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Frequent computer crashes happen because people press the W key too much. That key had been removed from all White House keyboards on my orders! Every time you press a W key, Bush knows what you're thinking... Also don't listen to static in your phone - you never know who may be playing with your brain. Some folks did that and wound up voting for W.

- Al Gore, People's Inventor

Ask Al Gore A Question On Technology

User avatar
I'm surprised your computer hasn't crashed due to a specific unmentioned letter in your last post....

 

 

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Mr. Goracle,

Through an unnamed Chicago-based source, I have acquired a handful of Obamanuts. The rumor is the deceptively hard to crack shells contain very gentle tasty meat. I have applied my Hillary Nutcracker to the Obamanuts, but--oddly enough and a mixed metaphor--it's Hillary's nuts that seem to have been cracked.

I know you're an IT specialist, but I trust your guidance in all things. Please tell me how you crack Obamanuts, because I know you've got a connection, probably a more reliable one than mine.

 

 

Chocoboye
Plz suggest me a group name, as I'm an MBA student & want some names for my class, which is a group of 66 in no...!!!

Thanks in advance..!!!
And awaiting for ur suggestion....!!!


Regards
Dhawal
chocolate_boye13@yahoo.com

 

 

User avatar
Dear Citizen,

As a female inspired, "alpha male", you must cramp up at least once a month. My question is, How do you deal with that bloated, uncomfortable, "I'm not pretty", portion of your "curse"? Can you also recommend some environmentally friendly, feminine hygene products? (for my wife).

Publius

 

 

Dear Comrade Al,

In your enlightened opinion, what light bulbs are better? The ones made in China? How many watts should I spent in my little condo property so the Party will approve it as "Green"?

Thanks in advance.

 

 

User avatar
Comrade Gore,

You're a smart science guy, a go-to guy, a righteous Level 43 Earth Warrior dude. So can you help me with your omniscient input on "Lysenko and the Tragedy of Soviet Science"? It's for a book report.

 

 

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Dear Comrade Algore,

My friend has invented a cold-fusion machine and has asked me to invest in its development. I have seen it in operation and I must say it is truly amazing! Using only discarded cigarette butts and a small amount of used motor oil it can produce enough energy to power Los Angeles and most of southern California for years on only a few kilos of fuel. The problem, Comrade, is that there is a small amount of discharge gases composed mostly of cigarette smoke and smog. I fear that, despite the obvious advantages of cheap, efficient and reliable power the future of such a device will come to naught because of the noxious discharge. Comrade, what do you think? I want to contribute to such a revolutionary scientific breakthrough that will bring cheap power to all the corners of the earth, but I fear, more than loss of my financial investment, the loss of my good name, being forever remembered as an advocate of cigarette smoke and smog. Surely you can see my dilemma, Comrade. What are your thoughts?

 

 

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Dear Comrade Algore,

I am confused, during last night's Presidential debate between McSame and the media, The glorious Obamessiah stated that the government invented computer/internet WITHOUT mentioning Algore.

Algore, are you still there? Purged or house arrest? Who will care for the polar bears?




Comrade “Pul”
Tiglath-Pileser III
Over 2753 Years of Organizing Communities

 

 

User avatar

Comrade AlGore:

Recently we've been having trouble here at the U.S. branch of the OKB coming up with designs for a new Sputnik. The one we have up there now has obviously defected from our socialist-realist data package (SRDP) and is now reporting that there have been decreasing temperatures in the lower troposphere for like a decade now. In other words, this bourgeois piece of space junk is spitting out more garbage than a Bomzhi with a hangover. Can you flush this floater for me?

To our glorious perpetual revolution,

Sergey Korolyov Jr.

 

 

User avatar
Citizen Gore,


You and Judas have gotten a bad rap! I hope you didn't invest the 30 pieces of silver the Nobel committee gave you in the stock market!



Publius

 

 

Comrade Gore,

Please, save us from the ravages of Global Warming!!!

The Heretic's have caused us to experience a blizzard here in Portland, OR!! Make them stop and declare to the world that Global Warming is Real!!! Save us and make this snow storm stop!!!

 

 

Comrade Gore,

It has come to the party's attention that you have not met your quota of bombings on the vile oil companies buildings.

Due to this notice, Kommissar Barack Valya Obamavich will not be appointing you to a position of power. It is my personal recommendation that you report to the Ministry of Love for deletion of personality.

Hail to the Red Faction!
-Sergey Ilyich Stepanenko

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My personality has been donated to the Party and classified long time ago. Even I have no knowledge of its location or what it looks like.

