Volcano Releases One Trillion Cow Farts Into Atmosphere


I'm ready to do my part to lower the emissions of these insidious bovines. I will concentrate my efforts to turning a Standard CFU into a Human equivalent emission.
First, I'll consume some Ribeye steaks, some New York steaks, some ribs and make some tasty meatballs for Commissar Pupovich. Then, I'll have a BBQ with some briskets and roasts. Beef, it's what's for dinner!!



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I understand that progressives within the PRC have been studying the capture and distillation of cow emissions for many years. I believe Dr. Chai Lah Teh of the People's Institute of Scientific Study (PISS) has been at the forefront (or should I say behind) the best research done so far.

Where is Comrade Mousey-Tongue, he is Dr. Teh's nephew. Perhaps he can shed light on their progress?



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You're alive! You came back!

You damn cat! I'd smack you with my shovel if I weren't worried about PETA making a big stink out of it. We thought you were dead! Have you any idea of the trouble you've caused, when all this time you were obviously on some bender with that fluffy Persian floozy?

And here I got Elton John to sing "Honky Cat" at your funeral, with all new lyrics I wrote myself. Now what am I supposed to do with all these millions of CD's that people were going to make a stampede for, like they were tickets to an Obama rally?

Have you any idea of how my faith in the Empress has been shaken? For the past week, as the People mourned your passing, not once did she emerge from her bunker to offer us words of comfort in our time of grief. Now I'm totally disillusioned with the antiquated institution she represents, and I find myself longing for hope . . . and change . . .



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Ivan Betinov wrote:You just have to follow the links, comrades. It IS all Bush's fault:

FACT: Hot air rises.

FACT: Hot air rises because it is lighter than cold air.

FACT: Since hot air is lighter than cold air, there is not as much weight pressing down on the Earth's crust (This is CONSENSUS and may not be questioned or subjected to experimentation.)

FACT: Because there is as not as much weight pressing down on the Earth, volcanic eruptions have become more common.

FACT: George Bush has consistantly refused to lower carbon emissions and has yet to sign the Kyoto protocol because he hates your children and polar bears and wants them to die. (Do not be fooled by any news stories you may have seen in which the "president" (the sneer quotes are there because be all know he stole the election from Al Gore so he could kill the planet with Global Warming) supposedly acknowledges the reality of Global Warming. Those are lies perpetrated by the Rupert Murdoch-controlled mainstream media, who are nothing but shills for the Bush/Cheney/Haliburton cabal.)

THUS, FACT: The recent volcanic eruption was caused ON PURPOSE by George Bush.

Does my heart good, knowing that we can find a way to blame Bush for something like volcano eruptions. Who would have though.



Mikhail T. Kalashnikov wrote:Apparently Comrade Polkovnik X has not done enough sensitivity training yet to see that all numbers are equal. Perhaps a refresher course on PeopleMath™ will do the trick.
I humbly bow before the wisdom of The Party. Of course, everything is equal. That must have been some sort of dark kapitalist power whispering into my ear, trying to seduce me. May The Party forgive me..



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Dr. Strangelove wrote:
Comrade_Elliott wrote:You'd think. . .

Don't do that, comrade. That could lead to a thought crime. Best to just let the Party do the thinking for you...

Thank you for this helpful tip Dr. Strangelove. I must reassert my alligence and mind to The Party.