The People's Cube Archive:

2017

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Christmas in History: First Media Reports of Nativity Story

FROM OUR ARCHIVES:

How did the ancient mass media report the alleged birth of Christ?

The People's Cube prepared the following compilation of quotes from the Roman and Judean sources, which should help our readers to form an unbiased opinion of what really happened in the days surrounding the so-called Christmas.

© 2007 Directorate of Historical Revisionism, Karl Marx Treatment Center.

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Republican tax plan will kill you and destroy the planet

death & taxesThe Mayans were wrong. The world didn't end in 2012, but it will end before 2018 because of a human catastrophe that not even the ancient Mayans saw coming - Donald Tr*mp.

Tr*mp is such a bumbling amateur politician that he's actually keeping his campaign promises! Of course, this only further proves his underlying character flaws and mental instability which make him unfit to be the leader of the once free world.

Of all the promises he's had the temerity to keep, none has been more destructive than his plan of "tax relief" for the wealthiest Americans. ...

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BuzzFeed Editor: I want Communism for Christmas!

BuzzFeed Communist ChristmasA science editor at BuzzFeed UK raised a few eyebrows last week after some curious remarks about Communism. Kelly Oakes tweeted "All I Want For Christmas Is Full Communism Now."

Since this glorious tweet, Kelly Oakes has locked down her Twitter account after it was picked by right-wingers in the media and in Hollywood.

BuzzFeed refused to comment. However, Oakes, does not report to Buzzfeeds U.S.-based science desk, and also did not respond for a comment request.

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American Gyno-Stalinism on the ruins of Shagadelic Utopia

Muhammad resignsThe sexual revolution is now officially devouring its own children

One after another, our glorious thought-leaders and heroes are confessing to terrible sexcrimes against their pussycomrades. Their heart-wrenching confessions are published on the front pages. The nation's headlines are filled with the names of beloved celebrities and politicians who from now on must be publicly hated, stricken from records, and condemned to oblivion. This may feel like Stalinism Lite because nobody is being executed or sent to the gulag. And yet, just like under Stalin, anyone naive enough to stand up for a friend or appeal to reason automatically becomes a traitor...

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EEOC defines women's perfume as non-verbal sexual assault

Joy Ann ReidThe U.S. Equal Employment Opportunity Commission (EEOC), a federal agency that administers and enforces civil rights laws against workplace discrimination, has recently amended its guidelines on sexual harassment by adding women's perfume as an especially hazardous subcategory of invisible sexual assault.

Please amend your guidelines:

With definitive and clearly restrictive City, County, State or Federal regulations, women's perfumed scents fall under the definition of unwelcome sexual advances, non-verbal requests for sexual favors, and other non-verbal or physical conduct of a sexual nature...

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Muhammad resigns as prophet amid sexual assault allegations

Muhammad resignsOn the heels of this week's resignation of Karl Marx as leading figure in the communist movement due to allegations of sexual misconduct, the triggered social justice organizers of the #MeToo collective have claimed the scalp of another progressive icon.

At a press conference, supported by her family and lawyers, a woman named Aisha claimed that she was taken as a bride by Mr. Muhammad when she was nine years old. When asked why it took so long for her to come out, she stated that she feared nobody would believe her since the testimony of a woman is not worth a lot in her social circle. The crying woman also confessed that Mr. Muhammad used to beat her when she displeased him, and she feared physical retribution.

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Karl Marx to resign, ditch legacy due to sexual misconduct

Karl Marx's sexual misconductThe father of scientific socialism and an inspirational figure to many leading Democrats, Karl Marx has announced that he is resigning as a seminal thinker and is asking all his followers, especially women, to forgive him and forget his doctrine of class conflict and communist internationalism due to allegations of sexual abuse of his female aide and a criminal conspiracy to cover it up.

In his remarks, the author of the Communist Manifesto stated, "This decision is not about me. It's about the workers of the world. It's become clear that I can't both continue to deal with my history of sexual misconduct and at the same time remain an effective messianic leader of the oppressed in their struggle against capitalist exploitation."

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Lindsey Vonn Will Not Represent Trump at Olympics

Lindsey Vonn TrumpLindsey Vonn has boldly stated that she will not be representing President Trump at the Olympics.

Now, her prediction seems to be coming true.

The outspoken American skier was treated for a back injury after completing her World Cup Super-G race in St. Moritz, Switzerland on Saturday. Vonn went to the ground after crossing the finish line and observers said she was experiencing extreme pain. She was treated in a nearby house and later limped to a car without speaking to reporters.

The Trump Curse is real.

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ABC discovers int'l collusion network inside US State Dept

US Embassy in RussiaThanks to thorough investigative reporting by Brian Ross it has now been uncovered that the Trump administration's international collusion did not stop with Russia, nor did it consist of a small gang of White House insiders.

More and more reports are surfacing about a giant, well-organised network of international collusion. Apparently, agents working for this network are present in every nation of the earth.

What makes it even more shocking is the fact that this criminal operation is being conducted out in the open, with safe houses flying the US flag and employees on official US government payroll...

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Bill Kristol discovers his inner comrade

Bill Kristol's inner comradeBill Kristol posted that he has embraced his Inner Socialist.

Kristol is a political analyst and commentator, and the founder and editor-at-large of the The Weekly Standard.

He is also one of Obama's favorite "conservatives." He and Obama broke bread at the home of syndicated columnist George Will. Among the guests were Bill Kristol, New York Times columnist David Brooks ("I know Obama will be a great President by the crease in his pants"), and Charles Krauthammer of the Washington Post.

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Rural Americans core threat to our democracy

Joy Ann ReidMSNBC’s Joy Ann Reid labeled rural Americans “the core threat to our Democracy” and called for the abolition of the electoral college to limit their ability to influence elections and government.

“This is the core threat to our democracy. The rural minority — the people have and will continue to have disproportionate power over the urban majority.” And, “That (ending gerrymandering) and the abolition of the Electoral College would be a start.”

Don't let the red area on the map fool you; it's actually a Rethuglican trick to make it look larger than the blue areas.

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Introducing the people's AR-15 hysteria page

AR-15 death starComrades, isn't it clear that USA Today simply hasn't gone far enough? We may be losing the war on the 2nd Amendment unless we once again seize the propaganda initiative and return to the happy days of the 70s when we owned the argument. In those days, men dressed badly and the NRA was more of an irritant than a serious force to be reckoned with.

Join me in posting your anti-AR-15 memes as we continue to hold inanimate objects responsible for the crimes committed by their owners.

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Thanksgiving Day to be repealed and replaced?

Thanksgiving repealed and replacedStudents at universities across the nation are marching in a movement to repeal Thanksgiving Day and replace it with an alternative called "Thinkguilty Day."

The movement was started by University of California, Berkeley student Ima Weiner, who is president and founding member of the Campus Communist Club of the People (CCCP).

Describing the reasons for the proposed change, Weiner stated, "Thanksgiving is a day created by cishet white men to celebrate their dominance over and oppression of non-cishet non-white non-men...

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Thanksgiving With A Space Alien

Racist mathLast Thursday a flying saucer landed in my backyard. A friendly, if slightly disoriented alien pilot told me he needed a drink. I had just what he wanted, since this was Thanksgiving and all. I was glad to have company so I wouldn't have to eat my famous fat-free vegetarian imitation turkey all alone.

His name was Ollie and he came to Earth looking for an honest, self-reliant, optimistic, and technically inclined nation that could benefit from a contact with his more advanced civilization.

"Whoa, whoa!" I raised my finger. "To call yourself advanced you must take at least three diversity training classes. What planet are you from, really?"

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Progressive Thanksgiving Prayer: Blessing of the Taxes

Charles MansonLet me, Dear God, shift the paradigm on this Thanksgiving and blissfully give thanks for the gift of government, and thank the government for the gift of taxes. Bless my taxes, O God! Give me peace of mind as I rejoice in filling out forms and returning money to its rightful owner, the government. Keep me joyous, I pray, as I write out those checks. Yea, Lord, we know that there is little reason to be joyous with the failure of the healthcare collectivization rollout, but the thought of a new tax year still brings to us a swelling tear of joy. And whisper to me, Lord, all the good reasons that I send my money to my government every year.

