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When I Grow Up I Want to be An Organ Donor!

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The analysis is in and exceeds expectations! Our infallible experts have reviewed the Affordable Care Act and conclude that the average life expectancy in the U.S. will increase by 40 years.

This means that most people will live to be more than 100 years old!

So, if you’re a thirty-something still living with your parents, you’re really just an adolescent. Just think of what you’ll be when you really grow up!

Here are some jobs that will be in high demand:

- Organ Donor: Party members who are “more equal” will, occasionally, need an eye, kidney, lung, liver, or heart. Donate and receive special thanks from The Party.

- Tax Collector: Not only will you get to wear a cool brown shirt, you’ll also ensure that the able provide for the needy.

- Health-Guard: As part of the armed services, you’ll get to carry a gun and stop “the ignorant” from trying to leave the country for what they perceive to be “better” healthcare, while smuggling out collectively owned organs contained inside their bodies.

- Inspectors of Procrustean Hospital Beds: One size must fit all!


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For only $3.00 Joe Biden will offer you a chance to receive a pint of your own blood that you donate! Fundraising + access to healthcare ... FWORD!

 

 

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Palimpsest you damn commie, turn the chart right side up! It's decrease 40 years. Life expectancy will decrease 40 years!

Sheeeshhh.

Pretty soon people will be bribing the keepers of medical records to change their birthdays so they don't get marked too old for medical care. In fact, that's not a bad idea. Think I got another brilliant business idea!

 

 

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My contribution to the collective propagandistic effort has been inserted into the lead story in the form of a glorious poster:

Donating organs to senior Party members is your patriotic duty!

 

 

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Ask not what internal revenue service your country can do for you - ask what internal revenue service you can do for your country.

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Red Square wrote:My contribution to the collective propagandistic effort has been inserted into the lead story in the form of a glorious poster:

Donating organs to senior Party members is your patriotic duty!
As usual, a most-fitting and incisive graphic accompaniment to my humble words. Thank you, comrade!

 

 

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Welcome back from your "academic" hiatus, Professor! The collective could benefit from your intimate knowledge of Party organs. The Motherland needs you!

 

 

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Ah, a new cause: Organ Fairness! Why should all the good organs be hoarded by the people who have them? Organs belong to the People!

Follow my logic: what are all organs made up of? Cells! What are cells made up of? Molecules and atoms! Where did the lying, greedy one percent GET the molecules and atoms the organs they are hoarding are made up of? The earth! Who does the earth belong to? All the people! Therefore, all organs belong to the state which acts on behalf of The People ™! You do not own your organs, the state simply lends them to you so you can serve us it!

As Elizabeth Warren would say, "No one gets organs on their own!"

 

 


 

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It is entirely unfair that some have been more fortunate than others when it comes to organs. What right does a 22-year-old tri-athlete have to a good, solid liver, when an unfortunate Party member has been given by fate a liver ravaged by alcohol?

 

 

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People’s Organs For The Common Good™. Don't be selfish. Someone may need your organs more than you do. Redistribute internal organs to each according to his need. The government knows best.

 

 


 


 

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Opiate of the People wrote:Ah, a new cause: Organ Fairness! Why should all the good organs be hoarded by the people who have them? Organs belong to the People!

Yes! "The enemy of being is having," wrote Marx. We must bear in mind that our days of struggle to Next Tuesday are a violent revolution against all forms of individuality and having.

Karl Marx wrote:The less you eat, drink, and read books; the less you go to the theater, the dance hall, the public house; the less you think, love, theorize, sing, paint, fence, etc., the more you save - the greater becomes your treasure which neither moths nor dust will devour.... The less you are the more you have; the less you express your own life, the greater is your alienated life - the greater is the store of your estranged being.

Here we see that property, fun, individuality and everything you thought was good (having) alienates you. Moths and dust find alienation quite attractive in a person. So much so that they will devour you. This estranges you from your true being, for obvious reasons.

So you want to stop wanting, having and doing everything you enjoy else you'll attract moths and dust.

ObamaCare, the grant of power it gives to the People through the Secretary of Health and Human Services, is a giant shovel we shall use to regulate all the People's organs so that the People will no longer be estranged and alienated; the less they have the more they shall enjoy the treasure of their being. In communist society of Next Tuesday we will take everything away from you, even your vital organs - so that you may live!

