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FrontPageMag Labels Us 'A Leading Communist Website'

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This is getting serious. A leading anti-communist website FrontPageMag.com, which is part of the reactionary David Horowitz's "Freedom Center," has just gone on a full-frontal attack against our glorious party organ, maliciously labeling us as "a leading communist website" when, in fact, we are THE leading communist website. Furthermore, they unscrupulously used incendiary language from our own article and put it in fear-mongering "scare quotes," despite the well-known fact that the masses have nothing to fear about "the glorious message of Revolution" unless they are members of "the notorious Glazov Gang at FrontPageMag.com."

See for yourself:

FrontPageMag.com wrote:A leading communist website, ThePeoplesCube.com, has denounced Jamie Glazov’s Frontpage television show [highlight=#NaNNaNNaN]The Glazov Gang[/highlight], calling Glazov, and his two regular guests, Dwight Schultz and Nonie Darwish, “capitalist running dogs.”

The Peoples Cube reserved praise for the Glazov Gang’s one leftist gang member, music and film producer Tommi Trudeau, commending him for delivering “the glorious message of Revolution” to “the notorious Glazov Gang at FrontPageMag.com.”

The communist site brags that Trudeau’s “hard-hitting Current Truth will shake your bourgeois foundations and make your doubts wither away faster than you can say ‘shovel-ready.’”

Trudeau caused much controversy on a recent episode of The Glazov Gang by “coming out” as a communist. He has since launched a bizarre “Kiss the Chairman” campaign, in which he seeks to force the earth’s inhabitants to kiss a portrait that he holds in his hands of his “Beloved Chairman,” Barack Obama, whose facial image is conflated with that of Mao Tse-tung.

What part of the Current Truth don't they understand? A hot potato before the revolution is better than a cold shovel afterwards!

The victorious stomping of our revolutionary jackboots will not be silenced!

 

 

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Scare quotes are racist and use of incendiary language by other than state-approved qualified pyrotechnic experts causes injuries and unexplained global-warming-related bird deaths. These people must be silenced for the public good.

 

 

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OUTRAGE! That's what I felt as I read these words! (Of course I feel outrage every morning when I look at my oatmeal because it is just so damned bourgeois.) I was so upset that I dusted off my old Troll Expedition Corps uniform and marched right over there to give them a piece of my mind! (and who is better suited to do so?)

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HA! More capitalist lies from this so-called "Front Page!" I will have you know that the People's Cube is NOT "a leading communist website." We are THE leading Communist website! (And you hacks should know that "Communist" is ALWAYS capitalized, the same as any other major religion!) You may have the Front Page, but we have the Mother Page!

As for you Useless Idiots who keep claiming that the Glorious People's Cube is a satire of Communism, to you I say PHOOEY! Your hoods have been true and fully winked by our clever deception. You will be first up against the wall when the Revolution comes as we innaugurate the Glorious World of Next Tuesday!

I would say more, but my time on the People's 286 is rationed by the Collective.

Re-Educate Yourselves at the People's Cube!

--I. Betinov
Party Academician

 

 

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Comrade Ivan the Party Donor! For your valiant and zealous posting the Party bestows upon you our prestigious Beet of the Week award. Now, even though you are long-time poster and first-time winner, lets keep a low profile and don't tell Commissarka Pinkie!

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And a bumper sticker for your parental family unit:

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Hey Betinov! I wasn't exactly sure what to do here! Thanks to you, now I know!

 

 

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Perhaps their inner comrade needs a hug good whack from Pinkies shovel. Come to think of it, I could use one myself.

 

 

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I would say that Comrade Betinov is a role model, but then I'd have to have aspirations of a loftier station, or a desire to become a goldfish bowl.

Then again, Comrade Goldfish has his fluid changed and his glass cleaned every week or so, while Ivan ... nevermind.

Attaboy Brain in Jar! Pat on the back, but, well...you know.

 

 

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I would personally like to know where Betinov has hidden his new hat(s).

Frankly, I thought the white one looked quite dashing on him, although I suspect that the beet vodka in his jar may have had adverse and detrimental effects upon the fabric.