Raise my awareness to the fact that I could not write this prayer, and would be a barely-functioning illiterate living in the gutter, if I had not received a free tax-subsidized education; my parents could not have afforded both my tuition and their own tax payments, so my tuition was supplied, at no expense to anyone, by the government...

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The People's Mathematics - the most equal of all subjects!

Racist mathThe white nationalists, meddlers into 2016 US Presidential Campaign and KKK members of ancient secret Greek society (including Euclid, and Pythagoras) invented the most unjust, discriminatory subject of all the times – mathematics - to perpetuate discrimination among races across space-time.

Dr. R. Gutierez recently uncovered the ancient plot that mathematics was designed as an inherently racist subject. These findings were unambiguously confirmed by Mueller’s investigation into Russian meddling.

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Planned Parenthood mourns death of abortion icon

Charles MansonPlanned Parenthood issued a statement this afternoon regarding the tragic loss of late term abortion icon Charles Milles Manson.

In a prepared statement, Planned Parenthood President Cecile Richards said...

"It is with great sadness that we join progressives around the world to mourn the passing of one of mankind's great visionary leaders , Mr. Charles M. Manson. "Charlie" was decades ahead of his time in regards to empowering young women within his family, giving them great responsibilities to carry out their progressive utopian dreams and exercising their late term abortion philosophy and practice.

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Are You Ready?

Hermaphrodite fashion showCraptek's fashion show makes me think of biological organisms (earthworms, snails, etc.) that are both male and female at once, self-fertilizing and reproducing by themselves. Among humans, such a feature has now become evolutionarily advantageous in the current political climate, where any flirting with the opposite sex is treated as sexual harassment and rape.

If this political climate change becomes permanent, humans will naturally evolve into homogamous hermaphrodites, looking just like the fashion show suggests.

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Hillary to leave Earth to be president on another planet

Alien HillaryMany people assume the Uranium One scandal is about selling out America's national interests in a corrupt deal involving some yellow metallic ore. That's what they want you to think. But in fact, this is a codename for "Uranus One" project to create a utopian colony far from planet Earth and make Hillary its Supreme Benevolent Many-Titted God-Empress for all eternity.

The negotiations started under the Obama presidency under the codename "Iranian Deal" while, in fact, it still was the same "Uranus Deal." Obama was uniquely positioned for this job, being only half-human. Remember the Kenya/Hawaii birthplace debacle? It was only to disguise his real Beta Centauri origins.

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Al Franken's sexual misconduct: more pictures revealed

Al Franken gropes AmericaToday we have a trifecta:

#1: Senator Al Franken Kissed and Groped Me Without My Consent, And There’s Nothing Funny About It

A few hours into this news cycle, two new sexual assault stories broke out - and if I weren't such a prog, I could have sworn it almost looks like a well-orchestrated damage control by means of releasing older material that had been corked until an opportune moment such as this.

#2: 16-Year-Old Fan Accused Sylvester Stallone of Forcing Her Into Threesome

#3: CNN: New George H.W. Bush accuser says he groped her during 1992 re-election campaign

While Stallone is denying the allegations, George Bush Sr. isn't even trying...

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Barbie Dolls get new hijabs

Barbie Doll hijabSay, Kids! Tired of all that pale skin, long legs, blue eyes, blonde hair and massive boobs an unnecessarily disproportionate bust size? Allah is too! Make your family proud, restore honor and take your old Barbie Dolls to the backyard and stone them as the infidel harlots they are!

Ask Mom to have a male relative drive you to the nearest toy-souk right away and get the new Ibtihaj Muhammad action figure, complete with the first-ever Mattel Hijab!

She's absolutely beautiful, but nobody will ever know, as she covers herself as the book prescribes, and is pure as the driven sands (at least until Uncle Faisal comes to visit again).

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USA Today's current truth about chainsaw bayonets

USA Today AR-15 chainsawUSA Today has done its progressive duty by releasing a video calculated to scare the unwashed masses with various dreadful modifications to AR-15 rifle, which included a chainsaw bayonet. This sparked a lively discussion on Twitter, with over two thousand commenters asking where they could buy a chainsaw bayonet, or proposing other useful attachments, such as, a pencil sharpener, a pizzawheel, a banana named "apple," and Kevin Spacey's head for converting your firearm into a sexual assault rifle...

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Atheist murdered near Texas church; suspects charged

Atheist murdered near Texas churchSutherland Springs, TX -- Residents Stephen Willeford and Johnnie Langendorff are being charged with multiple crimes including murder, weapons charges, reckless driving, and speeding following a shooting spree near a local church.

On Sunday, Nov. 5, local police have stated the suspects attacked and wounded local atheist Devin Kelley near the First Baptist Church in Sutherland Springs, Texas. When the victim attempted to flee by driving away, a witness has reported the two assailants "got into a truck and gave chase to finish the job."

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Bolshevik centennial celebration marred by executions, coup

Antifa with gunsA celebration at Behemoth State University of the 100th anniversary of the Bolshevik Revolution in Russia on November 7, 2017 (THIS Tuesday™) was unfortunately marred by some unforeseen events.

Many other celebrations of the glorious achievements of the Bolshevik Revolution held at U.S. universities had disappointing turnouts, with most students completely unaware of what exactly they were celebrating. So the Che Chapter of the BSU Student Revolutionary Soviet took it upon themselves to host their own event, and to celebrate it properly this time.

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Democrats mourn the impending suicide of Donna Brazile

Donna Brazile suicide noteDemocrat insiders have expressed their concern about the wellbeing of former Democratic National Committee Chair, Donna Brazile, stating that it is only a matter of time before she joins Vince Foster in taking her own life under suspicious circumstances.

Brazile's apparent suicidal ideation lead her to write Hacks: The Inside Story of the Break-Ins and Breakdowns That Put Donald Trump in the White House, which is expected to hit the bookshelves tomorrow...

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What's fairer: kill all capitalists or allow them to profit?

Escher's chessI received this question from a long-time Cubist and began to write a short answer. When I stopped writing it was already dark, Mrs. Red Square was sleeping, and I was looking at a pretty long rant that I thought deserved to be shared with the kollektive. Perhaps you can post your short answers as well.

... The next time one of them questions the workings of capitalism, we should go straight to the basics and ask them if they believe it is more just and fair to murder capitalists than to allow them to make a profit.

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Diversity Visa Lottery 2.0

Diversity Visa LotteryThe Democratic leadership and House Speaker Paul Ryan have agreed to alter the rules of the US Diversity Visa Lottery Program after the current system came under scrutiny when one of its beneficiaries recently killed eight people in New York City.

The mentally ill criminal, who may or may not have been a Trump supporter, had apparently contracted a serious case of "lonewolfitis," an enigmatic and untreatable disease that makes any prevention of terrorism impossible and, according to our most eminent political authorities, the world will just have to learn to live with it.

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Millennials Favor Stalin and Kim Jong Un

Millennials Favor StalinIt's not looking good for 21- to 29-year-olds, which is to say, it’s not looking good for the future: according to a poll published Thursday, nearly one in five millennials consider Joseph Stalin and Kim Jong Un to be heroes.

The survey is, of course, illustrative of a growing acceptance among history’s most triggered generation of the devastating humanitarian systems of socialism and communism. According to the study conducted by the Victims of Communism Memorial Fund, roughly half of millennials would prefer to live in a communist or socialist country rather than a capitalist democracy.

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Know the difference between fascists and anti-fascists

difference between fascists and anti-fascistshis November 4, we're going to take to the streets to vandalize private property, and punch, kick, and pepper spray anybody we don't like to make a statement about tolerance!

But before you join us in conducting unprovoked acts of violence for peace, it's very important that you know the difference between a fascist and an anti-fascist so you don't accidentally club the wrong person while demanding civil discourse.

As a free service, we're providing this very important, and free, identification poster.

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Laika the Space Dog: 60th Anniversary Celebration

Laika the Space DogDear Laika The Space Dog, Friend of the People,

I await your signal through my tinfoil hat giving the people instructions of how we are to celebrate the 60th anniversary of your flight into space on November 3, 1957, showing the world the superiority of the Soviet system over the Kapitalistic running dogs (no offense intended).

