Rush Limbaugh Discovers Tomb of Rugged Individual

On the heels of James Cameron's of a tomb of Jesus came an announcement by talk radio host Rush Limbaugh that he had discovered a coffin with the remains of another historical character that progressive scientists consider a mythical creature - the Rugged Individual.

While Mr. Cameron's findings are meant to destroy the basic tenets of Christian faith, Mr. Limbaugh's discovery strikes at the very heart of progressive faith that denies the existence of a self-sufficient Individual who can survive without the government handouts, regulations, and oversight.

Limbaugh said Monday that he is in possession of tangible, physical, archaeological, and forensic evidence that the Rugged Individual once roamed the fruited plane and was buried several miles away from San Francisco's Mission District, underneath an apartment complex. "He was totally self-sufficient and did not depend on any centralized government," declared Limbaugh, whose claim is being dismissed in progressive circles as nothing more than a publicity stunt.

"Assertion that the so-called Rugged Individual could exist on the West Coast or anywhere else in America - independently of the government, without health insurance, minimum wage regulations, FDA standards, and union protection - is a ridiculous and unscientific invention," says , Professor Emeritus in the Political Science Department at Boston University. "Everybody knows that Rugged Individuals never lived in that area, and that pioneers who settled in California were all collectivist hippies who lived in communes, received welfare checks, and worshipped the Common Good™."

Limbaugh insists that he is not a revisionist historian; he is only reporting facts. "It's a fact that the Rugged Individual once lived in America and settled the West," the controversial commentator said. "He used to be free and morally upright. He spoke his mind without fear of persecution. He ran his own business the way he saw fit. He raised his own children according to his own values. He owned property that he earned with his own hands, and he used a gun to protect that property from thieves. These are facts. So what I'm saying is, hey, world, pay attention. First let's discuss the facts and then let's see their implications on progressive ideology."

Social scientists are widely and roundly rejecting these claims. Some are dismissing them as a ploy backed by corporations to pervert the truth. "The whole progressive movement has faced this since the day Marx wrote his Communist Manifesto," writes one scholar in a letter to San Francisco Chronicle. "Limbaugh needs to go back to college and take a standard course in political science," writes another scholar. "Our whole philosophy is based on the impossibility of Rugged Individualism. I have no plans to give this discovery any publicity within the walls of my college."

Others compared Limbaugh's findings to the one made by James Cameron in Jerusalem: "At least the discovery of the Christ family bears all marks of scientific proof - the inscriptions of the names that match the bones of Jesus, Mary, their son Judas, and their dog Snowball, which many scientists agree was a common dog name in Judea at the time. In contrast, Limbaugh's alleged finding is a blatant attempt to cash in on a sensationalist bandwagon."

Yet another group of scholars, while not denying the existence of the remains, were quick to search the local archives for documents proving that the cost for Rugged Individual's burial had been subsidized by the government, and that in his early twenties he had received a welfare check for three weeks while being unemployed.

News networks also maintained a level of skepticism. Over on CNN, Lou Dobbs prefaced a segment on the subject by observing, "If these claims are true, and many people doubt they are, that raises questions about the progressive assertion that Rugged Individualism is a capitalist myth and that the only moral way for humans to exist is by abandoning private property, sacrificing personal interests to the Common Good™, and living off kind handouts from the benevolent central government. Personally I like the utopian blueprints better."

The final word in this debate belongs to the former Vice President Al Gore who said, "The main function of the government is to reduce every person's footprint on this planet. So even if the Rugged Individual existed he should've been wiped out anyway, for the sake of saving the planet."
 

 

 

 

 

From Party Wire Sources:

James Cameron finds tomb of Jesus family, buries career inside.

Scholars and archaeologists were shamed today as the Academy Award winning director and People's Hero corrected prior assumptions about 27 year old Israeli find.

"Not only was Jesus married, the evidence strongly suggests he was also a slave-owning global-warmer," James Cameron said today. "When the experts get it wrong, we with money must get it right. The 'larger truth' demands it."

Skeptics worry that movie makers doing archaeology could lead to an - the logical end of which could lead to .
 

Did Rush Limbaugh mention that, in his trek across the plains to California, whether or not he found any tangible, physical, archaeological, and forensic evidence of those “rugged individuals”… the Native American Indians? You know… the original native inhabitants of America whose lands were stolen… those forgotten people who were slaughtered by the real American heroes(?), i.e., George Custer, whose “knees” were “wounded” in the process of his Manifest Destiny.
 

Dear Comrade Bell -

The educational news story above makes perfectly clear that the very existence of "Rugged Individual" is scientifically impossible and is nothing but a ploy by big corporations relayed by the notorious propagandist and class enemy Limbaugh. Why start the debate unless you doubt (or maybe even DENY) the findings of progressive science? Are you a DENIER? Please don't become a tool of bourgeois propaganda, a useful idiot and a puppet in the hands of the man behind the curtain (who is a White Christian Male, no doubt).

