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You may be guilty of thoughtcrime if ...

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Comrade Jeff Foxworthy has suggested that we compile a list of signs of thoughtcrime, similar to the one he has compiled for the red-state, bush-voting, fly-over, flag-waving Americans who for whatever counter-revolutionary reason go under the name of "red" necks.

For instance, "You might be guilty of a thoughtcrime if you think Hillary really gives a damn about The Common Good™."

Please post your signs and observations here.

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... if you think that Western society has contributed anything positive to civilization.

 

 

User avatar
... if it dawns at you that "Blood For Oil" and "Food For Oil" may be somehow related.

 

 

George Soros
. . . if you think about dollar bills while masturbating

Can we still think of George Soros while masturbating? Please? Pretty please?

Comrade Socks,
Party Organizer

 

 

George Soros
Of course you may!  Doesn't everybody?  See my websites moveon.org and hardon.org!

 

 

Guilty Pleasures
. . . . if you condemn the new Hillary book, but read it hungrily in your hidden chamber

 

 

Mr. Moviephone
. . . . if you claim you saw and loved "Farenheight 911," but secretly went to see "The Aviator" instead

 

 

Massachusetts Comrade
. . . . if you believe that Teddy Kennedy may have really killed that girl

 

 

User avatar
...if you think that Hollywood celebrities should stay out of politics and just stick to "playing make-believe" on the silver screen.

...if you do not have a subscription to The New Yorker magazine.

...if you think Groucho Marx was somehow descended from Karl Marx.

 

 

...if you think that the "Ten Commandments" exist.

...if you think that Comrade Hillary is an ugly pig.

...if you think that the Fourth of July is the Capitalist Independence Day.

 

 

User avatar
...if you spill ketchup on your Che T-shirt.

...if you smoke cigars made in a country other than the people's paradise of Cuba.

...if you think that you're entitled to own private property.

...if you do not have a copy of my pathbreaking book on Antonio Gramsci.

 

 

Comrade Foxworthy
...if you only stare at Che T-shirts for the boobies

...if you attend womyns' studies for the hoochies

...if you tell a chick you volunteer for Hillary just to get some tail

...if you think social security is the guy who polices keg parties

...if you don't agree with the New York Times >92% of the time (Safire and Tierney are the exceptions of course)

...if you don't touch yourself when you hear the name "Maureen Dowd"

...if you do touch yourself when you hear the name "Anne Coulter"

...if you say you support the troops and mean it

Hey folks, you can hire me for parties!!!  Don't forget

Jeff

 

 

Robin Leach
...if you have champaign wishes and caviar dreams

 

 

Youngbloodz
...if you have your mind on your money and your money on your mind

 

 

Paul Krugman
...if you use the words "supply" and "demand" in the same sentence

 

 

User avatar
Since we're talking thoughtcrime here, how about a little reminder of its seriousness from the "blueprint", otherwise known as 1984:

"Thoughtcrime does not entail death: thoughtcrime IS death."

 

 

Komrade Palimpsest, surely you realize all litterature is to be tossed down the memory hole.  I suggest you toss such ridiculous propaganda.  I am sending you an extra copy of Dude, Where's My Country? for good measure.


As Comrade Citizen J has noted elsewhere in this forum, Orwell's 1984 is actually a blueprint, "cleverly disguised as a book", for the creation of the inevitable totalitarian state.  It details all of the techniques that we and our fellow travelers have been using to control thought and crush individualism in order to promote true progressive collectivism.

But, by all means, please send me a copy of Dude, Where's My Country?--as I've often wondered the same thing.  Be sure to use the government post office, not one of those capitalist shipping entities!

--Dr. P

 

 

User avatar
...if you put your right shoe on before your left.

 

 

[html]Ever tried <i>Animal Farm</i> on for size?

Vladimir Ivanov

"Four legs good, two legs bad!"[/html]

 

 

Dr. P, I am confused.  To me it seems that the novel 1984 was an obvious attempt by the capital pig, Orwell, to try and villify the glorious inevitable future that he saw!!  Perhaps I was wrong in this asessment; I am always on guard for those who would do in the glorious future we have in store for Amerika.

You've gotta learn to read between the lines.  
Repeat after me: 2 + 2 = 5.


Wow, that Jihad E has really had an effect on me!

Keepin' it real as always,
--Dr. P

 

 

Official X
Trust me comrades, you are considered guilty of thought crime until proven otherwise.