 

 

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Comrade Otis wrote:In communist society of Next Tuesday we will take everything away from you, even your vital organs - so that you may live!*

* Unless you're over 55 or so... then we'll just take your vital organs, since you won't be needing them anyway...

-cough- death panels -cough-

 

 

Raum Emmanual Goldstein
I regret to inform you that you are well behind the power curve in this instance,Komrade.

Your kind attention is directed to the following link:
https://thepeoplescube.com/peoples-blog ... t4197.html

[media][/media]

You may rest assured that should we require it, we will harvest your organs exercise eminent domain at the appropriate point in time... Especially should you be found making disparaging and disloyal remarks regarding the Party in general and/or Dear Reader (AP&PBUH) in particular.

On that point, I frankly find your lack of proper party homework on the Cube most disturbing. Lest you seek to move yur name up the Kill Eninent Domain List , I suggest you always pay due homage to Made Progs...especially when you are being redressed by one!

FORWARD!!!

 

 

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Anthony Wiener should be the new spokesperson for this. And also, it is important to think to yourself, 'do you really need that kidney'? For some people who want to lose some weight, it's a simple solution.

I also seem to have quite a few friends excited to perform their new duties as a Health-Guard. It's also pretty straight forward. Instead of all these esoteric random assignments I always seem to assign myself.

 

 

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I promise to donate the following organ to the party.

(_*_)

Because too much is never enough.

 

 

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The Party is never behind the curve. Even as early as 2007--a full year B.O.--we were thinking ahead. All it needs is a bit of updating (in bold)

Draft Proposal
Text of People's Party Organ Donor Card Mandate
All Rights Credited to the Party

WHEREAS the individual is beholden to the Greater Good and the Party is the guardian thereof, AND
WHEREAS there exists an unequal distribution of vital body parts, AND
WHEREAS from time to time it suits the needs of the Party to sell organs and various bodily parts on the left, AND
WHEREAS it is the patriotic duty of every Party member to give until it hurts and beyond,
BE IT THEREFOR RESOLVED:

1. All participants in Hillary Care ObamaCare will voluntarily sign up for a Party Organ Donor Card. Failure to comply will result in termination of all health benefits, confiscation of all property, and immediate execution. Please note: THIS IS NOT A TAX. It is a penalty (unless we are before SCOTUS).

2. Holders of the Party Organ Donor Card will surrender on demand by duly authorized Party Officials any and all such organs as are required by the State for the Greater Good.

3. Holders of the Party Organ Donor Card will be recognized for their contributions in the
following manner:

--For the first major or the first two minor organs donated, the Card holder will receive five carbon offset credits and a certificate of compliance suitable for framing.

--For the second major or fourth minor organs donated, the Card holder will receive a lifetime bus pass good for free travel on all public transportation in Minsk during off-peak hours (excluding Holidays and Weekends) and an additional certificate of compliance suitable for framing.

--For the third major organ donated the Card holder will receive a full color picture of the beloved comrade Hillary Clinton Lightworker Barack Hussein Obama and a Xeroxed letter of appreciation signed with her his own personal rubber stamp and an additional certificate of compliance suitable for framing.

-For each additional organ donated the Card holder will be allowed to jump forward two spaces in line at any Collective store and will receive a certificate of compliance suitable for framing.

 

 


 

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Senior party members in good standing: be sure to apply for your Great Leap Forward Healthcare Card. Show this card to any caretaker at the clinic of your choice and you'll immediately jump to the front of the care-queue. Why wait to have that boil lanced? You have important work to do in the name of The People™ . Don't worry, the proles will gladly let you go before them, for they understand that their needs come second. Think of all the frequent cared-for points you'll earn - maybe enough for a boob job for that special someone.

 

 

Raum Emmanual Goldstein
Dr. W. S. Palimpsest wrote:Senior party members in good standing: be sure to apply for your Great Leap Forward Healthcare Card. Show this card to any caretaker at the clinic of your choice and you'll immediately jump to the front of the care-queue. Why wait to have that boil lanced? You have important work to do in the name of The People™ . Don't worry, the proles will gladly let you go before them, for they understand that their needs come second. Think of all the frequent cared-for points you'll earn - maybe enough for a boob job for that special someone.