Will there be new visual propaganda? New clothing for the proletariat? Double rations of beet vodka? We await your signal.

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Unfair Ballistic Privilege

Male PrivilegeI am so filled with self-loathing over my unfair ballistic-intuition male privilege that I must denounce myself. It is, after all, for the common good and the cause of gender hyper-equality!

Report: Standing Up to Pee Gives Boys an Unfair Advantage in Physics

What follows was actually published in a ‘scholarly’ journal: "After noting that girls lag in areas of physics that deal with projectile motion, the article reveals: “Like many parents [we] have observed the great delight young males take in urination, a process by which they produce and direct a visible projectile arc.

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My review of Michael Moore's one-man show on Broadway

Michael Moore show reviewAudiencing at the Bellow of the Beast: The Terms of My Survival
Michael Moore's nightly hissy-fit for enbubbled libs willing to shell out shekels

Just a few yards down West 46th, a dozen pedicabs nuzzle wheel-rim to wheel-rim outside the hyperhot Hamilton, with more arriving by the minute for the well-heeled attendees of this megahit. Lined up demurely in front of the Richard Rodgers like that, these pedicabs hearken back to the early aughts of the past century, as they eclipse for a moment the contemporary environment beyond. At the rap Hamilton, there's not a seat to be had for love or money.

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Doctors baffled as mute man speaks after 8 years of silence

George Bush speaksNearly 8 years after a terrible wreck left a man unable to communicate, his power of speech has returned. George Bush was 62 when the mainstream media derailed his presidency, which resulted in him and his entire administration going off a cliff and tumbling to the ground.

"For eight long years he didn't speak a word," said George's brother, Jeb Bush. Though his family continued to talk to him, they had no idea whether he understood them. That eased a few days ago, when he began responding to questions with grunts and by blinking his eyes...

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George Soros hosted 'wild sex parties' for Hollywood elite

George Soros sex partyOn the heels of disgraced filmmaker Harvey Weinstein's exposure of sexual misconduct, new reports have surfaced about the former movie producer's moonlight activities. Several such accounts allege that Weinstein frequented sex parties hosted by George Soros, the American-Hungarian billionaire and investor.

According to some of these revelations, male guests at such elite parties were given extravagant silk robes and masks, while females were not allowed to wear anything at all, forced to attend these exclusive gatherings completely nude..."

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Raping with the Stars

Raping with the StarsIt's special guest rapist month on ABC's hit show Raping with the Stars.

Join us for this brand-new episode as Bill Clinton and Harvey Weinstein go head-to-head for $100,000.00 towards their favorite women's shelter.

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Approved and Offensive Halloween Costumes

HalloweenA letter circulated among members of fraternities and sororities at Tufts University warns that school officials have promised campus police investigations for anyone “wearing an offensive costume” this Halloween season.

In the letter obtained by The College Fix, Tufts dean of student affairs Mary Pat McMahon criticizes students who don objectionable Halloween garb for making “others in our community feel threatened or unsafe” and for conduct “that is offensive or discriminatory.

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Call for NFL to apply Affirmative Action in sports

Level Playing FieldIf the NFL is to prove their progressive cred, they must begin to bring social justice to their games and play by the same progressive rules that have been adopted in all other spheres of life.

First of all, they must "level the playing field" by building a slope. Let's call it Affirmative Action in Sports.Having a slope means that a weaker team playing downhill will have a fair advantage over a stronger team that plays uphill. If the stronger team is still winning, make them wear "the foot shackles of fairness." The referees must feel a moral obligation to rule in favor of the weaker team...

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Hillary uses Harvey Weinstein to promote free rape kits

Harvey Hillary Rape KitsEXCLUSIVE VIDEO:

Hillary uses her comments on Harvey Weinstein to promote the Clinton Foundation's free rape kits, which will make fighting for women equally affordable to all Americans, regardless of their economic, social, racial, educational, or chosen gender status.

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Is it time to ban silencers for automobiles?

Jimmy Kimmel jokesDemocrat lawmakers are pushing for a law that would ban silencers for automobiles after the FBI disclosed that Las Vegas shooter Steven Paddock had one of them on his car.

The silencer, also known by car enthusiasts as a “muffler,” is a device used to decrease the amount of noise emitted by the exhaust of a car engine. It is believed that Paddock used the device to drive to the Mandalay Bay Hotel without drawing attention to himself.

Former Presidential candidate Hillary Clinton brought the silencer issue to national attention when she tweeted the following after the shooting...

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Meme contest: #DitchMitch As Senate Majority Leader

#DitchMitchThere's a new super PAC in town, organized by three iconoclastic Trumpsters with the purpose of fighting the swamp with memetic warfare, among other things.

Their name is Rev18 and their first memetic campaign is this:

Rev18 Announces ‘Diss List’ with Contest to #DitchMitch As Senate Majority Leader

As part of kicking off the Diss List, Rev18 announced a $5,000 contest to create memes and videos “dissing” McConnell under the hashtag #DitchMitch. The goal is to rally popular support for removing McConnell as Senate Majority Leader. McConnell is not up for reelection until 2020.

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Harvey Weinstein: right-wing 'conspiracy' out to get me

Harvey Weinstein Pussy HatHollywood mogul Harvey Weinstein believes that accusations of sexual harassment on his part are part of a "Vast Right-Wing Conspiracy" to bring down the big donor to Democratic causes, according to the DailyMail.com.

The Extreme Right-Wing New York Times is reporting that the founder of the Miramax film company has been accused of reaching at least eight settlements with women for sexually harassing behavior going back three decades.

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Jokes about Jimmy Kimmel

Jimmy Kimmel jokesWe had so many, they didn't fit into one page.

Part 1


Part 2


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Venezuela, N. Korea offer asylum to oppressed NFL players

NFL protests = brain damageThe governments of Venezuela and North Korea came out today offering asylum to those oppressed NFL players who refuse to stand for the National Anthem.

"We understand how oppressive that song can be and if you accept our offer, you will never have to hear it again," said a joint spokesperson. "We would also invite them to deposit their funds in our banks and invest in our countries. It would be worthwhile."

The governments also reminded the players that they are still owned by capitalist team owners so we understand their oppression is real...

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Pinkie's Open Letter to Hillary

Pinkie's Open Letter to HillaryDear Hillary: I read your book—well, OK, not the whole thing. But I did read the free sample available at Amazon (because, you know, free stuff), in which you said you wrote your book while sitting at your kitchen table. I’ll bet it looks just like Jane Austen’s. It must’ve wobbled the whole time. And that big off-center crack must’ve been very inconvenient, especially since you probably wrote your book in pencil on five-cent ruled tablets, like Laura Ingalls Wilder of Little House fame.

But the great thing about pencil is that you can easily erase any mistakes you don’t want anyone else to see. It sure beats smashing a hard drive with a hammer, or wiping a server with a cloth and a bit of bleach...

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BREAKING: Study shows NFL protests linked to brain damage

NFL protests = brain damageA groundbreaking new study by Mayo Clinic’s leading neurologist, Dr. Terrence Lachance, has shown results indicating a link between brain damage and compulsive unwarranted protesting. This news, in light of recent protests by NFL players, seems to be making sense to a lot of people, while leaving others dumbfounded.

“My study conclusively shows that over time, repeated blows to the head, injuries that could be sustained from playing a sport like football, severely depreciates the logic facilities in the brain,” says Dr. Lachance...

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Obama goes on apology tour to counter Trump's foreign policy

Obama's apologyThe former U.S. president. Barack Obama, has surprised reporters with the announcement that he will travel abroad on his Second Apology Tour. The purpose of the trip, said the former leader, is to "Make America Small Again," and more importantly, he added for emphasis, to make America's enemies feel better about themselves.

Mr. Obama said, "If North Korea chooses to build ICBMs on which they intend to fit Multiple Reentry Vehicles and attack their neighbors and the U.S., it's their business, not ours. I believe in choice, and it should be our choice to look the other way. Those are their missiles and their nukes, not ours. Think about it..