 

 

User avatar
...if you haven't voluntarily donated your real property to local government officials on behalf of The Greater Good.

 

 

User avatar
...if you think Michael Jackson was guilty.

...if you think O.J. was guilty.

...if you think Martha Stewart was NOT guilty. (corrected by Red Eye)

That's a horrible thought crime, Citizen Betty, to think that Martha Stewart was not guilty. She was guilty already when she hired her first employee and made first capitalistic profit by exploiting that poor person. The rest of her life is too horrible to contemplate. We generally oppose death penalty (until the revolution arrives) but in Martha Stewart's case the Party is willing to make an exception. Remember - developing class envy and encouraging the People to count other People's money are important elements in conditioning Americans for the revolution.

Your title of the Kommissar is suspended until you repent and undergo a series of self-criticism sessions with an outpatient gulag program at the Karl Marx Treatment Center.

Red Eye


I am sorry for that mistake, I thought that all the cult groups that worship Martha Stewart in their insanity could be used as useful idiots by us to quicken the comming of the revolution. After several sessions of self-criticism classes I understand my mistake and feel horrible for making it.

-Kommissar Betty

 

 

...if you're here for the hippy pussy.
...if you use your capitalist exploitation units for anything EXCEPT Party-approved dry goods.
...if you think the French are latent homosexuals.

 

 

Pyrotechnician
...if you haven't burned an American flag today.

 

 

Au Naturel
...if you're a heterosexual male and prefer women who shave their legs and armpits.

 

 

...if you don't believe Eminent Domain exists for the People!

 

 

Souter Bader Ginsberg
...if you dare question the infallibility of the Supreme Court.

 

 

User avatar
...if you want Lance Armstrong, a symbol of U.S. imperialism, to win the Tour de France.

 

 

Eco warrior
...if you own an SUV.  (I don't care if you have a "Kucinich for President" bumper sticker or other assorted progressive propaganda plastered all over it.)

...if you flush the toilet after each use.  (What a selfish waste of water.)  

...if you take more than one shower a week.  (see parenthetical phrase above.)

...if you don't own a pair of Birkenstocks.

...if you don't maintain a compost pile, for organic gardening, in your backyard.

...if you think trees should be used for anything other than climbing or looking at.

...if you, oh sorry; gotta run, my falafel is burning...

 

 

Elsworth Toohey
...if you voted third party in the last election, but that party was Green.

There was no election.  We have never heard of such an event happening since Bush's government takeover in 2000.

-Komrade Koz


 

 

uNCLE jOE'S nEPHEW
...if you feel chills when hearing the Star Spangled Banner.

...if you actually take your hat off when hearing the Pledge of Allegiance.

...if you smile when hearing about Islamic terrorists being gutted by a Predator   missle.

 

 

User avatar
...you think that invading Iraq actually helps the war on terrorism.
...you "support the troops".
...you think Hillary and Chucky are pigs.
...you think Islamist Extremists are "evil".
...you don't think Islam is "the religion of peace".
...you think Islam is the "religion of piece".

 

 

NY Times Reporter
. . . if you don't think the New York Times speaks for you

. . . if you don't bend over for Islamofascists

. . . if you speak ill of Jimmy Carter

. . . if you try to prevent being blown up

. . . if you think Al Franken is a disgusting, trite, angry moron

. . . if you send angry letters to the New York Times

. . . if you keep your money from the collective

Jimmy Carter dosen't exist, he never has especially after he was purged. Oops, I didn't really say that you will now forget this was ever here.

-Kommissar Betty

 

 

Sir Huggins
...if you haven't hugged a "jihadist" today.

 

 

French Kamarad
...being French, you dare saying that the USA brought some good to the world

 

 

Bresnev
....If you thought about watching Red Dawn

....If you think that the collapse of the USSR was a good thing

 

 

Ayn Rand
Anonymous said:....If you thought about watching Red Dawn

....If you think that the collapse of the USSR was a good thing
...If you think.

 

 

Worker #74848
Ayn Rand said:...If you think.


Comrade, despite your taking the name of the most evil of capitalist profit-whores (no doubt in satire -- though you think too much...), you certainly have the idea. "Thinking" is an outmoded concept, and should only be done by the one and only licensed Party Brain.

You are guilty of thoughtcrime if:

...you've ever doubted that Indymedia is honest.

...you've ever eaten at McDonald Trump's.

...you've ever been annoyed or harassed by the State's regulations for the Common Good.