Now....See here!

Haven't I counseled you once already with regards to your incessant and superfilous brown-nosing. You are far too egar to impress the Inner Party Membership which lends to the rhetorical conclusion that you have something to hide, that you are in need of a good mindless purging.

Do you not understand that Inner Party Members and Made Progs do not require special cards to discriminate between us and the proles we serve? Do you REALLY for a moment think that we “infallible experts” would not have not already sorted out the loop holes necessities of streamlining Inner Party care for the benefit of the Common Good? We shall not require a such a trivial scrap of laminated card board.

As you well know Kom. Sebelius in the Affordable Care Act was vested with the powers to make necessary concessions “…as the Secretary of Health and Human Services shall deem necessary…”

You may rest assured that should I need a boil lanced or a shot of penicillin for that “burning sensation,” you won’t find me near some common medical clinic with the likes of you!

I will have my own personal physicians [and hand-picked nurses, mind you...with a specially designed "uniform" I dare add] to see that my requirements are met so as not to distract me from the more important matters my duties demand.

Should I require serious hospitalisation -- no doubt for the aneurism I feel certain you are about to subject me to -- I will be rushed immediately to Bethesda Naval.

Why, the mere recognition of my visage as a Made Prog should be sufficient to move me to the front on any health care rationing scheme without delay were I ever to darken the door of one of YOUR government-provided "medical facilities"!

Do you REALLY think we will need some petty card? Exactly what kind of imbeciles do you take us for?

Indeed! Pinkie should have already whacked you with a shovel! Ahhh... She appears busy picking out the "uniform" for HER personal nursing staff..... Well, we're one handy, I would give you a good thrashing myself!

If you keep this up, the best you can hope to attain with your insipid proposals is Necroproxy 3rd Class pushing up sugar beets in time for the 2012 General Elections!

Now…. get back in line, Prole!

 

 

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R.E. Goldstein,

I pulled your file and see that The Party rejected your recent application for a Great Leap Forward Healthcare Card because you suffer from a pre-existing condition, viz., Pantywaddington Syndrome. You may reapply in five months.

Cheers,

Dr. P

 

 

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I just received this alarming email: not all doctors are supporting Obamacare! Who'd'a thunk?

The American Medical Association has weighed in on Obama's new health care package. The Allergists were in favor of scratching it, but the Dermatologists advised not to make any rash moves. The Gastroenterologist's had sort of a gut feeling about it, but the Neurologists thought the Administration had a lot of nerve. Meanwhile, Obstetricians felt certain everyone was laboring under a misconception, while the Ophthalmologists considered the idea shortsighted.

Pathologists yelled, "Over my dead body!" while the Pediatricians said, "Oh, grow up!" The Psychiatrists thought the whole idea was madness, while the Radiologists could see right through it. Surgeons decided to wash their hands of the whole thing and the Internists claimed it would indeed be a bitter pill to swallow.

The Plastic Surgeons opined that this proposal would "put a whole new face on the matter". The Podiatrists thought it was a step forward, but the Urologists were pissed off at the whole idea. Anesthesiologists thought it was a gas, and those lofty Cardiologists didn't have the heart to say no.

In the end, the Proctologists won out, leaving the entire decision up to the assholes in Washington.

 

 

Raum Emmanual Goldstein
Dr. W. S. Palimpsest wrote:R.E. Goldstein,

I pulled your file and see that The Party rejected your recent application for a Great Leap Forward Healthcare Card because you suffer from a pre-existing condition, viz., Pantywaddington Syndrome. You may reapply in five months.

Cheers,

Dr. P


ARRGGGH! Pinkie.... PLEASE loan me your shovel...

You should check your files again, Komrade. I am a duly authorized "Made Prog." I haven't the time to apply, nor the need to do so. Ergo -- unless one of my idiot underlings applied on my behalf in a vain effort to curry favor -- you will not find any such application in your files.

If you DO have an application filed on my behalf, I would appreciated a copy of the file so that I may determine which of my idiot underlings is in desperate need of a proper post-natal contraceptive procedure.