 

 

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I am speechless. That's why I am typing. Thank You, Red Square. If I were not full of zeal for the cause, with no thought whatsoever of personal advancement and striving ever to bring about the glories of World Socialism with no thought for the cost to my health or sanity, while always holding the beacon of the Party's true precepts before my eyes, though often those eyes burn with tears from the exhaustion of my tireless efforts, I would confess to a long and deep desire for personal recognition in the form of the Beet of the Week being satisfied with this bestowal. Can I get a little something extra in light of my exceptional humility?

 

 


 

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All right, there are two things seriously wrong on this thread.

In the first place, Beet of the Week is MY signature program! I am quite put out that Red Square would presume to award it when he has all these medals and badges (just look to your left) that he could have awarded Betinov instead. Sort of tells you something about the prestige of BOTW vs the value of those badges, which you could probably melt down and recycle into tinfoil hats. (I suppose it's too much to hope they're regular fifty cent pieces covered with color stickers like those Obama commemorative coins that old man gave to his grandkids for Christmas several years ago, when he could've bought them a Playstation or Wii--you know, something they really wanted and could've actually used--for the same amount of money). And to add insult to injury, Red Square has the temerity to tell Betinov to be quiet about it and not tell Pinkie. Gee, I wonder why? Why would he want to keep this hushed up from me? What does he fear?

In the second place, Betinov, you have indeed received BOTW before--from me! At least once that I know of, and very likely a couple of more times. And yet you dare to go along with Red Square's incorrect supposition that you've never received it before. As if your previous Beets of the Week don't count! As if they meant nothing to you! Which is to say you think I'M nothing, when in fact I amount to a helluva lot more than just a single organ soaking in a jar of my own filth.

But since I cannot actually shovel whack our People's Director, I must aim for a Party-approved surrogate, better known as a Whacking Boy. And since you happen to be in the immediate vicinity, Betinov, and you say you're looking for something a little extra in light of your exceptional humility, well here you go:

WHACK!!!

Now, do you have any other dumb things to say for yourself, Betinov?

Anything?

Anything at all?

 

 

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One moment, please, I missed an important detail...did Pinkie just take a full swing at the jar, or did she reach in through the top with like --a garden trowel or something?

We now return you to our regular program...

 

 

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Well now. Ms Pinkie. You seem to be throwing a lot of shovel around here and I seem to be on the receiving end of it. But are you pitching some bull along with that shovel? You claim I have received the coveted Beet of the Week not merely once but twice, perhaps thrice. I say "nyet," "nyet," and thrice "nyet."

I have received the Order of Hillary. I have been given the Party's thanks for various services. Back in my T.E.C. hitch I received several Unit Commendations (and I always appreciate it when my unit gets commended). But I have never, ever, been graced with a Beet of the Week. You think I would forget such an honor? That such a coveted (if World Socialism admitted the possibility of coveting) award had been lovingly inscribed with my name and presented to me amid cheers and thunderous applause? That I could possibly forget such a thing?

I think that if you check the records at the Party's Central Record Storage Facility for the Storage of Records Centrally for the Party in beautiful and conviniently located Mud Butte, South Dakota, you will be unable to find any mention of a Betinov Beet of the Week before this week, which was of course next week last week.

So how 'bout it, Commissarka? You going to 'fess up, or are you going to start a Beeter Controversy?

 

 

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Comrade Betinov:

I just got back from beautiful and conveniently located Mud Butte, South Dakota, where I spent roughly half an hour of my life that I’ll never get back going through the records at the Party's Central Record Storage Facility for the Storage of Records Centrally for the Party.

Get a load of what I found—which I think you’ll find is not the sort of load you accuse me of trying to—well, unload here:


https://thepeoplescube.com/current-trut ... html#57477

https://thepeoplescube.com/peoples-blog ... tml#110989

https://thepeoplescube.com/peoples-kara ... html#37170

As part of a collective effort:

https://thepeoplescube.com/peoples-blog ... tml#136991

https://thepeoplescube.com/current-trut ... html#39322

If there are other instances I can’t find, you’ll have to take it up with Superkommissar Maksim since he’s in charge of the BOTW nomination forms.