...you've ever felt sorry for those capitalists in New London whose ill-gotten "homes" were justly taken away.

...you knew in the People's Russia the little girl Alissa Rosenbaum and wonder what happened to her.

 

 

Motomitch58@aol.com
Red Square said:Comrade Jeff Foxworthy has suggested that we compile a list of signs of thoughtcrime, similar to the one he has compiled for the red-state, bush-voting, fly-over, flag-waving Americans who for whatever counter-revolutionary reason go under the name of "red" necks. For instance, "You might be guilty of a thought crime if you think Hillary is a stanky whore."

Please post your signs and observations here.
Never did like that bitch, no how.

 

 

Jeff Foxworthy
I can't believe Motomitch58 doesn't like me!  Everybody loves me!  Here's some new stuff:

. . . You might be guilty of a thoughtcrime if you hate Jeff Foxworthy!

Bite my gunrack, Motha Fuka

 

 

hotjewess
...if you dare to suggest that we Jews and gays are monumentally better off in this blessed nation, where we can obsess over nativity scenes on public property and marriage certificates, than our counterparts who are being routinely hanged, burned, and bombed by radical Islamist fanatics in the Mid-East.

 

 

. . . if you've entertained thoughts of removing your parasitic offspring from the Glorious Education and Indoctrination Centers of the People!

 

 

User avatar
...if you think that the miilions of Iraqi voters represent Iraqi best interests, but a bunch of foreign "insurgents" do not.

 

 

anthem
...if prometheus and the snake in the garden of eden were always your heros

 

 


 

Hammer & Sickle
...if you question the infallibility of Roe v. Wade
...if you don't refer to your wife as your "life partner"
...if you think UN may need to undergo change
...if you don't think the people of North Korea are happy under communism
...if you feel Bush is a legitimate president and should be recorded as such

 

 

User avatar
New entries from the desk of Prof. Paul Krugman:

...if you don't support the struggle against American corporate greed
...if you don't want George Bush to hang for war crimes
...if you don't fight against Coca Cola's terrorist murders of children in Columbia
...if you don't support back pay for prisoners serving life sentences
...if you don't condemn the Mossad for their 9/11 attack on the World Trade Center
...if you don't get enraged by phrases like "International Monetary Fund"

 

 

...if you've ever read, and agreed with, anything written by John Locke, Richard Cantillon, Adam Smith, Thomas Jefferson, Frédéric Bastiat, Ludwig von Mises, Murray Rothbard, or Ayn Rand.

...if you believe the individual is sovereign.

...if you believe the free market is working better than government ever did in Somalia.

...if you believe people own themselves.

...if you believe in private property.

...if you believe common law is better than civil law and ad hoc (e.g. party dictated) law.

...if you've ever used the terms "natural law" or "individual rights" in a non-mocking manner.

...if you believe government is unnecessary and wasteful.

...if you've ever used the term "free market anarchist" in a positive way, especially self-descriptively.

...if you believe the "individual good" is more important than the "common good".

...if you believe selfishness is a virtue.

...if you believe altruism is a vice.

...if you believe police, courts, and military services can and should be privatized.

...if you believe anything should be privatized.

...if you believe the only wild parts of the old American west were the parts with government, instead of a free market for law enforcement and courts, as much of the old west had prior to it being invaded by the Union Army in the late 1860s.

...if you've ever praised the Icelandic Commonwealth (circa 10th-13th centuries CE) and held it up as a positive example of a social system, while recognizing it as a long-lived, functional, and prosperous free market anarchy.

...if you believe that market value is based entirely on individual choice, which is itself based on subjective criteria, thus making the market unpredictable and thereby impossible to correctly centrally plan, ever.

...if you've ever claimed that the term "economics" historically, and correctly, refers solely to the scientific tradition from which the classically liberal political tradition was borne, thus implying free market advocacy and that Marx and Keynes were not "economists".

...if you believe that, when used by a socialist, the parade of horribles is still a logical fallacy.

...if you believe property predates government.

...if you, like a good little drone of the Collective, say the Citizen's Creed regularly, but do so only to mock those who clearly follow it religiously.

...if you believe governments are created by individuals and that, thus, they have no more legitimate authority than their creators and maintainers.

...if you believe the use of proxies for criminal action doesn't shield you from responsibility/liability for the crimes committed.

