12/24/2012, 7:07 pm
FULL TEXT :: 21 comments >>
Opiate of the People
12/22/2012, 1:50 am
As we celebrate our narrow escape from the Mayan-Republican Apocalypse of December 21, 2012, the American media is living up to its reputation as the people's fearless truth-teller, by correctly attributing our miraculous collective salvation to Barack Obama. The consensus among the media experts and celebrities can be best expressed by this unbiased quote from CNN: "If you don't think Obama is god, you're just stupid."
According to an ancient prophecy, the Mayan calendar would end on 12/21/2012 with a big comet (or other large-caliber assault weapon that the NRA protects from government control) falling off a physical cliff and striking the United States in karmic retaliation for Bush's tax cuts and suppression of undocumented Mayan voters in swing states. Some experts estimated that, in addition to total death and destruction, this could result in the loss of all accrued Social Security benefits and free government-mandated health care, as well as a severe climate change as the planet would burn to a crisp.
As the dreaded date approached, the media downplayed the Doomsday prediction as some authentic New Age gibberish propagated by people using medical marijuana for non-medicinal purposes. Such moral and intellectual guidance helped to stave off panic among the middle class working families, which could lead to a scarcity of wait staff at bistros that media personalities patronize. Privately, however, they realized that the prophecy was true and that we were all doomed.
But, as members of the fourth estate heroically passed their final hours feasting on wine and cheese while cursing people who disagreed with them on Twitter, something wonderful happened: NOTHING! It was like the fiscal cliff negotiations writ large.
Suddenly, as if by magic, all top-shelf, professional, state-accredited journalists across the nation knew the truth: the reason for both nothings were the actions of president Obama.
As skeptics and other racists predictably question Obama's divine intervention, the media's answer to their conspiracy theories is clear: it's December 22nd and we are all here, aren't we? The world, including GM, is still alive - and Bin Laden is still deader than the majority of Chicago voters. What more proof do you need?
The fact that Obama single-handedly delivered us from the eternal abyss is consistent with his prior unprecedented accomplishments.
In the past four years, Barack Obama repeatedly saved the U.S. economy just by being himself - not to mention his generous spending of trillions of dollars in virtual public money on unsustainable energy projects, Chinese contractors, Finnish automakers, Brazilian oil rigs, Mexican drug cartels, Arab Spring rebels, and international labor unions - as well as multi-million dollar vacations at taxpayer expense in Spain, Hawaii, and other economic disaster areas.
Obviously, if Bush were still president, the world would have ended on December 22nd and nothing could have saved humanity from certain ruin.
Now that Mr. Obama has outdone himself by saving the planet, it boggles the mind to think what he might do in the next four years of his historic presidency.
This truthful reporting has just been published in the Communities section of , with due credit to "Opiate of the People."
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12/21/2012, 7:46 pm
Why dismiss old Soviet agitprop? With a few touches it can be used to popularize the glorious vision that is the United Soviet Socialist States of America.
We already had the with these pictures, but the more I looked at them, the more I wanted to describe their back story. Yesterday it appeared in the Communities section of , and now I'm posting it on the People's Cube.
* * *
No, these are not Halloween decorations from the Kremlin, nor are they visual aids in a KGB class on how to stage weird accidents.
Buried in the ash heap of history for decades, these have recently been unearthed, digitized, and turned into a trendy item by American bloggers with a taste for all things bizarre and outlandish.
Given my ex-Soviet background, a few of my friends forwarded me the links. I brushed them off: who cares about the depressing old rubbish from the days of barbaric, semi-feudal socialism? At best, the pictures reminded me of the vast cultural gap in time and space I was lucky enough to cross during my lifetime.
As the emails continued, I began to wonder about the fascination Americans seem to have with this grotesque phenomenon.
Apparently, the fantasy violence of Hollywood movies and videogames has confined Americans' perception of gore to horror and action flicks - a fantasy world separated by a wide margin from the safe and mundane reality of most people's everyday lives.
In a civil society with complex cultural institutions, public display of actual real-life gore is as much a taboo as the public display of frontal nudity. These rules are followed by both the mass media and government officials.
In this context, ghastly official posters picturing blood, mutilated limbs, and horrible death in work-related accidents - reviewed and approved, no doubt, by serious government bureaucrats - must appear as idiotic attempts at comic-book horrors or even macabre sadistic porn as it might exist in the nutty satirical world of Borat Sagdiyev.
Where does all of this fit into the Soviet reality in which I grew up?
Honestly, I had never seen these posters before.
