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Trump is a rogue President. Pence is a rogue Vice-President, McConnell is a rogue Kentuckian Senate guy, Bill Barr is a rogue AG and Trump voters are rogue voters.
IN THIS ISSUE:
- Lisa Page complains about challenges of being a drama queen in the age of Trump. "Competition is fierce."
- They hate me just because they know me.
- Trump stole my tiny violin and the mofo can't even play!
- Fairness means that I dish it out without having to take it.
- Trump faked my orgasm. Didn't even sound like me, ask anyone at the FBI head office.
- Text yourself into victimhood with this weird trick.
- Is Santa Claus a Russian operative? Ask Hillary.
- The Next Big Thing: Impeach Santa.
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Greta's win has angered the Orange Man, who tweeted: "So ridiculous. Greta must work on her Anger Management problem, then go to a good old fashioned movie with a friend! Chill Greta, Chill!"
Greta's handlers quickly changed her Twitter profile: "A teenager working on her anger management problem. Currently chilling and watching a good old fashioned movie with a friend."
Guess which friend took Greta to a good old fashioned movie to chill.
I want a new Drudge
One that ain't losing clicks
One that wont make me gnash my teeth
Or cater to ... old peaceniks
I want a new Drudge
One that wont be misled
One that wont be all filled with lies
And make my eyes see red
One that'll be impervious
To Deep State point of view
One that makes me feel like
I'm dealing with real news
And I'm disowning you
I want a new Drudge
One that won't bail...
Billing her-or-himself as the mystery candidate whom no one knows at all, "so there is no baggage that can drag me down like those other losers," he or she vows "to fight for you, the common everyday people."
The candidate of mystery with no prior history of anything that might bog down his-or-her campaign has a wonderfully infectious high pitched laugh and piercing words of enthusiasm for America, and the chance to be your President so that "the country can get back on its feet after the last three years of depression and heavy drinking."
Given that Biden's campaign poster in the photo says "No malarkey" and his campaign bus is also named "No malarkey," it is safe to assume that all of this is somehow connected.
Is Joe suffering from malarkey-deficiency? Is he sniffing every girl's hair to detect the presence of malarkey? Is his campaign slogan a complaint about the lack of malarkey? Is it a promise to bring malarkey to every American home?
A crazy idea indeed. Except that neither Trump nor his fans had ever heard of it until the Democrat-media complex condescendingly informed them that these are their beliefs...
"This is NOT an actual photo of President Trump with his shirt off. 97% of international experts agree that this picture was doctored by Trump in an attempt to falsify his record as the worst president by pretending he actually played Rocky in the award-winning movie. Nobody except his cultist followers will believe that he was in that film. Another day, another impeachable offense..."
Guaranteed to turn all children into Bernie-voting socialists when they grow up.
Just tell them that in Soviet Russia, dolls play you!
They have no choice but to protect Biden by claiming he can't be investigated because he's Trump's political opponent. This may be the reason why Biden is in the race in the first place, against his will. It's their angle. If he drops out, Dems will lose their major angle. So Biden will keep running until this matter is resolved one way or another, or until he simply drops dead between...
Let me respond with this prepared, prog-off statement:
As another immigrant from Soviet Ukraine: Vindman, you're a windbag. I shouldn't even call you a fellow immigrant. You were brought to the US by your dad with a cushy refugee status and government assistance, living among welfare sponges on Brighton Beach. You didn't know the hardships of living in the USSR...
Thousands of people in Eastern Europe and around the world have reportedly been scammed by such proposals in recent years. The emails usually contain urgent business proposals, from shipments of thermal blankets for the military to wiring millions of dollars to your savings account for a 30% portion of the amount...
The first post has our originals, then pictures by others follow in the comments.
You see, Venezuela is collapsing because it has elected a "nationalist" president. That's right. His policies are as nationalistic and capitalistic as those of Trump and Hitler before him. This has plunged Venezuela into a dark, Orwellian hellhole. Not only does this story explain recent history in easy to understand terms, it also serves as a dire warning: if we don't overthrow Trump...
1. Find a character from history that nobody likes.
2. Find a similarity between that character and Trump. Extra points for squeezing in words like Orwellian and Eerie.
3. Declare, "History is repeating itself!"
For example, if comparing Trump to Hitler is too cliche, then compare him to Adolf Eichmann or maybe Jefferson Davis or Alexander Stephens. There are so many unlikable people to choose from like King Herod, Nero, Ivan IV, or Nancy Pelosi.
Who are the most essential people in our nation? The deep state bureaucrats. And yet they are vilified and forced to limit the scope of their important work because of archaic legal and constitutional constraints and some worrisome growing calls for greater accountability.