If I had the rest of the day, I suppose I might be able to come back with an even longer list of links to posts where you were shovel-whacked. Speaking of which:

WHACK!!!

That’s for doubting my word and making me go all the way to Mud Butte.

Now, Betinov, have you any MORE dumb things to say?

Anything, Betinov?

Anything at all?

 

 

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David Horowitz is a reformed Communist which is just code for "new thought criminal".

Send him a couple of coupons for Jiffy Lobo and he will be back in the fold before you can say, "Ivan Betinov is Beet of the Week".

 

 

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The important thing here is not that I may have mispoken or have been taken out of context. The important thing is that the children of illegal immigrants MUST be granted amnesty.

(I am sincerely hoping that an abrupt and complete change of topic will distract the masses from something exceptionally stupid that I have said. It works for Obama. Like a squid spewing out a jet of ink.)

 

 

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Spare me your bright and shiny gewgaws, Betinov. The fact remains you've contradicted a high-ranking Party member, and made it appear to the masses that maybe not all Party members are in agreement about certain things. Do you have any idea how the VRWC can use that against us?

It's not enough to say you misspoke or were taken out of context. You must CLARIFY your remarks.

That means you sit in a chair, you stare straight forward with a whupped-dog look on your face (or in your case, your frontal lobe), and you tell us in a properly contrite tone of voice that what you said wasn't really what you meant to say, and that what you meant to say was really what you said. Or something like that. The important thing is that you will CLARIFY your remarks by stating the correct and current truth.

And if you don't do that, then you'll be dead to us! Do you understand, Betinov? DEAD!

But not to worry. Your vote will still count.

 
Last edited by Commissarka Pinkie on 15 Jun 2012, 13:31, edited 2 times in total.
Reason for editing this post: To clarify my own remarks.

 

Raum Emmanual Goldstein
Commissarka Pinkie wrote:Spare me your bright and shiny gewgaws, Betinov. The fact remains you've contradicted a high-ranking Party member, and made it appear to the masses that maybe not all Party members are in agreement about certain things. Do you have any idea how the VRWC can use that against us?

It's not enough to say you misspoke or were taken out of context. You must CLARIFY your remarks.

That means you sit in a chair, you stare straight forward with a whupped-dog look on your face (or in your case, your frontal lobe), and you tell us in a properly contrite tone of voice that what you said wasn't really what you meant to say, and that what you meant to say was really what you said. Or something like that. The important thing is that you will CLARIFY your remarks by stating the correct and current truth.

And if you don't do that, then you'll be dead to us! Do you understand, Betinov? DEAD!

But not to worry. Your vote will still count.

Kom. Pink....

Please note... We no longer use such harsh terms on the Cube as "Dead" or "Kill" terminate, et al.

If you wish, you are authorised to exercise you choice to exercise a post-natal contracetive procedure on the tissue mass named Betinov.

You see how much more positive and rational that sounds?

 

 

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Comrades!!!! Enough of this shovel whacking and bad mouthing! Are we not all Progressives™ fighting for His Excellency, General Secretary B. Hussain Obama, and his glorious Progressive New World of Next Tuesday™??? These bourgeois ReTHUGliKKKans at frontpagemag.com must be shouted down!!! I will marshall our useful idiots at the DNC's P.R. Dept. (ABC, NBC, CNN and CBS) to go on the attack!!! Who has the poodle launcher???

 

 

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Comrade, the last I heard Bruno had "borrowed" the poodle launcher, along with several cases of mayonnaise and some raisins.

Don't ask me.

Father Theo?

 

 

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Oh, I do hope Bruno took the shower curtain down for a drop-cloth... The People's Dry Cleaner was none too pleased last time.

 

 

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Comrade Betinov,

A Matryoshka-doll-making artist at our Visual Agitation Directorate has created this selection of playmates for your recreation activities as a reward for your exceptional service to the Party. However, in light of recent developments this seems more like a representation of your showdown with Commissarka Pinkie.

Matryoshkas.jpg

 

 

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Let's see how you stack up, Betinov. Comrades, place your bets!

