Free Bryan Hathaway!

 

This is my toaster, I call her........ HELEN<3.

I carry her picture with me at all times, even when I'm with other womyn/toasters/plants/animals/bowls of oatmeal. But when will the Constitution allow me to express my love for her? When will I be able to walk down the aisle and adopt children with this toaster? I am a humyn being and I DEMAND my right of debauchery as outlined in the United States Constitution, I DEMAND equal rights that only the heterosexual wealthiest 1% get to enjoy. I too feel, and so does Helen.
 

In the USSR, it was determined that sex with animals can be a very healthy thing. We spent thousands of roubles determining it, using patients in a local mental health instution and people being re-educated in the Gualg. They all said it was good.
 

This is a disgrace! The glorious revolution two weeks ago that saw the Party lifted into power by the proletariat (and the dead voters) should have settled this! Every person should be able to marry whoever they want, and whatever species they want to marry! Everyone should be able to have sex with whatever they want!
 

Branish is right! The elections were a mandate. But, we have to wait until January.
 

I am disgusted, just disgusted. I had to beg Helen to post her picture in this forum and not a single comrade in here has commented on how beautiful she is! Where is your shame, have you no decency for a lady? Oh great, now you made her cry.... (Helen sweety it's OK, at least they didn't say you were ugly!)
 

I think her mouth just moved. And uh... nice skin. Kind of shiny. What color is her cord? She looks like one who may get very hot at times. Lucky you, Chairman! And, uh... if you don't mind me asking - what settings does she have and which one is your favorite? That is, if you already have reached that stage... Personally, I prefer "medium."
 

I'm all for this appliance-love thing, but sometimes it can get messy. I once knew a comrade who attempted to express himself with the aide of a blender. Unfortunately for him, he hit the "liquefy" button, and now he can no longer feel anything down there.
 

Indeed comrade Red Square, her mouth did move - thanks to the help of Foster & Adams of Beverly Hills: specializing for twenty years in professional plastic and metal molding surgery. But to be honest, I like it when Helen is set on hot and when she does that little thing with her handle, you know, when the toast pops out. Uggh, that turns me on every time - I just can't wait for December 22!

(Premier Betty, to help your "comrade" (wink-wink) Foster & Adams will be having a 50% off deal on all sex-changes this Holiday season, so get em' while they're still cheap!)
 

 

 

Y'all know Massatwoshits passed a law legalizing humyn/appliance civil unions, didn't you? It's not perfect as it does not allow for polygamy, but its a progressive step in the right direction.

N.A.M.B.L.A. and the A.C.L.U. were instrumental in pushing through the legislation.
 

 

 

Wow.

Wow.

I'm speechless.

Wow.
 

I tried to offer the peoples' comfort through the back door of my toaster once and got the shock of my life.
 

Good Chairman,

Guard your toast (read: heart) closely. Toasters are a finicky lot. Helen<3 may seem the portrait of fidelity now, but many a comrade has been burned before.

Spreading a thick layer of Omega 3-enriched, trans-fat-free butter substitute over my lightly crisped piece of multigrain, whole wheat bread.

--Dr. P
 

I had picked up the radio transmission that night from the police cruiser. The officer stated Hathaway "kept staring like a deer caught in the headlights".
Hathaway also kept repeating over and over "It was the best piece of tenderloin I've ever had".
There's still no confirmation if it was a doe or a buck, not that it matters or if there's anything wrong with that.

Laika
 

Joyce II, Carl's girlfriend and a toaster renowned for her great beauty, had become frigid, her elements no longer glowed hot. Carl called the appliance repairman, Doctor Morgan.

"What's wrong with her, doc? She isn't interested in sex anymore."

" Well, I've examined all of her delicate parts and there's nothing physically wrong with her. Do you mind if I try?"

"Of course. You're the doc. Go ahead."

The doctor made wild passionate love to Joyce II.

When Doctor Morgan was finished he zipped up and said: "There's nothing wrong with that toaster. She's one hot lady. I don't get it. Did you ever think it might be you? How do you make love to Joyce?"

So the man tried but could arouse no passion from Joyce II. Doctor Morgan told him to stop and made his diagnosis.

"No wonder! Sir, if you don't mind my saying so you don't know how to make love to a beautiful appliance like Joyce II. No wonder she isn't interested in you."

"What am I doing wrong?! What am I doing wrong?! Tell me doc, I'll do anything."

"Well, it's simple biology. When you make love to any appliance sir, you first must plug it in."
 