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Trump retweets People's Cube meme, media has seizures

Trump Hillary golf ballThe silliest part is that Trump's retweet of our silly GIF immediately gets covered by a long list of the world's most serious and respectable papers and magazines - as if it was some "violent misogynistic attack" and not a funny metaphor of last year's election.

CNN alone runs it all day with different seething panelists whose monthly pay would have sustained our site for years.

Donate to the People's Cube to counteract the MSM's big salaries!

We don't need much, really - just a slice of beet for breakfast and a glass...

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I denounce COEXIST bumper stickers

COEXIST bumper stickersThat is right, comrades! This classic symbol of liberal tolerance and celebration of diversity must go! It is no longer enough to be tolerant and all-inclusive. By celebrating all cultures and all people, we invite vipers into our midst.

The idea of "coexistence" was useful when we were weak and our ideas needed to be accepted into the mainstream. Now that we have become mainstream, "coexistence" is harmful to our cause. It means that we have to accept our ideological enemies as equals, and accept that they too, have a place in the Glorious World of Next Tuesday - which is, of course, an absurdity.

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Melania's shoes now on our 'Molon Labe' T-shirts!

Melania's shoes on 'Molon Labe' T-shirts

This image first appeared on another thread, Melania Trump denounced by Vogue fashion editor. Due to an overwhelming positive response on social media, we have set up T-shirts with this design for online purchase. Customers have the ability to change shirt styles and colors, but please choose the lighter ones because the grays in the picture may not work well against darker backgrounds. Click on any of these stores.

Cafepress - Spreadshirt - Zazzle



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Melania Trump denounced by Vogue fashion editor

FashionistaOn Tuesday the righteous attacked First Lady Melania Trump for wearing heels to board Marine One in the South Lawn on the way to inspect the damage the in Texas.

Leading the charge was Lynn Yaeger from Vogue Magazine:

Melania Trump’s Hurricane Stilettos, and the White House’s Continual Failure to Understand Optics

Lynn Yaeger is a contributing fashion editor to Vogue.com and a contributing writer to Vogue. She is also a fashion columnist for Full Frontal Fashion, a style website in association with Sundance Channel...

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Houston is Saved!

Pajama Boy AntifaPhew! It has been a busy day, but worth it. Thanks to me, Houston is now saved and everything is A-Okay.

I knew that I had to do something for all these poor people who are getting flooded out, so this morning when I was waiting in line for my free-range chai latte with soy and bran muffin made with fair trade canasta grain, I made sure that everybody at the coffee shop knew that Hurricane Harvey was a direct result of that moron Trump pulling out of the Paris Climate Accord.

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Hurricane Harvey Q&A: the government or the free markets?

Q&AA Facebook comrade sent me this screenshot asking to comment on it. I responded in a "prog-off" mode:

The People's Cube answers:

This is a typical "optical illusion" mind game the progs always play. The trick here is the unwitting (or deliberate) confusion of a CRISIS with NORMALCY.

A crisis situation, like natural disasters or wars, require a certain code of conduct and ethics, and government exists specifically for this purpose (apart from law enforcement and legislation). Survival of a group in a crisis calls for a collectivist moral code.

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Rename locations named after colors

Ban spectrumComrades, we are facing a serious problem of Equity and Social Justice. Disregarding for a moment how places like the White House simply represents the hegemonic power of white people, what shall we do about the visually impaired and colorblind who may not perceive colors?

Can you imagine the constant microaggressions a colorblind person must experience when others discuss the Blue Mountains? Or how oppressive it must be to hear about the Painted Desert while being blind?

I demand all colors be removed from place names at once!

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Name the things progs tolerate

Racist statueThe mask-wearing, yelling and perpetual panty-bunched paranoid liberals have yet to find anything they can tolerate. Perhaps it only leaves intolerance.

The best we could come up with is a significant tolerance for the smell of their own urine.

Provide your ideas here of what you think they might possibly tolerate. If there are any, we'd love to blog about it.

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What movie does Trump's presidency remind you of?

police academy trumpDuring the GOP primaries in early 2016, I told this to one of my anti-Trump conservative friends over a glass of excellent Scotch in a Washington, DC, bar:

Let me put it in movie terms. Under Obama every day has been like a disturbing horror movie. Under Trump every day will be like Police Academy. We'll have fun, defeat the villains, and bring normalcy back.

It seems that every single day of Trump's presidency keeps proving me right. Except that sometimes, instead of Police Academy we get Airplane and occasionally Naked Gun.

What movie do you feel you're in during the Trump presidency?

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The Gospel according to Muhammad with thrilling new stories

The Gospel according to MuhammadIn order to make Christianity more compatible with modern progressive and Islamic values, our Ministry of Truth has published an updated version of the Gospels based on the Religion of Peace.

You’ll find that it lacks all the dull parts of the original and was enriched with some saucy and thrilling new stories! The Ministry hopes it will inspire you all to lead a better and more multicultural life. See y'all in Church on Sunday Friday!

THE GOSPEL ACCORDING TO MUHAMMAD


The multiculturalised version of the Gospel



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Millions claim disability after not being given eclipse-glasses

Trump InvestigationAs the total solar eclipse of comes to an end, we have seen an unprecedented surge in claims for government support due to blindness. It is also a fact that this was a racist solar eclipse because of a disproportionate number of minorities outside of the path of totality.

While the ACLU files discrimination lawsuits against the sun, the masses are overwhelming the People’s Department of Labor. The sun not being equally blocked for all people, combined with them not being given glasses for eclipse-viewing has caused a systemic eye damage for everyone outside the path of totality. Therefore no one but those in the path of totality are required to work again.

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Michael Moore offers more eclipses

Che-Dolf AntifaMichael Moore has just announced that he is willing to go into space and cause a total solar eclipse "up to three times a year" to help combat Global Warming.

"First of all, I'm big enough to blot out the sun for the entire planet. Secondly, NASA says they don't have rockets powerful enough to get Rosie O'Donnell up there. Third, F*ck Trump," the director said.

Most Global Warming experts are skeptical. "Communism is by far a more superior solution," one of them said. "It would be much better if we could just get the USA to go Communist. That would be a final solution to the global warming problem."

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New Progressive College Program on Intersectional Whiteness

Intersectional WhitenessHere is a fresh, new approach to Social Justice™ just in time for Fall Semester

Intersectional Whiteness and Being a Good Ally


Examinations of how to properly implement the White Man’s Burden in the 21st Century, with an examination of historical Social Darwinism, and phrenology in an attempt to empower the leftist activist to maintain hegemonic white supremacy over disadvantaged populations under the guise of social justice activism.

Topics to be covered include historical white supremacy during the Progressive Era, including eugenics, Social Darwinism, and the rise of the second KKK.

Further study will focus on Post Civil Rights Era white allyship which melds traditional leftist control systems as exemplified by Maoist and Neo-Marxist power structures with historical white hegemony as a tool to maintain control over disadvantaged and minority populations...

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Fears mount as eclipse may bring Confederate statues to life

Confederate monumentA protester in the "Monuments Must Go" movement has finally revealed what is causing the sudden drive to tear down the statues of Confederate soldiers.

"We think the eclipse might reanimate them" she said. "We cannot take the chance. We have to destroy them before it happens."

The thought of Confederate monuments coming to life during the eclipse is a real fear among other progressive groups as well.

"If not the eclipse then it will happen during the next full moon," a BLM spokesman said. "They might run rampant through black neighborhoods looting stores and setting fires, and we can't have that."

We have contacted several scientists for their comments on the matter, but since all of them happened to be middle-class white males, our editors decided that their opinions are irrelevant.

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Antifa's true icon: Che-Dolf

Che-Dolf AntifaSome decades ago a wise man said, "The fascists of tomorrow will be called anti-fascists." It seems that tomorrow is already here and we may as well say, "The fascists of today call themselves anti-fascists."

Antifa looks, acts, and thinks like the fascist stormtroopers, being a mirror image of whom they allegedly hate.

Urban Dictionary offers many good definitions of Antifa.

A flashback to last year's elections:

Achtung! Bernie Sanders goes Nazi chic with Shepard Fairey

DID YOU KNOW...? Antifa Flag Comes Directly From The German Communist Party In 1932

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Museum of Nothing: Everything offensive has been removed

Museum of NothingMove offensive statues to a museum? Think again.