Furthermore, my excellent staff of hand-picked, Ivy League-educated personal physicians have cleared me of any serious health concerns (save that occassional "burning sensation" referred to earlier). So, unless you are behind this erroneous diagnosis of some "pre-existing condition," I suggest you denounce the guilty party forthwith. I shall also demand the name of the moron who would attempt to deny a "Made Prog" ANYTHING based on some alleged "pre-existing condition." Made Progs do not HAVE "pre-existing conditions." That would be like those idiots who diagnosed Dear Reader (AP&PBUH) as a clinical narcissist!

GUIDO! Fetch that bag of lime.... and leave the trunk open! I've a "shovel-ready" stimulous project for you.

 

 


 

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Bully, comrades! The Vital Public Service™ campaign is making colossal strides. Please recite our motto with me: "Give us your vitals and we'll give you our undying thanks!" (yeah right, suckas!) The organ harvest -- far from grinding to halt, as some neo-kulaks claimed -- is proceeding at a pace that far exceeds all expectations (read: quotas)! So much so that we're having to "cryo" the overwhelming surplus. We're building up a stockpile, comrades. The future is ours, i.e, if you're a member of the Nomenklatura.

 

 

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" Nomenklatura "............

Wasn't that a command given to Gort in " The Day the Earth Stood Still " ?

 

 

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First, if the earth stood still, the iron core at its centre would stop spinning, and the molten magma surrounding it would stop circulating, thus causing the protective magnetic field that surrounds earth to disappear, leaving our atmosphere open to being stripped away by particles from the solar wind, as well as by particles spewed out during coronal mass ejections such as we experienced last night.. it took about three days for them to reach us from 93,000,000 miles away (the sun being at the 10 year point in its 11 year cycle of solar storms, which will reach their strongest next year... )... and which supposedly caused aurora borealis to be seen as far south as Alabama and even Florida (I remember the summer of 1994, we had northern lights visible in Toronto, which is unusually far south... although they were only green, which is not particularly strong... last night was too cloudy, unfortunately, for us to see them)... In any case, gamma rays that we are normally protected from by the magnetic field surrounding earth, would cause our DNA to fall apart and we'd all just melt into piles of goo, as would all living things, and with no atmosphere, earth would turn into a larger Mars, eventually reaching about -18C... to put it in simple terms.

Since I haven't disintegrated from the inside out, I believe the earth is still rotating, and as such, given the nature of this thread, I am wondering if I should be preserving fresh necro-proxy donations for registration, or collecting and distributing their organs instead... or I suppose I could do both, as long as you're okay with them having glass eyes and being stuffed... In which case, Dear Peoples Direktor... Our Glorious Incarnadine Trapezoid... who shall I be distributing the harvested organs to? By what criteria are they to be allocated. Some direktion would be appreciated... although if you are taking requests, I would like to put in for some new vertebrae and a rib cage... considering that I have been on immunosuppressant medications for 12 years, I'm an excellent candidate, as I am probably the least likely amongst us to reject any donated body part I receive... Waste not, want not!

The problem is this... Unlike the 'cryo' solution that Dr. P. has eruditely suggested, we have still not actually developed a preservative solution possessing the qualities of antifreeze that would protect the cells of larger organs such as (in our case), the ever-in-demand liver, from simply lysing. This results from the water in cells crystallizing when frozen, thereby puncturing the cell walls, and causing them to... well... melt into piles of goo... Think of the difference between a freshly plucked strawberry, all nice and bright red and firm, just waiting for you to bite into it and release its juicy sweetness, as compared to a frozen and then thawed strawberry, lying mushy and shapeless and almost purple in colour... and while still juicy, those juices have released themselves... its firm fleshiness having disintegrated into a something fit only for topping blintzes with....

Now, while I don't advocate utilizing frozen human livers as a compote on which to enjoy blintzes, neither would they be particularly effective as working livers, and, in fact, would actually be much less useless than the failing liver they would be intended to replace... And while on a very simple cellular level, cryo-preservation is possible, up to the level of, say, corneas, for short periods of time, and simpler clusters of cells for a number of years... for larger organs, it is simply not yet a viable technology, and organs such as livers, kidneys, hearts, and whatnot, must be used within a very short period of time after harvesting or they will become compromised and damaged to the point of uselessness.