But what if they all suddenly disappeared? What if the deep state were to go on strike and vanish without a trace to some secret location, so remote and hidden that not a single leak points at its existence?
This was originally a comment on another thread, but given an overwhelming response on social media, I made it into a standalone topic.
Trump shares image of Laika the Space Dog getting a medal
The clues were all out there, we just didn't know how to look. Observe these headlines from recent years:
- Mitt Romney's Porn Star Endorsements
- Mitt Romney and a porno spoof
- Romney's Secret Life as a Pornographer
- First Lady of Porn Endorses Mitt Romney
- Marriott, Mitt Romney, and porn
These are the same organs of the elites with whom Romney has been trying to get in bed. By doing so, he has admitted everything they'd ever said about him was true...
Instead, Tulsi Gabbard, without evidence, falsely accuses Hillary of being queen of warmongers, embodiment of corruption, and personification of rot, etc.
Poor Hillary, everyone is against her. Nobody lets her do anything. There's a vast rightwing conspiracy against her. There's a vast leftwing conspiracy against her. All everybody else in the world does is obsess over Hillary and how they can hurt her. Poor Hillary. Poor, poor, poor, Hillary.
The last thing I remember seeing on TV was a gigantic flying saucer hovering over the stage, so I missed the part where the candidates descended from it onto the stage, or were beamed up to it afterwards, as well as everything in between.
So I was hoping my comrades here could fill me in about what happened.
Nadler, Schiff, Pelosi and Fudge?
Remember facts they'll need to get there
Absent those, Trump's not gonna budge.
Have MI-6 put a bug in Don's shirt.
Pete Strzok's rage is driving this line.
However it seems, our scheming may work
Then Trump will be a past Pres of thine.
Tell them to weave it as insurance Plan B
Said McCabe, Jim Comey that time
Steele gathered it all in a dossier of wowers
Said Strzok to Page 'you're a true love of mine'...
As of this writing, Hunter Biden is resigning from the board of the Chinese company, Barack Obama is in hiding to avoid unnerving questions, and Joe Biden himself is calling for Trump's impeachment and uses big words about patriotism, democracy, and the Constitution.
This should be your first clue, because when you hear Democrats talk about patriotism, you can bet they've stolen something and are about to be exposed...
Being Woke to the fact that "indigenousness" means "innateness, inherentness or naturalness," the Indigenous People of Wokedom are demanding that all discoverees are entitled to recover honors stolen by their so-called discoverers.
- CALIFORNIA STRONG: "Five dollar a gallon gas is no big deal 'cuz there's no electricity to run the pumps anyway."
- DEPORTATIONS ARE COMING: California Governor Gavin Newsom blames electricity blackouts on Russian kulaks, vows revenge.
- CLIMATE STUDY: "There's no need for climate protests in China because China is already communist."
- NBA replaces U.S. anthem with China's, encourages players to kneel.
This and other latest truth from around the world in today's Daily Fail.
I tried submitting an appeal form but Facebook responded by saying, "Your Request Couldn't be Processed."
This leaves me with no choice but to add a few more paragraphs to my original appeal and post it in our glorious Party Organ.
Alexander is remembered for his role as the Great Liberator, the tsar who ended the practice of serfdom in Russia.
One would have thought that the People's Will would have rejoiced to see Alexander using his royal authority to end serfdom and make a way for improving the lives of Russia's peasants. What they saw instead was a threat to the existence of their party...
According to documents obtained by us through a FOIA request, the notorious space canine has long been on the Mueller team's radar over suspicions that she and her associates may have colluded with Donald Trump to sway the results of the presidential election of 2016.
When I first came to America and began to look around trying to learn its popular culture, I was surprized to find that just about every critically acclaimed book or movie was about exposing the evils of capitalism.
The villains were always rich entrepreneurs, US military, or the CIA. In other words, those who build, improve, and defend this country were immoral, shameless criminals, while the heroes of our time were leftist activists who opposed them - anti-corporate outcasts, ACLU lawyers, or victims of American foreign policies.
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That's what the CNN anchor, Chris Cuomo, did yesterday, when a young man addressed him as Fredo and asked to take a picture. The bespectacled young man must have been listening to Rush Limbaugh, who had been the first to nickname Chris Cuomo "Fredo." The man honestly believed that Fredo was Cuomo's given name.
Instead of correcting the mistake, Cuomo went on a violent and foul-mouthed tirade, which prompted the young man to take off his glasses, anticipating a blow to the head.
It seemed that after 60 years of the Democratic one-party rule, the once booming city of Motown had lost not only half of its population and industries, but also all of its legendary performers. And the powerful people on that stage were itching to do the same to the rest of America, only faster.
