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Unregulated thought rampages through Brown University

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NY Times, March 21, 2015: Imagine attending a college where free speech and intellectual curiosity are unregulated, where competing ideas are openly discussed, and vigorous debate not only tolerated, but encouraged. Then imagine being routinely subjected to thoughts and ideas that are troubling, upsetting, and possibly different from your own. Finally, imagine the sheer horror of realizing you can't control the speech, beliefs and ideas of those around you! This my friends, was the terrifying position in which Katherine Byron found herself last fall.

But the spunky Brown University senior, and member of the Sexual Assault Task Force, was
undaunted. Facing insurmountable odds, Ms. Byron rallied her progressive courage and challenged the foe head on. "Enough!" she screamed. "I won't tolerate this,... this "thinking", all these hurtful "words" and,... and damaging micro-aggressions! I'm creating the official Katherine Byron Safe Space for the sensitive and fragile of mind. Come! Let us build The Space together!"

[quote]The safe space, Ms. Byron explained, was intended to give people who might find comments 'troubling' or 'triggering,' a place to recuperate. The room was equipped with cookies, coloring books, bubbles, Play-Doh, calming music, pillows, blankets and a video of frolicking puppies, as well as students and staff members trained to deal with trauma.[/quote]
But there was more work to be done. If Ms. Byron suddenly felt unsafe from a random bit of
unregulated speech she could run to her Safe Space. But what about the others? Shouldn't every space in a university be a Safe Space? Of course! And so, together with like-minded activists, Katherine began slipping fliers under doors, posting them in public areas, and spreading the word throughout the university. The flier stated defiantly: “I want this space to be a safer space.” Then they all marched around and around the campus chanting, "What do we want? Safety! When do we want it? NOW!"

[quote]An organizer of the demonstration said, “we need to be setting aside spaces to talk” about “victim-blaming.” [/quote]

 

 

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I am so utterly speechless I cannot even think of something to say "in character". My gosh. These people are supposed to be adults! If they don't want to hear a particular viewpoint there is something they can do about it: not attend. Ignore. If they want, they can even protest. But to have this ridiculous "safe room" from ideas with which she disagrees....disgusting! Oh wait, I think I now have something to say in character...

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I think this is a most glorious idea! And, Dear Leader needs one of these. Actually, Dear Leader, being as great as he is, needs something more. He needs an entire state as a "safe state". The state of Hawaii, his alleged state of birth needs to become the State of Obama. No rethugs allowed. Only progressive ideas allowed. Dear Leader can choom, golf, play video games and have Reggie at his side all day. He can invite the Danish Prime Minister to take selfies with him. Even FLATUS is not allowed there. The whole state of Hawaii has to be for Dear Leader and his selected friends. Everyone else can be redistributed to the other 56 states!

 

 

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I trust someone is monitoring the coloring books in these safe spaces to be sure they contain no traces of sexism, racism, heteronormativity, ageism, ableism, elitism, xenophobia, speciesism, phallocentrism, logocentrism, etc., etc., etc. If not, I, as always, selflessly volunteer to establish and direct the monitoring agency.

 

 

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Comrades RedDiaperette and Craptek, speaking of speciesism, what do you think about how this room just has puppy pictures? What about the rest? Hmm? What if people prefer to see kittens or baby squirrels? What if they want to see baby Rhinos (not baby pictures of Comrades McConnell or Boehner)? It sounds like someone might need a safe space from the safe room.

 

 

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I heard they have IV bags filled with beet-flavored koolaid at the Safe Space.

 

 

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Comrades Red-D and Linen,

I have a solution: The "Safe Womb" - a "womb in a room" where the hyper-sensitive will be safe!

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Safe-Womb.JPG

 

 

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It's nice to see that Brown University is once again distinguishing itself from it's so-called Ivy League roots, proving yet again that "the feelz" that result from "thinking" are just too much for those stellar minds of human intellect that have matriculated at Brown Stain on the Mattress University. All universities and their students should be equally vociferous in denouncing so-called free speech, free thought, and diversity of viewpoints; after all, compliance with the Current Truth is the only way Forward to Next Tuesday.

