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NASA announces manned mission to Mercury

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Cape Canaveral, FL – Charles F. Bolden, Jr., Administrator of the National Aeronautics and Space Administration, announced today that NASA intends to land a manned spacecraft on the surface of the planet Mercury.

Speaking from the Kennedy Space Center, Bolden explained that the mission would be a bold attempt to accurately measure the geology and climate of the solar system's innermost planet. “I wish I could take credit for spearheading this initiative,” said Bolden, “but the mission specs came directly from the White House.”

Comparing the sudden presidential interest in space exploration to President Kennedy's moon-landing speech, Bolden noted that high-level executive officials “have already provided an Atlas V rocket, fuel, and a capsule capable of sustaining an astronaut on the journey to Mercury.”

“I am pleased to announce that one of our own, Jay Zwally, glaciologist with NASA's Goddard Space Flight Center, was hand-picked by President Obama as the sole astronaut entrusted with this daring mission.”

Zwally made headlines this week by releasing the results of a NASA survey which discovered that Antarctic ice cover has been increasing for more than two decades, directly contradicting the Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change's (IPCC) 2013 report which says that Antarctica is overall losing ice.

Bolden concluded by saying “The scientific consensus is that Mercury's temperature ranges from -280F at night to 800F during the day, and that it is therefore an uninhabitable wasteland. But we'll see what changes once a NASA man takes a few measurements.”

NASA.gov currently shows a Wednesday launch date for the mission, with Thursday, Friday, and Saturday as alternate dates.

 

 

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The clock for the mission will be designed by Ahmed, the dead terrorist.

 

 

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I'm surprised that they aren't waiting until Next Tuesday™.

 

 

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Kapitan Kangaroo Kourt wrote:I'm surprised that they aren't waiting until Next Tuesday™.
I suspect that this was urgent, and had to be done before Next Tuesday.

 

 

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Yes. I suppose if this wasn't done before Next Tuesday™, it would have been too late. A catastrophe has been averted, once more, by the leaders of The Party™ acknowledging the Scientific™ consensus and acting forthwith.

 

 

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No matter what day he goes, just be thankful Zwally the gynecologist dude isn't landing on Uranus!

 

 

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What an expensive purge! Why not just send him to Platform 6 and let me work him to death? Whatever happened to just putting him up against the wall and firing a Mosin-Nagant?

 

 

It is disappointing to see that this will be a manned mission. So many womyn deserve to be sent on such a trip.

 

 

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[color=#ff0000]Captain Craptek[/color] seems to know what he is talking about when he wrote:No matter what day he goes, just be thankful Zwally the gynecologist dude isn't landing on Uranus!
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It could be worse, Captain Craptek...

Doctor Biden bin Zwally prepares to extract an ice core sample on Ivanus.

I've never seen Ivanus so aglow with anticipatory delight!
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Congratulations, Comrade Kilroy, on making the Mother Page twice in a row!

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I'm not sure, but i think Zwally is getting bitch slapped at this moment for reporting the [highlight=#ffff00]facts[/highlight] of Antarctic ice increases, vs the report put out today by Comrade Eric Rignot (Zwally is a damned liar) claiming the ice is melting so fast there, seas [highlight=#ffff00]"could"[/highlight] rise 3 meters if we don't stop it immediately.

 

 

mi
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Makes me wonder, what Laika did decades ago to deserve her honor of becoming a Space Dog...

 

 

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mi wrote:Makes me wonder, what Laika did decades ago to deserve her honor of becoming a Space Dog...

She was a bitch, that's how! That's the only thing an old dog has left! Go Laika!

 

 

mi
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Pamalinsky wrote:She was a bitch, that's how!
If only that was enough, a certain Madam Secretary would've been a shiny object observable from Earth at certain intervals.

But with dogs that's a general condition -- pick any one of them, and it is liable to turn out to be either a bitch or a son of one...

 

 

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True, mi,

Thing is she really is a bitch, only observable from Pluto! She can't be observed from Earth because it's too close to home.

NASA likes to send home shiny objects back to Earth from far, far away, like Pluto.
Hence, Hillary. NASA (the Muslim Outreach Project) is in the bag for Hillary and that's what counts.

 

 


 
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