It was November 3, 2020. Bernie won! It was wonderful that he won because that meant that Trump was gone! My feminist studies professor told me that Trump was literally the worst Republican president since Hitler, and I believe him. Everybody on campus was cheering, hugging, dancing, getting high, and waving rainbow flags while burning American flags. It was the greatest day in our nation's history...
A heated debate ensued when Representative Nadler pointed out that Trump frequently disparages penguins and that respect for all mammals should be included...
Mueller's performance will be used by the National Education Association to promote phonemic awareness (knowing that words are made up of sounds), vocabulary (what words mean and how to say them), fluency (the ability to read words accurately and quickly), and comprehension (the ability to understand what you read).
We know the Soviet Union also championed diversity when it came to who they sent to the gulag.
From our archives:The Alternative Secret History of the World
Most "progressive" critics either don't think that far, or they don't have the guts to give their views a full exposure. So let's do it for them. Let's connect the dots with logical lines and reconstruct a historical narrative that would validate all the liberal bumper stickers.
Have you always wanted to have a People's Cube on your desk or your bookshelf as a conversation piece or a meditation item? Have you wished you could use it in a debate as a visual aid to prove your point about socialism? Have you been postponing the purchase because of a high price?
The wait is over! You can now buy one at a 55% discount, for only $10 capitalist exploitation units!
"It's like an annual poke in the eye," said one concerned citizen, who did not wish to be self-identified as a member of any particular orientation nor gender. "As Michelle Obama recently said, the time has come to reconsider our traditions...
On behalf of all progressive workers and peasants, we further demand that all digital copies of this muckraking British-American series be destroyed, all digits be scrambled and buried under a ton of concrete like the radioactive dead dogs in Episode 4. All TV schedules must be retroactively cleansed of this title to erase the memory of its existence, and this very report must be also burned after reading along with all the viewing equipment.
Report your neighbors with cars, nicer things, better shovels, you know the drill. Little Jimmy (or Jamal) goes to school with a government cheese sandwich, but Sally and Chad have chicken salad sandwiches and a bag of chips? Report them to your teacher, and if she doesn't forward the report, report HER!
Nice try. Everybody knows that white women have no right to comment on abortion unless they're in favor of it, because they don't know what it's like to be a woman. Only progressive women may comment on abortion because they know what it's like to be a woman. The same goes for progressive men who also know what's it's like to be a woman.
"The only great things about America in my lifetime were the Great Depression and the great presidency of FDR," Mr. Biden told a crowd of union members in Pittsburgh, PA. "The long lines to the soup kitchens had united the nation like never before or after. We were all equal in our misery then."
The former vice president pointed out that the subsequent tax cuts and the cutting of government regulations had plunged the country into the darkness...
The DNC has apparently sent out a memo to make sure all tweets conform to the "gravitas-type" standard of unanimity.
No word on whether the Ramadan worshippers will be showing solidarity by wearing bunny-eared hats to the burials of painted Easter eggs.
I'm not one of those who can easily hide
I don't hand out candy, but boy if I did
I'd drive a van on the street you live
If I was a stalker, but, but then again, no
Or the man who looks in your windows on nights when you don't know
They say it's not much, but it's just what I do
My gift is my touch, and this one's for you
And now watches everybody my little wrong
It may be perverted, but now that it's done
I hope you don't mind
I hope you don't mind that I got on your nerves
How creepy my life is, cos I'm just a perv...
The main Current Truth of the past year was the Trump-Motherland Kollusion. Ending with the Mueller report, all the goals of our Five Year Kollusion Plan have been achieved ahead of schedule: pit Amerikans against each other, demoralize the nation, and portray its leaders as disturbingly vile degenerates. The Kremlin comrades who wrote the Steele Dossier have received government medals and are currently rolling on the floor laughing...
A somewhat startled Christiane Amanpour blurted, "A newt!?" Appearing momentarily befuddled, Mueller seemed to recover himself and offer a rational explanation: "Well, I got better," he said to satisfied nods among the press corps.
House Speaker Nancy Pelosi was deeply concerned by revelations of Trump's magical powers. "If he has power to turn good men like Mueller into a newt, he may have power to cast spells and confuse...
The word on the street is that Schiff is about to demand a special prosecutor to investigate Mueller's obvious collusion with Russia in his investigation of Trump's obvious collusion with Russia.
First, the vet took a sonogram of the little kitty fetuses. I still have the picture, and it's one of my dearest possessions. Also, the vet had a group of interns who had come to see different cat abortion techniques...
Бeto's inspirational poetry is very Maya Angelou-ish. With his cow love obsession and AOC's psychotic bovine hatred, these two should provide the Yin and Yang to the Democratic election process.