...if you believe slapping the label of "government" on a criminal organization, which survives on regular mass muggings called taxation, doesn't magically transmogrify said organization into something to be respected and worshipped.

...if you believe all "market failures" were/are really the result of government, and that free markets don't fail.

...if you believe competing self-interests balance each other out, leading to a civil and cooperative society.

This message was brought to you by the Ministry of Truth (Minitrue) - We Think, So You Don't Have To.

 

 

limpwidget
...if you remove yourself from the path of a speeding bus, or a cat 5 hurricane, before the government does it for you.

 

 

User avatar
limpwidget said:...if you remove yourself from the path of a speeding bus, or a cat 5 hurricane, before the government does it for you.


WINNAH! WINNAH! WINNAH!!!!

 

 

peoplecubeRiggies
You might be guilty of a thought crime ...
if any of the idiots on here could think.

You are not allowed to think, the government is supposed to do that for you.

-Kommissar Betty

 

 

operagost
... if you see four lights.

 

 

User avatar
...if you don't think your guilty of a thoughtcrime.

 

 


 

2nd Amendment
... if you considered purchasing a firearm to protect you and your family in a crisis situation where law and order have crumbled

 

 

User avatar
2nd Amendment said:... if you considered purchasing a firearm to protect you and your family in a crisis situation where law and order have crumbled


... if you believe in the right to arm bears, just to level the playing field...

 

 

User avatar
Betski,

Kommissar Betty said:
anthem said:...if prometheus and the snake in the garden of eden were always your heros

I forget, who was Prometheus?


Prometheus was a demigod, one of the Titans, who was/is worshiped by craftsmen. Zeus hid fire from man, but Prometheus stole it and gave it back to us. This really pissed Zeus off so he chained Prometheus to a rock and every day an eagle came and ate out his liver, which then grew back every night so it would be there for the eagle to eat again the next day (kinda like Sisyphus and his boulder)... eventually Hercules rescued Prometheus...

... The snake is more my hero... though Cayote is up there...

Waiting to be purged...
S.M.O.

 

 

User avatar
... if you kommissarate with Cindy Sheehan's soon-to-be ex-husband.

... if you wonder WTF Israel and Palestine have to do with the war in Iraq and the death of her son.

... if you suspect that should the State of Israel actually ever cease to exist, the Muslim Hoard will just find another political football to kick around as justification for Jihadism.

Hoping the will redeem me, leading only to being sent to my gulag without dinner and short course of re-edukation, rather than purged outright....
S.M.O.

 

 

R. King
Can't we all just get along?  

Seriously, may I suggest, as a compromise, "neo-classical liberalism" as propounded by the eminent economist-philosopher F. A. Hayek in The Constitution of Liberty and other great works.

Thanks.

 

 

User avatar
Can't we all just get along?


Stinky Hippie alert, Stinky Hippie!
By order of the anti-hippie law passed 3 seconds ago, I declare you an enemy of the state!

 

 

Dzerzinski
...if you are a middle class Christian white male.

 

 

Holiday Claus
If you say "Merry Christmas"

 

 

misha345675906884
... if you understand "thought."

 

 

Gorki Boy
If you believe that all men are created equal.
      Why else do we need a Dictatorship of the Proletariate? We must take care of the weak (minded) and the lame (brained).

 

 

Citizen Comrade
. . . you think maybe Sister Massively Opiated needs a sense of humor and a good screw.

. . . you would take life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness ANYDAY over liberte egalite fraternite.

 

 

My mommy gives me 5 gummie bears each morning before I go to school. But only if I behaved the day before and helped with the dishes and kept my room neat. I'm a good boy and try very hard to make my mommy happy.
On my first day at school, my teacher, Ms. Primwhistle asked each of the children what they had brought to school that day. Since it was the first schoolday none of the other children had brought any goodies for recess. Ms. Primwhistle then began talking about the value of sharing. How the world would be a better place if we all shared what we had. No wars, no poverty, no misery, no hatred, all love and understanding.
Then she approached me and asked "Philo, wouldn't you like to share your gummie bears with the rest of the class?"

I looked up and smiled and said "F**k off Primwhistle you haggy Commie slut, I don't share sh*t with nobody. You want 'em? Try takin' 'em"!

 

 

Joel
Chairman EMU said:... if you think that Western society has contributed anything positive to civilization.

