Radical Islam Surrenders to Progressivism

The War on Terror has entered a new successful stage once the US field commanders began to force the enemy units to comply with the same government-imposed rules and restrictions that the US Army increasingly faces on a daily basis.One man, identified only as a "Soldier for Allah" explained, "We were led into a classroom and had to sit in circles for what they called 'Collective Self-Attaining Support Sessions' where they lectured us on matters such as "Gender Awareness." "Multicultural Identity." and "Environmental Racism." For the love of Allah (peace be upon him and his messenger, the Prophet Muhammad), even in Saddam's prisons, I was never accused so often of being guilty!"

Trembling, he continued. "We had...had...gender role-playing. We had...had...non-dairy vegan diets. We had...had," at which point he broke down and cried, "You win, America! I had to write a 17-page memo explaining why my unit did not have an Hispanic presence! Please, you win!"

Inspired by this success, the . Echoing that decision, Pentagon officials also released a , mandating that all questioning of detainees in U.S. military custody include "humane" treatment and that interrogators can no longer "inflict suffering, harm, pain, or any kind of inconvenience on enemy combatants."

The directive ostensibly reduces the military's tactics to what the ACLU has called "progressive engagement similar to what one would expect as a disinterested actor." Although this directive is incoherent, a majority of lawyers believe that it means, "enemies must be treated as though they are United States civilians."

Despite grim predictions by Republican politicians and conservative pundits, the new progressive tactics have turned more effective in defeating the enemy than conventional combat had ever been. To wit, most radical Islamic groups in Iraq and Afghanistan have surrendered to the United States after being compelled to live under U.S.-mandated "progressive" laws.

As one Iraqi insurgent put it, "We can withstand your guns and tanks, but please, kill us all before you inflict more sensitivity training!" In fact, the very thought of such punishments has made even the most battle-hardened insurgents whimper for mercy.

In fact, Diversity requirements have been among the most effective weapons wielded by the Americans. An army officer pointed out, "The enemy needs to understand that they must meet our goals and timetables.

That is, if you're a terrorist and you shoot at us, we're gonna speak with you. And if your terrorist group doesn't meet our minority-and-women representation requirements, you're gonna be filling out forms for the rest of your days.

"We also check for other signs of discrimination. Were the correct percentage of your weapons built by approved minority vendors? Were your explosive belts manufactured by non-union labor? Were you using hurtful language while you were tossing grenades at us? Is everyone in your death squad being treated equally? These things matter more to us than whether you kill our troops."

"You see, individuals are replaceable, but our progressive philosophy is sacrosanct. And if you attack our philosophy, you're going to be explaining yourself in remedial education sessions and you're going to be doing a lot...and I mean a lot...of writing!"

The war is not over, though, as Osama bin Laden is still in hiding. In a taped message, he said, "I will surrender if the United States promises to overlook my family's lack of compliance with WBE and MBE requirements in their construction business."

However, military experts believe that is an irrelevant point. Said one, "We don't care about his family. But he has led an organization that is guilty of de facto religious discrimination. If you're going to butcher Americans, you had better do it with a diverse group of murderers. Al Qaeda is comprised only of Muslims, and that's wrong. We're going to find Mr. Bin Laden, and he will definitely learn what it means to meet diversity goals."
 

Will Rev. Jackson now declare suicide bombers as 'equal opportunity' killers?
 

lol this stuff is great.. i can't get enough of it. Keep up the good work comrads!
 

 

Re-education camp.

Ah, what fond memories!
 

 

HEY YOU FUCKS! WHAT ABOUT ME?

What ABOUT you?

-Kommissar Betty
 

The dream of the socialist idealouges! If only they could indoctrinate so many. Sensitivity training. I shiver with anticipation.
 

What about me? What about me? It supposed to BE about ME all the time, 24/7, 365, every channel, every blog, every day for eternity.

You know, if my son Casper..I mean Charlie..uhhhh..well whatever his name was. if he was still around I would have him talk very sternly to you (I abhor violence of any kind).

I expect the cameras to be on Cindy from now on, Im a national figure you know.

Go away you pathetic excuse for a... um... protoplasmic... thing… you are yesterday's news. Why don't you go onto Hollywood Squares or something, that's where the rest of your kind go before they fade out of memory.

-Kommissar Betty
 

We will passing a law (and if we can't - we'll get our judges to make it happen) allowing all our fellow jihadis - amnesty, good jobs, interest free loans, no taxes for 5 years, free education to any school of their choice, full voting rights - as they have assisted us in our war against evil white Judeo-Christian males - and their leaders Bush, Karl the Jackolope Rove, Cheney, Rush, and $.$. Hal I Burton (to name a few).

So hop on the first flight over here and come on in (don't worry - we have complete control of the transportation system and immigration belongs to us too - so come on in).

