Experts point out that the Pentagon had been borrowing from the Democrat playbook before. The safe Green Zone in Baghdad, for instance, is an exact replica of the heavily fortified Blue Zone in DC, with a system of checkpoints allowing entry exclusively to the Democrat-friendly journalists, volunteers, and job seekers.
Similarly, the infamous Whack-a-Mole strategy in Iraq was but an emulation of the earlier Democrat approach to hammering the GOP forces - a game of futility that continued until the player got tired and quit or he ran out of money and ammunition. But it only had a temporary effect, suppressing the enemy in one area but allowing the Republicans to regroup and re-emerge somewhere else.
The new troop surge doctrine, in essence, emulates the Democrat buildup in Washington in the aftermath of November elections. A surge in Congress enabled the growing Democrat forces to intensify relentless attacks and clear a lot of territory in what was previously considered Republican strongholds. Their successes have sent Pentagon experts to DNC headquarters in an effort to learn how to use these effective fighting techniques on the insurgents.
Democrats don't refuse to take credit where credit is due. "Our new game is called Seal-a-Hole," recalled House Speaker Nancy Pelosi (D-CA) as she gladly shared best practices with Army and Marine commanders. "It has a very different dynamic from the earlier Whack-a-Mole game. Seal-a-Hole actually has a victory point. When all the holes are sealed, the game is over - and the Democrats have won."
Even though Seal-a-Hole is not futile, it requires a great deal of patience. "There are many, many holes, and each hole has a mole that must be whacked," Pelosi said. "Some of the holes, such as the White House, are very big and will require many mallets to properly seal. We get occasional reports of growing hotbeds for suspected Republican extremists fleeing the Democrat-led security operation in Washington. But if we have the courage and fortitude of our allies in the Iraqi insurgency, we will seal those holes, and we will win.
Among the new military tactics borrowed from the Democrat playbook are the Hypocrisy Maneuver, Bribery Jig, Pork Barrel Ploy, Empty Promises Dodge, Personal Destruction Demarche, Presumption of Guilt Stratagem, and the Schumer Gambit.
Amnesty International and other human rights watch groups have issued warnings indicating that some of the Democrat ruthless take-no-prisoners tactics cannot be used against the Iraqi insurgents as they violate a host of international laws, accepted rules of engagement, and mere human decency.
Your excellency, HRC,
Did you think this up? Or did Comrade Pelosi? I know it was not Comrade Schumer because we all know he is your bitch boy!
I must know, in order to tell the children. It's all for the children!!! You know their eager young Socialist(tm) minds will ask the question.
"Peace through Socialist(tm) Customer Service. We not only bend over backwards for our country's enemies, we bend over forwards as well."
Zampolit B. S. Blokhayev
Grand Inquisitor and Zampolit for the TRCOLDC (The Goremons)
I want everyone to line up - single file - for the ritual ass kissing ceremony. *I*, in all my greatness and grandmotherlyness have delivered a decisive blow to the war machine... and now I want my ass kissed. Glory be my name since I have ended the war! The sun shall never shine again and the darkness shall encompass the globe! Gahahahahahahahahhaaaa <cack> <cough> hahahahaha! Commissar Theocritus, you shall be the first to kiss my ass... oh, and by the way; I haven't showered in four weeks... good luck! Meow! Get back in line! There will be no running off this time... I don't care if you do have a cold sore; I GOT 'EM EVERYWHERE MYSELF! Gaaaahaaaahaaaaa! Oh, Lupe, quick, get the camera... I want everyone to have a souvernier! I want to see the looks on everyones faces... like the log flum ride - but better! Oh yes, much better!!!!
All we need do is impose the Fairness Doctrine and pump a few hundred million into Air Amerika, and we could silence Limbaugh. And with Net Neutrality we could silence the conservative blogosphere.
So we inherit everything without the need to win elections, conduct polls. Make sure that all education is given trillions more for "self-esteem" which will be needed when we fail to teach children to read and write. Ignorance is strength!
And if they don't agree to be happy, we'll award them with a free vacation to one of our vacation camps. I'm already planning a takeover of Merck for the production of sodium pentathol, and Dr. Menegle's son, who was never caught, has perfected his skills in Brazil--no one cared about those Indians that disappeared. The fools thought they died in the sugar plantations but it was in Dr. Mengele's experiments. I have a sure-fire formula of how much pentathol it takes for body mass, but the one variable that is hard to control for is IQ and the buyout of Gillette was a ruse to get control of a knife factory for the production of millions of lobotomy blades. You need a variety--Slavic skulls, being larger, need longer ones, and brachycephalic skulls, in general quarrelsome Mediterranean ones, need flexible blades for the nose-support structure is large. But all shall be served. And Walt Disney has been employed, owing to their expertise in moving people in Disneyworld, to construct a moving line of treatment chairs, all staffed by graduates of the Texas A&M veterinary school of medicine.