Since it is clear that "safe spaces" are absolutely required for the Future Leaders of Next Tuesday, it only makes sense to bring these progressive technologies to the present leadership to further their ability to Move Forward! I hereby recommend and move the People's Soviet for an order directing that the floor of the House of Congress shall henceforth be a "safe space," where evil, racist, anti-woman rethugglikans aren't allowed to voice their counter-revolutionary and regressive "lizard-braid ideas." Anti-woman, heteroprivileged, cis-normative and other-phobic speech will no longer be allowed due to the horrific trauma inflicted upon all of the survivors of KKKaptialism that inhabit such spaces; therefore, all Rethuglicans can just be banned from entering what will now be known as The People's Safe Rubber Stamping Space (formerly known as the U.S. Congress), until they understand how their attitudes must be re-aligned with the Will of the People (with some help from Comisarka Pinkie's shovel, of course) in order to avoid traumatizing the otherkind and fellow hu-womans that are present.

 

 

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Captain Craptek wrote:Comrades Red-D and Linen,

I have a solution: The "Safe Womb" - a "womb in a room" where the hyper-sensitive will be safe!

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Safe-Womb.JPG

You crazy tree rat!

A womb is about the most unsafe place anyone could hope to be! Particularly if the womb happens to belong to a female Party™ member.

We're all fortunate to have made it out alive from the womb.

That's the craziest idea you've ever come up with.

I would denounce you if I wasn't so horrified.

 

 

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Komrades! What more proof do we need to know that our glorious final victory and the total elimination of disgusting individual thought is at hand!
The spineless American masses are repulsed at the very idea of thinking or acting for them selves! WE HAVE WON!
In the next two years Dear Glorious Leader and the Progressive army (the Media) that has paved the way for him will erase all vestiges of individualism for America and true Collectivism WILL rule!

 

 

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Kapitan Kangaroo Kourt wrote:
Captain Craptek wrote:Comrades Red-D and Linen,

I have a solution: The "Safe Womb" - a "womb in a room" where the hyper-sensitive will be safe!

[highlight=#ffff00]You crazy tree rat![/highlight]

A womb is about the most unsafe place anyone could hope to be! Particularly if the womb happens to belong to a female Party™ member.

We're all fortunate to have made it out alive from the womb.

[highlight=#ffff00]That's the craziest idea you've ever come up with.

I would denounce you if I wasn't so horrified.[/highlight]

Tsk,...tsk...Comrade Hopping Mouse,

So it's finally out in the open! Jealousy - the green-eyed monster! But I suppose you have good reason to be jealous. My stylish traversing through the treetops has caused many a land-bound creature to curse their ancestors. I suggest you get your mind <ahem...> off my talents and concentrate on producing that pouch you promised to grow. Hopefully you won't be tripped up by getting those giant things you call feet stuck in it every five minutes.

 

 

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I vote with the marsupial.

Craptek, if Planned Parenthood had squirrel sized tools, you'd have never been more than a good idea to pass an evening in the treetops...

Wombs (like El Salvador) are dangerous. That's why everyone leaves as soon as we they can.

 

 

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Ivan the Stakhanovets wrote:I vote with the marsupial.

Craptek, if Planned Parenthood had squirrel sized tools, you'd have never been more than a good idea to pass an evening in the treetops...

Wombs (like El Salvador) are dangerous. That's why everyone leaves as soon as we they can.

(And speaking of "squirrel sized tools" - look who showed up to pile on the defenseless rodent)

Greetings Comrade Ivan!

Ah, it's good to be back! I've been away at Training Camp™ and was beginning to miss the incessant drone of your endless ridicule. But I should have known you were lurking, hanging out in the Cube's Communication Center, (which may or may not exist) your keen eyes watching for the first sign of my return, preparing to quickly leap upon my defenseless little frame. Thanks for caring!

 

 

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Indeed the People's Nuts have been vulnerable without your guardianship, welcome back.

And yes, I care, so others don't have to...

 

 

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I'm horrified that the Captain could even suggest that a womb is a safe place. That would destroy one of the central tenets of The Party's™ platform.

 

 

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Captain Craptek wrote: So it's finally out in the open! Jealousy - the green-eyed monster!