Margaret - your wonderful tale sounds like one of those socially-conscious science fiction stories meant to promote and advance progress. Given that social progress is a historical inevitability, it will trump the knuckle-dragging efforts to halt it. The only question is, how soon? As Marx, Lenin, and many revolutionaries before us, we believe it can happen in our lifetime.
 

Didn't Catharine the Great have a special affection for stallions? I'm sure I read that somewhere.

Chairman Punchenko & Helen <3 A.A.F
 

I hope it was a doe and not a buck. I'd hate to think he was some kind of freak.
 

 

 

I know, she is just a doll and almost as beautiful as Helen Thomas! (I worry Hillary might steal her from me!) Do you have a life-partner comrade Branish? Am I the only one here willing to share my life-partner?
 

 

My alternative life partner asked not to share her picture, but you can take a look at the mother-in-law... Her name is Liberté Egalité Fraternité


 

Ah, that's one of the originals used in the great Peoples Revolution in France. She must have made many a man lose his head over her.
 

There's an old Russian proverb about hunger being the best sauce.

Apparently Comrade Hathaway found another marinade for the meat more to his liking.

Who are we to judge?
 

As of now the petition has 16 signatures!
http://www.petitiononline.com/mod_perl/ ... ?free101&1

In the middle of the page there's also a contextual ad by Google based on the keywords picked up by Google's proverbial algorithm. I thought I'd post a screenshot before it disappears:


 

I am going to make this the number one issue in my 2008 Presidential Campaign! Free Range Sexual Venison Rights for Everyone. We Demand Roadkill Relationship Rights Now! Having Carnal Copulation with Consenting Carcasses is Not the Government's Concern!
 

 

No One is Going to put a Lockbox on Venison Vaginas! Vive L'Venison Vaginas!
(It was a doe wasn't it? I don't want to be supporting a freak.)
 

Hey man, I got two extra tickets for tonight's "The Venison Monologues" over at the Beserkley Student Union. Anybody want 'em? I'll swap for a Marley.
 

I am on complete disagreement with such decadent, bourgeoisie appetites. Better that you should soil your wholesome, proletariat body by laying with a refusenik!
 

Sure Jer, I'll take both the tickets. Helen and I have always wanted to be seen at a progressive story-telling event that depicts crude representations of genitalia.

YES, I WILL FORCE MY RELATIONSHIP WITH A TOASTER DOWN EVERYONES THROAT UNTIL YOU ACCEPT THE LOVE BETWEEN ME AND THE TOASTER!

And if you don't, I will go down to Hollywood and PERSONALLY DEMAND that a toaster/humyn couple is present in every T.V show and movie!

YOU WILL ACCEPT US!
 

More contextual ads by google on the petition page... Read the descriptions.


 

Looks like Bryan isn't the only Progressive Necrophile in the Great Necro State of Wisconsin. Maybe it's a movement....no wait, it's not moving, it's dead.
What's really weird is that they're all 20 years old. Did the aliens land in Wisconsin 20 years ago and start some kind of strange breeding program. What happened in 1986 that could have produced these three and Bryan?
I would advise not drinking the water in Wisconsin.
Wow.....After reading this, I think I'll go have a cold, stiff one....wait, let me rephrase that...

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/14929873/

http://www.channel3000.com/news/9861183/detail.html#
 

Free The Wisconsin Four!
Down with Necrophobia, man!
Necrophobes are bigots, man!
 

The cheese, Laika! ITS THE CHEESE!
 

 

Or maybe a combination of the two? We all know what cheese and wine does to the French, perhaps a combo of cheese and Old Milwaukee turns you into a drunken necro humper
 

Don't sell us Wisconsin folk short. We've also given you Jeff Dahmer and Ed Gein.

It's not the water, cheese, or cheap beer. It's the 9 months of winter we suffer in this blue state tax hellhole that turns our thoughts to mass murderin' and necrosexualism.
 

Comrade Canem, you know as well as anybody else that we do not say "mass murder", its much better to apply the word CHOICE to make such a decision more ethical.

Choice and necrosexualism are both life-style decisions that should garner no retribution or consequences! FREE THE WISCONSIN FOUR!
 

 

ACHTUNG ACHTUNG ACHTUNG!!!!!! It iz VERY Luckey I found zhis artikle. There Iz an evil Bourgeise Kapitalist here!!!! Archbishop Dezmond Tutu, zhe Ghestapho has recently learned, is an Archbishop at zhe Katholic Khurkh. He has alzo said things kontrary to zhe party line. For instance, THIS: “I am not interested in picking up crumbs of compassion thrown from the table of someone who considers himself my master. I want the full menu of rights." ZHIS IZ VERY COUNTERREVOLUTONARY!!! Zhe Plebs kannot have zhe "zhe full menu of Wrights" because zhey kannot understand zhe menu, and zhus zhe Properly-Educated members of zhe party must, for zhe Kommon good, must take over and distribute zhe rights to benefit zhe Plebs. TAKE HIM AWAY!!!!!
 