Even having worked for three years as a visual agitation and propaganda artist, specializing in posters directed at construction workers, I don't recall ever seeing any of these pictures. Granted, they were meant to be displayed at production facilities targeting specific occupations, but I never saw them even while working three different jobs at various industrial facilities, starting at 17 as a metal worker apprentice at a large factory in Ukraine, and later shoveling dirt along Siberian roadsides.
This is not to say they aren't authentic - they're just too antiquated. Made mostly in the 1920s and 1930s, they reflect the zeitgeist of a completely different, less sensitive generation of Soviet citizens who were so used to being disciplined, humiliated, and terrorized by the authorities that the least of their concerns would be to question some silly presumptive posters that described them as a herd of bumbling idiots being gored by machinery.
The general message from the government to the public was this: terrible things will happen to you if we don't take care of you and watch over your every step. The accident prevention posters conveyed that message perfectly. Despite the intention of their creators, they became an accurate if grotesque metaphor of the entire socialist worldview.
Luckily, by the time I entered the workforce in the late 1970s, such imagery would no longer seem acceptable even to the most callous bureaucrats in charge of work safety at state-run facilities.
As the cold-blooded, old guard of the Stalinist era began to die out or retire, the people warmed up and their hearts began to thaw. In another decade they would become too warm-blooded for the dictatorship of the proletariat to remain viable.
It was the beginning of the end of a regime as violent and bizarre as the above posters - a regime that provided the people with food, shelter, and work all the while treating and reimagining them as unthinking farm animals.
Considering the resurgence of socialist ideas in today's United States, we might as well recycle the old Soviet agitprop - and, remembering our skills in visual propaganda, add some new touches to educate the masses about the glorious vision that is the United Soviet Socialist States of America.
* * *
I know many of you have already posted some outstanding pictures and comments on the other thread. Please post them again here!
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R.O.C.K. in the USSA
12/19/2012, 12:43 am
FULL TEXT :: 59 comments >>
12/17/2012, 3:58 pm
Following the recent school shooting, the national media once again focuses on the dangerous nature of guns - because focusing on the dangerous nature of psychopaths may cause the nation to recognize the same traits in many media figures, activists, and political leaders they support.
While the recent psychopathic shooter is no longer a menace, a number of much more dangerous, experienced psychopathic manipulators still remains at large.
As a public service, we are posting the following 30 characteristics of the psychopath, a.k.a. manipulator, or perverse narcissist (to qualify, at least 14 items from this list must be present as permanent traits).
If you have recently seen someone who matches this description, immediately report the time, place, and the circumstances in the comments below.
* * *
1. blames others and burdens them with guilt in the name of family, friendship, love, society, the poor, etc.;
2. evades responsibilities or pushes them onto others;
3. remains vague in the communication of his claims, needs, feelings, and opinions;
4. often gives vague answers to straight questions;
5. changes opinion, behavior and feelings depending on people and situations;
6. makes use of logical arguments to camouflage claims;
7. wants to make others believe that they have to be perfect, that they can never change their mind, that they have to know everything and have to respond immediately to claims and questions;
8. discredits the qualifications, competence, and personality of others; criticizes, despises and condemns without giving that impression;
9. delivers messages through intermediaries (phone instead of choosing the face-to-face, leave written notes).
10. sows discord and creates distrust and suspicion, divides to be better able to rule;
11. positions himself as a victim to elicit compassion (disability, hostile environment, work overload, etc);
12. ignores or does not honor requests even if he promises they will be taken care of;
13. takes advantage of other people's moral and ethical principles (humanity, racism, compassion) to serve his own needs;
14. threatens in underhanded ways or commits open blackmail;
15. suddenly changes the subject during a conversation;
16. avoids or flees relationships and togetherness;
17. capitalizes on the ignorance of others and creates an impression of his own superiority;
18. lies as a habitual strategy;
19. uses falsehoods "for the greater good";
20. is egocentric;
21. can be jealous;
22. does not bear criticism and denies facts;
23. does not care for the rights, opinions and wishes of others;
24. often gives commands or demands action at the very last moment;
25. his speech seems logical or coherent, while his attitudes, actions, or lifestyle speak of the opposite;
26. uses flattery to please us, makes gifts or suddenly starts to pamper us.
27. makes us feel trapped;
28. effective in achieving own goals, but at the expense of others;
29. makes us do things we wouldn't do of our own accord;
30. is the subject of other people's conversations all the time, even when he is not present.
This list comes from "," a book by Isabelle Nazare-Aga, a French cognitive-behavioral therapist, trainer and lecturer. The English version is my own edited compilation of several poorly made English translations I found online.
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12/16/2012, 7:15 pm
FULL TEXT :: 9 comments >>
11/26/2012, 8:22 pm
Impress your Zionist friends, colleagues, co-conspirators, and family members with this proof of being an Intergalactic Zionist Conspiracy Charter Member. It's time to come out of the closet and show the world who's really in charge!