Read the entire thread.
The most drastically fresh new faces, no doubt, belong to Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, Ilhan Omar, and Rashida Tlaib. The mere sight of this previously unimaginable new generation of leaders fills our heart with awful pride. We can't help but shiver with intense joy from the realization that America's iconic political landscape is about to be fundamentally transformed.
The AOC challenge is associated with the creepy image of a woman with huge bulging eyes and ominous smile - the stuff of nightmares for children and dentists alike. It's as if someone combined a dark-haired Barbie doll with a bug-eyed version of the girl from The Ring and inexplicably decided to make her a congresswoman from New York with socialist credentials.
Warren, who declared her intention to seek the 2020 Democratic nomination last month, has been taking her cis-quadrupedal, self-identified canine companion, Wahanassatta, with her to campaign stops, in order to highlight her secondary anthropoid characteristics.
Why, just last night I was in San Francisco, or maybe it was Los Angeles. It was past midnight and I couldn't sleep because it was pouring down rain and soaking thru my cardboard box. So it had to be Los Angeles. Yeah, I'm camping out here hoping to see some of my favorite celebrities on the red carpet for the Oscars this Sunday night. I might even get to take selfies with them. Maybe Brad Pitt will offer to make me his date...
Smollett's name will now be forever tied to all the past, present, and future political hoaxes, immortalized in the Party-approved Pull-a-Smollett game.
Have you pulled a Smollett lately? If so, tell us your story. It may be added as another game card to our stack. hy progdom come!
It's unclear what religion these three are the saints of, but their commandments obviously include envy, adultery, theft, covetousness, bearing false witness, idolatry, and killing babies.
Although these devotional candles have quickly sold out, the photo of the product has taken a life of its own, posted by devout progs on their pages of worship. Thy progdom come!
Due to her being sent to Washington, she no longer has unfettered access to the tip jar at the Flats Fix taqueria.
If she could get her barmaid job back to supplement her income, perhaps she could then afford the high rent in Seattle.
Do not jeopardize your livelihood for a night out having fun. By observing the following tips, you can still have a great time and live.
The male convict in question had earlier courageously declared himself a transgendered woman, for which he was cheered on by the progressive local establishment and sent to a female prison. Shortly afterwards he deployed his gender-fluid trans-penis to rape two cisgendered female inmates...
Always celebrate. No matter what, remain in a celebrating mood. Use Party-approved substances when needed.
Always have a reason to celebrate. Excuses are many, just pick one. Or make one up, as you may have guessed by now.
CARE about celebrating. If your reason to celebrate seems important, don't hesitate to impose it on your comrades.
The governor just signed into law after ending the death penalty, a woman's right to abort about-to-be-born babies who could live outside the womb - up to the moment of birth.
To the stores of Whirpoolie
I will fight our country's heat waves
From Lejeune to Yuma AZ*
First to check for leaks in Freon
And to keep that coil clean
I ain't proud you learned my title
Of an HVAC tech Marine
From a brig in Camp Lejeune-ah
To a cell near Orange County
I've defied my unit's standard
By vacating without leave
First to flight from routine duties
Now the Corp's prestige i'll glean
I'm beclowned to claim the title
Of a Recon Range Marine
No more selling razors to those rapey metoo evil white men. They have decided to shame and bully their white toxically masculine customers with a strong message of Social Justice reinforced by the Marxist Armenian Holocaust deniers at the YoungTurks.
Those toxically male evil white HonkeyWhiteyCracker rapist men should really buy Gillette now.
The evidence is undeniable.
Attention to current events. Our search for the most current truth never stops. Thus, before Chicago declared Obama's birthday a holiday, we've been drinking beet vodka and throwing cool parties at Tractor Barn #2...
As a result, most comrades remembered their rebuttal not by what they said but by how they looked because, as a wise person once said, and this may not be an exact quote, "it ain't what you do, it's the way that you do it, and the way that you stare into the camera while you're doing it."
Therefore, most meaningful commentary came in the form of pictures...
"The government shut down! We can do anything we like," shouted Sam Hasbley of Grassley, Iowa, while tearing the tag off a mattress despite an explicit warning label forbidding such a dangerous course of action. "Tear yours off. The government is shut down. It can't stop you."
I'm happy to report that I've just published my second book, Hotel USSR. It's a story of а young man coming of age in a totalitarian state. He wants to be an artist but he isn't authorized to buy paints. He wants to see the world but the authorities brand him as politically unreliable. He wants to get married but the system separates him from his bride. He listens to Hotel California and wishes he had their problems: he himself is stuck in a real-life trap that he "can never leave," and he calls it Hotel USSR. To check out, he must break every rule in the book.
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