I assume it was a doe, but heteronecrosexuality is so last month. This guy would really be breaking new ground if it was a buck. A homonecrosexual! Or maybe he swings both ways.
 

 

 

You know fisting and felching
And gerbils and rim jobs
Drag queens and butches
And snow cones with blow jobs
But do you recall ever doing roadkill at all?

Rudolph the Roadkill Dead Deer
Had a very smelly bum
And when Bryan saw it
He knew it would make him cum

All of the other Dead Deer
Used to call Bryan insane
Then along came Rudolph
And Bryan knew he found his game

Then one foggy Wisconsin night
Bryan came to say
"Rudolph, with your bum so tight,
Won't you guide my schlong tonight?"

Then the policeman caught him
And they shouted out "don't flee".
We're gonna cuff you Bryan
You'll go down in history!
 

He loves it if it's animal or vegetable or mineral,
He is the very model of a modern necrosexual!
 

 

 

 

I'm not good with big words. Let's just call him a freak.
 

An aging gelding? Hmm, well that changes EVERYTHING now! Now it can't be metro-homo-necrosexual-pedo-erotic-asphxyiation-espialadocious!
 

Too many big words! Head hurt... motor skillss slllowwingg downnn.. caaannt thinkkk....

(New word! Thinkkk! Only the capitalist pigs thinkkk!)
 

Wouldn't an aging gelding make it geriatric-eunuch-sexualism?

O'Brien

WAR IS PEACE
FREEDOM IS SLAVERY
IGNORANCE IS STRENGTH
 

Are you people doing this on purpose?
 

 

STOP!!! You are going to make my head explode!!! What little brain tissue I have is writhing in agony while trying to comprehend these big words!
 

Sorry, Betty, for the long words, but sometimes Party leaders need big words to justify federally funded social programs. Big words are very effective in conditioning and intimidating the masses into obedience.

Let's sum it up. We've identified the following groups of oppressed sexual minorities who are denied their constitutional rights to engage in:

- necrobestiality
- metrobinecrosexuality
- metrohomonecrobestiality
- metro-homo-necrosexual-pedo-erotic-asphxyiation-espialadociality
- geriatric-eunuch-homobestiality
- pedonecrobestiality
- ephebonecrohomobestiality

That's enough to start a vigorous campaign to award each of the above minorities special social programs. Grass roots activism is a must, but we must also go through established channels and organizations such as NAMBLA (The North American Man-Bambi Love Association) and ACLU (The Animal Carnal Lust Union). Laika will be our liason with the both.
 

We need a word that is Latin or some other "dead" language for appliance. I mean we have "necro" to describe comrades who have passed on and are now voting Democrat--but what about appliance? We simply cannot allow the toiling masses to really know that appliance sexuality is just that--hot steamy sex with a Toaster or EZ-Bake Oven(yes, capitalize them, they're proper nouns too!). Hmmm, this troubles me.... DAMN THEM ROMANS AND THEIR BACKWARD WAYS! DAMN THEM ALL! Why couldn't they stick around long enough to provide me with a Latin word for appliance!? WHY!?!?
 

ATTENTION PREMIER BETTY!
DO NOT READ THIS POST! IF YOU DO, WRAP YOUR HEAD IN DUCT TAPE SO IT DOESN"T EXPLODE.

Apparently our pioneer civil rights hero had recently been to the "Holy Diver" 2006 tour of Ronnie James Dio and was inspired by the music to liberate his any everyone elses "anything goes" sexual desires.

This makes Hathaway a
Metrohomonecro-ronniejamesdio-beastiopedogerio-
autoasphxyio-ephebobisexual.
This also makes Hathaway the smallest oppressed minority with the longest victim group name, worthy of sit-ins, marches, law suits, and a whole new area of university studies and departments. Bryan is the most Diversity achieved human to have ever lived.
Long Live Bryan, King of Diversity!
Free the Wisconsin Four!
 

I wish Woody Guthrie could write a song about the Wisconsin Four. Then again, they might try to bugger him wouldn't they?

Maybe Pete Seeger, Joan Baez or David Crosby will do it.
 