Shirts, buttons, coffee mugs, hats, bags, key chains, and other products are available to Intergalactic Zionist Conspiracy Charter Members only. You can customize colors, styles, and sizes.
We have them in two online stores for different sets of products. Scroll down to see them all.
Special thanks to Andy Benjamin for the idea.
FULL TEXT :: 15 comments >>
R.O.C.K. in the USSA
11/21/2012, 10:37 am
Many, many years ago, long before white men (and womyn) had even begun to see the errors of their various racist ways, the Pilgrims came from Europe to occupy North America. They were not very FORWARD! in their ways, and as typically happens to a so-called “civilization” when it's based on capitalism, the Pilgrims began to starve*.
Their peaceful and friendly neighboring Native American collective – in spite of the Pilgrims' racist encroachment upon their sacred land – took pity upon the starving Pilgrims one Thursday in November and brought them bountiful food and drink (including several turkeys, although the Native Americans didn't eat the turkeys themselves, due to their being peaceful vegans who respect all Life).
The Native American collective had, of course, more food than they could eat, as is always the case when you spread the wealth around, so they gladly donated some of their bounty to the poor capitalist Pilgrims, who otherwise were in great danger of starving to death.
As the years went by, and the Pilgrims branched out to occupy more and more Native American land – slaughtering the peaceful, harmonious Native peoples as they went – the occupiers nevertheless felt a small twinge of guilt from time to time, and they decided to honor the benevolent Native Americans one day a year (leaving 364 days to slaughter, imprison, encroach upon, infect, and otherwise take advantage of and oppress them). They called the day “Thanksgiving”, to thank the few remaining Native Americans still living for saving their lives** on that cold day one November.
So today we honor the memory of those generous Native Americans and their life saving gift of food to the starving Pilgrims with a recurring national holiday, Thanksgiving. And it is in that spirit – the Great Spirit of the Native Americans – that I here and now wish everyone reading this a Happy Thanksgiving!
* Pay no attention to the Rethugglikkkan rumor that the Pilgrims actually began their stay in North America in a somewhat communistic way, pooling all of their produce and game for the good of the community – this is an obvious racist lie
** Pay no attention to the Rethugglikkkan rumor that the “Thanks” were actually given to “God”, or that the Pilgrims actually invited the Native Americans to share in THEIR bounty – yet another obvious racist lie
Happy Thanksgiving to all, with God's abundant blessings!
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11/21/2012, 4:41 pm
FULL TEXT :: 10 comments >>
11/17/2012, 9:33 pm
You may wonder why Dear Leader hasn't yet upgraded to Vista or Windows 8, but the fact is, all White House computers are running the outmoded 2008 , which is incompatible with any private sector software.
However, a team of unionized government programmers are selflessly toiling to improve its performance. The custom-made programs include AlibiMaker, FatwaGenerator, RigTheVote2012, and others.
An interactive animated character named Screwy sees everything you do and offers unsolicited advice based on Keynesian algorithms.
The system is using advanced error reporting. Each report is thoroughly reviewed by a concerned government expert.
If you continue to experience grievances, you will see the following alert, which you must also submit.
If all fails, yet another alert will fill you with hope that change is still possible.
As the future systems will be streamlined to satisfy the lowest common denominator, future government alerts will look as follows:
Ushanka tip to Comrade Patriot for the idea of Obama's desktop, which we developed.
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11/15/2012, 2:35 am
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11/13/2012, 4:00 pm
Once upon a time in a land far away, a flourishing chicken pen secured an eclectic gathering of reasonably happy chickens, as chicken happiness goes. Each morning our industrious chicken rancher admired his chicken settlement from the comforts of his country kitchen, while enjoying his French press coffee, gluten-free toast, and two eggs over easy with a dash of Tabasco. Granddad had bequeathed the farm to his son and father to son so the resulting pride was abundant and responsibilities unending. So very attached was the rancher to his chicken dependents, he would never kill even one single chicken to eat or sell, but only harvest the eggs for personal consumption or sale in the village.
Each chicken spent his (or her) day with traditional chicken tasks and endeavors. The roosters crowed each morning around sunrise, while hens clucked all day long. They all pecked, ate, drank, scratched and pooped on everything over which their chicken butts could hover. Few if any thoughts of significance ever entered their chicken brains because, truth be told, chickens are stupid creatures devoid of reason or agenda. This is a good thing in chickens because their only known function is to be eaten or lay eggs, with a possible exception of lending inspiration for chicken decorations and pictures.