So. Screw the polls. Screw the media. You and I, Meow, and perhaps Hillary, if she'll shave her legs--too hairy for even me--can rule the world but we have to get those who might try to get in on the act stopped. And I've had the foresight to procure a small re-education line already.
You will submit.
You can't intimitate ME! I'm in tight with Hillary, and Meow and I have entered into an agreement (I'm sure he'll agree with me--or else) that we'll take over and then Hillary's days are numbered. When she's annointed President for Life, I shall have her tour an Armour meat-packing plant and she just won't come out but the tins of ham will wriggle on their own volition and emit a dull roar.
You think you're something, you bitch! If you saw what I did to that bug-eyed queen in the El Paso hotel room you'd be nice to me! You're in the bush leagues now baby, you bush!
Oh. Sorry. Been channeling Stalin using the Ouija board that comes with the Gold DNC card. Sorry.
You take a wonderful picture! My goodness, the expression on your face was priceless! The curled lips, the turned up nose, the gasping for breath... priceless, absolutely priceless! Well now, this picture is going straight to my office and will hang right next to the shruken Krissy Keefer head.
And I'll teach you about party line. You just think that you've got balls. I know balls. You don't have balls. You're a screaming piss-pot of boiling estrogen! And you don't know shit about the party line. You told the truth about your name. (It is your name, isn't it?) Bill Clinton lies to keep his hand in and it's not even his real name. Hillary's very farts lie. Harry Reid doesn't have a brain but his eyes lie. Joe Biden steals other people' lies. Bonnie Fwank lies out his ass! Pat Leahy is a mole rat. Jay Rockefeller got the Disney animatronics that were rejected by that robot Algore!
Remember who pulls your strings. You are but a puppet of Glorious Uber Comrade HRC. Don't think you can grow a spine and order about members of the Inner Party or you just might have that spine ripped out and banished back to Compton where you can ladle out soup to the unwashed masses.
We are watching.
WAR IS PEACE
FREEDOM IS SLAVERY
IGNORANCE IS STRENGTH
And every time that HRC thinks that Algore needs to have a little animation, Igor puts on his Harvard class ring. Wouldn't want to be nice to Algore by having a Yale or Vanderbilt one, would we? But then he flunked God at Vanderbuilt and took a dive on law, not even meeting the minimal standards of Jerry Rivers, sorry, Geraldo Rivera, whose career went from gang member to lawyer to talk-show host to chasing people down the street with a microphone. Now there's a real example of how to fail up.
For you, my little commie tchotske, we'll put your titties in a wringer, and that will be controlled by Our Empress Sow HRC. Ask Katie Graham how it feels to have her titties in a wringer; I bet she's still rubbing salve over them after Watergate.
Nancy, dear Leader, I love to dine with humor too. On St. Patrick's Day I was in an Irish pub with Craig Livingstone, Bernie Nussbaum and Robert Reich. Craig got shit-faced and started threatening the waitresses that if they didn't show him a little compassion he'd get their FBI files and Reich was looking up their dresses, and he was standing up at the time. Craig suddenly looked down at Reich and said, "Goddamn it! There's a leprechaun!" and grabbed him by the beard and said, "Gimme me your pot of gold! Bernie, help me with this!" The nut tree was too busy passing out cards marked Barratry-R-Us to bums on the street to bother with it, and finally Reich, about 1/6 Livingstone's size, all that beer and Big Macs, you know, said that didn't carry cash but that he was in charge of all the union slush funds and had Jimmy Hoffa on a chain in the back yard. About this time the nut tree came in and said he had an IM from Goldfinger about Fort Knox. A good time was had by all.
Nancy, did you chip out your teeth on the Hildo 7.0? I hear it works on Vista now but that whenever our Many Titted Empress was getting close to the money, it stopped and asked, "Pleasure request. Accept or deny?" and her fingers were so slippery with the Teflon-based lube that her trotters kept slipping off the button and so she flew to Redmond on her Hoover and Bill Gates won't be having any more children. But Linda thought that the pool boy had a bigger package in the flesh, not in practice, and so she took to him but the foolish woman didn't know that Paolo isn't that dependable. Just as she was getting into it, someone, like, well, I hate to brag, shouted, "La Migra!" and Paulo left the bush for the bushes.
And that reminds me, if Meow doesn't tender me that apology--I forget what for, I'm just pissy, all Progressive People are like that--I'll go to his plantation and yell, "American Idol" and all his proles will run, whether to or from, I don't know, but he'll have to peel his grapes himself. Serve him right.
Call off your attack dogs and we will work something out. Here, take this coupon to Olive Garden to ease your pain and as a token of my goodwill.
