This is my toaster, I call her........ HELEN<3.
I carry her picture with me at all times, even when I'm with other womyn/toasters/plants/animals/bowls of oatmeal. But when will the Constitution allow me to express my love for her? When will I be able to walk down the aisle and adopt children with this toaster? I am a humyn being and I DEMAND my right of debauchery as outlined in the United States Constitution, I DEMAND equal rights that only the heterosexual wealthiest 1% get to enjoy. I too feel, and so does Helen.
(Premier Betty, to help your "comrade" (wink-wink) Foster & Adams will be having a 50% off deal on all sex-changes this Holiday season, so get em' while they're still cheap!)
N.A.M.B.L.A. and the A.C.L.U. were instrumental in pushing through the legislation.
Guard your toast (read: heart) closely. Toasters are a finicky lot. Helen<3 may seem the portrait of fidelity now, but many a comrade has been burned before.
Spreading a thick layer of Omega 3-enriched, trans-fat-free butter substitute over my lightly crisped piece of multigrain, whole wheat bread.
Hathaway also kept repeating over and over "It was the best piece of tenderloin I've ever had".
There's still no confirmation if it was a doe or a buck, not that it matters or if there's anything wrong with that.
"What's wrong with her, doc? She isn't interested in sex anymore."
" Well, I've examined all of her delicate parts and there's nothing physically wrong with her. Do you mind if I try?"
"Of course. You're the doc. Go ahead."
The doctor made wild passionate love to Joyce II.
When Doctor Morgan was finished he zipped up and said: "There's nothing wrong with that toaster. She's one hot lady. I don't get it. Did you ever think it might be you? How do you make love to Joyce?"
So the man tried but could arouse no passion from Joyce II. Doctor Morgan told him to stop and made his diagnosis.
"No wonder! Sir, if you don't mind my saying so you don't know how to make love to a beautiful appliance like Joyce II. No wonder she isn't interested in you."
"What am I doing wrong?! What am I doing wrong?! Tell me doc, I'll do anything."
"Well, it's simple biology. When you make love to any appliance sir, you first must plug it in."
Chairman Punchenko & Helen <3 A.A.F
Apparently Comrade Hathaway found another marinade for the meat more to his liking.
Who are we to judge?
http://www.petitiononline.com/mod_perl/ ... ?free101&1
In the middle of the page there's also a contextual ad by Google based on the keywords picked up by Google's proverbial algorithm. I thought I'd post a screenshot before it disappears:
(It was a doe wasn't it? I don't want to be supporting a freak.)
YES, I WILL FORCE MY RELATIONSHIP WITH A TOASTER DOWN EVERYONES THROAT UNTIL YOU ACCEPT THE LOVE BETWEEN ME AND THE TOASTER!
And if you don't, I will go down to Hollywood and PERSONALLY DEMAND that a toaster/humyn couple is present in every T.V show and movie!
YOU WILL ACCEPT US!
What's really weird is that they're all 20 years old. Did the aliens land in Wisconsin 20 years ago and start some kind of strange breeding program. What happened in 1986 that could have produced these three and Bryan?
I would advise not drinking the water in Wisconsin.
Wow.....After reading this, I think I'll go have a cold, stiff one....wait, let me rephrase that...
Down with Necrophobia, man!
Necrophobes are bigots, man!
It's not the water, cheese, or cheap beer. It's the 9 months of winter we suffer in this blue state tax hellhole that turns our thoughts to mass murderin' and necrosexualism.
Choice and necrosexualism are both life-style decisions that should garner no retribution or consequences! FREE THE WISCONSIN FOUR!
You know fisting and felching
And gerbils and rim jobs
Drag queens and butches
And snow cones with blow jobs
But do you recall ever doing roadkill at all?
Rudolph the Roadkill Dead Deer
Had a very smelly bum
And when Bryan saw it
He knew it would make him cum
All of the other Dead Deer
Used to call Bryan insane
Then along came Rudolph
And Bryan knew he found his game
Then one foggy Wisconsin night
Bryan came to say
"Rudolph, with your bum so tight,
Won't you guide my schlong tonight?"
Then the policeman caught him
And they shouted out "don't flee".
We're gonna cuff you Bryan
You'll go down in history!
He is the very model of a modern necrosexual!
(New word! Thinkkk! Only the capitalist pigs thinkkk!)
WAR IS PEACE
FREEDOM IS SLAVERY
IGNORANCE IS STRENGTH
Let's sum it up. We've identified the following groups of oppressed sexual minorities who are denied their constitutional rights to engage in:
That's enough to start a vigorous campaign to award each of the above minorities special social programs. Grass roots activism is a must, but we must also go through established channels and organizations such as NAMBLA (The North American Man-Bambi Love Association) and ACLU (The Animal Carnal Lust Union). Laika will be our liason with the both.
DO NOT READ THIS POST! IF YOU DO, WRAP YOUR HEAD IN DUCT TAPE SO IT DOESN"T EXPLODE.
