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Progressive Fast Food: Because the World Can't Wait!

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[html]<img src="https://static.thepeoplescube.com/image ... ne_270.png" alt="McLiberals progressive fast food" width="270" height="299" class="img_left_18" />On August 1 last Wednesday, gangs of intractable thoughtcriminals converged at Chick-Fil-A restaurants in an <a href="" target="_blank">outright rebellion</a> against progressive values. Our undercover agents could barely record everyone's license plates; they might have a better chance crossing a Nascar track during a race than getting across a Chick-Fil-A parking lot. <br /> <br /> The lines inside Chick-Fil-A were longer than at the DMV or at the unemployment offices, although not as long as the projected hospital lines upon the implementation of ObamaCare. The average line could be compared to that at an airport security checkpoint, except there was no TSA agent at the end of it. By force of habit, some of our agents joined the line thinking there was a politician giving away freebies. If only General Motors could find a way to attract as many customers without having to support traditional marriage!<br /><br />This means only one thing: we must accelerate our societal progress even further, towards a fairer system that would allow us to shut down joints like Chick-Fil-A using a government edict. We must also create a progressive alternative to replace outmoded and soon-to-be outlawed capitalist fast food chains that have become breeding grounds for hate and disobedience. The new alternative system shall remain unchanged without firing any workers until, as prognosticated by progressive social science, the people's need in fast food withers away along with family, private property, and other relics of the dark bourgeois past. In the meantime, the toiling masses and their enlightened leadership will require traditional nutrition on account of their nature as carbon-based life forms.<br />~<br /><img src="https://static.thepeoplescube.com/image ... it_220.png" alt="McLiberals progressive fast food" width="220" height="232" class="img_right_10" />Our scientists at Karl Marx Treatment Center have already come up with a proposal of a new state-run food chain called McLiberals under the motto "I'm taxin' it." <p>There will be no menu because the state-appointed managers already know what's good for you. At the doors, the customer will be greeted with the words, "Hello and welcome to McLiberals; may I take your wallet? Please refrain from saying Grace before you eat. Any violators will be asked to leave." </p> <p>Customers requiring service at "The Little Guy" drive-thru window will hear the message, "Welcome to McLiberals, person #3244481. Your daily calorie allowance of 1200 has been approved. Please drive around to window." Those using the Limousine Liberal drive-thru window will be offered Local 611, $300 Union Burgers.</p> <p><img src="https://static.thepeoplescube.com/image ... _Queen.png" alt="McLiberals progressive fast food" width="299" height="260" class="img_left_18" />Other menu items, chosen for you by the management, are<strong> </strong>Solar Broiled Beef Burger, Buffalo Left Wings, Battered Taxpayer, Turkey Breast with Ballot Box Stuffing, All-you-can-eat Red Tape, and Moonbat Pie. All items come with mandated marinade.</p> <p>Depending on availability, children will be offered Happy Meal, Unhappy Meal, or Temper Tantrum Meal. Each will include a free condom. </p> <p>Other progressive fast food proposals are Burger Queen, Tax In The Box, Gourmet Gulag, Little Seize Czars, 5 Other Guys' Burgers, South Of The Non-Existent Border, Separation of Church's & State Fried Chicken, Taxo Bell, In and Hand-Out Burger, and Section 8 Pizza Hut.</p> <p><em>This post includes some of our Tweets (<a href="https://twitter.com/ThePeoplesCube" target="_blank">@ThePeoplesCube</a>) with the trending hash tags #LiberalFastFood, #ConservativeFastFood, and #Chickfila. One of our Tweets was nominated and became #TOTD (Tweet of the Day) at <a href="https://www.twulitzerprize.com/2012/08/01/" target="_blank">TwulitzerPrize</a>. Another one was featured at Twitter Wars on <a href="https://current.com/groups/humor-cultur ... d.htm#more" target="_blank">Current.com</a> (Al Gore's TV channel's website).</em></p> <p><em>Special thanks to General Secretary for Twitter ideas.</em> </p> <p align="center"><img src="https://static.thepeoplescube.com/image ... ne_522.jpg" width="522" height="578" alt="McLiberals line" /><br /> <br /> [/html]

 

 

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Comrade Red Square,

You forgot the most progressive ingredient of the hamburgers, the progressive beef steak. No, it is not made of cow meat as the name might suggest. We cannot afford to keep that many cows that emit carbon dioxide all the time by farting, therefore each of them causing more pollution than Al Gore's airplane.