In the old days, it was enough to just move statues that we deem offensive from public property to a museum. But that became a huge burden. What if the statues or monuments are too big to be moved? It would be impossible to put Mount Rushmore or Stone Mountain in a museum.

Also, most museums are nonprofit. They receive a tax break and some grants from the government. Therefore, museums leech off public funds and must not contain anything that is offensive to us. If everyone doesn't have fun, no one can have fun.

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Love and Hate: Instructional Video

Love and HateIs it just me, or do you also wonder how liberals can possibly function, let alone win elections? This lump in their heads, they refer to it as a mind, is made of absurdities, inconsistencies and contradictions. How is possible to hold so many mutually exclusive beliefs?

The fact is, there’s a method to their insanity and sane people will keep losing to the insane unless they understand what that method is.

Let’s take love and hate. Scientists have discovered that both love and hate originate in the same nervous circuits in the brain.

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North Korea responds to Trump rhetoric

Nork Kim Monty PythonMoments after the tyrannical dictator Donald Trump incited the peaceful nation of North Korea by rattling the "fire and fury" saber, the people's democratic North Korean government led by the duly elected and beloved Kim Jong-Un made it known that they were stunned by the unwarranted macroaggression and vowed to respond in kind.

Kim stood straight and proud, looked directly into the camera and said, "Your mother was a hamster and your father smelled of elderberries. Now go away or I will taunt you a second time."

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Silicon Valley brings us Next Tuesday

Silicon ValleyComrades,the Glorious World of Next Tuesday is upon us, at least allegedly within one of the biggest companies in Silicon Valley. From firing evil white male employees who dare to disagreewith the social(ist) justice warrior cult mindset to having what some might call re-education camps to apparent blacklisting (is that word racist?) employees for WrongThink™ to allegedly practically crying when Trump (spit) won, it is like a socialist dream come true. It has even been claimed that the search engine and PeoplesTube will hide content that is not the Current Truth™.

How do we bring this out into the rest of the world, Comrades?

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President Trump to create Red Team/Blue Team healthcare

Red Team/Blue TeamPresident Donald J. Trump has outlined a new plan to end the healthcare debate once and for all, saying that this proposal should meet the demands of all parties in this heated debate.

"There is a great divide in our nation," the president explained at a press briefing, "and that divide is healthcare." President Trump compared it to a fight between two opposing teams: the Red Team fights for socialized healthcare, while the Blue Team fights to have their birthright of freedom back. Congress is the referee who has apparently sided with the red team and is rigging the game to serve its own interests...

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Democrats predict Trump will destroy the Sun on August 21

Solar eclipse Al GoreDemocrat lawmakers and climate change scientists warn that Trump’s disastrous environmental policies will culminate in the destruction of the Sun on August 21, 2017.

Since taking office, Donald Trump has been rolling back Obama-era policies that curbed climate change on the pretense of liberating business owners from unnecessary job-killing regulations. However we now know that President Obama’s environmental regulations were the only thing keeping the world from being plunged into total darkness.

“Less than a year ago, none of us could imagine a President Trump,” Nobel laureate Al Gore said while on a tour...

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Trump threatens millions of senators with imminent death

SchumerIn the latest effort at genocide by President Trump, the worst Republican since Hitler, US Senators may face loss of their subsidized health coverage. Mr. Trump ominously tweeted in a manner reminiscent of Hitler, “If a new HealthCare Bill is not approved quickly, BAILOUTS for Insurance Companies and BAILOUTS for Members of Congress will end very soon!”

CBO accountant, Fred “Nonpartisan” Phelps commented, “Our figures estimate that if Trump follows through with this extreme proposal, 1.5 million senators will die every minute. That’s 2,160,000,000 senators each day. The first to go will be women and minority Democrats, along with moderate transgender Republicans...

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Forget microaggressions, introducing NANOaggressions

NanoaggressionComrades, we all know about microaggressions. These nefarious, seemingly innocent behaviors and words are all part of a grand right-wing effort to destroy the progressive utopia. In fact, we even know such things can be done unwittingly, which in turn requires a struggle session to identify and work through.

But the nanoaggression? It is such a subtle form of discrimination, harassment and privilege that it is all but impossible to observe, yet easy to experience. The cumulative effects of nanoaggressions will eventually wear out a victimized individual due to their nefarious and difficult to identify presence.

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Marxist group disbands because members were too rich, white

Marx facepalmLife imitates the People's Cube so shamelessly these days that there's no point in political parody anymore. Below are some unaltered excerpts from our friends at CampusReform.org:

"A Marxist student group at Swarthmore College disbanded itself earlier this year after realizing that its members were too rich and too white to be real commies.

... the demise of the Swarthmore Anti-Capitalist Collective (SACC) came in the wake of a farewell letter from a member who had decided the group could never be an effective proponent of “unproblematized anticapitalist politics” due to its “history of abuse, racism, and even classism.”

“Their main support base was middle-upper class white kids who enjoy jogging.”


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McCain blasts Trump's tweet on banning Transfender guitars

Transfender guitar tweetPresident Trump Tweeted today his decision to stop the US government's subsidies of Transfender guitars after consulting with "musical experts," arguing the musicians "must be focused on playing music and cannot be burdened with ass-backward instruments." The President's Tweet also contained an attachment showing what a Transfender guitar looks like.

White House spokeswoman Sarah Huckabee Sanders later described the move as a "common sense decision," telling a press briefing that Mr. Trump had promised voters to stop government waste and gratuitous social experimentation on the taxpayer's dime.

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Decadent capitalist seats to be removed from NY subways

NYC subwayNEW YORK -- Responding to the grievances of the unwashed commuting masses, New York's Metropolitan Transportation Authority is getting rid of the decadent and oppressive chairs of capitalism in favor of giving more standing room on subway trains for the toiling workers and peasants of New York. Letting more people inside the train will allow a better, fairer, and more progressive commuting experience, as well as reduce the number of excuses to be late for work - all without raising prices for working families.

"New Yorkers are rightfully frustrated with the growing comfort gap caused by the unfair standing/seating ratio in our subways...

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Better living through central planning: new Dem platform

Better living through central planningThe workers and peasants of America abandon Trump, flock to the Democrats new and improved central planning of the economy: "A Better Deal: Better Jobs, Better Wages, Better Future."

If you want your life and your self-governance to be controlled by the whims of power politics and be forced to live by the trickle-down government choices forced on you by central planning then the Democrats have a plan for you.

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Lenin's log exposed in 'Hammer and Sickle' ballet

Lenin's log balletIn the video below, the 'Hammer and Sickle' ballet begins with Russian peasant women in ugly masks crawling on their knees and sowing the fields. At some point these oppressed crones rise up and start running around while shaking their hands in the air, Flat-Fatima-style, as if screaming, "woe is me." But soon it occurs to them that the best way to make their need of liberation known is by doing the high kick dance.

Those routines quickly summon the leader of the world proletariat, Vladimir Lenin, in his signature vest and cap. The great friend of the oppressed masses promenades onto the stage with a brisk series of sautés, jetés, and pirouettes, letting everyone know that he is the boss in that joint.

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Politifact reports the Current Truth from the People's Cube

PolitifactYesterday Politifact published yet another debunking of our story titled, CNN Host Fareed Zakaria Calls For Jihad Rape Of White Women. More precisely, it debunked the reposting of our story on other websites without attribution or tagging it as satire.

To the credit of the Politifact writer, Jon Greenberg, he treated the People's Cube with respect, quoted several of our articles and headlines, and even gave a little promo for our beloved Comrade Chedoh. Furthermore, before publishing this story, he emailed me, the People's Director, asking for a comment...

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ISIS files 'cultural appropriation' complaint against ANTIFA

cultural appropriation Dear Mr. Al Hussein:

As you may know, there is a new category of outrage that social justice warriors the world over are fighting to stop cultural appropriation. Loosely defined, this outrage occurs whenever someone adopts the habits and mannerisms from other cultures.

In this vein, we are writing to file a formal complaint with the UNHRC's Committee on Economic, Social and Cultural Rights...