Having clarified the situation, as well as having requested some new vertebrae and a rib cage for myself (bone transplantation is actually quite an easy process, and it preserves quite well... I already have what is commonly referred to as 'cadaver bone' implanted in my jaw to strengthen it!) I would also request, as a kindness, to find a friend for Brain In Jar... I'm sure he is often lonely... Of course, we'd keep 'her' in her own jar, except for conjugal/hypothalmic visits... I'd have to requisition a special larger conjugal jar for such visits... and a privacy curtain... or just make it an opaque jar... or just put them in a cupboard for a while... I'll work something out...

Respectfully,
Sis

 

 

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Dearest Comrade Dr. P,

Whilst 'tis most lovely to have you back amongst us (I hope you found your quarters maintained to your liking in your absence), I must inform you that as a result of cutbacks, should Chairman M. S. Punchenko; AKA: Chairman Meowsevich S. Punchenko; AKA: Meow; AKA: The Chairman; AKA: Meowsevich; AKA: Chairman M. Sizzy; AKA: Che Peezy; AKA: "username: HummelLover"; AKA: California Department of Corrections and Rehabilitation CDC# S92864; AKA: Punchy Pooh Bear; &c. &c.... also make an appearance, and the two of you find it necessary to go out for a celebratory reunion soiree, by direktive I am no longer allowed to deploy the Tupolev for extractions, should the two of you find yourself in any untoward situations, including taking fire. Further, as the current whereabouts of RedTheProgressiveFox (Commissar of The Ministry of Wildlife and Robotics) are still unknown (I believe Ray Kurzweil has kidnapped and inculcated him into a cult... at the very least, he is being held prisoner and being tortured by forcing him to watch endless reruns of My Three Sons, The Mary Tyler Moore Show, Family Affair and Green Acres... Roger Penrose may also be involved, but I have deprogrammers and hedgehogs standing by to treat him as soon as we locate and repatriate him)... and as you know, it fell to him to keep the Tupolev in tip-top working order, and although I have done my best, he is the machinery expert, and I know there are parts that are on back order... well... as you'll see when you read on, we may not be able to deploy and extraction team in our usual timely manner...

And so, I must warn you, Dear Comrade Doktor, that you and Meow, should he decide to show his face (given that his parole officer has put a warrant out for his arrest for non-compliance of the conditions of his parole, which he broke in a record 16 minutes of having left his first meeting with is P.O., leading to a car chase on the freeway - he even chose a white Bronco in which to flee, although those that chose to hang signs from overpasses seemed to be calling for his execution on sight, as opposed to those who supported OJ Simpson - and in which he could be seen waving several fully automatic firearms as well as toying with a hand grendage, while trying to snort an unknown powdery substance while driving over 100 mph with all the windows down... causing it to blow away in a large cloud... which only led him to swallow a large handful of mixed pills which he washed down with what appeared to be a fifth of Scotch, while visibly cursing the loss of whatever powdered substance he was trying to inhale until he subsided his seeming fit and settled into a loud rendition of Kansas' Dust In The Wind, while swerving back and forth wildly, in an attempt to hit the CHP vehicles which were following at a safe distance... all of which was captured clearly by several local news helicopters, eventually leading to the mid-air collision of two of them over a densely populated area, but ultimately allowing for his escape... There has been some speculation that the choppers' pilots' were 'blinded' by some still "unknown accomplice" on the ground, aiming a laser pointer device of some type at them)... As a result, I believe there is a rather large contingent of US Marshals that have staked out The Cube™ in the belief that he will eventually come home when he runs out of funds, and as his "love dolphin" with Chicken Sushi is due any day now... It has become quite annoying as I believe they are intercepting deliveries and searching them in the hopes that he may have secreted himself in some supplies in the hopes of sneaking back home, and I have grown tired of having all my housekeeping orders searched and messed up before they even get to receiving.

Frankly, the annoyance has been such that should the two of you somehow manage a reunion and the subsequent celebratory fireworks require an extraction by Housekeeping, I can't say that we will necessarily run any reds (which obviously mean "go") to get to you, unless otherwise ordered by our Glorious Incarnadine Trapezoid, The Peoples Direktor. It has nothing to do with you, My Dear Doktor... Only my annoyance with Meowsevich, who has once again given in to his libertine tendencies without a thought in the Cube for anyone but himself and his own selfish needs and addictions.

