19 and Counting: How to tell age in prog years

Need help figuring out an age in prog years? Use this handy-dandy reference chart as a tutorial.
 

So it is now all right to refer to refer to Trayvon and Michael and others of their junior prog status as "boys"? Or is that still raaaacist? Oh, dear. I cannot fathom this. I will simply keep nodding my head and pumping my fists paws and waving my Party-distributed signs and shouting whatever slogans I hear around me.
 

So... if I touch someone inappropriately, I can shed a few years?
 

Only if you're a progressive democrat in a protected class.
 

Finally...a reason to become progressive....I think.....
 

Navigator

Finally...a reason to become progressive....I think.....
Beware. For a progressive, thinking is unauthorized. So is seeking "reasons." Fie.
 

RedDiaperette

...Fie.

Hey! You can't use the "F" word on a family friendly website!

I'll not report you to the thought police this time, leave your vodka ration card in the toolbox at the door of tractor barn #2, I'll take care of it from there.

(Cats. Absolutely untrainable...)
 

Ivan the Stakhanovets

RedDiaperette

...Fie.

Hey! You can't use the "F" word on a family friendly website!

I'll not report you to the thought police this time, leave your vodka ration card in the toolbox at the door of tractor barn #2, I'll take care of it from there.

(Cats. Absolutely untrainable...)
Well, then ... Pfui. And untrainable, you say? Pfui again. I will have you know I have been using a litter box since kittenhood.

However, in lieu of my ration card, which has been loaned out to a starving family of Americans-in-Waiting, I have left a case of liquid refreshment behind the door of said tractor barn. You may spread the wealth around if you wish. If you do not wish ... who am I to judge?
 

I've done a bit of testing, and I have developed a system for the determination of age in the amount of Prog Year Units:

1. Find age in Gregorian Year Units.
2. Refer to this schedule to determine how much to add/subtract from the Gregorian Year Unit Number:

Communist	Subtract 500
Marxist	Subtract 150
Stalinist or Leninist	Subtract 100
Socialist	Subtract 110
Progressive	Subtract 75
Democrat	Subtract 50
Feminist	Subtract 25
Kollektivist	Subtract 225
Disbelief in American Exceptionalism	Subtract 175
Owner of Che Guevara T-Shirt	Subtract 2
Owner of Che Guevara T-Shirt Purchased from Che-Mart.com	Subtract 7
Is Hillary Clinton	Subtract 500
Is Karl Marx	Subtract 10000
Is Vladimir Lenin/Joseph Stalin	Subtract 1000
Lives in California/Seattle	Subtract 5
Owns Hybrid or Electric Car	Subtract 2
Uses Public Transport as Main Means of Travel	Subtract 7
Is a Democratic/Green/Socialist/Communist Presidential Candidate	Subtract 750
Makes less than $10,000 a year	Subtract 1
Makes less than $5,000 a year	Subtract 3
Makes less than $1,000 a year	Subtract 5
On welfare or steals everything they need to live	Subtract 20
Moderate	Add 5
Constitutionalist	Add 55
Libertarian	Add 65
Republican	Add 75
Capitalist	Add 200
Free-Market Capitalist	Add 250
Conservative	Add 150
Belief in American Exceptionalism	Add 60
Tea Party Supporter and/or Member	Add 50
Owns a Pickup Truck	Add 10
Owns More Than One Vehicle	Add 15
Owns a Diesel-Powered Vehicle	Add 50
is a Founding Father	Add 1000
Is a Republican/Libertarian/Constitutionalist Presidential Candidate	Add 500
Makes more than $35,000 a year	Add 30
Makes more than $55,000 a year	Add 40
Makes more than $100,000 a year	Add 50
Makes more than $500,000 a year	Add 75
Makes more than $1,000,000 a year	Add 100
Makes more than $5,000,000 a year	Add 500
Makes more than $10,000,000 a year	Add 750
Makes more than $50,000,000 a year	Add 1000
Makes more than $1,000,000,000 a year	Add 2000

3. How to read the Prog Year Unit result:

(Note on Negatives: More is used in a mathematically incorrect way to make things simple. Example: -15 would be "more" than -10.)

Positive, more than 1000 - Open up, we have a special "gift" for you.
Positive, more than 750 - Please come with us, don't mind the shovel and wool trenchcoat, you'll find out what to do with them later.
Positive, more than 500 - You can't be fixed.
Positive, more than 100 - Lots of work to do, We have our eyes on you.
Positive, more than 50 - Still have some work to do.
Positive, more than 10 - Getting close!
Positive, less than 10 - Just a little bit more. Either that or the State Calculator malfunctioned.

Zero - Make it negative and you're golden.

Negative, less than -10 - Take your remediation classes, they're free and you'll get that number down in no time!
Negative, more than -10 - You're coming along just fine!
Negative, more than -50 - Good Prog. Very Good Prog.
Negative, more than -100 - Komissar material. Be sure to put your name in at the next Komissar Raffle.
Negative, more than -500 - Komissar with a few Medals. You'll get them in the mail later in the week.
Negative, more than -1000 - Sign these papers and you'll have a good chance of becoming Director once the current one dies.
Negative, more than -5000 - An honorary director. No actual power or benefits but the title can get you places.
Negative, more than -10000 - You're the New Director. The old one is, well, "on ice".


I hope that this study has improved the Kollektive and/or it's government.