Every morning, after breakfast, the rancher purposefully trekked to the chicken pen to feed and water his chickens and gather eggs. The rancher's name has been lost to history but for convenience we shall call him Mitt. Mitt was ever so conscientious about feeding and watering his chickens. He kept them warm in winter and dry in summer and they never complained or thanked him. Animals can do neither of course, and Mitt did not expect it. In return for his conscientious effort on their behalf, Mitt thought it fair trade to gather their eggs into a basket for consumption or sale.
FULL TEXT :: 16 comments >>
11/11/2012, 8:37 pm
FULL TEXT :: 87 comments >>
11/10/2012, 9:14 am
Comrades! The new day of flexibility is upon us. At last we can deal with the enemies the way enemies should be dealt with. As Red Square has pointed out in his , we can finally show the world that we can build Socialism in one country. We will get it Right!
One of the tasks of all right-thinking people is vigilance against enemies of the State and of the Leader. The Party is the vanguard of this vigil, ever-watchful for those who would slander the moral correctness of all State actions or the wisdom of the Leader's decisions. Previous incarnations of the Soviet have used crude methods (after all, what would you expect from a Georgian peasant) of fear, imprisonment, even execution to combat the enemies of the State. Here is where we, the New Vanguard of the Revolution, are superior to those who have come before.
David Petraeus is a fine example of .
[indentr]The resignation of CIA Director David Petraeus has brought a sudden and unexpected end to the public career of a four-star general who led U.S. troops in Afghanistan and Iraq and was thought to be a potential candidate for president.[/indentr]
First we demonstrate how even the mighty can be brought to heel for implicating the Party or the Leader, and at the same time take a slap at the Republicans (who but they would likely nominate a soldier and spy-master?)
Next, we show the magnanimity of the Leader in graciously allowing the offender to fall on his sword, then leave it to un-named underlings to drag the corpse through the streets by its heels:
[indentr]Petraeus admitted to an extramarital affair in tendering his resignation, which President Barack Obama accepted Friday.
Petraeus carried on the affair with his biographer Paula Broadwell, a reserve Army officer, according to several U.S. officials with knowledge of the situation. They spoke anonymously because they were not authorized to discuss publicly the investigation that led to the resignation. [/indentr]
Then we remind all that We Are Watching You.
[indentr]The FBI discovered the relationship by monitoring Petraeus' emails, after being alerted Broadwell may have had access to his personal email account, two of the officials said.[/indentr]
Then we get to the reasons behind this fall from grace:
[indentr]CIA Deputy Director Michael Morell will serve as acting director, Obama said. Morell was the key CIA aide in the White House to President George W. Bush during the Sept. 11, 2001, terror attacks. [/indentr]
Set up the patsy and at the same time plant the seeds of guilt by association to explain why he too cannot be trusted
[indentr]"I am completely confident that the CIA will continue to thrive and carry out its essential mission," Obama said.[/indentr]
Said mission being to deflect all blame from Benghazi from the White House and the Leader
[indentr]The resignation comes at a sensitive time. The administration and the CIA have struggled to defend security and intelligence lapses before the attack that killed the U.S. ambassador to Libya and three others. It was an issue during the presidential campaign that ended with Obama's re-election Tuesday.[/indentr]
Blame the political opposition for trying to politicize the issue to embarrass the Leader at a crucial time in his campaign.
[indentr]The CIA has come under intense scrutiny for providing the White House and other administration officials with talking points that led them to say the Benghazi attack was a result of a film protest, not a militant terror attack. It has become clear that the CIA was aware the attack was distinct from the film protests roiling across other parts of the Muslim world. [/indentr]
Make it clear that all of the misinformation coming from the White House, the Party, and, most importantly, the Leader, was entirely due to lies told by Petraeus, and plant the meme that the only possible source of information was the CIA. Carefully exclude any reference to State Department communications or the realtime intelligence feeds from operators on the ground and assets in the air streaming live to the White House Situation Room. Make sure that everyone knows that the administration was duped by an unfaithful husband who simply cannot be trusted.
[indentr]Morell rather than Petraeus now is expected to testify at closed congressional briefings next week on the assault on the consulate in Benghazi, which occurred on the 11th anniversary of the 9/11 attacks.[/indentr]
Set up the patsy. Remember folks, he was appointed by Bush and was part of 9/11. If he tries to implicate the White House, the Party, or the Leader, he's a dirty, dirty liar!
Now THAT's how it's DONE.
FULL TEXT :: 14 comments >>
11/7/2012, 5:19 pm
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10/28/2012, 2:54 pm
FULL TEXT :: 13 comments >>
10/28/2012, 11:02 am
Democratic National Hurricane Center today updated its predictions of the impact of Hurricane Sandy on the densely democratically populated East Coast, painting an ambiguous picture for the vital electoral region.
