Arms (the right to bear)
Arms (the right to bear)
Pursuit of Happines
Redistribution of Wealth
The Greater Good™
The United Nations
Pursuit of Happines
Redistribution of Wealth
The Greater Good™
The United Nations
NOTE: ™ - The People's Trademark indicating that a word, phrase, or a concept has been monopolized by the Party for its exclusive use, to be filled with whatever progressive content the Party deems necessary at any given moment, which can change without notice at the Party's convenience. The People's Trademark is used to liberate progressive meanings and words from the pool of neutral and reactionary meanings and words exploited by the knuckle-dragging reactionaries who stand in the way of progress.
For example, by adding ™ to The People* we were able to liberate and revise its meaning to include animals, vegetables, household appliances, Necro-proxies, and other Democrat-voting entities historically disenfranchised by the speciist and necrophobic capitalist oppressors.
*The People™: All rights reserved. Not all qualify. Check with your local Commissar to see if you qualify for The People™. Not available in Red States. Void where prohibited by Current Truth™.
Abortion(see Choice). After the revolution all pro-choice debates, focus groups, and parental notifications will become obsolete. The only notification a woman will need is that of the local Commissar who will perform the abortion himself based on visual assessment. The expected post-revolutionary drop in labor productivity will call for more strong and healthy workers and peasants. To fight off enemies of the socialist Motherland the Party will need more strong soldiers in the Red Army. Breeding workers and soldiers will no longer be a choice but a grave responsibility of every female citizen. Commissar's decision will be based on the prospective mother's strong built and good proletarian stock. If the above conditions are met, abortion will be denied and violators thereof will be punished by various terms of corrective hard labor. For sickly individuals, substance abusers, and bourgeois offshoots abortions will be mandatory. It will be required of the Commissar to experience pleasure while extracting such uselessness from the ranks of future citizens of our caring society, and to submit the fetal matter to the nearest stem cell recycling center.
AltruismSelf-sacrifice for The Greater Good™. Cornerstone of progressive morals and ethics and a primary characteristic of the New Man. Mandatory in progressive socialist societies. On our planet with limited resources, an ultimate act of Altruism would be to stop eating and starve to death. Progressive science has determined that being deprived of food and water produces a sense of euphoria and those who die from starvation experience painless, tranquil deaths. In 1932 alone, six million Ukrainians altruistically starved to death, thus furthering the advance of socialism and industrialization in the USSR. (See "Ukraine: Altruism on the Rise as Socialism Leaps to New Heights" by Walter Duranty, the Pulitzer Prize winning correspondent for The New York Times in Moscow.)
AristotleDead White European Male and an unindicted co-conspirator. Invented logic as a tool to subdue the oppressed masses and minorities by imposing the so-called "rationality" as part of the international White male hegemony. The oppressive "reason-oriented" Western societies are the direct result of his conspiratorial efforts.
Arms (the right to bear)The path to the new society lies through discipline and submission to the authorities. This becomes impossible if half of the population own guns and may join organized resistance. Despite our progressive efforts, the ban on gun ownership has fallen behind schedule. It was originally scheduled to expire simultaneously with bourgeois morals. But thanks to Welfare, feelgood schools, the ACLU, and through the promotion of drug culture, we have achieved the deterioration of morals and personal responsibility in inner cities ahead of schedule. This lapse in timing has created a rather unpleasant urban mix of guns and drugs, which makes us want to move to the suburbs.
Big Lie(s)Falsehoods invented by capitalists in order to fool and subdue the masses. Examples include: War on Terror, Booming Economy, Patriot Act, Iraq's WMDs, and weekly weather forecast.
CapitalismA system that forces people, through a false concept of private property, to pay for the goods they already have the right to own. This pressures the masses to work for a living instead of organizing and representing (a.k.a. Fascism)
ChoiceAbortion. On a planet with limited resources, giving birth to more consumers is irresponsible, especially to white males who by definition are the most useless caste on a progressive egalitarian scale. To further this progressive worldview, we must organize Sacrificial Death Drives demanding all to sacrifice their children for The Greater Good™. We must attend pro-abortion rallies, acting as living proof of the terrible mistake our parents had made by not aborting us. It is best exemplified by a statement that Maxine Waters, a US Congresswoman (D-Calif) made at a Pro-Abortion Rally in Washington, DC on 4/25/04: "I have to march because my mother could not have an abortion."
CollectivismIndividual is nothing, the collective is everything. We, the People's vanguard, would have no power if we were to rely on the individual. But if you divide people into minority groups, each fighting for more collective rights and entitlements at the expense of all other groups, then pitch them against one another and act as a mediator, you will own the world! Abandon your puny notions of surviving with an individual mind, learn to think with the collective brain which speaks through our Party representatives. The rewards are obvious: in a collective you automatically gain the same rights and entitlements as the next member without moving a finger to earn them. Group reality gives one a strong feeling of selflessness, belonging, and protection against all other such collectives, also known as special interest groups.