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The Wolf Who Cried Trump - A Craptek Fable

Wolf Who Cried TrumpOnce upon a time there was an aging CNN news reader called Wolf. Each day he would read a prepared script, then huff and puff and call on his panel of experts for comment. Wolf fancied himself a journalist though some considered him a pompous ass. His corporate masters, on the other hand, were interested only in the revenue Wolf generated for CNN. Therefore, they paid close attention to the viewing habits of his fans, who, like sparrows at a bird feeder, gathered daily to watch The Wolf - trusty pad and pen in hand - assume a defiant newsman stance, stare solemnly into the camera lens and shout Breaking News! over the ever present din of CNN's pitter-pattering electronic NEWS Bongos.™

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Pay the Alligator

AlligatorIt was a warm Florida night in July. At about 3am our dog growled at the door. We looked outside and saw an alligator sitting on our doormat. So I made some snapshots and videos with my phone.

In the morning I put them together into this video to the song by The Flatlanders "Pay The Alligator." I love this song.

It was as if the alligator was saying, "I'm from the government and I'm here to help." He was there to collect the debt, nothing personal...

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A friendly note from CNN for me

CNN Cosa Nostra NetworkWow, I just got this note from CNN in my email, on my phone, and in regular mail. It reads…

"Hey, Blogunov, nice satire you got going on there. Gotta admit, it’s funny stuff. But you know what? We at CNN just don’t see it the same way you do. In fact, you seem to be spreading a negative view of our network and our friends at NYT and WaPo.

Here’s a heads up, Blogunov. We know your real name. We know where you live. We know your other online identities.

Let me be plain, Blogunov. We want an apology. And we want you to pull all your negative comments, direct or implied...

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Trump, Russiagate, and the media: the colluder vanishes

Russian colluder vanishesNow that the Trump/Russia collusion narrative is starting to lose traction, media outlets are desperately working to drop the story and cover their tracks. However, research conducted by the nonpartisan People's Cube, America's most trusted and most equal news source, has uncovered evidence of media collusion.

Disturbing facts proving that major news sources have changed their stories and altered images to hoodwink an unsuspecting public have been made available by anonymous sources, current and former officials, and sources close to Rachel Maddow.

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4th of July
FROM THE PEOPLE'S ARCHIVES:

4th of July: The Alternative Secret History of the World

On the Fourth of July Americans will be cynically celebrating the greatest setback world progress has ever endured in all of human history. The rest of humankind will, of course, be grieving over the dark day when the United States of America was born. To understand the full scope of this tragedy we must look back at the pre-7/04 world and see what it was like to live on planet Earth before 1776.

Prior to July 4, 1776, not a single person in the world starved, got sick, worked hard for a living, or experienced any pain and anxiety. No one had ever been oppressed or unfairly exploited because the oppressive and unfair American system had not yet been created.

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MORE FROM THE PEOPLE'S ARCHIVES:

The People's Cube makes #33 of the Top 100 Humor Blogs List

Top 100 Humor BlogsI would like to personally congratulate myself and all of our regular contributors, irregular contributors, lurkers, readers, thoughtcriminals, and fellow travelers as The People's Cube has been selected by the panelists at FeedSpot.com for inclusion at #33 on their recently unveiled page of Top 100 Humor Blogs. Additionally, we were awarded a combat action badge to be displayed on our lapel as an indication of honest and faithful service to the Motherland.

Technically, the ranking criteria included Facebook Fans (we have 44,682), Twitter Followers (we have 7,123), and Alexa Rank (ours is 217,988). There probably was also someone's personal taste involved, since the founder of FeedSpot.com emailed me saying, "I personally give you a high-five and want to thank you for your contribution to this world and I’m honored to have you as part of this!"

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Piltdown Man identified as Russian colluder

Russian ColluderFirst it was believed to be a missing link in the chain of hominid evolution in 1908, then it was alleged to be a total hoax in 1953. But recent investigations into the remains of Piltdown Man may have revealed the Russian colluder who stole the 2016 US presidential election from Hillary Clinton and assured an unfair Trump victory. Dr. Charles Pelham Fraser-Binghampton of the University of Edinburgh’s prestigious paleontology department made the stunning discovery with the assistance of Professor Yuri “Covfefe” Leonov of Moscow State University.

“I was utterly gobsmacked,” said Fraser-Binghampton, “One day you think, ‘O this thing’s just and old hoax,’ and then...

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The Dems Went Down to Georgia

The Dems Went Down to Georgia
The dems went down to Georgia
They was lookin' for a seat to steal
They were in a bind
'Cause they were way behind
Willin' to spend twenty five mil

When they came upon this young man
In pajamas by the name John Ossoff
And the dems all jumped
And said that he'd beat Trump
And said, "boy, show us what you got

I guess you didn't know it
But we're a riddle players too
And if you'd care we'll pay your fare,
we'll bet money on you...

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New Comprehensive Investigation Involving Trump

Trump InvestigationSources say Chuck Schumer will be announcing today at 12pm ET, that he will be organizing a new bi-partisain investigation committee into Donald Trump's recklessness on putting greens.

According to Chuck Schumer, the Senate investigation amounts to a credibility test for Trump — a chance to prove his willingness to answer uncomfortable questions about his golf game.

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Proof of Russian Collusion - Finally!

Russian ColluderSergei the Russian Colluder explains exactly how the Russians colluded to do the Russian Collusion.

For the first time we are learning about Operation Covfefe, named after the Russian folk hero, Yuri Covfefe, who was known to have supernatural powers to influence elections.

Remember: you heard it here first!

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Poor Me Magazine #4: Trump-Comey edition

Poor Me Magazine #4Poor Me is a magazine dedicated to people who see themselves as victims. Read the new Trump-Comey edition - their thickest issue to date.

Challenges of being a drama queen in the age of Trump. Experts: "Competition is fierce."

IN THIS ISSUE:

  • March against fascism ends with 400,000 fewer deaths than expected
  • Hillary to victims: "poison the wells, scorch the earth"
  • Kathy Griffin: From woke to broke in one easy step
  • Top 10 methods to make the world feel guilty and apologize
  • LeBron James needs a day without white people: "No matter how much money I have, I'm still as paranoid as a homeless drug addict"
  • Is everything Trump's fault? Ask an expert!

EXCLUSIVE - Closed session: Comey, 56, demonstrates on doll where he feared Trump was going to touch him.

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Obamacare Surprises

Obamacare SurprisesMany years ago Nancy Pelosi bravely said, "We have to pass the bill to know what’s in it." But even after it was passed, no one has ever read the Affordable Care Act in its entirety; it is so large that it has its own gravitational field.

In a dramatic stroke of brilliance and keen journalistic instinct, or perhaps outright laziness, we decided to start from the back. Here's what we found.

  • Hospital stays exceeding two days require patient-provided bedpans and light bulbs.
  • Co-pays are now tracked by as a Wall Street investment index.
  • Half off Abortion-Tuesdays at Family Dollar stores everywhere.
  • The term “deductibles” is omitted from the medical lexicon in favor of “insurer’s fair share.”
  • Malpractice lawsuits shall be known as “pulling the ‘ol Okey-Dokey.”
  • A 20% tip automatically added to prescription drug purchases.
  • School lunch programs shall include Soylent Green Fridays.


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Democrat Social Pyramid

Democrat Social PyramidAs a member of the white male hetero Christian class my peoples have been ruling the world far to long. It is only fitting that I and my ilk get a taste of our own medicine and accept our demotion in exchange for the promotion of the victim class.

The only thing my peoples can do to alleviate our deserved pains is to sacrifice our place willingly and eagerly. We shall vocally praise the oppressed, admit our sins and accept our lashings.

When we are ordered to leave our campuses because of our whiteness we shall do so with a smile.

When we are reminded of our privilege we shall accept it with a tear.

Equality before the law is not the goal. Lady Justice is not blind, comrade. Her eyes are open and her scales are now tipped accordingly. That is the "Democratic Ideal" for which we now must live.

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The true meaning of covfefe

covfefeEarly this morning President Trump challenged the nation to discover the true meaning of "covfefe."

We accepted the challenge and we're pretty sure we have figured it out.