Matryoshkas_Betinov.jpg

 

 

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ENOUGH!!!! NOBODY IS WINNING AND NOBODY IS LOSING. WE HAVE A UNIFIED FRONT. WE ARE ALL THE SAME SIZE. WE ARE ALL IN AGREEMENT AND COMPLIANCE HERE, RIGHT!?! RIGHT!?!
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Dear Diary,
Such entertainment on our glorious blog these last few days. Our leaders are fighting among themselves about awarding each other honors, such as the Beet of the Week, and who is the proper recipient of recognition. It reminds me of our dear Senator Chuck from New York, who never met a camera or microphone he did not like. So while our esteemed and elite crew of higher-ups strike daggers into each other's hearts, I will curl up here with a nice cold potato and watch Comrade Beet-ing-off get whatfer from Pinkie. Oops! Someone's coming down the dank hallway towards my cell. Quick, comrade, hide this under your pickle jar . . .
[knocking, knocking, knock, knock]

 

 

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I've always wanted a set of Bjork nesting dolls, so thank you. Let me scoop these up, billow forth a cloud of ink, and scuttle away. Sarah and Matt are having a "Win the Right to Pick Through Obama's Leftovers" raffle, and I want to buy a ticket.

 

 

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My Dear Comrade Red Square,
It's quite an honor to reply to you.

Would you like the FrontPageMag bourgeois capitalist website taken care of? Rules 4, 11, and especially #13 should do a glorious job of punishing their webmaster. Then they'll hand over their admin password without even knowing.

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We're paving the way to Communism
The Destiny of All Mankind

Saul

 

 

Comrade Horowitz needs stronger Communism!
And a touch of anarchy! Like this as an example:

 

 

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Hi, Uncle Saul! XXX!!!

Comrade Loaf,

Never in my life have seen such a heartfelt display or a better argument for total anarchy than this video you delivered to us, for our perusal! It is truly stunning!

I would like to suggest, however, in the interests of "PR" and all, that she "rethink" her hairstyle, if that is indeed possible, I mean "pigtails" or, whatever they call those things, in addition to actual "thinking." Not hip. And her jewelry? Um, is that a St. Christopher necklace that her Aunt Bea gave her? And those earrings? What are they, little unicorns? We must be subtle here for Stalin's sake!

She needs most needed help, if you'll pardon the redundancy. Let's get her a spot on "What Not to Wear!"

Just trying to help! It is most needed!

 

 

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Comrades Kommissar!

After everything I have been through! Escaping my enclosure during Katrina and bringing my Pod of navy-trained and fully armed dolphins to the Cube so that we might serve our Glorious Red Square and the cause... Dangerous aquatic missions... Taking that Polonium 210 pellet in the fluke that took me months to recover from while I clandestinely made my way circuitously back to Headquarters, evading the enemy at every turn and bringing back proprietary teknology for Laika's Friday Night 80's Music Pogrom Programming... although Our Glorious People's Direktor did convey upon me the title and duties of Kommissar of Housekeeping (Dissapearances, Composting, Dissection, and Limo Services... as well as necroproxy preservation) for my trouble... a double-edged sword, really, since it meant coming into contact with not only Meowsevitch but also his bodily fluids on a regular basis in the completion of those duties and required the upgrading of all our biohazard and Tyvek gear... AND demanding RedtheProgressiveFox's acquiring our Tupolev (BONUS!) so soon after his stressful and wholly experimental species reassignment surgery because he never really felt comfortable in a Hedgehog's body... for the sole purpose of Meow's and Dr. P's extraction after they stole that pimped out Escalade in D.C. and careered through the streets, knocking down many simple shovel-bearing workers as well as the Johnson's (that elderly couple of necroproxies that Meow now keeps sitting in the armchairs beside his fireplace, pretending they're his grandparents), during their Absinthe and Ritalin Binge Tour: 2006 (T-Shirts $22.50, plus $67.00 S&H... may take up to six weeks to arrive, no COD orders please... all major credit cards accepted)...