Here is the link for the most politically correct beef steak ingredient of the progressive hamburgers.

https://www.dailytech.com/Japanese+Make ... e21932.htm

 

 

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I laughed so hard I have tears in my eyes....
"The lines inside Chick-Fil-A were longer than at the DMV or at the unemployment offices, although not as long as the projected hospital lines upon the implementation of ObamaCare."
Excelente, Red Square.

 

 

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McLiberals.jpg

At McLiberals you will have it our way.

 

 

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My Visit to McLiberal's

I arrived via public transport and walked the five blocks from the People's Transportation Hub in just a few minutes. Upon entering the efficiently drab cinder block building, I was directed by a courteous young man with a facial tattoo and truncheon to the end of the waiting line.

The line stretched around the nearly deserted dining area, where a half-dozen patrons clutched their food with both hands while casting darting glances at the people around them. They were so delighted with their ration that they gobbled it compulsively, many with tears streaming down their faces. To the left of the line was the Dear Leader Play Palace, where children laughed and shrieked denunciations at a reactionary relic of the Old Order, who was strapped to a stool with a dunce cap on his head and a placard proclaiming his offenses hung round his neck. I was tempted to join in when the group leader began a Party approved chant with the children, but the line shuffled on.

I remember how those right-wing fascists crowed about standing in line for an hour to get a chicken sandwich back in 2012, how this symbolized the depth of their commitment. Hah! I stood in this line for almost two hours before I made my way to the first desk! At the first desk, I produced my Party Membership Card, my ObamaCare Identification Card, my Nutrition Supplement Record Book, my Race Entitlement Status Bracelet, and my Union Endorsement Certificate. I waited patiently until the clerk finished reading her article in the Times, then began filling out the paperwork. It only took thirty-five minutes, and that included five minutes of standing at attention when the music coming out of the ceiling speakers was interrupted for the reading of a new executive order and an announcement that the chocolate ration was being raised to 20 grams.

After all the forms had been filled out, stamped, and signed, I moved on to the filing desk, where the clerk called all the information in to Central Records and I was assigned my file number. Then I went to the Waiting Area to listen for my file number to be called over the ceiling speakers. In less than forty minutes I heard my number, and moved to the Processing Window, where my EBT Card was debited $19.95 (which included my Union Dues Fair Share Charge and Contribution to the Campaign Fund) and I was presented with my Order Authorization Code and shuttled off to Counseling.

The Counselor waited until the room was full before informing us of our obligations to the Party, State, and planet, admonishing us to consider the carbon footprint our meals would represent, and reminding us that we should all be grateful to the government for providing the bounty we were about to enjoy. She demanded a show of hands of those who planned to choose a meal with meat in it, then led us in a group criticism of their poor decision. We were then allowed to proceed to the line leading to the Order Authorization Code validation window.

With my Order Authorization Code validated, I approached the Order Counter. After calculating my Daily Nutrition Requirements and Allowances, it was decided that I wanted a Comrade Extra Value Meal. I was allowed to choose my condiment. I wanted ketchup, but my sodium intake allowance had already been used for the day, so I had to settle for a cabbage leaf.

I then moved to the Order Pick-up Line, where after a mere twenty minutes, my number was called and I was allowed to wait while the clerk went into the back for ten minutes to retrieve my order from the process room. I then moved to the seating area.

It was so nice to sit down on the concrete block next to the table and unwrap the biodegradable packaging around my meal (which was already degrading nicely, a triumph of Party engineering!) I set aside the picture of Dear Leader so it wouldn't get anything on it, put on the campaign button, stuck the sheaf of Party brochures into a shirt pocket, removed the government warning stickers from the bun and rim of the cup of tap water (that comes free with a Comrade Extra Value Meal), and began to eat.

The bun had just enough sawdust to give it texture without masking the earthy taste of the grain husks, and the cabbage leaf was that perfect intermediate state between solid and liquid, with only a few patches of brown. The CritterCrisp meat-free soy patty gave a creditable impersonation of meat of some kind, but with the delightfully dense texture of a hockey puck. The baked vegetable sticks had a bit more stem in them than I usually like, but I hear that this was due to the Japanese tsunami, so I can't complain.