CompetitionBarbaric, insensitive ritual steeped in social Darwinism. We cannot allow the fittest to survive in our society. Your loss is someone else's gain, and your gain is someone else's loss. Therefore, losers contribute to the society and winners take away from it. Being a winner is unethical, while a society of losers is happy, moral, and prosperous as a collective. A progressive society of the future, steeped in diversity, inclusiveness, and collectivism, shall have no winners. Everyone will be a loser, which in our book means ethical team player.
(also Necro-proxies) are playing a progressively important role in the American democratic process, consistently casting their votes for the Democratic Party. According to "Countdown" on MSNBC, the International Coalition of Dead Voters has endorsed all Democratic candidates in this election cycle. "We have always sided with progress and unilateral disarmament, and it is very important that this November all dead people of good will, once again, vote Democrat," said the Coalition's spokesperson in a segment called Bush Disenfranchises The American Dead.
It is not a coincidence that elections in the US happen around Halloween, the most progressive and accepted of all religious holidays.
DemocracyBourgeois democracy doesn't work. The re-election of imperialist villain Bush is the best proof of it. Once again Americans have shown a glaring lack of ability to elect their own government. No matter how easy we make it for them, Americans resist the truth contained in our award-winning documentaries, improved university courses, and Multicultural Social Awareness re-education programs. The hour is upon us to implement the great Lenin's doctrine of the Party's dictatorship (see People's Democracy)
Earth Daya day of action to save the earth from farmers, ranchers, mining, timber, oil, chemical companies, and anyone else who seeks to utilize the earth's resources to enhance, enrich, and extend the lives of Americans and others worldwide. Characterized by the media's massive awareness drive to (a) remind the world that American capitalists are raping the earth and stealing its riches, thus causing all of the planet's environmental problems; (b) advocate a greater government control of land, resources, and industries; and (c) increase the constantly growing white male guilt levels. A great way to politicize spring cleaning and give an ideological rationalization for the rebirth of nature.
EducationThe process of cleansing the children of conservative parents of bourgeois falsehoods, and conditioning them for the life in a progressive society, through instilling the correct ideas of multiculturalism, moral relativity, collectivism, and sacrifice for The Greater Good™. No anarchic free market of schools should be permissible. All schools must be within the nationwide government system, manned with Party soldiers teaching the same controlled message to ensure a majority mandate for a continuation of orthodoxy. Children must be encouraged to report the misdeeds of one another to authorities and to denounce their parents as well as those teachers who stray away from pre-approved textbooks. Lowering educational standards is advisable for the rabble as well as the elite at this phase; a weakened America filled with morons will offer us an emptiness to be filled by ourselves. A thorough education encourages children to think of themselves as lords whose very existence is valued by nature to the point of supporting their sloth, whim, and curiosity. This breeds contempt for the masses and their vanguard, the Party. We hope none of you have children.
EvilDonald Trump. (See Morality)
ExploitationA coercive mechanism through which capitalists steal poor people's food.
FamilyThe family is a repository of wrong ideas, archaic values, violence, perversity, and home cooking. Parents are the scum of history. They are unsightly Neanderthal vermin who will be replaced shortly in our lifetime by experts whose skill at social engineering will make the family a defunct nightmare. Children must be removed from these scoundrels as early as possible and be taught correct facts and values by our Party-approved professionals. The new generation must be pre-conditioned to live in a new society based on Marxist science.
Free SpeechIn our hands, a powerful weapon to destroy America through media scandals and by protecting our agents in the academic, news, and entertainment industries. We must eradicate all memories of the classical version of Free Speech whereby the government shall not meddle in a citizen's free expression of political views. In its place we must establish a modified, Party-approved version: Free Speech entails no consequences and necessitates no responsibility. Anything goes. The government must meddle head over heels, coercing individuals and businesses to provide material support to those expressing the views they personally oppose. It is accomplished by forcing businesses to pay for anti-business advertising, as well as by using taxpayers' (and students') money to pay tenures to Marxist professors, give grants to progressive artists, and subsidize anti-American propaganda on public radio and TV channels. In the past decades we made the government force private media establishments to share pulpit with us so as to ensure a fair spread of opinions; that stage is over, comrades - the media is ours now and we can dispense with that regulation lest capitalists use it to express their dangerous views. To make sure our opponents don't invoke their right to Free Speech we have come up with the concept of Hate Speech. After the revolution Freedom of Speech will be replaced with a more progressive concept - Freedom to Agree with the collective opinion expressed through a Party representative.
Giving back to the communityReturning stolen goods to the victims of crime while admitting that businesses activity is morally reprehensible as it takes away from the community. Must be universally encouraged. The more a business "gives back to the community," the heavier the aura of shame and guilt on the one side - and the bigger the sense of entitlement on the other. For example:
BUSINESS: "I'm the douchebag that stole a child swing from the poor minority playground - but look, I'm giving it back now."
