Amends for Hiroshima: Obama To Bomb Two U.S. Cities

In a belated expression of remorse for the nuclear strikes on Hiroshima and Nagasaki sixty six years ago, President Obama has authorized the Army to launch apologetic nuclear strikes on two American cities. The selection of cities is not final, but they will most likely be Dallas and Houston in a nod to the Democratic desire to attack cities in a "red" state prior to national elections.

After Tokyo had to go to Hiroshima to publicly apologize for America's dropping the bomb there, Obama reportedly sought advice from his staff about an alternative way to turn America's victory in WWII into a matter of national humiliation.

"The point was not to make the Japanese feel better - who cares what they feel? - but to make Americans feel worse," said Press Secretary Jay Carney at a briefing this morning.

"President Obama's mission to fundamentally transform America will not succeed as long as there remain noncompliant citizens who believe in America's goodness and exceptionalism. If all progressive efforts in education, media, and entertainment fail to change minds, it becomes the difficult duty of the president, to establish the image of this country as an imperialist aggressor with suspect motives, guilty of racist and colonialist crimes against humanity, driven by bloodlust and corporate greed, dominating and destroying its innocent victims," Carney said.

In a cable recently disclosed by , Japanese Vice Foreign Minister Mitoji Yabunaka nixed the idea of presidential apology using words that can be loosely translated into English as "if you want to screw with Americans' minds that's your business - just don't screw with ours; we didn't elect you."

The idea to bomb American cities in retaliation for the first visited Barack Obama during a sermon given in his church by Reverend : "We bombed Hiroshima, we bombed Nagasaki, and we nuked far more than the thousands in New York and the Pentagon, and we never batted an eye... and now we are indignant, because the stuff we have done overseas is now brought back into our own front yards. America's chickens are coming home to roost."

The audacious plan matured in conversations with a colleague and famed educator , who developed it further by proposing a list of targets and offering scientific expertise in calculating the fallout. Further brainstorming with members of Obama's cabinet - Valerie Jarrett, Cass Sunstein, Anita Dunn, Van Jones, Kevin Jennings, and especially John Holdren - a long-time proponent of - has resulted in the recent White House announcement.

The U.S. media's reaction to proposed apologetic bombing was mostly positive, portraying the president as an "unconventional, out-of-the-box thinker." The trend was best summed up by MSNBC anchor Chris Mathews: "What better way is there to preempt America's racism and geopolitical bullying than to incinerate its own cities?"

Former President and legendary humanitarian Jimmy Carter also endorsed the bombing: "My good friend Michael Moore once said about 9/11: '!' So, it only seems natural to make amends for Hiroshima and to equalize the 9/11 impact by launching a strike against Texas."

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P.S. Obama makes it too easy: this report is a rewrite of our from 2005. Once again, life imitates The People's Cube!
 

BRAINSTORM! And trust me, I know it when it happens! Let's kill two birds with one bomb! Yes, I know Dallas and Houston are tempting targets (We would of course warn Rep. Sheila Jackson Lee before pulling the switch on the Pershing), but I SMELL FUNDRAISER!

Okay here's the deal: the two cities with the combined smallest percentage of the population who have contributed to the President's reelection fund and lowest amount of total contributions get to imitate a flashbulb to atone for White America's racist attack on Japan. It's a win-win proposition once we send out the appropriate e-mails.
 

All I can say Comrades, is he'd better get authorization from the UN and the Arab league and the Organization of Islamic Counties for this one. No more leading from behind, Mr President

In a related news story:

Japanese Emperor Akihito, inspired by the boldness of Obama's plan and with a view towards making amends for Japanese atrocities at Nanking, has announced plans to ship Japanese civilians to China for use as live targets for bayonet training
 

Awesome! I'll go get some graham crackers, Hershey bars and marshmallows!

BTW, Comrade Lennie. You forgot the African Union.
 