No, I use only people forced out by "Don't ask, don't tell"--a lot of them speak Arabic by the way and the CIA needs them--and they read Soldier of Fortune and as for Bloomy's? I snap my fingers at that prole place. Some of the display rooms still are done in peach and gray! So 80s. No, I have a PX with fatigues that really do fit and alterations are a specialty. After it's all done, with the bulges all arranged and displayed, we call the result Cammo Ammo.
You think that the words "American Idol" won't fetch your proles. Of course you don't give them television but I have smuggled in samizdat pictures of Our Many Titted Empress on a 10' silver charger, an apple in her mouth--it cuts down on the vibrations which were shaking the camera--her collops braided in finger waves, covered by pineapple rings and cherries stuck in with tent stakes. I have told them that that is the American Idol. Considering the meagre calorie rations that you permit your serfs, our Many Titted Empress could feed the entire state of Oaxaca come to cook in the greasy-spoons of New York City but toiling in your fields.
And pink lipstick and glitter? I overheard Nansky making an assignation with Janet and Helen talking about your place. They put a curse on it--the next time that a normal man gets excited, his private parts will become concave, all the better to join in the fun with Nansky, Janet, Helen and the new pledge, Barbara Mikulski. You'd better be nice to me, Meow. After that curse, the only guards that will work for you will be ones very carefully checking the fit of the other guards' uniforms with particular attention to how the trousers fit.
To that end I have been having Nansky's Lupe go over every night to Uber Comrade HRC's house with a four-gallon pot of beans and home-made tortillas, which she puts into a bespoke Steuben trough. HRC tucks in and only I, who have trawled unspeakable places (no kidding) could remain with my lunch down. So far the doorways of her house have been widened twice, and the wrinkle of physics that I paid Berkley to discover (holding the families of the Asian scientists hostage, of course) is that after her ass reaches two ax-handles in width, she'll disappear up her snatch.
This may also answer where the teal dress and Craig Livingstone went to.
And explain the dull roar that accompanies here everywhere.
I shall prevail. I always do. I spent 50 years pretending to be normal and now everything is out in the open. I can give rise to my true feelings as Protector of the People. All Hail Me!
While the current round of Party(tm) discord is most entertaining! You are doing such awful things to the Party(tm) that George W(easel) Bushitler and his Nazi Party can only dream of!!!
We MUST unite behind Uber Comrade HRC in her quest to conquer ... er ... lead the USSA. Given how wide her ass is, there is plenty of room for all of us and then some!
Comrade Theocritus, do not make the mighty hand of Stalin's ghost smite thee for such heresy! Here, take the Red Pill. If you refuse, you will be sent to Simon Cowell's re-education camp on Rodeo Drive in Beverly Hills, CA for a full body waxing. A full body waxing that would take several days!!! Sanjaya will be his assistant.
Comrade Pelosivich ... ... hmmmmmm... ... You are bordering dangerously close to committing a Thought Crime on the magnitude of unforgivable!!!!!! Do you want to spend time inside the Jane Fonda Research Center for Anti-Socialist Disorders? Look what that place did to Jeane Kirkpatrick! I know what goes on in your little 150 room dacha. I have informants on your staff. You can't even take a shit with out me and a Milk-Of-Magnesia suppository being present!!! So, get your tuchis back in line unless you want to hear a little knock on your door and having someone throw you to the floor, put an AK-47 up you, and yell "Say hello to my leetle freend!!!".
Dear Leader, HRC!!! I join with your devoted Comrade, Chairman Meow S. Punchenko. I pledge my undying support to you and the revolution! You have nothing to fear! Except for that yeast infection that Comrade Pelosivich can't seem to get rid of.
COMRADES! PULL TOGETHER!
Do it for The Party(tm)!!! Do it for The Revolution(tm)!!! And do it for The Children(tm)!!! That's what we doing it for!!! What about the children???"
Besides, I'm out of beer and popcorn from watching this show for such a long time! LUPE!!!!!!
Zampolit B. S. Blokhayev
OK, phew... I see everyone is hot and bothered right now, maybe a little antsy because they haven't soaked their hands in the tears of the accused. This worries me... and gives me cramps and mild itching which my doctor told me was perfectly normal for a womyn my age. So, Hill darling - maybe its time... time... FOR THE PURGE OF OBAMA THE WICKED! I can't stand him, Hill. Like, the media swoons over him and...and...and it hurts, Hill! It really, really hurts! Like the time you heated that glass Hido in that pizza oven and shoved it up where the sun don't shine... that kind of hurt.
Oh please, Hill! I want a purge to be our anniversary gift to each other! How romantic it would be to sit on the bench together... a vibrating bench that is... while watching our arch political nemesis writhe under the revolutionary justice of The People/Children! Ohh! We can get the grandchildren to pull the switch when all is done and said! Oh Hillary! Please let me use my gavel to condemn him! Oh I beg of you, please Hill, please!