COMMUNITY: "Just put it over there and get out before we hurt you. Wait, I think there was a golden statue of Leon Trotsky in front of the project, make sure you put it back there too!"
Global WarmingA modern-day equivalent of class struggle. Global Warming is an easily understood, historically inevitable concept in Marxist Science designed to help the Party to crush capitalism and fulfill the mankind's utmost desire of appointing Al Gore President For Life and establishing a planned centralized economy world-wide (Global Socialist Revolution). In the absence of classical Marxist preconditions for the Revolution (global crisis of capitalism combined with massive poverty and despair), Global Warming stands out as the most convenient replacement thereof, providing both the means to manipulate the masses and a moral justification for doing so. As such it replaces the previously promising but failed agitprop tools as "Overpopulation," "Ozone Holes," "Global Famine," and "Ice Age 2." Until the time when it gets replaced by another convenient agitprop tool, Global Warming must remain an unquestionable dogma in all political discussions (you will be notified of any change, if any, by NPR and the New York Times.) The importance of Global Warming for the Revolution is too great to leave it in the hands of scientists. The masses must believe that it is beneficial to have faith in Global Warming whether it can be proven or not (see Pascal's Wager). If Global Warming didn't exist it would be necessary to invent it.
Global Warming encompasses four dogmas:
- Global temperatures are rising.
- This is a bad thing.
- Rising temperatures (if they exist) are caused by human industries.
- We must place human industries under centralized control and issue production quotas to stop rising temperatures.
Note: if you can't prove Proposition #1 & #3 you must quickly move to #4 by invoking People's Cube Wager.
The importance of Global Warming for the Revolution is too great to leave it in the hands of scientists. That was why Al Gore, with a collective of comrades in the Propaganda Directorate, produced a movie called "An Inconvenient Truth." Many people have difficulty with things like driving directions, balancing a checking account, and releasing the "Caps Lock" key. And yet, after watching Al Gore's film, they figured out Global Warming just as easily as they had figured out the Iraq war after watching Michael Moore's "Fahrenheit 9/11" before that.
GoodThat which helps to advance progress towards The Greater Good™, no matter how injurious the act that advances the cause of the oppressed classes. Developing individual concepts of good and evil may impair revolutionary struggle and turn you against comrades and the Party (e.g., traitor David Horowitz). Only the Party can decide what's good and evil at any given moment.
HalloweenA progressive international holiday. On this day, in the countries of non-capitalist economic sector, workers and peasants under the leadership of Great Leaders commemorate all the dead communists who, in the name of human progress, died at the hands of other communists as well as non-communists - and also dead non-communists who died in the glorious class struggle for human progress, at the hands of communists and by non-communists alike. In the 20th century alone, victorious ideas of human progress helped hundreds of millions of people to advance from life towards death, so that new generations could enjoy even more progress in the name of advancement.
Indeed, if progress means rendering objects of humanitarian help incapable of doing things on their own, taking risks, making choices, developing independence and self-esteem, then being dead pretty much describes the ultimate goal of social progress and the result of advancement.
In this respect, African countries like Zimbabwe, Somalia, Angola, and some others have become the most socially advanced nations of this century, having left behind such former bulwarks of human progress as China, Cambodia, and the former USSR.
In the capitalist United States, where progress and human advancement are obstructed by conservative culture, Republican running dogs, and the Second Amendment to the reactionary Constitution, Halloween is especially important due to its calendar proximity to election days. Around Halloween, thousands upon thousands of Dead-Americansroutinely cast Democratic votes, helping the living to advance towards a more progressive society exemplified by the country's quiet and orderly graveyards.
Hate SpeechExpression of views that denigrate or mock the prevalent Marxist doctrine of political correctness. Thus, President Bush is guilty of Hate Speech, while Luis Farrakhan is not. You are guilty of Hate Speech if you disagree with such politically correct statements as "Republicans are idiots," "Bush is a moron," "white men are stupid," "America is evil," "capitalism is an abomination," "death to corporations," etc. If you do, will sue the crap out of you for the lack of sensitivity to our sacred dogmas. We'll make sure you can never vote again. We will make you regret you have ever learned to speak and think. Don't dare even mention favorably anyone guilty of Hate Speech. The concept of Hate Speech is a celebration of our victory over the obsolete definition of Free Speech that restricts the state's involvement in political expression. The state MUST be involved! It places every American at the mercy of those who interpret the law, which means us. That's why we can't allow any conservative judged on the bench next to us.
Hateful Violent Reactionary MobThose who would have you believe that there is any other way of understanding the human condition and the nature of Man other than the proper doctrinaire Marxist interpretation and have the temerity and bad taste to say so in public. Commonly referred to as stupid assholes and Nazi Pigs.
