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Obama Uses Time-Noculars To Look At His Second Term

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Standing on the roof of the White House and squinting through time-bending binoculars recently recovered at Area 51, US President Barack Obama reeled off an unexpectedly frank, contempt-laden indictment of his second term.

Obama became the first human to test the device named "Time-Noculars," which is capable of showing reality four years ahead of time - and he wasn't pleased with what he saw.

The racially divided remnant of the Obama's second term was, in Obama's eyes, nothing but a nation which cannot be "productive", "doesn't work", and even its vaunted Chevy Volt exports were hardly state of the art.

"It is like you are in a time warp," Obama said Sunday, after he observed police barricades in the demilitarized buffer zone that has split Washington and the rest of the nation since the Great Race Riots of 2012 that helped propel him into his second term in office. "There are certain things that just don't work and what we are doing doesn't work."

"It is like you are looking into a country that has missed 50 years of racial progress," Obama marveled later, after visiting a clean, heated presidential bathroom that still had running water and - a gift from the recent past - working plumbing.

"If a country can't feed or defend itself effectively, if it can't make anything of any use to anybody, if it has no exports other than cheap, unskilled labor looking for work in Mexico, if it can't rein in corruption in the highest offices, then you'd think you'd want to try something different," Obama said in an uncharacteristically honest public statement.

According to the DOD official in charge of the "Time-Noculars," the President's unusual behavior can be explained by the "truth serum" effect of time-bending. "Being able to see own future sends strong signals to one's brain, zapping and incapacitating areas involved in lying, demagogy, and political grand-standing," the DOD official said.
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Special thanks to Fourier's Anti-Manatee whose post was used for this Current Truth editorial.

 

 

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One can make the argument that the mere act of observing the future in fact changes things. As Dear Leader has seen *a* future, he must be reelected at once in order to prevent it from ever happening! Who else can prevent the horrors of his second term better than the one who will inflict them in the first place?

 

 


 

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Of course, Dear Leader does not actually need any artificially-enhanced-optical-tools to look Into The Future Of Next Tuesday! His hard-won persistence-of-vision has assured that His Vision Of The Future is Without Question The Best Course For Humanity!

(Okay, NOW can I get my Special Appointment as Second Deputy Administrative Associate Aide To The Adjutant Executive Administrator Of Desk Arrangement Strategies In The Dear Leader's Peoples' Health Care Commissariat - Special Office For Minority Privileges? Or do I have to suck up some more? Just let me know...)

 

 

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Apparatchik Unkulturny, so right you are. If Dear Leader is still looking for a campaign slogan, he should consider this:

OBAMA: Ideas sooo good, they MUST be mandatory!

 

 

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Despite all his diligent scanning, he was unable to locate one single golf course!

 

 


 
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