"Our message is right there, people just aren't hearing it," says the Party Chairman Dr. Howard Dean. "It's in our speeches, political ads, sympathetic radio and TV programming, friendly newspaper publications, progressive blogging, and mass emailing campaigns. Our (Democrat) message is clearly the only one that makes sense. So if we're still losing at the ballot boxes, that must only mean people aren't hearing us. Therefore, we need to make the same points, but make them louder."
Millions of dollars spent by the Democrats have done surprisingly little to familiarize Americans with their program. "It's because our message was too quiet," Dr. Dean continued. "But once we crank up the volume people will finally hear it and start voting for our candidates."
Dr. Dean has started issuing Democrat "Screaming Points," with suggested decibel levels and designs for creating proper "listening environments" (Figure 1).
"The strength and truth of a message lies in its volume. Where would be today if our protesters hadn't screamed into bullhorns for the past forty years?" Dean queried, raising the volume of his own voice with every word. "I happen to know that without the Fender amplifier, segregation would still exist, feminism would be a dirty word, and we'd still be fighting and dying in Vietnam!" Dr. Dean shouted. "Clearly the people are not reading accurately, so we must also help cut through the fog before their eyes," he went on, his voice turning into a deafening roar. (Figure 2). "If this doesn't work, I will be shocked!"
Dr. Dean then proceeded to give a speech to the Daughters of the American Revolution, during which there was clear evidence that he was being adequately heard (Figure 3).
The Guinness Brewmasters
Dissident Agitator No. 96
The colon is a part of the human body,
often overlooked for healthy hearing...
The People's approved apparatus,
commonly known as the 'Clinton Enema',
is a very effective tool for propaganda purposes...
And if that don't work - then you're gonna hear some 1960's musicians sing until you're re-educated so you better give up now, cuz the left won't put up with this lack of paying for it or else it's prison for those tax refunds!!!
Where's the camera?! Where are the cameras!!!????
Prescription: Sanitary Eyeball Funnels (Black Market is best). Clamps. Dosage: 0.1000 liter [0.1057 qt] re-refined motor oil warmed to 190°F [87.78°C] per eyeball thrice daily or pain stops, whichever.
"Успокаивать," he answer when asking obvious.