Hey, it's not me who is looking for corrective surgery in order to become a trans-gendered kangaroo. That was entirely your own suggestion, comrade. Not that there's anything wrong with that but suggesting that I'm jealous seems to be projection.

Apparently, your additional re-education and vocational instruction has not given you clairvoyance enough to ascertain your own Party™ approved gender/species curiosities.

 

 

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Kapitan Kangaroo Kourt wrote:
Captain Craptek wrote: So it's finally out in the open! Jealousy - the green-eyed monster!

Hey, it's not me who is looking for corrective surgery in order to become a trans-gendered kangaroo. That was entirely your own suggestion, comrade. Not that there's anything wrong with that but suggesting that I'm jealous seems to be projection.

Apparently, your additional re-education and vocational instruction has not given you clairvoyance enough to ascertain your own Party™ approved [highlight=#ffff00]gender/species curiosities[/highlight].

Actually, I'm considering trans-species implant surgery. After the hormone treatments are finished I'm growing a turban, moving to Yemen, and joining the battle! That's right, Komrade - I'm joining ISIS - I be down for the struggle,...Yo! Wish me luck!

 

 

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Captain Craptek wrote:
Kapitan Kangaroo Kourt wrote:
Captain Craptek wrote: So it's finally out in the open! Jealousy - the green-eyed monster!

Hey, it's not me who is looking for corrective surgery in order to become a trans-gendered kangaroo. That was entirely your own suggestion, comrade. Not that there's anything wrong with that but suggesting that I'm jealous seems to be projection.

Apparently, your additional re-education and vocational instruction has not given you clairvoyance enough to ascertain your own Party™ approved [highlight=#ffff00]gender/species curiosities[/highlight].

Actually, I'm considering trans-species implant surgery. After the hormone treatments are finished I'm growing a turban, moving to Yemen, and joining the battle! That's right, Komrade - I'm joining ISIS - I be down for the struggle,...Yo! Wish me luck!

I suggest you consult with comrade al-Blogunov, before you depart. Rumour has it that he knows where to obtain reasonably priced slave girls who come with their own popcorn dispensers.

 

 

Captain Craptek wrote: The safe space... was equipped with cookies, coloring books, bubbles, Play-Doh, calming music, pillows, blankets and a video of frolicking puppies....

My safe space is better. It goes everywhere I go and it is equipped very simply with just me and Mr. 1911A1.

 

 

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Lev Termen wrote:
Captain Craptek wrote: The safe space... was equipped with cookies, coloring books, bubbles, Play-Doh, calming music, pillows, blankets and a video of frolicking puppies....

My safe space is better. It goes everywhere I go and it is equipped very simply with just me and Mr. 1911A1.

Mr. Browning's "45 Ways To Secure A Peaceful Life" is mandatory reading in the Craptek household.

 

 

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"Safe Spaces" indicate that a person is totally safe from everything in the "space", hence the name. "Trigger Words" imply that there is a gun that is fired whenever these collegiate comrades are offended or sad. Therefore, we can only assume that these collegiate comrades are either mass-murderers or are suicidal or have committed mental suicide so that they may follow state doctrine much more in-depth.

Since the "Safe Spaces" are for those who have committed mental suicide or are mental mass-murderers, therefore this must be a place for the dead or extreme mental criminals that will be mental criminals for the rest of their life. Thus, these "Safe Spaces" can only be described as wonderful, sunny, and fun Guantanamo Bay, Cuba.

The mentally criminal or dead are sure to feel left out, so the mentally alive, in a silly feat, have constructed a place for them to gather, and possibly recruit, so that they feel less alone, or in the case of recruitment, so that they can kill off mentally many more comrades so that they may follow state doctrine much more.

Therefore, we can only say that these "Safe Spaces" and "Trigger Words" are tools of the glorious State and that they should be constructed in every building.

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Talk about one of the silliest and idiotic ideas. I mean, if you don't wanna hear something bad about your ideas or even don't want to hear opinions different of your own, then it's your right to walk away and suffer any consequences or lack of reputation, respect, or decorum that may come your way. But to demand that you get a special room where you are guaranteed to never hear those things is absolutely absurd. And if these wusses get their own room where they can never hear the things they don't want to hear, then people who want to debate violently and rationally should get their own room as well. Oh yeah, that room's called The Real World, and no, it doesn't need to be equipped with "Play Dough" and film of "frolicking puppies", all one needs to debate in the real world is a group of people with about half of them believing one thing that the other half doesn't.