Thank you jihadis - you have done great work helping us to take away the USA from "Americans"

xoxoxo

j.f. Kerry, G. Sorears, Nancy, Hill, Bill, Barbara, Harry, Dick the Turbin Durbin,film actors guild, Ted i-know-what-a-terrible-thing-water-toruture-can-be, Chuck S., et al.
 

Go away you pathetic excuse for a... um... protoplasmic... thing… you are yesterday's news. Why don't you go onto Hollywood Squares or something, that's where the rest of your kind go before they fade out of memory.
-Kommissar Betty

If I wasnt busy assisting PETA in designing coats and shoes made from meat-free kelp, I would march to your house and chain myself to your mailbox. Warmongering biotch!

Good, my mailbox hasn't eaten since the last mailman got eaten. I'll make sure that a more competent “drinking bird” will replace your position in designer fashion.

-Kommissar Betty
 

 

Oh no comrades! This sensitivity training is devastating to our con-munist cause!! The Iraqi's must have our support in order to undermine the imperialist American system of democratic elections and property rights!

Lucky our left-wing intellectuals, from all over the world, will continue to garner support against the bourgeois Americans from the safety of free and anonymous websites!

“It is our duty to support the Iraqi resistance and demand an end to the US-led
occupation.” - http://antonyloewenstein.blogspot.com/

Cindy: I for one am pleased you are still working to see the destruction of the imperialist, Stalin hating Americans! When you die, we will put your body in a mausoleum for everybody to see, like the Great vodka loving Lenin-ski!

Kommissar Betty, please forgive Cindy for fading from the capitalist/Zionist controlled media spotlight, I am sure she can worm her way back in and help our anti-capitalist cause once again!
 

My internationalist heart bleeds red with grief over these politically incorrect, reactionary diatribes against Mother Cindy!

Has not Comrade Eleanor Clift declared that Cindy has "Ultimate Moral Authority?"

Has not Cindy been endorsed by Comrades Jessie Jackson and Martin Sheen?

Has not Cindy built a cult of personality around herself?

Has she not shown all true collectivists the future of progressive housing by living in a ditch?

I am resolutely determined to be the first in line this Wednesday at my local bookstore, steal the first copy of her heroic story, and, after memorizing it, plan to place it in a place of honor on my bookcase next to "Juche!", "Thoughts of Chairman Mao", and "Collected Speeches of Joseph Stalin."

I think it would be best for all of you to follow my example. Explaining the absence of such a work to the Party hierarchy might... be... difficult...
 

Comrades,

I too weep red tears of grief for Mother Sheehan, she truly is a patriot doing everything in her power to end this war and put America right back into our Vietnam heyday. Oh Mother Sheehan, how I weep for you and will fork up the 29.95$ (plus tax) for your breath taking book. Oh those capitalist war monger corrupters of the youth of Amerika! How dare they ask people to volunteer for the military and serve their country! The military should only be used as a massive welfare program and not for defending this country! You and Brother Moore the Peoples obese happy man of film shall surely come out as the moral triumphant truth of the progressive movement. And please Cindy, send me a coats made of kelp so that I may distribute them to the homeless this winter to keep them warm.


Hope to see you on the Networks 24/7 again,
Chairman Meow-Say-Pun
 

America is upside-down. Only inferior people become successful. Paradoxically, we have a capitalist version of socialism. All the viewpoints that we are given are stupid and unrealistic; even the self-located Far Left and Far Right are in the mainstream that our minds drown in.

To illustrate this, I've shown how the terrorists would also be put out of business if they adopted the self-appointed alternative to Liberalism. See: "Re: mock liberalism taking over the jihad" (Nov. 17) at
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/promethei ... p/messages

Dear comrade iqempire1!

That must be a very elite Yahoo group to which even the inner Party members like us have no access. Have you provided it by mistake? Let's hope the enemies don't find out...

~ Red Square
 

You warmongers didnt even comment that I got arrested. Me. Cindi Sheehan. The voice of the left. I got ARRESTED you assbags!

You cows will regret it when I come to your house with my Code Pink brethren and kick your asses into next week!

Its over for you.
 

Cindi, I am sorry you were arrested. But your flame is dying out now, people are tired and want a new revolutionary leader to speak out against war. And we found HIM, in the halls of the House of Represenatives. See, he commands staffers and fellow comrades, he is a true leader and a vet, no one can denounce a vet, hes a war hero!! And maybe he has a whole closet full of Purple Hearts like ummm.... that one person, ugh, ummmm oh well I forgot who it was, but you see your old news, no one cares and you have a book deal for you to make a lot of money so you can donate it all to the party in 08'.

Good Luck Cindi, and may Karl Marx always watch over your kindred bleeding heart.

Chairman Meow.

I've almost forgotten who she is.

-Kommissar Betty
 

At classes one question. Will they be serving Allah approved Swine Sperm beer?
 

Forgive me comrades. I had not read this wonderful news of how our Progressive Policies has made such headway around the world. I can now rest easy knowing that even those poor, uninformed jihadists are being trained to respect others the way we have been. Hail Hillary!