Honestly... I couldn't make this stuff up if I tried.

Kollektively Yours,
Sister Massively Opiated,
Kommissar of Housekeeping, Yadda Yadda Yadda, & getting you out of deep doo-doo

 

 

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Sister Massively Opiated wrote:First, if the earth stood still, the iron core at its centre would stop spinning, and the molten magma surrounding it would stop circulating, thus causing the protective magnetic field that surrounds earth to disappear, leaving our atmosphere open to being stripped away by particles from the solar wind, as well as by particles spewed out during coronal mass ejections such as we experienced last night
Dearest Sis: may I be so bold as to point out that what you've described is nearly word for word exactly what will happen if >shudder< Dear Leader is not re-elected this coming November? And our beautiful, if primitive, northern neighbor - to which we fondly refer as Kanuckistan - is not so far away as to successfully evade the massive suckage as the USSA's atmosphere is ripped away by Rethugglikkkan solar wind particles?

And I must admit - I, too, am somewhat worried about Meow. Where oh where could he be?


Sis replies: You say Kanuckistan. We say Kandistan. You say "potatoe." We say "potato." But regardless, actually, it is exactly what will happen if the earth stops turning (or stands still... same diff)... It's why we've built a big invisible wall... We had Gerald Bull design it right before the CIA killed him... now you can't have our oil, or our air. By the way, you can't see it...

 
Last edited by Sister Massively Opiated on 15 Jul 2012, 20:40, edited 1 time in total.
Reason for editing this post: for scientific and spelling klarifikation

 

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Dear Sister Massively Opiated'

The latest version of " The Day the Earth Stood Still " is a Keanu Reeves flick..........
And anything is possible in a Keanu Reeves flick ..........
Except good acting from Keanu Reeves.

 

 

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Sister Massively Opiated wrote:Dearest Comrade Dr. P,

Whilst 'tis most lovely to have you back amongst us (I hope you found your quarters maintained to your liking in your absence), I must inform you that as a result of cutbacks, should Chairman M. S. Punchenko; AKA: Chairman Meowsevich S. Punchenko; AKA: Meow; AKA: The Chairman; AKA: Meowsevich; AKA: Chairman M. Sizzy; AKA: Che Peezy; AKA: "username: HummelLover"; AKA: California Department of Corrections and Rehabilitation CDC# S92864; AKA: Punchy Pooh Bear; &c. &c.... also make an appearance, and the two of you find it necessary to go out for a celebratory reunion soiree, by direktive I am no longer allowed to deploy the Tupolev for extractions, should the two of you find yourself in any untoward situations, including taking fire...

...Frankly, the annoyance has been such that should the two of you somehow manage a reunion and the subsequent celebratory fireworks require an extraction by Housekeeping, I can't say that we will necessarily run any reds (which obviously mean "go") to get to you, unless otherwise ordered by our Glorious Incarnadine Trapezoid, The Peoples Direktor. It has nothing to do with you, My Dear Doktor... Only my annoyance with Meowsevich, who has once again given in to his libertine tendencies without a thought in the Cube for anyone but himself and his own selfish needs and addictions.
Most Estimable Sis: As usual, your electrically nimble and voluminous narrative leaves my head spinning worse than an all-nighter in Amsterdam's multicolored-light district. Regarding your first post, in which you tactfully addressed the problems of cryogenically preserving donated organs, I defer to your expertise without reservation. I'm really only "scientific" when it come to socialism; and, if it involves increasing the production of my wineries for the good of the people. Now to the subject at hand: Meowsevich. Rumor has it that he is on a big-game safari in Kenya, posing as a wealthy Latvian industralist. He's still flying under the radar since the incident in Montevideo. Seems the getaway Tupolev never arrived and he had to bribe his way out, old school. Uraguay is way less cool than it used to be! All for now: happy hour just started! ~Dr. P

 

 

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R.O.C.K. in the USSA wrote:Image
Am I in? By Thoth and Amun! With Michelle & O I'm not sure I want to know.Image

 

 


 
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