Derek Kruger wrote:P.S. Do you have any athletic photos of yourself?

I hope you notice that even in my little transgressions I am being politically correct and, being an opponent of racial profiling, I'm also color-blind.

[html]My Dearest Doctor,

You humble me with your kind and encouraging words. Indeed, a primer piece is the ideal format for a paper of such obvious gravity! How could I have missed such a fundamental point!

As for my dissertation, I must first provide background about myself. I was born in Michigan to an automechanic and homemaker. I remember little of them. However, I do vividly remember how they tested my allegiance to the fundamental necessities of societal harmony.

As a lad of twelve, my father brought me to his place oif work. He had been concerned that my dinner table discussions ran contrary to his capitalist core of beliefs and wished to influence my progressive thinking through immersion in "fee for service" activities. He never could understand the horrid realities of capitalism. Thanks to a string of progressive teachers starting in pre-kindergarten, I was afforded an understanding at an early age that he was not.

Upon arrival at his "garage," I was immediately struck by the horror. Workers functioned for the sole purpose of monetary gain. Nowhere was the joy of collective function, collective accomplishment. Instead, each man worked for himself. With disgust I retired to his office, only to overhear an interaction that I could not overlook.

My father stood behind his desk discussing matters with a fellow. Their discussion centered on the transfer of auto parts and the costs thereof. While disturbing, this was expected. However, I then heard the men agree that NO RECEIPT of the interaction should be kept to AVOID TAXATION! Well, I need not tell you my SHAME! The State RELIES on taxation for equitable distribution of the peoples' funds! How could a parent of mine be so evil?

Well, I'm sure you know what I had to do. I agreed to come to work with my father for the summer. I also convinced him that I would function best as a "financial man." While he was circumspect, he agreed to allow me access to his business dealings. I then set about my task of documenting all activities that ran counter to the well-being of the state. After two months, I approached the proper authorities with my evidence, and began wearing a "wire." Suffice it to say, after the Summer was over, so was my father's misspent freedom! My mother could not bear the shame, and did herself in shortly thereafter (and who could blame her).

As a result of my duty to the state, I was taken in by an underling of the great Senator Daschle. I was taught the inner workings of the State by that great man. When I reached sixteen, I began investigating Universities. The obvious choice was an education in the CCCP. However, I knew that my service to the state required an education in the "United" States. Therefore, I chose the most progressive and properly-oriented University for matriculation -- The University of California, Berkeley. I had moved to California a year in advance to permit the State to properly fund my education, for we were so devoted to each other. I acquired the remainder of the money working at the Karl Marx Library, as any good young citizen should at some time in its life.

My majors were several (in order of importance):

<a href="https://socrates.berkeley.edu/~bsp/" target="_blank">Soviet Studies</a>
An obvious necessity for anyone who wants to understand the inner workings of a peoples' state

<a href="https://rhetoric.berkeley.edu/" target="_blank">Rhetoric</a>
Clearly, without proper articulation, one is lost. It is so often necessary to speak to an audience in terms they can understand, especially those brainwashed by greed. As Nietzsche (who is not necessarily a friend of the State, but is useful nonetheless) said, "To speak to a Hunchback, one must often speak in a Hunchbacked way!"

<a href="https://www.demog.berkeley.edu/" target="_blank">Demographics</a>
How can you relocate people for the greater good if you can't find them?

<a href="https://socrates.berkeley.edu/~ethnicst/" target="_blank">Ethnic Studies</a>
Clearly, one must understand what not to do and say when confronted with human differences. It is also obviously necessary to properly correct the misinformation gathered by the unilateral Western Historians regarding various peoples, and to keep current with the constant improvements in factual gathering. I often think it best to never give a final degree to Ethnic Studies Majors, since the past is in constant evolution and improvement, and hence needs to be revisited monthly.

<a href="https://ls.berkeley.edu/ugis/masscomm/" target="_blank">Mass Communications</a>
Of course -- the message is important, but useless if not distributed to the masses.

I fear I have gone on for too long. If requested I can discuss my further studies in the future.

Your devoted friend,

Leonid[/html]

I got this in the mail today. Looks like Professor Palimpsest has some followers:

---------------------------
An economics professor at Texas Tech said he had never failed a single student before but had, once, failed an entire class.

That class had insisted that socialism worked and that no one would be poor and no one would be rich. A great equalizer. The professor then said ok, we will have an experiment in this class on socialism.

All grades would be averaged and everyone would receive the same grade so no one would fail and no one would receive an A.

After the first test the grades were averaged and everyone got a B. The students who studied hard were upset and the students who studied little were happy.

But, as the second test rolled around, the students who studied little had studied even less and the ones who studied hard decided they wanted a free ride too; so they studied little. The second test average was a D! No one was happy.

When the 3rd test rolled around the average was an F.

The scores never increased as bickering, blame, name calling all resulted in hard feelings and no one would study for the benefit of anyone else. All failed, to their great surprise, and the professor told them that socialism would also ultimately fail because when the reward is great, the effort to succeed is great; but when government takes all the reward away; no one will try or want to succeed.

Could not be any simpler than that....