I hope that you realize that since I've acquired control of Merck that all research on medicine for yeast infection has been stopped, and you are SOL with your Clap of Doom. I've put the scientists to figuring out a chemical to be put in tap water which utterly destroys the brains of those who drink it, making them slaves to whoever tells them to get pissed off. In this way everyone will become a Progressive. Oddly enough, Party Members can stay safe by drinking only bottled water and carrot juice because there's no need to waste this wondrous drug, with the working name of Rockefeller 1.5, on the people who normally refuse to drink anything but bottled water and carrot juice because their damage is already done.
Zampolit Blokhayev, you do not scare me with your threats about Simon Cowell. I am the one who suggested to him that he form Il Divo. Simon and I have arranged to have them perform a New Year's Eve concert at the Hyatt Regency at Crown Center in Kansas City and the treacle will send the kitsch quotient to such a level that everyone will die of insulin shock.
I will be avenged!
Helen is dead, Theocritus. Yuri dumped her in the Potomac along with all the other garbage in my life. Besides, I met a lovely lady with oodles of money and one foot in the voting booth (she's 93). It's just a matter of getting my name on her will to seal the deal... or "seal-the-hole"... loop-hole that is. I had her adult kids sent to summer camp to get them out of the mansion and away from any lawyers. I know, I know, its not summer yet... nor is it a summer camp where I sent them.
But be warned, Meow; do not under any circumstances let John Kerry know of your intended. If she has one single penny more than Teri Heinz, then Teri's history and you'll wind up in the Potomac yourself. Don't ever get between a gigolo and some cash. Hell, if John Kerry thought that I had money, he'd offer himself to me. I have on good information that before Secretariat died he offered himself to the horse if he'd get half the stud fees.
Et tu, Chuck Hagel?
But the hard core is still there, Miau; it is still there. All it needs is a little more time for regrouping, and to receive funds which Nansky is sending them out of the General Treasury under the sow-eyes of Our Many Titted Empress. For Nansky is in truth MY puppet, not HRC's. At a billion a day--"A billion here, a billion there, pretty soon you're talking real money. E. Dirksen"--it will take until, I calculate May Day for them to be stong enough to aid us in our putsch.
So I advise patience. By May Day they will be able to help. By the Ides of May, not March, they will have helped and I shall kill them too. Silly fools. To have had hundreds of million groaning under the lash, er, luxuriating in the lap of correct thought and behavior with large and well-staffed spas in balmy Siberia, and to have thrown it away? They have shown they cannot be trusted.
And this revolution of mine was started by a secret meeting at a memorial service for John Rawls, who is to our cause what Foucault is to deconstructionism or Mengele was to medical science.
All hail the people! Yeah. All hail me. Out of my fondness for you, I shall lead you in the ways of a true progressive, to heights of power lust that even HRC can only dream of. Soon I'll have people applying for licenses to breathe, and they'll have to calculate how many breaths they'll need on a given day, and if they have congestion, then they'll turn blue. Tough shit.
Nor does Kansas City scare me. I happened to spend Christmas Day in Room 3514 of the Hyatt Crown Center, and used the 4Mb/s speed Ethernet service to reprogram all my minions. It's nice to have the resources of an empty hotel's T-1. And after spending days in the Kitcsh Capital of the World, Kansas City, and Crown Center--supported by Merck and Upjohn to get market for their insulin--I have no fear of anything.
I can walk underneath a B&W 801 Nautilus suspended above me oozing out Perry Como Muzak. It slides right off. I snap my fingers at Cabbage Patch Dolls. I eviscerate Elmos. I crucify Pippi Longstocking. Winnie the Pooh is painted on the bottom of my toilet.
Nothing scares me. But I'll scare YOU. I have 2 GB of photos of the Crown Center Christmas Tree. The star. The escalator. The Link. And Crown Center itself--the Disney Ride "It's a Small World After All" so bad that you miss the singing robots. And with everything closed at 7 PM! And with fat people stupider than cows getting in the way! And with NOTHING THERE.
Aha. Trifle with me, will you? I have seen into hell and Crown Center is it!
As a registered member you are entitled to start your own thread on the People's Blog. Why don't you do start a discussion there? Think of it as a forum. Here, little one: take a rationing coupon as an encouragement. It was good for a kilo of beets last month - but it has my gigantic fingerprints on it; it may come handy when the time comes to prove your loyalty (and/or connections) to the Party.
In fact, I just moved your earlier post and all related responses to a new location
Say hello for the Little People for me, will you?
-- Big Red
hopefully with the new Democratic strategy we will gain more in Iraq.
hopefully that blue zone will work better then a green zone.
only if we could deploy those Democrats.
Then, just like in Bosnia, we can do nothing, tie the hands of our troops (unless they are attacking Right Winger's homes), and claim victory.