Yeah nothing much apart from most of mathematics, physics, biology, chemistry, much of philosphy, economics, rennaissance, enlightenment, code of law, democracy/republicanism, the UN (largely founded by the US),  electronics, optoelectronics, engineering, computers, space exploration, most of astronomy, cars, air travel, the internet, rights of man, womens' sufferage, anthropology, psychology, ethics, and just about everything else helpful and/or aesthetically pleasing which I have ever laid eyes on. Nothing much really.

 

 

This is my first post here. It is obviously a great website of enlightened people . I would first like to express my admiration for the incredible humanitarion work Bono has done. Here's My list:

You like Wal Mart, shop at Wal Mart, or have been to Wal Mart.
You root for the Cleveland Indians, Atlanta Braves, or Wash. Redskins.
You cheered when John Rocker came in to pitch.
You think Kofi Anan would be better as Dallas Cowboys' mascot Crazy  Ray than UN Secretary General.
You secretely wished the UN had been hit on 9-11 instead of the WTC.
You think the govt. is not telling all the truth about 9-11.
You think Yoko Ono helped break up the Beatles.
You were secretely relieved when Brokeback Mountain didn't win Best Picture.
You think Molly Ivins is mentally ill.

 

 

Comrade Communist
...if you'd rather go hunting with Dick Cheney than take a nice, peaceful drive with Comrade Ted Kennedy.

 

 

worker138
. . . if you thought it was hypocritical for the hippy girl at the Phish concert to SELL cheese sandwiches.

 

 

Chris
Red Square said:Comrade Jeff Foxworthy has suggested that we compile a list of signs of thoughtcrime, similar to the one he has compiled for the red-state, bush-voting, fly-over, flag-waving Americans who for whatever counter-revolutionary reason go under the name of "red" necks. For instance, "You might be guilty of a thoughtcrime if you think Hillary really gives a damn about The Common Good™."

Please post your signs and observations here.

If your idea of diversity includes the "diversity of thought"

 

 

User avatar
...if you dont stuff your socks and red shorts with increminating National Archive documents that will highlight your old boss as an incompetent pervert that let Osama go.

 

 

User avatar
Chairman Meow-Say-Pun said:...if you dont stuff your socks and red shorts with increminating National Archive documents that will highlight your old boss as an incompetent pervert that let Osama go.


I thought Osama was one of our allies....

 

 

User avatar
Ya got me Betty; denounce me to the ACLU immediately. I'll go downstairs pack my bags and wait patiently for the Black Maria...

 

 

User avatar
I'll try to pull some strings in the Kremlin and get you out early.

 

 

...if you don't believe in God, but fail to act like you were His gift to the ignorant masses.

 

 

... if you think the gulag is too cold

... if you think of the gulag as punishment, rather than an oppurtunity for improvement and re-education

.. if you think 'you' refers to you as an individual, rather than the red tide of happy workers

... if you think. The Party does that for you. I will be visiting shortly

(on a personal note, this is my first ever post! Been a silent fan for ages of the fine work of the comrades here, may the smile of Lenin be upon you and pleased to meet you all)

-----------------
Welcome Comrade! Relax and just go with the collective flow. We're not judging anyone here, just watching intensely. Judgement will be made by the revolutionary tribunals at a later stage.
-- Red Square

 

 

User avatar
Commissar Vladimir Ivanov said:...if you don't believe Eminent Domain exists for the People!


Can we eschew Eminem Domain, Commissar?


YOU, you bourgeousie dog (not you, Commissar, I mean you, in general) are guilty of thoughtcrime if...


....you don't blame Bush for your menstrual cramps, the fact that Ford no longer manufactures the Escort, and the taste of diet Dr. Pepper.

...you are thinking of purple hippos frolicking in a pink river right NOW.  (See, we caught you!)

...you think the gulag is too warm (get away from that thermostat, Comrade Commissar!)

...you enjoy watching South Park.

....you find yourself hoping that global warming will ensure at least a 300 dollar cut in the cost of your winter wardrobe next year.

...you want to win the lottery, and not cede your earnings to the Party.

...a tear does not come to your eye when the name of our Fearless Leader, Mme. Hillary, is mentioned (sniff) (I meant a tear of joy, stupid)

...you believe Israel and/or the US deserve to defend themselves from terrorism.  Zionist yanqui!

 

 

User avatar
Citizen Comrade said:. . . you think maybe Sister Massively Opiated needs a sense of humor and a good screw.

... you're just mad cause I laughed at you when you asked me, "was it good for you?"... so yeah, still waiting...

 

 


 
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