Global Warming: Alaska Needs More Air Conditioners

Senators John McCain and Hillary Clinton have returned from a high-profile, omni-partisan, and taxpayer-funded fact-finding , claiming to have found incontrovertible proof that is the result of US imperialism.

"Go up to places like we just came from, it's a little scary," Senator McCain (R-AZ) asserted. "Green grass, wildflowers, even trees! Yet I clearly remember from the movie "Snow Dogs" starring award-winning Cuba Gooding Jr. that Alaska used to be covered with snow!"

"Just look at how warm it is," exclaimed Hillary Clinton, the senator-turned-climatologist from New York. "I mean, it's August in Alaska and all I need is a pashmina at night!"

"You don't need a Ph.D. to prove that global warming is a reality," her good friend and fellow legislator Senator McCain weighed in. "All you need to do is visit some place on the globe that just happens to be warm at the time, bring along some journalists, and presto - you've got incredible photo-ops! Er, I mean incontestable proof that global warming is caused by American taxpayers lacking adequate campaign finance reform!"



"If years of scientific research could not prove what we've just easily proven on a three-day trip, it can only mean that we are under-funding our scientific institutions," stated Sen. Clinton who is the leading contender in the next U.S. presidential election.

Both Senators shrugged off a skeptical Fox News reporter who questioned the validity of looking for signs of warming in the month of August. Not one to suffer fools gladly, Ms. Clinton retorted, "One must be a complete idiot to visit Alaska in the winter, it'll be freakin' freezing out there! Do I look like an idiot to you?" she said to cheers and applause from many mainstream media journalists.

The dynamic empirical duo went on to dismiss researchers who doubt that anything other than normal, cyclical climate change is occurring. "I am sick and tired of hearing that the climate is constantly shifting as a result of millions of factors," Ms. Clinton complained. "Capitalist pollution and American over-indulgence are the only causes; to say otherwise is to deny years of activism and subversive propaganda!"

"These guys in the white coats are all in denial!" Sen. Clinton chortled. "They work in labs, but they never get out and hear horrifying tales of mutant fish, which not only breathe air like we do, but also sing! That's right: I said sing. I saw one at a diner in Fairbanks while I was up in Alaska. It was attached to a wooden plate on the wall and had a rubbery exterior over what felt like metallic insides. Weird, huh? When I touched it, it scared the living crap out of me. You wouldn't have believed it! It started crooning, 'take me to the river, drop me in the water' in the voice of David Byrne. Come on, the scientific evidence of human agency in this is overwhelming. Our opponents are fighting a losing battle."

Employing her formidable diplomatic skills, Ms. Clinton convinced the Inuit diner owner to part with the globally warmed, mutant fish for $150. It has since been reported that the junior senator from New York was perplexed when the whole place erupted with laughter as she and her handlers were exiting the building.

"The inevitable conclusion is," Ms. Clinton went on to say, "we must move the remaining industries left in the United States farther down south where it's already warm anyway. I also find interesting John McCain's proposal to install window air conditioners in all Alaskan residences backwards, so that while heating people's homes, they would also cool down the habitat for other species."

"We make a great scientific team," Senator McCain noted. "Now that we've succeeded in connecting global warming to the gluttony of American taxpayers, we might as well try and disprove that a bowling ball and a feather fall at the same rate in a vacuum. There's no way that's true," the maverick senator from Arizona said while Ms. Clinton chortled: "That's just another absurdity waiting to be debunked. As my teacher used to say, a lie repeated often enough becomes the truth. And that's why American voters elected us into office!"


 

It would be great to have that McCain/Clinton photo available for enlargement.
I need some range time and I couldn't think of a better target poster.

ARY
 

The McCain/Clinton photo was lifted off this page. It's twice as big there, and has captions too.

http://osusentinel.com/theopenend/index ... nd_hillary
 

Global warming is accelerating!!!
This trend is especially pronounced in spring and grows worse in summer months!!!!
Dramatic temperature increases are occurring daily -especially around the time of sun-rise!!!!
The Christian-Bush-Rove junta are to blame!!!
 

Hey! Al! Hi....

Perhaps we can pool our collective intelligence and invent something to cool the planet down...we can call it "air conditioning"...sounds good, eh? We can use it to cool our homes, offices, and cars.

Just a thought...how's Dipper?
 

McClinton?

Where's the other Stooge?

And how much did that trip to Alaska cost the American Taxpayer?
 

Bush is to blame for the hurricane!!!!
(and Rove helped too!!!)
this announcement paid for by DnC and Poli and Bureau icecream makers
 

I see someone has forgotten to photoshop a few CocaColas into that picture of the polar bears to show how American corporations are ruining their natural survival styles.
 

 

Is it too warm around for the Goddess of Frigidity? What are those hot sounds?
Uh! Oh! Yeah! Aha, that's the reason of Global Warming: Bill and Monica. And nobody from Kyoto around to help.
 

Voynce Jorge Boesch isk fine-alli reh-mooved froome Rounded off-ece zere vill be no moore neehd fore Herr-I-Cane... Zere are No Herr-I-Canes In Siberian vilderness .....Betty All ovf de Gulags Haf no pro-bleems vivf gloe-bell varmink???Zey need Shu-Vels and peeks for diggink in fresch-lee thawd perm-a frost !!!Noe Coke ....Pepsee
 

An extra shipment of shovels and picks has been sent, unfortunately we had to cut back on rations in order to send them in. Expect fresh rations by next summer.
 

I'm disappointed that the Комитет дoHKe сeKuriTe did not foresee that refusenik McCain was secretly meeting with the enemy of the state, Palin, during this trip. Obviously, he and the reactionary Hillary were planning years in advance how they would attempt to sabotage the Great Leader Obama's proletarian message of hope and change and wealth spreading and preemptive surrendering.

I'm also disappointed that control of this breakaway Russian province that was illegally stolen from the mother land by an evil capitalist imperialist land grab is not immediately turned over to a Council of People's Commissars comprised of illustrious Professor William Ayers, Most Honorable Rev. Wright, and Comrade Bernardine Dohrn.

Protest!!!!