It hasn't been all trouble... I did finally acquire a Sister-Commissar in the venerable Pinkie... but really, after everything... the broken back, the shattered rib-cage, the comas... the red blood cell infusions... the multiple bouts of pneumonia... I've always done my best to come back and serve, in spite of Pupovich's annoying need to compete at self-denouncement and fascination with post-rankings! I thought he was given charge of bawdy "comfort houses"... can't he just go there to get a whipping if he wants one? But I digress... I've always done my best to come back and to participate, no matter how difficult my situation, and despite never having received a Beet-of-the-Week myself (that I can remember... which, as you know I have trouble with sometimes... either a symptom of the comas or I've caught some form of scrapie from coming in contact with Meow's prions)....

And now I come home... yes! HOME!... to find the Leadership in disarray! Squabbling like children trying to fight their way to the back of the line to Baba Yaga's oven! I'm ashamed! Are we not supposed to be greater (but equal) than this?... an example to those who sharpen our shovels for us when we are busy with other more important (but equal) concerns? Really Comrades Kommisar! If we are to lead, we cannot be arguing amongst ourselves. It is bad for morale!

So... All of you, stop it right now, or I'll send you to your various corners! Logically, we have eight, but I can say there are more if I want! Or some of you will have to share! You are setting a bad example for the nameless, faceless, shoveler-drones who are smaller, interchangeable, and expendable, but nevertheless equal to us (ALL OF YOU WIPE THAT KOLLEKTIVE SMIRK OF YOUR FACE(S)...

I feel it is incumbent upon me to speak some harsh (and current) truths, which may nevertheless change, but which are currently true:

1. Betinov's Front Page post was quite good

2. Although he is my beloved Leader and the Saviour of The Pod, Glorious Red Square did bestow upon Comrade Commissarka Pinkie The Order of Official Bestower of Beet of the Week, delegating to her not only this important privilege but also sole right... and she invented it

3. Tovarichi... WTF! Housekeeping changes Brain In Jar Betinov's fluid thrice daily, as well as providing him with nutritious freeze dried brine shrimp which, just as when they are fed to fire-bellied newts, makes him dance, as well as causing his anterior parietal lobe to strobe in a very pretty chromataphore-like display such as one would find in mating cuttle-fish... and I should know... I'm a f**king dolphin!

4. Comrade-Sister Commissarka Pinkie... please don't be hitting Betinov's Jar.... his memory is as damaged as mine since the boys thought it would be 'interesting' to see what would happen if they put him in the microwave... I found him just in time to avert a complete disaster but there was some small damage that I could not reverse, despite my best efforts...

5. Brain In Jar... I'm sorry about the damage, but you won't remember me telling you about it in about 5 minutes... you never do. If you're panicky, I'll lend you some of my meds... and even if you're not panicky, I'll lend you some of my meds... and sing you a lullaby... it always calms you down, even if you don't remember....

All righty then... I think that about covers it... and if it doesn't, I've forgotten what I haven't covered, but it's time for my meds... a sprinkle of morphine... a pinch of cI0n@zepam (I hate that anti-spam thing, but it's better than a bunch of V!@grrr@ ads, I suppose)... a soupçon of @t!v@n... a shot of Casa Dragones...aaaand... oh... my antibiotic... and some @cetominophen for my fever... party at my tank!

Sister Seriously Massively Opiated

 

 

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Sister! I think you may have an infiltrator in your dolphin ranks. A thorough purge may be in order.

Sea_Horse.jpg
Hint: he may be working for Commodore Snoogie Woogums's Navy Cavalry.

 

 


 

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Red Square wrote:Sister! I think you may have an infiltrator in your dolphin ranks. A thorough purge may be in order.

Sea_Horse.jpg
Hint: he may be working for Commodore Snoogie Woogums's Navy Cavalry.

Dear Glorious Incarnadine Trapezoid.... Beloved Peoples Direktor...