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A message of love from The Political Party of Peace

British Man from 9th centuryJust some pictures and headlines:

- Kathy Griffin mistakenly beheads Alec Baldwin in Trump costume; nobody cares.

- Islamic State disavows Kathy Griffin, pleads with her to "chill the f@#& out"

- ISIS Condemns Kathy Griffin For Cultural Appropriation

etc.

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Physically weak men tend to be socialists

weak ObamaAn academic study from researchers at Brunel University London assessed 171 men, looking at their height, weight, overall physical strength and bicep circumference, along with their views on redistribution of wealth and income inequality. The study, published in the Evolution and Human Behavior journal, ​found that weaker men were more likely to favor socialist policies than stronger men.

Back when I lived in New York I went shopping for a modern-looking microfiber jacket suitable for cool weather. I visited a dozen boutique stores in Manhattan, trying on a variety of nice-looking jackets. None of them fit me in the chest. Even if I was able to zip them up over my chest, I couldn't move my arms...

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Manchester scientist to clone 'British Man' from 9th century

British Man from 9th centuryA recently found 1,200-year-old fossil is giving anthropologists new insights into a warrior-like, bipedal masculine human specimen they have identified as Testiculus Englishmanus, a mysterious ancestor of modern-day British men.

The remains were discovered in Wessex, at the site of the historic Battle of Edington (present-day Wiltshire), where in May, 878 AD, patriotic Anglo-Saxons defeated "The Heathen Army" of the Viking invaders, leading to the eventual liberation and unification of England.

The 6 foot-long fossil reveals that the extinct early man of England possessed two large working testicles, which shatters all modern theories about the origins of today's residents of the British Isles.

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Trump sells Vatican to Pope Francis for 2.5 million

Trump Pope Francis HandshakeThe world's best known dealmaker-turned-president showed that when it comes to real estate, nobody out-negotiates the Trumpster.

The president met briefly with Pope Francis, whom Trump described as a "…very, very nice man. Very hospitable," before agreeing on a price for the Vatican.

Subjects discussed by the two leaders included the environment, world peace, religious tolerance, and property values.

"After a little going back and forth, I finally asked His Holiness what he wanted for the Vatican. He made an offer, but you know how deals are, he started low and I started high," Trump told the accredited media shortly afterwards.

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WANTED: anonymous sources - exciting new career opp!

anonymous sources at NYTDo you hate Donald Trump?

Is your lifelong dream to destroy his presidency? Do you live for nothing else these days?

Are you looking for a flexible job that requires little effort while allowing you to be as outrageous as you want? Do you enjoy throwing stuff at the wall and watching it slide down to the floor leaving a trail of slime?

Then mainstream media outlets, especially the New York Times and Washington Post, would like to offer you a position as an ANONYMOUS SOURCE!

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Harvard bans neckties on campus as chauvinistic hate speech

Necktie is male oppressionHarvard University has written a new dress code that defines ties, a traditional male dress accessory, as a symbol of oppression, chauvinism, and hate speech. The decision came after a women's rights group petitioned the school board to ban neckties, claiming that students have been triggered by seeing such a “flamboyant and offensive” micro-aggression carried around even by their own professors.

Immediately after the board’s decision, a mass email was sent to all students and faculty of the new dress code, stating that if the new policy was disobeyed it could bring about “serious consequences” including expulsion.

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VIDEO: Viking Ragnar has a nightmare about modern Sweden

Viking Ragnar nightmare modern SwedenKomrades, I made this little vid where Ragnar Lothbrok gets a glimpse of his people's nightmarish future that is 21st century Sweden.

It has no major spoilers from the show "Vikings".

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Macron pledges to redistribute EU terror attacks fairly

May Day with early menFrench PM candidate Emmanuel Macron has proposed a new initiative, the "Fair Redistribution of Terror in Europe Program," that he hopes will revive his faltering campaign days before France's voters go the polls.

"It is unfair that France and other enlightened nations that open their borders to Muslim refugees, must suffer the most from Islamic terrorism," Macron said at a campaign rally on Monday. "As a fair-minded person, I am saddened and outraged that less enlightened nations, especially Poland, who close their borders to Muslim migrants, get to enjoy terror-free existence...

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May Day 2017 - List of Party-approved catchy slogans

May Day with early menFor thousands of years, since the end of the Ice Age, international workers gathered in their caves on May Day to organize, protest, and represent. They sat around bonfires chanting Party-approved slogans and denouncing U.S. imperialism.

Every year the changing Current Truth called for different slogans, which were promptly provided to the masses by this glorious Party Organ. And this year is no different. See the most current, updated, and expanded list of slogans for May Day 2017.

- Make America small again!

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People's Climate March Denver canceled because snow

bill nye the A sad day today. The People's Climate Marches in both Denver and Colorado Springs today had to be cancelled because of snow.

I demand a Congressional investigation. Surely Trump has colluded with the Russians to hack our weather in order to make those of us on the side of Truth, Justice and The Socialist Way look bad.

And to think the Russians used to be our friends...

Winter Blast Putting Climate Protests On Ice In Colorado...

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Fearless Girl takes her icy stare on the road

Fearless GirlFearless Girl has gotten a little cocky since she stood up to the Wall Street bull - that symbol of financial optimism and prosperity. So brash in fact that she’s graduated from turning this bull into a steer and now takes her intimidation on the road.

Her search for other icons that she can threaten with her icy stare and bravado is taking her on a world-wide excursion. We’ve captured the best moments in this photo essay as FG traveled the globe.

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Science marches in lockstep for Earth progress

Science marchAs the world community senses the looming destruction of our planet by Trump's imperial knowledge-rejecting regime, scientists all over the globe stand up and say No pasaran!

On April 22, and the battlecry of Earth Day resounding through the canyons of our metropoles, Science will march in the front row!

Physicists - Relentlessly Smash Inequality of Atoms!

Chemists - Boldly create New Matter out of Equalized Atoms!

Mathematicians - Progressive Gender-Awareness NOW!

Climatists - Seize the Rudder in the Glorious March of Science!

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Communism for Kids with Armpit Hair: new book from MIT

Communism for Kids with Armpit HairMIT Press is out with a new book that teaches children the tenets of Karl Marx with fairy tales.

The little girl's armpit hair is especially disturbing. I understand it must be a nod to feminism, and far be it from me to dictate rules of body hygiene to any women and their consenting partners.

The reason it's disturbing is because little girls don't have armpit hair.

So the book's authors either have never had children themselves and forgot their own childhood, or they are perverts who fantasize about a world where little girls have armpit hair or where adult women with armpit hair look, dress, and behave like little girls and break things they don't or won't understand.

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We have ten years to save the planet

broken clockIn 1988 we told the world that "We only have ten years left to save the planet."

In 1989, our wonderful comrades at the United [in Marxism] Nations decreed the same thing.

Then during the 2000 election season our Holy Prophet Who Has Never Been Wrong, Al Gorski (Muslim name: al-goreeza) issued a fatwa that we only had ten years left to save the planet.

Nobody listened. George Bush [spit, spit] won stole the election and the planet's environmental destruction continued.

So, in 2006, prophet al-goreeza issued another fatwa...

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Introducing The People's Current Truth App

Current Truth AppLife is complicated these days, and there’s just so much outrage to absorb your time. You may be like many Americans, and just not sure what you should be outraged about and which side to pick.

But wait no longer! Simply download the free People’s Current Truth App™ and you’ll be officially in the know. Whether it’s Cecil, Harambe, Bush, or Trump, you’ll receive timely updates with clear instructions on…

  • What to be angry about!
  • When to feel triggered!
  • Which side to choose!
  • When to choose the other side!
  • How to vent your righteous anger!
  • Where to go for t-shirts and matching placards!
  • Soros funding locator!
  • Progressive social media protest calendaring function!
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United Airlines Introduces Club Class, Deal Beater

United Airlines Club ClassUnited Airlines will not be beat, even if you take their seat.

Previously, airlines were required to pay passengers four times their ticket price if they were more than 4 hours late, but United now has a deal beater.

If they need a passenger's seat, they will simply beat them and drag them from the plane.