Forecaster Dunham pulled no punches: "We're Fluked. Plain and simple. This may be the first time for a lot of Democrats to experience a blow of this magnitude." Dunham continued, suggesting that early voting patterns would remain unsettled for many days following the perfect storm's landfall expected early Tuesday. "We could be looking at tornadoes, mixed with volcanoes and glaciers, pounding Democratic precincts for up to a full week," she said.
Party officials, ever concerned with the safety of women, minorities and children, who are expected to be the hardest hit, were swift to respond to the dire threat to their electoral victory.
Speaking from Chicago, campaign insider David Axelrose reassured voters that even if they stay home, their votes would be cast and counted "even if I had to do it myself."
"We will not stand for this racist and misogynist attack on our Democratic traditions," Axelrose stated, adding that this weather is a premeditated act on the part of the Republican National Committee.
"Global warming, caused by George Bush's anti-environmental policies, generated the hurricane, and the RNC is steering it, in much the same way they steered Hurricane Katrina, to have the greatest possible impact on urban minority populations. It is even more despicable that they are doing so on the eve of the most important national election in the history of the world," Axelrose said.
In response to the potential electoral disaster looming for the administration, Axelrose announced that the party had initiated the Voter Opportunity Response With Alternate Realtime System, or VORWARTS, to insure that all voters had the chance to cast their ballot regardless of the weather conditions.
"Party poll workers stand ready to accept phone-in votes from anyone who cannot make it to the polls due to adverse weather or for any other reason during the early voting period," he explained.
"In addition," he continued,"we are busing in SEIU volunteers to assist with the VORWARTS program on election day itself. These bipartisan proxies will fill out all unclaimed ballots after the polls have closed on November 6 to ensure that the voice of every registered voter has been heard, no matter what the weather conditions."
Axelrose encouraged voters to take advantage of the VORWARTS program with a reassuring smile. "You have enough to worry about: coping with torrential rain, potential downed power lines, and the threat of unseasonal snowfall. Relax, go VORWARTS, and leave the voting to us."
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10/27/2012, 9:50 pm
The original post has been rewritten by its author and published on 10/31/2012 in the .
WASHINGTON, October 31, 2012 – If adding an exclamation point to the word "Forward" won't excite women voters, nothing will. Our resident expert on women's issues at The People's Cube explains the science behind this wonderful enhancement and demonstrates how it's going to affect the average disillusioned woman voter.
I'm so excited now!
For months I'd been feeling too bummed by the stagnant economy and demoralized by the polls to consider voting! I didn't feel there was any point! Until Obama gave me a point! An exclamation point!
According to AP, Obama's campaign slogan is : "NASHUA, N.H. - Obama's campaign added an exclamation point to placards and banners bearing the campaign's motto. Instead of a stoic period at the end of the single-word slogan, the signs now read 'Forward!'"
That's right! Not the cheap political points Republicans are always trying to score, but an EXCLAMATION POINT!
An exclamation point denotes excitement! It's bright! It's shiny! It dazzles! It distracts! But best of all, it excites!
Until now, Barack Obama tried just about everything to win my vote! Free stuff! The Lily Ledbetter Act, that gives me more time to sue my boss for discriminating against me! More free stuff! Cash for my clunker that I can put toward one month's payment on the principal for a Chevy Volt! And good grief, even more free stuff!
But none of it excited me enough to make me go out and vote for him - not even once!
Then Obama said if I didn't vote for him, Romney would win and fire Big Bird, because Romney said himself that he loves to fire people and even birds! But since I'm too old to watch Big Bird and thought maybe he could find a better-paying job in the private sector, I still wasn't excited enough to go out and vote for Obama!
Then Obama said that if I didn't vote for him, Romney would win and put women in binders!
Binders! Every progressive woman knows that when Romney spoke of being brought "binders full of women," of course he meant it literally! He couldn't possibly have meant anything else - and, besides, Joe Biden is always talking about how the Republicans want to literally do this and literally do that!
Yet when I heard Romney say it, I simply assumed he was referring to a three-ring binder, a presentation portfolio with a resume, certificates, letters of recommendation, and perhaps a professional portrait! Then again, I'm just a self-employed stay-at-home type who's never had to put together something like that, and since I'm not as enlightened and well-educated as the progressive women who thought he was referring to something more insidious and perverted, I must be wrong!
Still, the shocking prospect of being bound up for the amusement of misogynistic Republicans didn't excite me enough to switch my vote to Obama!