Red Square and Comrades,
Does anyone else see any similarity between President Kennedy (D. MA) sending "Advisors" in a non-combat role to Vietnam and Dear Leader (PBUH) sending 100 "Advisors" in a non-combat role to UGANDA? There has to be a "headline" and some artwork in there somewhere...
 

Callmelennie, I am ashamed of you for suggesting that Japan was in any way at fault or responsible for the Rape of Nanking. That was White America's fault. If the U.S. had not enascted trade embargoes against Japan in the late 1930s, the Japanese would not have been forced to invade China. Yes, I know that the embargoes did not begin until after the invasion, but the Japanese already knew that the evil White Americans were plotting to deny them their entitlements to the wealth of China, which is why they did what they did.
 

Tovarichi, the similarities between His Obamaness and JFK are legion, and this latest incident is just another reflection of Camelot in the current regime. It seems that today is "History Day" here at the Cube, first with Callmelennie and now you looking to the great examples of the past.

Fact: JFK sent "advisors" to South Vietnam
Fact: The imperialist Americans were defeated by the glorious forces of Uncle Ho
Fact: This happened under Nixon, and we all know what he was.
 

Nixon = Racist Californian ?
 

Comrades, Any association with the criminal Nixon is, in this case, misplaced. Glorious Leader (PBUH) sent advisers (wink wink™) to Africa certainly, but further proving his skillful manipulation of the bourgeois media, left out is that they are hunting Christians!Certainly no party approved freedom fighters.So as I sit here in my party-approved recliner (making sure one certain spring, obviously reused from a tractor assembly plant, does not damage to my little party member); I am admiring the skill of the new party apparatchiks in place throughout America.Tonight Comrades, the Vodka flows free, and feed corn and backyard potatoes for all!The World of Next Tuesday™ is coming!Change the channels while you have them!
 

Who could forget African Union, Comrade Zampolit -- apparently me. If we are to include African Union, then assuredly we should involve our Pan Hemishperic partners, simply to clear up any misunderstanding about nuclear fallout. And we probably would be wise include the newly assertive OTPM (Organization of Trans Pacific Micro-states) in our discussions as well

We might even consider consulting the US Congress, lest the Tearrorist Party bring up another trumped up War Powers Act violation charge
 

Wasn't this a movie once, with Henry Fonda?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oicYUhgff7Q
 

Comrades,

It was not for nothing that The One was known, as a young man, as "Barry the Bomber." It warms my progressive heart that President Peace has recontextualized the people's military force such that even reactionaries can correctly see its role as a tool of the proletarian political vanguard.

I have been waiting for an updated version of the Cold War logo of the peace symbol as a B-52 surrounded by the text "Peace through Superior Firepower." Only in the hands of The One could this be properly understood. This, comrades, is both Hope and Change. Clearly, no individual could ever be more deserving of the Nobel Peace Prize than our own Dear Leader!

Transgressing conventional racist, patriarchical, and regressive bourgeois definitions of music, by the now-defunct Australian industrial music group (named inspired by the ) outlined just some of the merits in this forward-thinking policy:

[indentr]Therapy through violence
Therapy through violence
Kill kill kill for inner peace
Bomb bomb bomb for mental health[/indentr]
I must admit I was surprised to find that The One is a fan of industrial music, which is counterintuitively named for its liberating defiance of musicalist convention. Will wonders never cease? To which one cannot but answer: Yes, but only without Hope and Change!
 

fair and equitable redistribution of annihilation. I like it.
 

It reminds me of the heady days of Sputnik and Yuri Gagarin when the world trembled at the sound of our rockets. Now they will tremble again - at the sound of Comrade General Secretary el Presidente's orders to incinerate his own cities. The order is: engage the silent drive.
 

Texas has stated to the great leader that they will not suffer him to bomb two of it's cities without a reactionary response. Texas leaders have said that they are rounding up latinos by the hundreds of thousands and cramming them into these two cities. Any aggression towards the cities will look like genocide from the democratic party and they will lost the latino wing of their voters. Great leader said today he is flexible and will go for the bombings of both Portlands, one on either side of the continent.