I was so relaxed by my repast that I fell asleep in the concrete bench, and would have stayed there all day if the nice young man with the truncheon had not tapped me and reminded me to move on.

Thanks McLiberals! I'm Lovin' It!

 

 

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Special! - this week only! - free for only $12.95 with every purchase of a "My, that's a big one!" Whopper™ Meal, get a BurgerQueen™ Twinkies™ 10-pack!

 

 

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Comrade Betinov, reading your account of a day so well spent at McLiberals™ brought tears of joy to my eyes! It's hard to imagine the old days (and probably illegal to imagine them, as well), when people would just "drive through" and pick up their >spit< capitalist unhealthy "food" items, rather than spending an entire morning or afternoon basking in the glow of NPR radio and Government Announcements while standing in line at an official Government Food Source like McLiberals™...

 

 

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I took my children to McLiberals for some government issued nourishment after a full day of Obama pamphlet distribution.

They each were issued the official Karl Marx "Illusory Happiness Meal" containing a special prize. As usual, I mandated that they finish their beet sandwiches and turnip sticks before opening said prize, wondering what new hyper-capitalist petroleum product waited inside the bag to poison their minds. Instead, I was pleasantly surprised when they each received their own copy of the Little Red Book, appropriately translated to Espanol (but not English, thank Lenin. This IS fast food we are talking about).

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Thank you, McLiberals, for helping me raise my children under State sanctioned guidelines!

 

 

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The pictures of these lines brought a nostaligic tear to my eye, recalling the glorious queues that Comrade Karl's gave the world: Lines of kulaks awaiting internment for their crimes, files and files of bourgeoisie streaming from Phnom Penh for certain liquidation and the blessed babushkas lining up for hours to get a few grams of lard and Cuban coffee at the People's Commisary.

Comrades, we must again show these happy events to the world and bring them back to the world's oppressed!

 

 

"Welcome to Multicultural Castle may I take your order?"
"I'd like 6 cheeseburgers, no pickles, a fry, and a large Coke."
"You cannot have more than 2 sandwiches and no fries. Our body mass laser scanner has calculated your caloric risk quotient and alerted the HHSS to your presence here. Make another selection or walk home and abstain from eating for the next 16 hours."
"But your sandwiches are barely the size of a poker chip now." ZAP

Smith, Winston
Suddenly, 2/2/2013 of the common era; 2/2/01 of Glorious New Age
Attention Comrades. The unit Smith, 000 00 0000, was vaporized for the crime of attempted gluttony and trying to take personal risk by eating omnivorous lunch, thus endangering the welfare of the People. This notice is made public as a warning to any and all who would consider contact with subject Smith, who now no longer exists. All Smith's known accomplices will report to their thought control supervisors for memory alteration injections within 48 hours. Any display of grief for, or mention of the name Smith, W. after 12:00 on 2/5/01 will be punished under the Code of Conformity as determined and handed down by People's Secretary Clinton,H.
Is our future Comrades. Fast food will soon be whatever comes out of the ground which does not kill us.

 

 

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From the Ministry of Truth (MiniTru.5):

Inner Party Members have always enjoyed THE MIG-MARX (the big mac never existed).

Komsomol youth have always eaten CHE-KIM MAO-MARX-NYETZ (chicken mcnuggets never existed).

And, the Proles have always subsisted on THE QUARTER-RATION (the quarter-pounder never existed).

Revise your databases accordingly!

 

 

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Dr. W. S. Palimpsest wrote:

And, the Proles have always subsisted on THE QUARTER-RATION (the quarter-pounder never existed).

You know, in the People's Republic of France, they call it the "Bourgeoisie with Government Processed Cheese Food"Image

 

 

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You didn't build that Czar wrote:
Dr. W. S. Palimpsest wrote:

And, the Proles have always subsisted on THE QUARTER-RATION (the quarter-pounder never existed).

You know, in the People's Republic of France, they call it the "Bourgeoisie with Government Processed Cheese Food"
The French are notorious thoughtcriminals. They place the perpetuation of their cheesy Gallic culture above The Greater Good™. Consequently, all French people will be allowed only one piece of a CHE-KIM MAO-MARX-NYETZ box per day until they renounce their kulakism and inform on their neighbors................................................................................................................... BTW, CHE-KIM MAO-MARX-NYETZ units are quite nutritional and transubstantiational. Each piece of government-approved para-meat is breaded with beet-meal and then placed in a micro-mold of either Che, Kim, Mao, Marx, or the Russian word for "NO!" Eating them makes you a better citizen!

