"Americans need to stop trying," explained the new compassionate strategy Sen. Harry Reid (D-NV). "We deeply believe that most people in this country would like to stay low, stop thinking, stop fending for themselves, and just live off government handouts."
"To cut and run is every American's right, entitlement, and a patriotic duty," demanded Rep. John Murtha (D-PA), adding that this plan is likely to become a central issue in the upcoming November elections. "If we grant every American the right to walk away from any task without completing it, they'll all vote for us. I would!"
"We all want to change America," added Sen. John Kerry (D-MA) with compassion. "We want it to be a land where noble teachers are free to leave class before the school's over, and heroic firefighters can go home without putting out the fire, where ambulance drivers can drop off patients half-way to the hospital, and construction workers can walk away if a building is taking too long to build. This is what I did in Vietnam and I'm willing to do it again!"
Sen. Kerry went on at great length, describing his vision of a brave new world in which surgeons can leave the operation room before putting the heart back into the transplant patient, police officers can stop chasing murderers if they feel like playing pool, and transit workers can go back to their families before the trains arrive.
"Isn't this is the shining city upon a hill that our forefathers had dreamt about?" he exclaimed before being interrupted by Sen. Kennedy (D-MA) who solemnly vowed that from now on he and his son Patrick (D-RI) would leave the bar at 2am as opposed to the regular 4am, before they can accomplish the task of drinking themselves into a stupor.
"A search for the missing Democrat strategy is over," summarized everyone's feelings DNC Chairman Howard Dean. "Cutting and running makes a lot of sense - just look at me! I cut and run in the middle of 2004 presidential campaign, and now I'm Chairman of the DNC! If I can do it, you can do it."
An ardent supporter of the new Democrat plan is Cindy Rella, a grieving mother of a fallen firefighter. Ms Rella has long been calling for all firefighters to quit their jobs and escape to Canada.
In an open letter to Fire Department she wrote, "Let the Chief and his cronies put out fires themselves! Our boys signed up seeking government benefits, not to risk their lives just because somebody fell asleep while smoking after a night of wild sex with hookers in a bathtub filled with Bourbon. It is time for the American people to truly support our firefighters and demand an end to this nightmare!"
The day on which the American employment reached peak levels, the compassionate message the Democrats sent to the people was this: "It's OK to stop trying." Experts predict this policy will result in a landslide that'll put both the Senate and the House back under the Democrat control.
Not all Democrat supporters are happy with the new strategy, though. Our sources tell us that Charlie Sheen cursed the new policy, screaming "Strategic redeployment sucks!" when a hooker, who turned out to be a staunch Democrat, got dressed and redeployed just minutes before he could reach orgasm.
And can anyone tell me how we are to determine when the terrorists have been defeated in Iraq? Is it any more complicated than "Bush says they are defeated"?
Ohhh.....more troll droppings.....your post is being traced. Expect a Black Maria shortly.
Quit scaring trolls away! They are wily and cunning! Quit using too much bait!
Chumming socialist waters is illegal!
Please come back, we are troll-friendly here at the People's Cube.
We know trolls have special rights and we are sorry for any offenses, real or imaginary, so please come back and illuminate us with The Enlightenment.
Rousseau.....ohhhhhhhh..the original Mr. Natural....how wonderful. Now you've had two hits at your blogspeck, thanks to Comrade Otis.
Tell us about Adam Smith? Please?