I regret to inform you that Commodore Snoogie Woogums was eaten by an Orca while on patrol, but we recovered his equipment. But please, do not worry about staffing shortages... I also regret to inform you that Meow knocked up Chicken Sushi... apparently he snuck into her tank one night after a peyote binge, and... well... after I separated the two, dragged him back to his apartments by his hair, and beat him about the head and torso and arms and legs with the arm of one of the Johnson necroproxies, and then reattached the arm, he promised never to 'interfere' with a member of The Pod again. Just for good measure, I put him in his Jacuzzi and then echolocated until he was bleeding from his mouth, nose, ears and eyes... not that it was such an unusual experience for him that it frightened him untowardly, so I also forced him to eat several raw herring (mmm... herring... )... and then defecated in his hot tub while he was still in it...

Unfortunately, the 'damage' was done. As you know, he's had 'a thing' for Chicken Sushi ever since her melon matured and her fluke filled out, and he's got a thing for satiny textures... What can I say... And so I am soon to be the proud matriarch to a new calf in the Pod...

Please do not be alarmed... I have had the situation assessed medically and it appears that her natural aversion to anything to do with Meow has somehow allowed her to procreate parthogenetically and so the Pod will simply have a clone of our beloved Chicken Sushi to raise and train up in the ways of Housekeeping. We will indoktrinate her correktly, according to Party™ and Cube™ protocol... Imagine! A little one raised completely within the loving fins of the Party™. When we escaped our pens during Katrina, we never even imagined a generation born outside of the bonds of Amerikkkan Kapitalist Specieist servitude.

As always, you know I owe you our lives for taking us in and giving us a home. I only hope that this little cetacean miracle (not in the sense of deity) will love and serve the Cube as the rest of the Pod does. I cannot see how it could be otherwise. I've already spoken to Laika about fitting her with a calf-sized tinfoil melon-cap, so she will be receiving signals from the moment she emerges.

As for the foto of the infiltrator, that is just Meow's pet miniature horse, dressed up for some celebratory parade he attended in San Francisco last year. I'm surprised it's not wearing assless chaps... Actually, on second thought, Meow was probably wearing them, and its bridle... a momentary pet fad, like his potbelly pigs, the capibara (which, BTW, also defecated in his Jacuzzi, as they poop in water naturally), and the sloth (the only pet he ever truly bonded with for obvious reasons...), the miniature hippo, his gerbil, hamster (which is trundling around the halls of The Cube in a ball... everyone's been feeding and watering it so it should be okay), gekko, iguana, orphaned grizzly bear (don't worry... as soon as it got big enough to harm him, I let it, briefly, before moving it to a wildlife preserve where they will ready it for reintroduction to the wild... and given that its only human contact was Meow, it will have a natural aversion to humans), civet (he had some insane plan to make his own Kopi Luwak, but didn't realize he would need more than one civet to make more than a teaspoon of poop coffee every month or so and once he found out he lost interest... it has also been reintroduced to the wild)... frankly, the of creatures that have made their way through his private petting zoo is so long I would have to check the logs to remember them all... But I do remember the miniature horse... mostly because of that ridiculous outfit... We donated it to a hobby farm run by some rescue organization... In any case, it has been dealt with, so please do not be concerned.

And so all is well, as far as I know, within both our ranks, and in Meow's apartments... it has neither been overly quiet nor overly loud in his quarters... and so on second thought, perhaps I should check it out, as when things are too peaceful in Meow-land, it usually means he's either up to absolutely no good and trying to hide something or he's comatose and in need of medical support. I'll let you know what I discover..

Dutifully Yours,
Sister Massively Opiated.

 

 

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Pamalinsky wrote:Hi, Uncle Saul! XXX!!!

Comrade Loaf,

Never in my life have seen such a heartfelt display or a better argument for total anarchy than this video you delivered to us, for our perusal! It is truly stunning!

I would like to suggest, however, in the interests of "PR" and all, that she "rethink" her hairstyle, if that is indeed possible, I mean "pigtails" or, whatever they call those things, in addition to actual "thinking." Not hip. And her jewelry? Um, is that a St. Christopher necklace that her Aunt Bea gave her? And those earrings? What are they, little unicorns? We must be subtle here for Stalin's sake!

She needs most needed help, if you'll pardon the redundancy. Let's get her a spot on "What Not to Wear!"

Just trying to help! It is most needed!
Oh yeah, someone in the comments section of this video referred to her as "Hippiebongstocking!"This just won't do!

 

 


 
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