Hezbollization(noun) A process whereby evil murderous thugs are turned into everyday heroes by an overzealous mainstream media. Hezbollize (verb) Assign great social importance to gangsters, treat them as celebrities (Hez-boll-ized, Hez-boll-iz-ing, Hez-boll-iz-es)
Example 1: "Cross burnings bring warmth and comfort to homes without central heating, as caring KKK activists distribute clean white clothing among impoverished kids."
Example 2: "Crips, Bloods, MS 13 organize daily after school programs, engage minority children in pharmacological economics and ballistics training"
HitlerHitler is an important ideological weapon helping us win just about any argument with right-wingers. As such he must be viewed as pure evil at all times. This, of course, creates a philosophical paradox: it is common knowledge that morality is relative and there is no such thing as absolute good and evil. The answer is that Hitler is a necessary exception. If he didn't exist he'd have to be invented. What makes him so evil? It doesn't matter. He's evil, period. You needn't know unless you are an advanced student of the progressive theory. If you are, then you must know that Hitler was also building socialism, only it was for Arians only (National Socialism), in which minorities would slave for the White man. We the progressives want quite the opposite. Hitler's idea of uncompensated labor for The Greater Good™ (labor camps) was very different from our idea of uncompensated labor for The Greater Good™ (labor camps). That's where it gets tricky and any further discussions should only be allowed to Party-approved professors of progressive science.
See more on Hitler here.
Idealistic ActivistAny progressive who takes the Collectivist, Marxist message to any public forum. Commonly referred to as Peace Activist, Environmental Activist or Important Intellectual of our Time. Never to be confused with: Hateful Violent Reactionary Mob
Today's most progressive, politically correct religion of choice. Its popularity with the Western liberals following the attacks on America has caused the cultural elites to give up Buddhism, Daoism, Paganism, and other progressive cults in favor of Islam. Following Gramsci's teaching, we are currently working on helping the world's Muslim populations to accept our definition of them as an oppressed minority under the umbrella of international Marxism. There currently are about 1.2 billion Muslims in the world, many of whom pray daily for the destruction of Jews and Israel. It is mandatory, therefore, for all progressive organizations to display a fervent support for the Palestinian struggle, its goals, and methods, and to denounce Zionism as the greatest evil, likening the Jews to the Nazis. The opportunity to recruit 1.2 billion Muslim supporters is just too good to let go; if that means watching a few million Jews being pushed into the sea and drown, we say it's all for The Greater Good™.
IslamismReligious and cultural manifestation of the struggle of oppressed minorities in Third World countries against white imperialists, reactionary Christians, and Zionist colonialists. Islamism's professed disdain for the Western lifestyle, its intolerance towards the bourgeois morals are of vital importance for the international class struggle and have our full-hearted support and cooperation. We will be able to sort our philosophical differences after the Western civilization collapses. We think.
LeninIn Marxist pantheon, the deity of earth, toil, and light bulbs, the giver of beets, vodka, and happiness. A principal deity of the Soviet People who worshiped his mummy while believing he was still alive. Lenin's birthday is an important Marxist festival, also known as Sacrificial Earth Shoveling, or simply Earth Day.
LiberalismA normal state of a healthy person whose brain developed under the caring guidance of the progressive establishment. As opposed to the rigid and bigoted Republican / Capitalist / Conservative brain, a Liberal / Socialist / Democrat brain is hard to map because it undergoes perpetual reshuffling of its centers and synapses. Generally it can be characterized by a compassionate concern for not taxing the rich enough, combined with generosity in spending other people's money. A liberal brain is known to have a well-developed "blame-America" synapse, a benign "Smarter Than Thou" tumor, a Global Warming Panic Center, the Entitlement Synapse, Moral Relativity Gray Area, and a "P.C. Lobe" responsible for speech codes, multiculturalism, racial quotas, and alternative lifestyles. The underdeveloped areas of a Liberal Brain usually include those that handle common sense, personal responsibility, sense of humor, patriotism, and work ethics. The eternal motivational force that keeps a liberal going is typically a daily doze of Starbucks coffee combined with the dialectical struggle of the opposites - the feeling of being a victim of oppression and the feeling of guilt for oppressing the others at the same time.
See more here >>
LoserEthical team player in a collectivist Zero-Sum game.
Martha StewartShe is rich because you are poor. Sending her to jail was only a half-measure, a compromise on part of the capitalist system, to vent off people's anger. The correct, moral measure would be to send her dig trenches for the rest of her life and divide her property evenly among the activists of Tides Foundation. This should be the fate of every capitalist fat cat except George Soros.
MarxismRevolutionary theory according to which the more money one makes the less there is left for others (see Zero-Sum). The most important implication of Marxism is that it gives us a moral right to seize other people's property. Although people have always intuitively longed to liberate public property from private pockets (see Spontaneous Marxism), Karl Marx has provided a moral and philosophical foundation for such urges. Another important scientific discovery that Marx made was that our right to other people's property can be institutionalized through revolution, followed by a dictatorship of the proletariat, i.e., the rule of political commissars unrestrained by bourgeois morals.