Then the Left tried to warm my heart - if not make my blood run cold - with children singing songs about how, if Romney steals the election, the whole world will suck so much we should all just curl up in a hole somewhere and die!
There was nothing exciting about that - in fact, the song itself made me want to curl up in a hole somewhere and die - until a mere exclamation point got me excited enough crawl out of that hole!
Nothing says "excitement" quite like the exclamation point!
Think of all the times you've seen an old, familiar product jazzed up in a different package labeled NEW! IMPROVED! NOW WITH MORE WHATEVER! Admit it - you bought it, even though you found out afterwards it was just more of the same old crud!
Or the packages labeled HEY KIDS! SPECIAL OFFER ON THE BACK! FREE INSIDE! Admit it - you threatened to throw a huge tantrum if someone else didn't spend their own hard-earned money on that package so you could get the freebie it promised! You didn't care if it was cheap and flimsy and of no purpose other than to separate someone besides you from their ill-gotten gains - it excited you because of that exclamation point!
So it is with Obama's dynamic, thrilling new slogan FORWARD!
That exclamation point will win back those women who let themselves get suckered into thinking they might actually care about something else besides abortion and birth control!
The exclamation point will get the masses too excited to think about unexciting things. Like the economy. Jobs. Operation Fast and Furious. Benghazzzzzzz...
See what happens when you don't use the exclamation point! Boring!
This is it: the exclamation point is what will get the masses off the couch and out of whatever line they're standing in to stampede to the polls and vote for Obama!
Nothing excites me more than exclamation points!
Exclamation points are like whistling a happy tune when you're shivering in your shoes so no one knows you're afraid of Romney stealing the election!
Exclamation points are like happy talk, talkin' about things you'd like to do, like voting for Obama!
Exclamation points are like singing about your favorite things when the dog bites and the bee stings and when you're feeling sad because polar bears are dying!
Why, Rodgers & Hammerstein could write a song about exclamation points making you feel more excited, but they're dead! Oh, well, at least they can still vote for Obama!
If only Team Obama had done this sooner, I'm sure he'd be polling in the 90s and no one would be showing up for Romney/Ryan rallies!
FORWARD! Don't look back! Forget what's past! Something exciting and thrilling surely awaits us! Something that will make us jump and shriek!
I just hope that after November 6th, I won't be getting more of the same old crud!
Halloween is coming! Kids, when you go trick-or-treating this Wednesday, don't ask for candy! Obama will give you candy if you vote! He'll make it rain candy if you write to him and ask him! So don't trick-or-treat for candy! Instead, ask people to put all their money into your little pumpkin buckets, so you can give it all to Obama! And if people insist on giving you candy anyway, rip up their Romney yard signs, torch their cars, and burn their houses down! FORWARD!
FULL TEXT :: 50 comments >>
10/22/2012, 4:28 pm
My article in
Kid Obama once again rebels against daddy's authority and once again is told to go to his room
By Oleg Atbashian
As the fact-checkers are still dissecting the second presidential debate, we'll continue with our tradition of cultural analogies to discern the opponents' characters through archetypal behavior patterns.
Just as our subconscious mind reshapes ambiguous Rorschach blots into familiar objects, it also reshapes the perceived reality of a stressful and ambiguous confrontation into already familiar patterns of relationships and behavior. Sensing danger and stumbling for solid ground, we sometimes slip into a psychological niche that can give us comfort, but it can also become a trap - especially in a political fight.
E.g., Anthony Weiner's political career and possibly political drove him into a peculiar psychological niche, where he began to Tweet pictures of his penis to young women across America. Other cases may not be as simple, but the messages we receive are just as explicit.
The confrontation in the Ryan-Biden VP debate resulted in a metaphoric deformation of the opponents into a . That archetypal scenario was predetermined by their characters: Biden sensed a nerd and his inner bully jumped out, forcing Ryan to play the role of a geeky intellectual - which he effortlessly accomplished, winning the debate for Republicans.
The first debate between Romney and Obama was archetypal on several levels.
Ideologically, it resembled , in which individualist Romney confronted collectivist Obama, scoring one for capitalism. While some extreme Ayn Rand fans may doubt that Romney could ever be Rand's choice, let's not forget that her great protagonists, Dagny Taggart and Hank Rearden - both accomplished entrepreneurs - rejected John Galt's ideas when they first encountered them. They had to live through a series of dramatic events and experiences before they saw the light - otherwise there would be no story. Romney's journey is a similarly intriguing story.
Psychologically, the first debate transformed Romney into an archetypal finger-wagging adult as Obama slipped into the niche of a juvenile delinquent, trying to wiggle his way out by making up stories and blaming others for his own mess. Romney quickly established dominance by pointing out that, having raised five boys, he could handle puerile tactics. This forced the debate moderator, Jim Lehrer, to assume the role of a visiting social worker trying to prevent child abuse.