As our Green fellow travelers like to say,
 

 

 

 

 

 

 

But some Native Americans did quite well by incorporating Western technological achievements into their culture...


 

 

Comrade B. Brown -

Australian comrades have collaborated with our group in the past very successfully. May I interest you in the following links? You might find familiar faces...

http://communistsforkerry.com/GPU/viewtopic.php?t=110

http://communistsforkerry.com/GPU/viewtopic.php?t=164


 

 

Comrade Beezelbob Brown, the article from the Herald Sun which you link to is nothing but flimflammery. I am sick and tired of these people that think free speech means they can question scientific consensus. For the sake of civilization they need to be jailed.

It wasn't for nothing that Galileo was imprisoned. He went against all consensus. Even though the Revolution begins anew each day and there is nothing to learn from history we can learn by studious example.
 

 

Another story proving that the Rugged Individualist independent of the caring Nanny State is a myth, at least in today's world.

http://www.lasvegassun.com/sunbin/stori ... 08317.html

People continued to live in FEMA trailers amidst stinking raw sewage and frequent power outages until it was already absolutely clear to everyone in that trailer park that the Nanny State is incapable of all that promised care, love, and cuddling. And even then they were reluctant to evacuate. The social experiment has been completed successfully. THE DEBATE IS OVER.

People can't do anything on their own without the State. Never have, never will.
 

 

Newsflash!  Pravda reports that counter-revolutionary capitalist roader Scooter Libby has been found guilty on four of five counts of lying to the KGB under oath.  The Stakhanovites who found him not guilty on that fifth count will of course be sent to the re-education camps to contemplate the error of their ways.  Praise Stalin, it is a great day for justice!
 

Handi-capable Party members everywhere weep as one of our most useful modes of transportation becomes politically incorrect, and we must look forward to taking our tricycles out of storage, with their silly baskets, little vinyl flags on thin plastic poles and personalized miniature licence plates with stupid things written on them (or our names - even worse - as if we have to announce who we are, or perhaps, in case we get lost and forget it ourselves), not to mention the Harpo bicycle horn and vinyl handle-bar cover tassles... There's just no dignity left for the disabled any more...

... Mind you, if I'd had to go around being called Scooter, I might enjoy prison...
 

... I'm sorry... really... what I should have written is, "Toast is burning."...

Toast is burning,
SMO
 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chairman, I well recall the henous crime. (Sorry. It came out despite sitting on my hands, doing my best Justice impersonation.) But Hena was a dupe for in fact I had a warehouse of flannel what we were all done with and needed to move, and that's why every dyke comes with a closet full of flannel. And to frank, I am not gay but such a ravening heterosexual that Bill Clinton sends me father's day card of frank admiration, signed o||o and you can imagine what that stands for. Although to be fair, poor Bill is slighting me for the lines need to be in a larger type for me. He just can't get over the Penthouse article in which Gennifer Flowers said, "Bill Clinton has a small penis and his wife has fat ankles and they'll just have to get over each others' imperfections." Poor dim Gennifer, to think that was any but a dynastic marriage, ordained in the Necronomicon, with Lucifer the presiding officer.

The reason that I masquerade as one of those silly queers is to become a babe magnet. Oh, I know I can have all of the proles that I want but on my plantation my breeding has been so successful that they can arouse the interest of farm equipment and other proles. Breeding is technically possible but the A/V aids are horrible. So to overcome that I masquerade as a flaming queen, hoping to be "saved" by other people, for as is well known, homosexuality is not innate but a choice and a moral perversion. Ask Ralph Reed, and he will tell you that, in the interstices of time when he's not trying to control every aspect of your life.

So I hope to be saved from myself. But the problem is presenting an accurate persona. I really have no sense of color, for indigo, mulberry, and puce are all purple to me, and I have on that account established a special pink quarter on my plantation which I use for gay advice. But as is well known, they do not breed (except lawyers), and so I have to recruit them.

Ah, the difficulties in maintaining a progressive life style.
 

 

 

An alternative solution had been proposed in one of the first Truth declarations on the Cube:

The Lumpenwagon: People's Housing and Locomotion Unit

https://thepeoplescube.com/red/viewtopic.php?t=5


 

You can't be serious!? How in the blue-dog hell am I going to fit my fat ass in a shopping cart!? HOW!? Their is enough lard in my red hiney to feed that poor put upon victim... awwaaaahhhh... he is sleeping so peacefully... almost like he died or something. Hmm... he needs entitlements, now! Quickly, fetch me Rangel the Angel. The Tax Man cometh to ease this proles suffering... San-Franny style!

(Lupe, go to Sams Club and buy me one of those big shopping carts for my ass. I wish to be transported like the proles to feel their pain. Also make sure it is made of gold and encrusted in precious stones.)