McCarthyismThe best thing that ever happened to communism. American capitalism pathetically lost the Great Purges of McCarthyism. The idiots at HUAC just scraped the surface in communist-run Hollywood and academia, but forgot all about the news media! We owned the media and used its full force, not only to beat back the capitalist attack, but to destroy Senator McCarthy himself! Faithful comrades like Edward R. Murrow at CBS helped us to get McCarthy censured, after which he took to drinking and died like a capitalist dog he was. We proclaimed McCarthyism the greatest evil of all times and canonized its "victims." No capitalist enabler ever worked in Hollywood again! We have purged Hollywood clean and continue to use it as the greatest propaganda tool that Lenin envisioned it to be. As a result, every student will tell you now that McCarthyism was equal to or even worse than Stalin's purges (that's when our Russian comrades successfully eliminated a few dozen million capitalist enablers). The Left came out of this battle almost unscathed but much stronger than before. Ever since we have been using McCarthyism as a stick against political dissent. If McCarthy didn't exist he'd have to be invented.
Moral AuthorityThe right of the People to judge others (see Non-People). The poorer they are or their ancestors have been, the higher degree of Moral Authority they have. The ranking system that determines the degree of Moral Authority works just like in an Internet search engine, such as, Google, only the role of web robots is played by progressive journalists, and the role of spiders is played by ACLU lawyers who index every group's poverty level and history of oppression going back as far as 1200 AD. The indexed groups and individuals get shuffled according to their relevance and popularity level. Relevance is determined by the number of times a progressive buzz word (suffer, gay, Muslim, AIDS, abuse, sex, drugs, environment, etc.) pops up in the group's description. Popularity is measured by the the number of TV appearances, police arrests, and interviews in the progressive media. The most relevant, popular, and oppressed of the indexed ones automatically appear at the top of the search list. Currently the highest degree of Moral Authority, according to our search, belongs to Fatima Jones, a homeless female homosexual Pygmy, an HIV positive crack whore of Muslim faith, mentally traumatized by a sexually abusive Catholic priest, and is now serving a life sentence for stealing a motorized shopping cart at Wall-Mart. Then there is, of course, a spot for sponsored listings at the top of the page and in the sidebar, usually filled and paid for by Democratic political candidates. The lowest degree of Moral Authority in this ranking system is ascribed to successful White male professionals, ages 30 to 65. Capitalist exploiters are not being indexed at all as they have no Moral Authority whatsoever.
MoralityOne man's evil is another man's good and vice versa. Right and wrong are fully interchangeable. Moral relativity is a complex issue and should be left to trained Party experts who can recognize a beneficial action by its apparent veneer of slaughter and woe. That, comrades, is science. Anything that might hinder progress as we define it, is evil. Noam Chomsky explains terrorist attacks of 9/11 as manifestation of a class struggle of a beleaguered populace against American imperialism. Therefore, George W. Bush and his War on Terror must be evil. But remember - every rule has exceptions including this rule and exceptions from it. See Hitler.
MulticulturalismOur progressive social scientists and media activists have drawn strict boundaries for every minority group in this country. Such definitions as Blacks, Muslims, Hispanics, Asians, women, or gays do not even begin to describe the infinite hierarchy of groups, subgroups, bands, and clusters. Each has its ascribed role, legend, and grievances. Each is assigned its own enclave where it must remain under the supervision of caring progressive lawyers and Commissars of Ethnic Collectivism who will speak, think, and appoint representatives on their behalf. The job of such representatives is to pull the blanket of privileges and exclusive rights towards his or her respective group, thus rendering existing laws and the American Constitution meaningless. Together, however, they create an illusion of a vast majority, a representative body competing with the US Congress, an alternative government, a massive front battling American capitalism and its individualistic ideology. It is a duty of every progressive citizen to nurture, advance, and recruit members for this genius system generally known as "Multiculturalism."
National SecurityAmericans cannot be trusted in protecting their country because they just might succeed. For too long has America stood in our way! We must put it under the protection of the United Nations. Nothing in this world succeeds like failure. What's good for Rwanda is good for America!
New ManA quick-moving, hard-shelled, small monosexual creature with a dozen limbs and infra-red vision to operate in the absence of electrical lighting. Has minimal needs; a hole for shelter and grass for nutrition. Runs on pure altruism and self-terminates on demand. Stands superior to the hedonistic, soft-bodied humans of today, who have been spoiled by bourgeois morals and are in a constant need of clothes, comfortable homes, and fresh food three times a day. The difference between the two species is what separates us from the just equitable society in which every citizen gives according to his ability and gets according to his needs.
(Singular: Non-Person). Those who fall outside of the definition of the People and thus are subject to People's judgment and wrath. Examples include George Bush, Dick Cheney, and Martha Stewart. In humanistic progressive societies Non-People are purged for their own good. The government humanely isolates Non-People in remote camps to protect them from the People's vengeance and to re-educate them with the hope that they might finally accept progressive moral values.