The Romney-Obama townhall rematch at Hofstra University felt like a second act in the same family drama, in which young Barack revolted against daddy's authority, but was once again told to go to his room.
Having been disciplined in the first act, Obama tried to change the dynamic of their relationship, but remained stuck in the same psychological niche - perhaps, widening it somewhat with an act of an adolescent rebel.
There was no slouching like the last time. No more staring at the floor and smirking. Obama even learned to imitate Romney's ironic smile while the big guy talked. At this rate he may even soon begin to realize that imitation of the opponent's mannerisms is bigger than flattery - it's the admission of his superiority.
Romney's character of a demanding and responsible parent stayed the same. And why wouldn't it? The kid showed no effort to clean up his mess, nor to change his lying and fingerpointing tactics. The only change was his cocky, aggressive attitude.
In part, the new attitude was enabled by another important addition to this dynamic - Candy Crowley in the role of an archetypical overprotective mommy.
The CNN anchoress initially tried to moderate objectively, but couldn't help herself: such is the power of a mother's love, forcing her to stand for her child, right or wrong. At least five times she rushed to Obama's rescue. At least once she saved him from a major embarrassment, causing a media controversy over her factually incorrect support of Obama's statement on the Benghazi terrorist attack.
At this point, Michelle Obama was caught on camera clapping her hands in violation of the debate rules, completing the picture of juvenile delinquency.
Unconditional motherly love has no bounds, but it can spoil children and make them incapable to fend for themselves in the real world. When they grow up and fail, they blame their parents first. Then they blame the society, the country, and the unfair Creation.
And as Obama continues to receive "incomplete grades," the guilty party is always : corporations and bank CEOs, modern technology and "messy democracy," Fox News and all other media, the Japanese tsunami and the Arab Spring, as well as Bush, Reagan, Congress, the GOP, and the entire city of Washington.
Years of pampering by the media who acted as an adoring mother in the absence of a father figure have consequences. The unraveling of the Obama campaign and his weak performance opposite an authoritative Romney are just some of them. Hence the psychological niche of a failing adolescent.
No one was there to teach Obama the simple facts of life: pretending that the mess never happened doesn't make it disappear, nor does it help others to see him as a grownup at a presidential debate.
Trying to measure up to the adults, Obama even went so far as to declare his support for the free market and capitalism. However, his most commonly repeated words that night - "control" and "fair share" - told a different story.
Contradictions don't count if one is playing a childish game of make believe with no rules - which, in a way, can be applied to his entire term as president.
His class warfare arguments didn't work either; schoolyard wisecracks never sound as cool when repeated in the parents' living room. On top of it, his explanation that the gas prices under Bush were lower because the economy was bad, confirmed that he still has the economic views and the mindset of a twelve-year-old.
As if desperate to prove he knows what the adults want from him, Obama almost verbatim repeated Sarah Palin's "drill baby, drill" - but then he also complained about Big Oil writing the country's energy policies. In doing so, he conveniently skipped the part where Big Government provided the pen, ink, writing paper, and the rubber stamp.
No one condones cronyism, but it takes an adult to realize that the only way to prevent collusion is to limit the government powers, not to expand them. This may be hard to fathom unless one is mature enough to step outside of the nanny-state comfort zone. Alas, Obama is not the one to do that.
Perhaps, the closest Obama came to being mature was when he admitted two obvious facts: yes, the economy is in bad shape; and no, not everything is George Bush's fault. Then he turned around and blamed all his problems on the previous twenty years. In a snap, he was back in the doorway to his junior bedroom, like a teenager hoping that if he blocks the view, no one will notice the mess inside.
With all the electronic toys, computers, and gadgets cluttering his room, he probably wishes his presidency also had an "undo" option - or, at least, a "backspace" key. But even the oversized "reset" button, which Hillary swore would work like a charm, turned out to be a plastic dud, and is now collecting dust in the corner next to Sandra Fluke's special-edition wire hanger and the mainstream media's "Men in Black" flashy thingy that failed to erase anyone's memory of the last four years.
Obama may have been pushed into this psychological niche by Romney, but it is his niche and no one else's - shaped by his cultural background, upbringing, temperament, and social environment.
Like a snapshot Tweeted to a stranger, it shows us more than most of us care to know.
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10/22/2012, 1:02 pm
My essay in
By Oleg Atbashian
Why has the phrase "binders full of women" captured the progressive imagination more than any other of the hundreds exchanged between Romney and Obama during the second presidential debate?