As for my alleged failing on the oil bombage quotas, I have two words for you: BP! If you hadn't missed your scheduled tune-up at the Karl Marx Treatment Center, you would have had your references properly updated.

Yours, Al

 

 

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Dear Mr. Gore
My computer hates me. When I turn it on, the sound card swears at me, and the monitor moons me. Then the computer sticks it's DVD drive out at me and shuts down. What do I do? I'm about ready to use a glorious people's bayonet attached to a revolutionary thunderstick and send this sucker to capitalist hell.

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That's easy! Your computer and your monitor are probably tilted to the right. Try tilting them to the left and report back to me.

Here's my Golden Rule for Living: in the absence of leveling tools or when in doubt, always err on the side of the left tilt.

Yours, Al

 

 

This may be a dead thread, but I have found more proof!

Ice_Age.jpg

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And that is why we changed the official warning from Global Warming to Climate Change.

BTW, the rumors of this thread's death have been greatly exaggerated. I was simply away on another thread getting massage.

Yours, Al

 

 

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Dear Mr. Gore,
I recently saw a TV commercial with bears falling the sky. They were dying from global warming! Now I'm afraid to drive a car or walk the streets. What to do?!

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Bears falling from the sky is a MORAL PROBLEM! The God of Global Warming is angry at humanity and punishes us for our sins. The bears will continue to fall until there is a single Denier left alive on this planet.

So if you're not a Denier, you needn't worry. Even if by accident you get squished by a randomly fallen Polar Bear, it only means you'll be lucky in your future endeavors!

Yours, Al

 

 

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Dear Comrade Gore,

My dog has been suffering from gas lately. I'm worried about all the methane he's pumping in the air. He's a small shiatsu but it is still a big problem. Is there an invention or something I can use to stop it?

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Sounds like this is no longer a scientific problem. This is a MORAL PROBLEM! Therefore, I suggest you start a grass-roots petition to create a government program to research dog methane emissions and find ways to convert all that greenhouse gas to green fuel. You can be rich someday, just like me! America is full of opportunities that way!

On my part, I promise to use your tragic story in my next fundraiser luncheon speech. Just make sure you send me your name, address, and a monetary compensation for your dog's accumulated carbon footprint. Measure your dog's flatulence in cubic centimeters using an empty Coca Cola bottle, multiply it by the amount of farts per hour, and calculate your debt to society, payable to me, in dog years. Don't forget - DOG YEARS!

Yours, Al

 

 

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I would never presume to speak for the glorious Algore, but have you tried a cork?

 

 

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Dear Comrade Al

Recently I was accused of behaving something like a crazed sex poodle with a private massuse. How can I keep this out of the media?

 

 

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Dear comrade Al Gore,

I am currently in a place with dial up internet and on a old computer. This computer also has no photoshop. This is making it very hard to contribute to the cube and I can not forge any evidence without my Visual Evidence Generator (Photoshop) and I am limited to short text post.

What can I do to fix this?

 

 

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Comrade Goresky, the rightwing infidel propagandist Dennis Prager proffered a theory of Vodka Global Warming today during his broadcast today in response to the recent article regarding Russia's current heatwave. Their Green Science Czar remarked that Anthropogenic Global Warming is the cause of the present drought and 130 year high temperatures. To this statement he asked "What was the cause of the record breaking temperatures 130 years ago - Vodka?!!!!" Were they drinking it? DA! Did it affect their record keeping? DA! Did they use it as an alternate fuel in their lamps and heaters? Nyet! What a stupid waste of the Party's beverage!
How do you think that Global WarmingClimbgate Change could be affected by Vodka?

 

 

The People's Pancreas
Dear Comrade Gore,

Are you a "Sex Poodle", and do you prefer wet or dry food?

 

 

User avatar
Chedoh wrote:Dear comrade Al Gore,

I am currently in a place with dial up internet and on a old computer. This computer also has no photoshop. This is making it very hard to contribute to the cube and I can not forge any evidence without my Visual Evidence Generator (Photoshop) and I am limited to short text post.

What can I do to fix this?

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I found this and know someone who has used it. It's free ( spelled FREE) and I haven't found any unwanted gremlins 'attached' to it. It really works pretty darn well.

https://www.gimp.org/

 

 

Dear Komrade Al

Can these carbon credit tokens be used at the local Chuckie Cheesinski bread and soup fun shop? Tell me, Dear Komrade, what shall the people do with the tokens?

 

 


 
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