Apparently our pioneer civil rights hero had recently been to the "Holy Diver" 2006 tour of Ronnie James Dio and was inspired by the music to liberate his any everyone elses "anything goes" sexual desires.
This makes Hathaway a
This also makes Hathaway the smallest oppressed minority with the longest victim group name, worthy of sit-ins, marches, law suits, and a whole new area of university studies and departments. Bryan is the most Diversity achieved human to have ever lived.
Long Live Bryan, King of Diversity!
Free the Wisconsin Four!
Maybe Pete Seeger, Joan Baez or David Crosby will do it.
In the Land of Cheese
In Story and Lore
Four young men were unjustly jailed
Free the Wisconsin Four
Loving the dead it was said
Was a horrible crime
These four young men
Are gonna do time
They had no idea what was in store
Free the Wisconsin Four
For loving a dead deer
Bryan was branded a queer
The Grunke twins and Radke too
Were told dead chicks you cannot screw
Maybe if the President was Gore
He'd Free the Wisconsin Four
But in the Land of the Free
And the Home of the Brave
The bigoted necrophobes
Rant and rave
They think they know the total score
Free the Wisconsin Four
And I, I walked over to the, to the bench there, and there is, Group W's where they put you if you may not be moral enough to join the army after committing your special crime, and there was all kinds of mean nasty ugly looking people on the bench there. Mother rapers. Father stabbers. Father rapers! Father rapers sitting right there on the bench next to me! And they was mean and nasty and ugly and horrible crime-type guys sitting on the bench next to me. And the meanest, ugliest, nastiest one, the meanest father raper of them all, was coming over to me and he was mean 'n' ugly 'n' nasty 'n' horrible and all kind of things and he sat down next to me and said, "Kid, whad'ya get?" I said, "I didn't get nothing, I had to pay $50 and pick up the roadkill." He said, "What were you arrested for, kid?" And I said, "crimes against sexual morality." And they all moved away from me on the bench there, and the hairy eyeball and all kinds of mean nasty things, till I said, "And fuckin' a dead deer." And they all came back, shook my hand, and we had a great time on the bench, talkin about crime, mother stabbing, father raping, deer humpin' and all kinds of groovy things that we was talking about on the bench. And everything was fine, we was smoking cigarettes and all kinds of things, until the Sargeant came over, had some paper in his hand, held it up and said.
"Kids, this-piece-of-paper's-got-47-words-37-sentences-58-words-we-wanna- know-details-of-the-crime-time-of-the-crime-and-any-other-kind-of-thing- you-gotta-say-pertaining-to-and-about-the-crime-I-want-to-know-arresting- officer's-name-and-any-other-kind-of-thing-you-gotta-say", and talked for forty-five minutes and nobody understood a word that he said, but we had fun filling out the forms and playing with the pencils on the bench there, and I filled out the massacre with the four part harmony, and wrote it down there, just like it was, and everything was fine and I put down the pencil, and I turned over the piece of paper, and there, there on the other side, in the middle of the other side, away from everything else on the other side, in parentheses, capital letters, quotated, read the following words:
("KID, HAVE YOU REHABILITATED YOURSELF?")
I went over to the sargent, said, "Sargeant, you got a lot a damn gall to ask me if I've rehabilitated myself, I mean, I mean, I mean that just, I'm sittin' here on the bench, I mean I'm sittin here on the Group W bench 'cause you want to know if I'm moral enough join the army, burn Iraqi women, kids, houses and villages after bein' a dead deer humper and you know damn well about the 'Don't Ask, Don't Tell' policy." He looked at me and said, "Kid, we don't like your kind, and we're gonna send your DNA off to Washington."
We have uncovered a conspiracy that puts subliminal messages ino the heads of young people in Wisconsin - using subversive backward messages into songs, and particularly, Christmas carols!
Viewing this is mandatory for all Party members. Click on the link, wait for the page to load, and click on "Play backwards." After that you may click on "Play forwards" - but do it at your own risk because you may not be able to get the subliminal message out of your head. Ever.
http://www.conspiracycarols.com/?userid ... d_20061222
God has a way of getting even with people like him in the end...
The kicker is the horses were boning these guys not like our hero Bryan. The guy that died had a perforated colon from "Big Dick" (no joke, the horse's real name).
And people are going to the festival and pay money to see this and call it art?
And Redford The Horse Whisperer is featuring it? Hmmm....kinda makes you wonder what he was whispering....ahhh...probably sweet nothings.....
http://www.seattleweekly.com/news/0545/ ... rsesex.php
http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/html/l ... se15m.html
Comrade Otis...tell us more. You certainly grow the weird ones out there in Washington.
Horse: *stomps right hoof twice, whinnies*
Redford: <whisper, whisper>
Redford: <whisper, whisper>
Horse: "Wilbur! Get this sick, twisted freak outta my stall!"