material. All buildings will be torn down to be built anew. All roads and bridges. Power generators. Everything. Just pour the stuff in the proper mold let it set and there you go. It's like building everything out of concrete only better!

It's all very scientific and the federal contracts to totally remake the nation will generate fortunes for me and my friends.
 

White goo? I found some on my car windshield yesterday after parking under a power line.
... wonder if I'm under surveillance...?
 

 

Weird science! Glorious!
 

Minitrue

... this new system will get a green light to be implemented in all other government agencies.
I beg your pardon, exalted Komrade Minitrue - a rainbow light, ja?
 

I'm, like, totally overwhelmed!
THIS, comrades - the MultKultGoo Projekt! - is THE Revoolooshun we have been waiting for!

Yess, vee neeed Ze Grait Rezet!


Sure, absolutely korrekt: We must start with Amerikkka, and here of course with the CIA. But next: Extend stepwise the MultKultGoo Revoolooshun (MKGR) to the whole kraken of Intelligence Community (IC).

Truly dizzying, the glorious horizon which Minitrue's Kubicle unrolled right before our goggle eyes! ...

And then: Ze Revoolooshun NEVER SLEEPS!
MultKultGoo to the Universities! Yes, the pundits of those Houses Of Enlightenment - as Minitrue's vats (in the first rush), and later as Komrade Direktor's GooSauSes! This done, Revoolooshunize Colleges, and next all K-12 Edukayshun!


But, but, comrades - now have look at orbe terrarum, your globus mundi, your personal rotative model of ze Blue Planet.....

It's clear, ja? obvious, eh?



Jawohl, comrades!
First Europe - ja! zat imppperium of Macaron, Ferkel, and Shon-Klod Junker :




And all the rest - next!

MultKultGoo über alles!






 

WOW!

The cost of re-educating government employees will be phased out as lab created MultKultGoovernment employees do not require re-education.

What a gooey great way to get government spending under control!!

This cockroach blood idea has serious l.e.g.s.