 

 

Free the Wisconsin Four

In the Land of Cheese
In Story and Lore
Four young men were unjustly jailed
Free the Wisconsin Four

Loving the dead it was said
Was a horrible crime
These four young men
Are gonna do time
They had no idea what was in store
Free the Wisconsin Four

For loving a dead deer
Bryan was branded a queer
The Grunke twins and Radke too
Were told dead chicks you cannot screw
Maybe if the President was Gore
He'd Free the Wisconsin Four

But in the Land of the Free
And the Home of the Brave
The bigoted necrophobes
Rant and rave
They think they know the total score
Free the Wisconsin Four
 

 

 

A letter from Bryan:

And I, I walked over to the, to the bench there, and there is, Group W's where they put you if you may not be moral enough to join the army after committing your special crime, and there was all kinds of mean nasty ugly looking people on the bench there. Mother rapers. Father stabbers. Father rapers! Father rapers sitting right there on the bench next to me! And they was mean and nasty and ugly and horrible crime-type guys sitting on the bench next to me. And the meanest, ugliest, nastiest one, the meanest father raper of them all, was coming over to me and he was mean 'n' ugly 'n' nasty 'n' horrible and all kind of things and he sat down next to me and said, "Kid, whad'ya get?" I said, "I didn't get nothing, I had to pay $50 and pick up the roadkill." He said, "What were you arrested for, kid?" And I said, "crimes against sexual morality." And they all moved away from me on the bench there, and the hairy eyeball and all kinds of mean nasty things, till I said, "And fuckin' a dead deer." And they all came back, shook my hand, and we had a great time on the bench, talkin about crime, mother stabbing, father raping, deer humpin' and all kinds of groovy things that we was talking about on the bench. And everything was fine, we was smoking cigarettes and all kinds of things, until the Sargeant came over, had some paper in his hand, held it up and said.

"Kids, this-piece-of-paper's-got-47-words-37-sentences-58-words-we-wanna- know-details-of-the-crime-time-of-the-crime-and-any-other-kind-of-thing- you-gotta-say-pertaining-to-and-about-the-crime-I-want-to-know-arresting- officer's-name-and-any-other-kind-of-thing-you-gotta-say", and talked for forty-five minutes and nobody understood a word that he said, but we had fun filling out the forms and playing with the pencils on the bench there, and I filled out the massacre with the four part harmony, and wrote it down there, just like it was, and everything was fine and I put down the pencil, and I turned over the piece of paper, and there, there on the other side, in the middle of the other side, away from everything else on the other side, in parentheses, capital letters, quotated, read the following words:

("KID, HAVE YOU REHABILITATED YOURSELF?")

I went over to the sargent, said, "Sargeant, you got a lot a damn gall to ask me if I've rehabilitated myself, I mean, I mean, I mean that just, I'm sittin' here on the bench, I mean I'm sittin here on the Group W bench 'cause you want to know if I'm moral enough join the army, burn Iraqi women, kids, houses and villages after bein' a dead deer humper and you know damn well about the 'Don't Ask, Don't Tell' policy." He looked at me and said, "Kid, we don't like your kind, and we're gonna send your DNA off to Washington."
 

OK, are you ready for this?

We have uncovered a conspiracy that puts subliminal messages ino the heads of young people in Wisconsin - using subversive backward messages into songs, and particularly, Christmas carols!

Viewing this is mandatory for all Party members. Click on the link, wait for the page to load, and click on "Play backwards." After that you may click on "Play forwards" - but do it at your own risk because you may not be able to get the subliminal message out of your head. Ever.

http://www.conspiracycarols.com/?userid ... d_20061222
 

 

I don't get it.
 

http://slashfilm.com/2007/01/15/sundanc ... -revealed/
 

http://festival.sundance.org/filmguide/ ... ?film=7414
 

...and Robert Redford is pissed off??

God has a way of getting even with people like him in the end...
 

More dirt.

The kicker is the horses were boning these guys not like our hero Bryan. The guy that died had a perforated colon from "Big Dick" (no joke, the horse's real name).

And people are going to the festival and pay money to see this and call it art?
And Redford The Horse Whisperer is featuring it? Hmmm....kinda makes you wonder what he was whispering....ahhh...probably sweet nothings.....

http://www.seattleweekly.com/news/0545/ ... rsesex.php

http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/html/l ... se15m.html

Comrade Otis...tell us more. You certainly grow the weird ones out there in Washington.
 

Redford: <whisper, whisper>
Horse: "Neighhhhhhh"
Redford:<whisper, whisper>
Horse: *stomps right hoof twice, whinnies*
Redford: <whisper, whisper>
Horse: *snort*
Redford: <whisper, whisper>
Horse: "Wilbur! Get this sick, twisted freak outta my stall!"
 

heheh....haven't thought of Mr. Ed in a LONG time...used to watch that all the time...