 

 

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For too long this most vital of necessities--food!--has been under the control of selfish capitalists. The People will surely welcome relief from the fear of shortages and poisonings. And when they experience the improved efficiency and reduced cost (just pennies a day!) of socialized food, they will surely abandon the current system of delivery. Within a generation we will hear the People proclaim the Truth: that without government they would surely starve!

 

 

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Komrades I was intrigued by the colouring on the McLiberals sign - surely this is no accident. These are the colours of freedom. The intrigue lead to inspiration, and, well:
Un-flag-square.png

 

 


 

Comrades
Just got back from casting ballot at precinct Party Section. On the way there is sign in window and at entrance to sandwich kiosk that used to be Arby's. Sign says Under new Official Management. Menu has changed from roast beef to Boiled Beet, shaved and served on wheat chaff crackers. Admission coupon applications and ration downloads available by texting PRTABM to 1720128*

 

 

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Comrade, Red Square. Nanny Bloomberg has passed a government edict that the peasants no longer be served soft drinks. He has also passed an edict to lock up all baby formula. Can you please tell me if fresh warm breast milk will be made available at these glorious establishments?

 

 


 


 

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Comrades,

This is just the shot in the arm that this formerly People's approved chain needs to finally get in deep with the masses!!!!!

Andys Beet Pizza.jpg

 

 

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Commodore Snoogie Woogums wrote:This is just the shot in the arm that this formerly People's approved chain needs to finally get in deep with the masses!!!!!

Commodore - you must have missed Party communique 6-283773-833FW.4
- Mooch took it over.

moochshut.jpg

 

 

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I tried the Foot Long Deluxe at the new Barney's Franks. Not at all what I was expecting.

 

 

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This is from an older story, but still fits here. Remember Wendy's "Where's the beef?" A merger of ACLU and Wendy's would produce "Where's the Grievance?" featuring Helen Thomas.

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Brain-in-jar, your noble mission to eat to keep Strong for the State brought tears to the rheumy eyes of this old prog. It reminds me of the old days of standing in lines for four hours, to find that the last moldy potato was just sold, or the last bit of sausage which was 95% fat and gristle. The fat for energy of course and the gristle to exercise the gums. Because here in Progland we don't do gingivitis treatments. We merely yank the teeth. Edentulous people don't eat as much anyway.

Our scientists at Karl Marx Treatment Center have already come up with a proposal of a new state-run food chain called McLiberals under the motto "I'm taxin' it."
Nice, but wouldn't it be better to have the MacProg burger? You buy it and watchsome homeless person eat it while Dear Oleader tells you that you should pay your fair share and not grumble about it.

This is related to the McSwaggart Burger. You buy and well, watch someone else eat it.

Pardon me. This equalitarian flush has left me all hot and bothered, and to make sure that I remain equally equalitarian, I'm going home to impale a few proles.

Pour encourager les autres.

 

 

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You Didn't Build That Car, I am not at all surprised that the foot-long frank Chez Bonnie Fwank wasn't what you expected. I'll let you in on a secret: Bonnie calling it a "foot-long" was the biggest piece of marketing hype since the naming of Greenland.

Oh. Obamacare. Sorry.

Off to Jiffy-Lobo™ for my impure thoughts. I'll be back when I've regained continence and only go through one or two adult diapers in a day. You know how a good treatment by Dr. Mengele can go.

 

 

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I have a new line of products for sale which I'm sure all these great prog fast food establishments will find profitable serves the public (literally). It's called Soylent Green.

 

 

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Commodore Snoogie Woogums wrote:Comrades,

This is just the shot in the arm that this formerly People's approved chain needs to finally get in deep with the masses!!!!! Andys Beet Pizza
Newly discovered documents at the Ministry of Truth reveal that the US government invented Pizza! It all started as a New Deal program under Franklin D. Roosevelt, as a way to employ the unemployed and feed the hungry. Everyone likes pizza, and back then pizza was virtually unknown in the US. If other Depression-era emergency programs are any indication, the Tomato Pie Administration (TPA) would likely have survived to the present day. It's a mystery as to why it didn't.

 

 


 
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