EXAMPLE: After botched election/revolution in 2004, failed candidate John Kerry (D-MA) was reclassified as "non-person K" and replaced with a cardboard cutout in the Senate. It has been since advised to respond to the sound of his name by saying "Never heard of him." The real non-person K was without delay packed into a box car and sent up north to shovel permafrost. Persistent rumors that non-person K has fooled the Party and had us send the cutout up north, while he is now posing as his own cutout in the Senate, are obviously caused by the fact that it is practically impossible to distinguish one from the other.
Patriot ActThe Patriot Act must be rescinded in Congress as it infringes on the basic inherent rights of militant radicals to kill imperialistic Americans. We would not mind arresting the rogues and scoundrels who reject our sensible anti-American propaganda, but the terrorists aren't among those and should be allowed to roam free. They and us both find America not merely contemptible but despicable and unconscionably insane. They do it for God, we for history, we merely have different goads to take up the same justice.
Peace"The meaning of peace is the absence of opposition to socialism" (Karl Marx). Also known as World Peace. The essense of the international peace movement is, therefore, to fight opposition to socialism and shake the foundations of capitalism until the Party gains control of the government and silences thought criminals by legislative means. Until then, all those who oppose progress must be denounced as enemies of peace, reactionary warmongers, child murderers, and little Eichmanns. The need to advance World Peace may involve violent uprisings, looting, expropriations, and extermination of enemies of World Peace. To the uninitiated such activities may look like war, but in reality it is struggle for World Peace. When a progressive group engages in mass murder, torture, imprisonment, deportations, and terror, they are only advancing Peace. But when the U.S. government tries to stop them, it endangers World Peace with imperialist wars of aggression. That's why Che Guevara is a fighter for peace, while George Bush is an evil warmonger. Other noted fighters for World Peace include Yaser Arafat, Carlos the Jackal, Unabomber, Saddam Hussein, and Joseph Stalin (who is credited with organizing and financing the first international peace movements).
People's CapitalismModified capitalism in which exploitation is tolerated on condition that the people's exploiters profess and support the socialist ideology and return most of their immoral profits to the people through taxes. Why do we need this half-measure if we could just go straight to communism? A communist economy will not function until every single citizen has become the New Man, a new breed of selfless collectivist eager to toil without compensation, for the sheer joy of toiling. Our state-funded scientists are currently breeding the New Man through a combination of stem cell research and education. Until then we must maintain People's Capitalism and allow small amounts of greed and selfishness to create capitalist wealth that we later confiscate for The Greater Good™. A thoroughly cultivated atmosphere of guilt associated with profiteering, forces capitalists to donate even more money for progressive causes. Such symbiosis between wealth creators and wealth consumers has been achieved in most European countries and to some extent in the United States.
People's DemocracyA higher form of government that no longer relies on the outdated and ineffective election process. In the so-called "bourgeois democracies" elections are routinely accompanied by lies, fraud, disenfranchisement of voters, and ballot recounts in Florida. In a People's Democracy voters think with the collective brain which speaks most accessibly and conveniently through Party representatives. The wish of the collective at any given moment is the law, and no one better knows the wishes and needs of the people than the dear leader himself, e.g., Kim Jung Il of the People's Democratic Republic of North Korea.
Political CorrectnessBeliefs derived from the fundamental premises of Marxism. By a clever morphing of the old classic "oppressed economic class" to oppressed race class, oppressed sexuality class, oppressed culture class, oppressed female class, oppressed animals class, etc... etc... ad nassium, the New Marxism can change to fit new adherents in the historical class war against capitalism, property and outmoded ideas of personal freedom. Come the revolution all these new Politically Correct oppressed classes who will have helped defeat the forces of capital will be denounced and purged as "The New Trotskyites" and Enemies of the People and their members will either pledge loyalty to The Party or suffer the consequences.
Precautionary PrincipleIn the progressive community, used to advocate impulsive measures to avoid a perceived danger. When applied to conservatives, "precautionary" becomes "reactionary." For example, if global temperatures have risen 1 degree in 150 years, the Precautionary Principle requires the extreme restructuring of the world's economy and capitalistic ways of life. But any calls for "caution" in such restructuring should be duly labeled "reactionary." In another example, precaution is always required when dealing with tribal cultures lest we damage the gentle fabric of their existence based on cannibalism, slavery, or genital mutilation. But Precaution is pointless if you rip the vulgar fabric of the Western civilization based on reason, achievement, and personal liberty.
The words "conservative" and "cautionary" may be synonyms in a Thesaurus, but in the world of progressive politics they are complete opposites.
ProgressMovement towards The Greater Good™. Anything that destabilizes, defiles, sabotages, weakens, disrupts, impairs, or in any way undermines American capitalism, is progress.