The townhall event wasn't even over, and already the Internet was afire with snarky "women in binders" jokes, parodies, and pictures, prompting a glowing about "a , a series of memes , and with over 100,000 fans."
Reasonable people are scratching their heads: what is so terribly wrong with this seemingly innocuous, if awkward, way to describe Mitt Romney's efforts to find qualified women applicants?
The confusion is understandable: the cultural divide in this country has reached a point where both sides might as well need binders full of interpreters to help them communicate. As a one-time professional interpreter, let me give it a shot and translate into normal language what "binders full of women" mean to a modern American progressive.
Remember the word "Teabaggers"? It was with the same carnivorous enthusiasm that the progressive TV anchors popularized this insulting term, while deriving gloating pleasure from the fact that most of the wholesome and innocent Tea Party goers had no clue what it meant.
As it turned out, elite progressive thinkers and high society in general had long been linking the word "teabag" to male genitalia and certain ways of using it in homosexual practices. How the knowledge of this obscure intimate activity became so widespread in progressive quarters is still a mystery.
It is apparent, however, that the term had caused such a deafening ringing of their mental bells that they missed the small voice of reason telling them not to give away too much information about their personal hobbies.
The phrase "binders full of women" falls into the same category: it speaks to the progressive psyche in ways that the non-initiated can't possibly understand. Once again, the progressives are letting their primal fantasies choose their battles for them.
All traditionally progressive activities - from the to to to - rotate, like planets in a solar system, around the ultimate collective fantasy of a bound woman. Bondage in all its forms - economic bondage included - may be the only thing that holds together the otherwise incoherent elements of the eclectic progressive subculture.
Deep down in the warped labyrinth of the progressive mind, even as they self-righteously deride Mitt Romney's "binder" comment, there's likely to be found a sub cellar full of imaginary bound women: nude and wrapped in chains; some tied to a bed or a pole, others hanging from rings in the ceiling; crouching in the center of a Middle Eastern slave market or in a Planned Parenthood clinic; all set up to be used, tortured, raped - or, if the master so desires, saved and cuddled.
Wherever that fantasy takes them, these women are never imagined as fully equal individuals or informed professionals with equal pay for equal work, let alone members of NOW. They are primarily sexual objects with no intellect, self-awareness, spirit, ambitions, or plans for the future. They are walking sexual organs whose only purpose is to satisfy male (and, in certain cases, female) lewd fantasies.
Their education or expertise has no value; the only requirements are a young, voluptuous body, soft silky skin, a vagina, and two large breasts - three if it's a sci-fi setting.
Beneath the pious facade of equality and social justice, it is this subliminal primal fantasy that drives a generic activist in Mom's basement to post multiple blogs and comments designed to raise our awareness about the need to save the oppressed fair maiden from Republican shackles.
But suppose the maiden is saved. Then what?
While the answer is omitted, rules of the genre allow us to reconstruct the formulaic ending: the "liberated woman" leaves the Republican dungeon for her savior's Democratic basement where she, out of eternal gratitude, forever remains his sex slave cum house maid in a fantasy sequel called "family." Living happily thereafter is an effortless bliss for as long as their political activism keeps free abortions-on-demand available as a means to alleviate threats to such "happiness."
More and more often, these deeply seated fantasies come to the surface in a continued effort to establish themselves as the new norm, working through art exhibits, fashion shows, films, comic books, or political campaigns that reveal more about their authors than most people would share in a polite company.
In this sense, the entire "War on women" is an alternative fantasy narrative, reimagining women as mindless objects to be moved around, manipulated, threatened, invaded, penetrated, cuddled, appeased, and otherwise played with - with all the drama and subtlety of a porno flick where intrigue, suspense, and character development are replaced with frontal display of "."
Looking through the twisted prism of this "new norm," absurdities abound. A woman becomes merely a means to an abortion. Abortion itself becomes, not an optional surgical procedure, but an ultimate, self-sufficient goal - a necessary requirement in the power game played by the new Democrat Party.
The family becomes a repository of wrong ideas, archaic values, violence, perversity, and high-cholesterol cooking. Children become a burden on the environment and must be correctly conditioned, while parents become the scum of history and must be immediately replaced by Party-approved professionals, whose skill at social engineering will make the family a defunct nightmare.
Obviously, "binders full of women" is only an episode in the larger fantasy drama helping to alter the norm as a way to eternalize "progress" in general and certain Democrat politicians in particular.
And now they are being joined by a large influx of immigrants from another fairy-tale land that has similar attitudes towards women and a long and vibrant tradition of bondage.
Special thanks to Commissarka Pinkie, whose excellent rant - - inspired me to write a long comment, which later became this essay.
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