Lord Byron, English poet, once said that "Adversity is the first path to truth", but Katherine Byron seems to believe the opposite. It is also a medical fact that if weight isn't put on bones then they become very brittle and weak. Adversity, in this case, would be putting weight on bones, but these rooms will be quick to put them into both a literal and metaphoric chair, taking away any from of weight or adversity, and so their mental bones, due to having barely any weight on them, will become brittle and weak. After such adversity, as indicated by Lord Byron, comes truth, but if the users of these rooms aren't willing to go through tumult, they will never become stronger, nor will they learn the truth about themselves.

These students just seem unwilling to grow up and face the real world. But now, they've constructed a "Neverland" for them to go to so that they never have to grow up, at least, until they leave the institution. I can only wonder how much they'll crack when they have to eat cheap rice and potatoes from Walmart (and not from one of the many Hippie gluten -free, vegan, soy, tofu, and meat made from vegetables food stores that liberal/socialist/communist/trendy collegiates like to shop at) and learn to balance their bills and Student Loan payments while they inevitably work at the local burger joint, as a cashier or stockman, a janitor, or one of the many low-pay jobs that collegiates usually get because of the high saturation of college degrees.

In short, it's just like covering an artillery gun that's pointed at your face with a sheet of tinfoil; You can't see the gun, so you feel safe, and the reflective surface of the tinfoil almost makes it look like you, but it sure as hell won't stop the shell once the gun's fired.

 

 

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Comrade Stierlitz wrote:Lord Byron, English poet, once said that "Adversity is the first path to truth".

Quite so, comrade. However, Diversity™ is the only path to the Current Truth™ and Tolerance™ is the vehicle that will convey one on that path.

Lack of Diversity™ or Tolerance™ will not be tolerated and anyone who displays a lack of Diversity™ and Tolerance™ will be punished and banished after being denounced in a show trial and sentenced to everlasting shame and denied any opportunity to be successful and, therefore, any possibility of paying off student debt.

The Party™ will not tolerate Intolerance™.

FORWARD!

 

 

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Captain Craptek wrote:
Kapitan Kangaroo Kourt wrote:
Captain Craptek wrote: So it's finally out in the open! Jealousy - the green-eyed monster!

Hey, it's not me who is looking for corrective surgery in order to become a trans-gendered kangaroo. That was entirely your own suggestion, comrade. Not that there's anything wrong with that but suggesting that I'm jealous seems to be projection.

Apparently, your additional re-education and vocational instruction has not given you clairvoyance enough to ascertain your own Party™ approved [highlight=#ffff00]gender/species curiosities[/highlight].

Actually, I'm considering trans-species implant surgery. After the hormone treatments are finished I'm growing a turban, moving to Yemen, and joining the battle! That's right, Komrade - I'm joining ISIS - I be down for the struggle,...Yo! Wish me luck!
You already packed up your dresses?

 

 

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[color=#ff0000]Hammer and Loupe[/color] was kidding when he wrote:
...but [color=#ff0000]Captain 'Mad Maxine' Craptek[/color] was serious when she wrote: [highlight=#ffff00]I'm joining ISIS[/highlight] - I be down for the struggle,...Yo! Wish me luck!
You already packed up your dresses?
captain-mad-maxine-craptek.jpg

 

 

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That's disturbing and I'm not even sure why.

 

 

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Comrade Putout wrote:
[color=#ff0000]Hammer and Loupe[/color] was kidding when he wrote:
...but [color=#ff0000]Captain 'Mad Maxine' Craptek[/color] was serious when she wrote: [highlight=#ffff00]I'm joining ISIS[/highlight] - I be down for the struggle,...Yo! Wish me luck!
You already packed up your dresses?
captain-mad-maxine-craptek.jpg

I am not kidding since ISIS is having a women's clothing crisis. The wear wears out quickly. Are you aware of that?

 

 


 
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