Progressive CultureA way for progressive individuals and collectives to exercise moral authority over less progressive individuals and their property. Works of progressive Culture are defined by their vigorous rejection of capitalist falsehoods, as well as by manifesting and reinforcing progressive morals and views defined in this glossary. Artistic merits in progressive Culture are secondary and unimportant, being leftovers of the commercialized capitalist culture (see Rap Music).
Progressive MoralsA feel-good moral system characterized by rejection of absolute values. Practiced by individuals and collectives of true moral authority who intuitively know what feels good at any given moment. Morality is relative by definition as it always depends on a person's ethnic, religious, or geographical background. Cutting off people's heads, for instance, is not immoral on the progressive moral scale because such scale does not exist. Differences between the head cutters and the head cuttees must be evened out through mutual acceptance and tolerance. The only exception is made for backward capitalist morals based on the false concept of private property, as practiced by conservative individuals of little or no moral authority.
PropagandaVerbal or visual opposition to progressive ideology. Use the P-word to neutralize warmongering agents of capitalism. Works like a charm! E.g., when you try to enlighten someone about the absence of choice in the free market system and they ask you to prove it, simply put up your palm and scream "Propaganda!" Observe the agents of capitalism cower in fear and guilt. Proceed by saying that forced labor is the only option under any system. If no more resistance is detected, explain that only under socialism forced labor can benefit everybody equally - inmates and guards alike - which makes socialism morally superior to profit-making. We must spread our truth because the weak-minded masses will never come up with it on their own. Note that our truth is not propaganda, but rather progressive conditioning of the masses for the revolution.
PropertyCollective possession. Cannot be private. The false concept of private property is a Big Lie. No one has the moral right to claim ownership to the world's limited resources that belong to everybody.
Pursuit of HappinessArchaic, selfish notion. Nobody can better plan, monitor, supervise and assess your happiness than a government official or a social worker, sensitive to your and your loved ones' needs and fantasies. Progressive morality encourages us to forfeit happiness and cultivate the feeling of guilt instead. Guilt is a healthy sentiment that gives you the brazen strength of a martyr as you sacrifice your happiness to The Greater Good™.
Rap MusicCreated by and for those who stand high in the hierarchy of progressive morals. Contains extremely progressive values and diction. Rejects bourgeois conventions and false concepts of copyright and commercialism that require to use original melodies in every new song. Minority rappers have been put in this position by greedy dead white male composers who already used up all possible melodies. Because our planet has limited resources (see Zero-Sum), the combinations of the seven notes have also reached their limit. Rap music circumvents the "melody" requirement, also leveling the playing field for tone-deaf singers. Important part of progressive Culture.
RealityOriginally the close-minded notion that there is an objective basis for understanding the truth through the reactionary methods of reason and logic. This has been discredited by the implementation of 'alternative ways of knowing', which is thinking outside the brain, whereby one can envision the fake but accurate underlying truth.
The methodology: A hypothesis is intuited as politically correct and therefore valid by all intents and purposes. At which point evidence is generated and classified as convenient or inconvenient. The convenient good evidence is selected out and the inconvenient bad evidence is explained away or ignored. These facts and truths are then tested by the highly scientific process of polling the experts to create a consensus. Any expert who disagrees is declassified as an expert because to be an expert one must believe the hypothesis. Thus the new, higher reality is approved replacing the lower reality, which is merely proved.
This new modality replaces outmoded empirical imperialism with community-based reality, forming the basis for reality-based communities. In this way, reforming facts to higher collective principles necessarily leads to a realer reality and a truther truth.
Redistribution of WealthAct of returning world's resources to rightful owners, the People. Must be performed regardless of one's input in order better to erase the false concept of private property. It is constantly under attack by the right-wing ideologues for threatening capitalism's vile celebration of self-interest and individualism. A model of a world-wide wealth redistribution system is being successfully implemented by the United Nations. Equitable society of the future will have no redistribution of wealth because there will be nothing to distribute. The government, the People's only employer, will have a simple distribution system that will reward obedience and punish dissent.
ReligionAnthropological superstition of savages. To win a cultural war we must destroy the bases and even the reality of the antagonists. We must denounce Christianity and Judaism while encouraging alternative cults, the more short-lived and absurd the better. The idea is to pitch these cabals against one another and act as a mediator. Progress requires that religious institutions and mindset be replaced by the Marxist ideology. The Party will firmly replace churches with Party organizations, sermons with Party meetings, ministers by commissars, icons by agitprop, faith in God by faith in the Party. There is no other way! Open yourself to communism and late Lenin's small voice will speak directly to your heart!
RepublicanismDegenerative brain mutation occurring when a brain is allowed to grow without the caring guidance of the progressive establishment. In a deformed Republican (capitalist) brain, areas that normally control life-sustaining processes (the Guilt Gland, the Envy Center, or the Everything for Free Lobe, etc.) are miniaturized - while other regions become bloated out of proportions (the Personal Responsibility Lobe, the Self-Interest Cluster, or the overdeveloped and inflexible Spinal Cord that is connected to the Absolute Morality Lobe).
