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19 and Counting: How to tell age in prog years

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Need help figuring out an age in prog years? Use this handy-dandy reference chart as a tutorial.

 

 

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So it is now all right to refer to refer to Trayvon and Michael and others of their junior prog status as "boys"? Or is that still raaaacist? Oh, dear. I cannot fathom this. I will simply keep nodding my head and pumping my fists paws and waving my Party-distributed signs and shouting whatever slogans I hear around me.

 

 

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So... if I touch someone inappropriately, I can shed a few years?

 

 

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Only if you're a progressive democrat in a protected class.

 

 

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Finally...a reason to become progressive....I think.....

 

 

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Navigator wrote:Finally...a reason to become progressive....I think.....
Beware. For a progressive, thinking is unauthorized. So is seeking "reasons." Fie.

 

 

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RedDiaperette wrote:...Fie.

Hey! You can't use the "F" word on a family friendly website!

I'll not report you to the thought police this time, leave your vodka ration card in the toolbox at the door of tractor barn #2, I'll take care of it from there.

(Cats. Absolutely untrainable...)

 

 

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Ivan the Stakhanovets wrote:
RedDiaperette wrote:...Fie.

Hey! You can't use the "F" word on a family friendly website!

I'll not report you to the thought police this time, leave your vodka ration card in the toolbox at the door of tractor barn #2, I'll take care of it from there.

(Cats. Absolutely untrainable...)
Well, then ... Pfui. And untrainable, you say? Pfui again. I will have you know I have been using a litter box since kittenhood.

However, in lieu of my ration card, which has been loaned out to a starving family of Americans-in-Waiting, I have left a case of liquid refreshment behind the door of said tractor barn. You may spread the wealth around if you wish. If you do not wish ... who am I to judge?

 

 

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I've done a bit of testing, and I have developed a system for the determination of age in the amount of Prog Year Units:

1. Find age in Gregorian Year Units.
2. Refer to this schedule to determine how much to add/subtract from the Gregorian Year Unit Number:

[table][tr][td] Communist[/td][td] Subtract 500[/td][/tr][tr][td] Marxist[/td][td] Subtract 150[/td][/tr][tr][td] Stalinist or Leninist[/td][td] Subtract 100[/td][/tr][tr][td] Socialist[/td][td] Subtract 110[/td][/tr][tr][td] Progressive[/td][td] Subtract 75[/td][/tr][tr][td] Democrat[/td][td] Subtract 50[/td][/tr][tr][td] Feminist[/td][td] Subtract 25[/td][/tr][tr][td] Kollektivist[/td][td] Subtract 225[/td][/tr][tr][td] Disbelief in American Exceptionalism[/td][td] Subtract 175[/td][/tr][tr][td] Owner of Che Guevara T-Shirt[/td][td] Subtract 2[/td][/tr][tr][td] Owner of Che Guevara T-Shirt Purchased from Che-Mart.com[/td][td] Subtract 7[/td][/tr][tr][td] Is Hillary Clinton[/td][td] Subtract 500[/td][/tr][tr][td] Is Karl Marx[/td][td] Subtract 10000[/td][/tr][tr][td] Is Vladimir Lenin/Joseph Stalin [/td][td] Subtract 1000[/td][/tr][tr][td] Lives in California/Seattle[/td][td] Subtract 5[/td][/tr][tr][td]Owns Hybrid or Electric Car[/td][td] Subtract 2[/td][/tr][tr][td] Uses Public Transport as Main Means of Travel[/td][td] Subtract 7[/td][/tr][tr][td] Is a Democratic/Green/Socialist/Communist Presidential Candidate[/td][td] Subtract 750[/td][/tr][tr][td] Makes less than $10,000 a year[/td][td] Subtract 1[/td][/tr][tr][td] Makes less than $5,000 a year[/td][td] Subtract 3[/td][/tr][tr][td] Makes less than $1,000 a year[/td][td] Subtract 5[/td][/tr][tr][td] On welfare or steals everything they need to live [/td][td] Subtract 20[/td][/tr][tr][td] Moderate[/td][td] Add 5[/td][/tr][tr][td]Constitutionalist[/td][td]Add 55[/td][/tr][tr][td] Libertarian[/td][td] Add 65[/td][/tr][tr][td] Republican [/td][td] Add 75[/td][/tr][tr][td] Capitalist[/td][td] Add 200[/td][/tr][tr][td] Free-Market Capitalist[/td][td] Add 250[/td][/tr][tr][td] Conservative[/td][td] Add 150[/td][/tr][tr][td] Belief in American Exceptionalism[/td][td] Add 60[/td][/tr][tr][td] Tea Party Supporter and/or Member[/td][td] Add 50[/td][/tr][tr][td] Owns a Pickup Truck[/td][td] Add 10[/td][/tr][tr][td] Owns More Than One Vehicle[/td][td] Add 15[/td][/tr][tr][td] Owns a Diesel-Powered Vehicle[/td][td] Add 50[/td][/tr][tr][td] is a Founding Father[/td][td] Add 1000[/td][/tr][tr][td] Is a Republican/Libertarian/Constitutionalist Presidential Candidate[/td][td] Add 500[/td][/tr][tr][td] Makes more than $35,000 a year[/td][td] Add 30[/td][/tr][tr][td]Makes more than $55,000 a year[/td][td] Add 40[/td][/tr][tr][td] Makes more than $100,000 a year[/td][td] Add 50[/td][/tr][tr][td] Makes more than $500,000 a year [/td][td] Add 75[/td][/tr][tr][td] Makes more than $1,000,000 a year [/td][td] Add 100[/td][/tr][tr][td] Makes more than $5,000,000 a year[/td][td] Add 500[/td][/tr][tr][td] Makes more than $10,000,000 a year[/td][td] Add 750[/td][/tr][tr][td] Makes more than $50,000,000 a year[/td][td] Add 1000[/td][/tr][tr][td] Makes more than $1,000,000,000 a year[/td][td] Add 2000[/td][/tr][/table]

3. How to read the Prog Year Unit result:

(Note on Negatives: More is used in a mathematically incorrect way to make things simple. Example: -15 would be "more" than -10.)

Positive, more than 1000 - Open up, we have a special "gift" for you.
Positive, more than 750 - Please come with us, don't mind the shovel and wool trenchcoat, you'll find out what to do with them later.
Positive, more than 500 - You can't be fixed.
Positive, more than 100 - Lots of work to do, We have our eyes on you.
Positive, more than 50 - Still have some work to do.
Positive, more than 10 - Getting close!
Positive, less than 10 - Just a little bit more. Either that or the State Calculator malfunctioned.

Zero - Make it negative and you're golden.

Negative, less than -10 - Take your remediation classes, they're free and you'll get that number down in no time!
Negative, more than -10 - You're coming along just fine!
Negative, more than -50 - Good Prog. Very Good Prog.
Negative, more than -100 - Komissar material. Be sure to put your name in at the next Komissar Raffle.
Negative, more than -500 - Komissar with a few Medals. You'll get them in the mail later in the week.
Negative, more than -1000 - Sign these papers and you'll have a good chance of becoming Director once the current one dies.
Negative, more than -5000 - An honorary director. No actual power or benefits but the title can get you places.
Negative, more than -10000 - You're the New Director. The old one is, well, "on ice".


I hope that this study has improved the Kollektive and/or it's government.

 

 


 
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