Symptoms include delusional ideas that democracy is the best known form of government, that capitalism creates wealth, American culture stems from Judeo-Christian tradition, people all over the world desire liberty and prosperity, Third World countries should be self-reliant, moral standards are absolute and objective, the individual supersedes the collective, parents should teach children values and have a wide choice of schools, and similar incoherent ramblings that mimic the speech of the insane. Everyone knows that the complete opposite is true.
This incurable disorder transforms the brain into a regressive biological structure and may be contagious. We recommend quarantine and a warning for the public.
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Sensitivity TrainingA stratagem used to persuade corporations to bring in progressive consultants (i.e., experts in thought crime detection) who will help employees open themselves to the Party Line. Marketed as means for getting diverse people to accept one another, it is ultimately designed to compel white males to admit their inborn tendencies towards racism, sexism, xenophobia, boorishness, and bad-joke-telling. Such "process of inner discovery" usually results in a progressively heightened sense of shame, guilt, and self-loathing. To be repeated as often as necessary until the end result is achieved: a politically correct automaton who will be the first to volunteer to "take one for the team."
ShovelA symbol of suffering and sacrifice for The Greater Good™. Used in hard labor therapy or in self-criticism sessions to redeem potential thought crimes. Every citizen must keep his or her shovel in good repair at all times and bring it to the railroad station if called to duty by the Commissar. The shovel is an important part of Earth Day festival, or Sacrificial Earth Shoveling Day, celebrating the death and rebirth of Great Lenin.
SocialismA progressive political system that takes the power away from wealth creators and gives it to wealth distributors. Wealth distributors are typically a class of highly trained government bureaucrats who are being watched by a class of political commissars, who, in turn, are being watched by a class of secret police, all of whom are banded together by shared progressive morals. Because progressive morals are relative by definition, a certain measure of absolute propaganda is necessary to encourage collectivism and discourage counter revolution. Since such propaganda is delivered through mass media, arts, and schools, a degree of ideological monopoly, uniformity, and censorship is also required in those fields. The resulting mass enthusiasm creates a vibrant state-subsidized culture, leading to great economic successes and technological breakthroughs, e.g., in North Korea.
Spontaneous MarxismIntent or act of liberating public property from morally wrong private possession. Considered illegal under capitalist law and stigmatized by such non-words as shoplifting, looting, thievery, piracy, larceny, robbery, and vandalism. Spontaneous Marxism does not require a proficient knowledge of the works of Karl Marx as the proletarian instinct is already taking him or her in the right direction. Was legal in the USSR (a.k.a. collectivization). Also known as the "five-finger discount" in the inchoate radical sectors of the populace.
Tax CutsImmoral attempts to stifle the return of stolen money to their rightful owners. Tax cuts indicate the strengthening of Capitalism and pose a danger to the people's cause.
TaxesA form of redistribution of wealth in capitalist countries. In their current form, taxes are a half-measure aimed at self-preservation of the capitalist system. Bourgeois cliques quench the people's wrath by confiscating small portions of money (40%) from the rich and returning it to the People who are the money's rightful owners. In a just and equitable society of the future there will be no taxes as there will be nothing to collect. The State will be the People's only employer and will keep all their earnings. Instead of salaries, the State will distribute goods and services based on one's good conduct.
The Greater Good™A metaphysical concept designating anything that undercuts capitalism and the frivolous American way of life, and/or promotes the new, progressive mode of being. Any action taken with altruistic intentions in mind, regardless of its practical result or purpose, or of the misery that it may produce, is considered a contribution to The Greater Good™. In various contexts may denote an opposite of capitalism, a euphemism for Communism, or an atheistic alternative to God. Also known as "Common Good." E.g. "We're going to take things away from you on behalf of the Common Good." (Hillary Clinton) The masses invariably find this expression quite analgesic and convincing. Use liberally while enforcing wealth redistribution schemes.
The Masses(See The People)
The People™*(See The Masses) Rightful owners of everything by virtue of their existence. Have been fooled throughout history and forced to work for wages, until Marxism relieved them of the need to toil in order to claim a share of public property. Collectively, the People have an absolute and final Moral Authority on all issues, mouthed through their vanguard representatives who are scholars of Marxism. Individually, the People's degree of Moral Authority varies. The lowest degree of Moral Authority is found among White males, ages 30 to 65 (see Moral Authority).
The People™ has been revised by progressive thinkers to include animals, vegetables, household appliances, Necro-proxies, and other Democrat-voting entities historically disenfranchised by the speciist and necrophobic capitalist oppressors.
*All rights reserved. Not all qualify. Check with your local Commissar to see if you qualify for The People™. Not available in Red States. Void where prohibited by Current Truth™.