This way, they keep costs low for the little people, while kicking the teeth in of uppity, fancy doctors.

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VIDEO: Open Borders/Suicide Of The West

Suicide Of The WestA Soviet immigrant's theory of why the West is on the path towards self-destruction...

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Ivanka turns tears into perfume

Tears of Social Justice WarriorsTears of Social Justice Warriors
IVANKA TRUMP BUSINESS SAVVY
Entrepreneurial skills showcased


Now that Ivanka Trump's perfume has seen a sales explosion due to, of all things, retail outlets removing the brand from their shelves, Ms Trump has been looking to further incorporate irritated liberals in her business strategy.

Retailers did not consider the fact that the vast majority of liberal women don't enjoy smelling pleasant, so any move related to perfume inventory would go unnoticed by this demographic...

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April 1: The People's Cube is twelve years old!

Cube 12 yearsEvery year on April First, internationally known as The Current Truth Day, all progressive humanity celebrates the People's Cube's glorious anniversary. Twelve years ago today, on April 1, 2005, this Party Organ was launched out of an undisclosed bunker and swiftly rose over the horizon like the red hexahedron-shaped sun of the revolution, bringing the light of Party-approved thought straight out of the Motherland to the toiling masses of the darkened, non-socialist parts of planet Earth.

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100,000 Pieces of Agitprop to be Sent to the White House

Art of The HealComrade hippies at the HealiUm Art Center in Atlanta, GA, have come up with a creative plan to heal our divided nation. Mocking Donald Trump's book title, The Art of the Deal, they named their project The Art of The Heal, calling everyone who self-identifies as being an artist to create over 100,000 pieces of art to send to the White House by July 4th, 2017: "Gift the collective art to the President with a request to display the gifted art pieces in the White House for public viewing."

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Horror in Target restroom, patron trapped in stall overnight

Target trans restroomSan Francisco, CA -- 81 year old Cynthia Cunningham was hospitalized during the early morning hours today after she was found barely conscious in Target department store women's restroom. The elderly woman fell into a toilet becoming lodged in the public commode when the seat that Cunningham attempted to use was left up.

According to the victim's family, Cunningham went missing last night after she went into town to buy her grandson a birthday card and a video game. The frail customer with poor eyesight and a weak bladder was recorded on security cameras rushing into the restroom a half-hour before the store closed only to not emerge until EMTs carried her out...

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Terror Response Bingo: London Edition

Terror Response Bingo: London EditionStep right up!

Get your London Edition of Terror Response Bingo here!

To play, keep the card by your computer as you read the news and social media reaction to the attack.

When you see something in the news or on social media that matches something on the card, check it off!

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People's anti-Trump hyperventilation chamber

anti-Trump hyperventilation chamberWelcome to the People's Cube clearing house for all the latest, scandalous, fascist, and Russian outrages of the Trump administration.

What is the latest, breathless, gotta-tell-it-now scandal that defies credulity?

DID YOU KNOW that Neil Gorsuch may have taken his Bar Exam with one shoe untied? Can you believe he's actually being considered for the Supreme Court?

DID YOU KNOW that Jim Sessions may have worn a WHITE pocket square folded with a POINTY TOP? Yeah, that's not racist (sarcasm)! And they say Trump...

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Russia adds St Patrick's Day to list of excuses to get drunk

St. Patrick's Day in Russia"A Day Without Sobriety" campaign gains momentum in the Motherland.

Concerned that Russians don't consume enough alcohol in the month of March, Russia's Orthodox Church has now made St. Patrick's Day​ an official holiday over the country's enormous territory.

Because the Orthodox Church's calendar is two weeks behind the Western calendar, the celebration is being scheduled on March 30th, almost two weeks after the drinking has wrapped up in the rest of the world. This means that Russia's 143 million-strong population will be carousing on the 17th when everyone else does it, and then on the 30th...

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'A Day Without a Day Without' Campaign

A Day Without a Day WithoutIn joining the fun of a "Day Without" campaign I am starting a new "Day Without" campaign called "A Day Without a Day Without" campaign.

I know it is hard to imagine living a day without being reminded of the sensitivities and abuses faced by our perpetually aggrieved brethren but I am in desperate need of "A Day Without Guilt."

After my "A Day Without A Day Without" campaign I am proposing some additional "Day Without" campaigns to fill our annual calendars. Please help me complete our 365 day schedule.

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It's March 8th - Happy International Women's Day!

Woman's DayDear oppressed women and non-women who identify as females!

On this wonderful spring holiday the Party takes a day off from the usual revolutionary struggle in order to celebrate all the international contributions to social justice made by self-identified female-gendered persons and wishes for them to crush their oppressors anywhere they can find them - and get even!

Remember: 50% of the world's population has 100% of the Y-chromosomes and 91% of the testosterone. #SMASH FASCIST TESTICLES!

We will never have a truly equal society until we can eliminate Penis Envy by eliminating the penis. #All GENITALS BELONG TO THE STATE!

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Disney's New Children's Cartoon: Super Gay Friends

Disney gay cartoonTo go along with Disney's re-envisioning of Beauty and the Beast, and their new show Princes, they've also released a new children's cartoon - perfect for the kids to watch while eating their cereal during Saturday morning prime time.

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Media messaging: Then and Now

Then and NowA hundred years ago (April 6, 1917) America entered World War I. The prevailing media messaging of the time was captured in these war propaganda posters.

Things have changed in the last hundred years, and so has the media messaging. This raises some questions:

Who comes up with this new messaging? Who is the target? What is it aimed to accomplish? And can a nation survive this mindset if it prevails? Could any nation survive it?

Because while the messaging has changed, the world hasn't...

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Zimmermann Telegram inspires Teutophobic backlash

Zimmermann TelegramIf today's New York Times editors had been in charge in 1917 (strumming harp music)...

A likely illegal publication of a private German telegram to culturally diverse Hispanic and Oriental leaders causes rage, Teutophobia among white alt-right U.S. nationalists

The questionably legal publication of a private German telegram has some alt-right conspiracy buffs attributing the worst possible motives to the German government.

The telegram, which legal experts caution may be illegal for citizens to read...

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Dear white male students: you are trash

Dear studentsToday's lesson: how to condescend to minorities and still score liberal points

This photo, initially posted on Reddit, has quickly become viral. An unnamed teacher in Massachusetts, believing that her students were as shocked by Trump's election as she was, posted these equality-enforcement proclamations on the classroom wall.

It must be very reassuring for "Latino(a)" students to see a daily reminder that they are not rapists or drug dealers. The same goes for Muslim students who supposedly need to be reminded that they are not terrorists in case they forget. Black students are probably expected to feel grateful for being sheltered from certain death that lurks outside; paranoia is always good for morale.

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SQUEAL TEAM SIX: Defenders of the Deep State

SQUEAL TEAM SIXIt is the dawn of the Trump era. The deep state, also known as "a state within a state" is in danger of being drained. In Washington, DC, an elite group of career government bureaucrats bands together to issue the squeal of a lifetime.

The sabotage of Trump and his troops serves as the backdrop for the gripping story about self-serving pen pushers who put the entire country's future on the line to defend their swamp, trough, and the deep state from Trump's swamp-draining forces.

Despite inconclusive evidence and ignoring the possible ramifications, the deep state orders the attack...

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Libscars 2017 - The Snowflake Oscars

Libscars 2017Each February, film fans around the world turn their attention to the Academy Awards called "The Oscars." But this year is different. "The movies" we so love and cherish have given way to astonishing performances right here on our streets - free of charge! We've saturated ourselves with popcorn while watching entertaining "snowflake" routines since Election Day, and it only gets better.

Buy movie tickets? Why! We've got free entertainment! We've watched more liberal meltdowns on YouTube than movies. We get excited and well… forget the cinema! I'm staying home to watch the liberals!

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Soviet-style abuse of psychiatry is now practiced in the US

Soviet abuse of psychiatry Comrade Psychiatrist is unhappy with Mr. Trump's "delusional reformism."

American progressives have been enamored with many Soviet ideas in their time, trying to transplant them to the U.S. - from government diktat and central planning to academic indoctrination and propaganda through entertainment. And while the Soviet Union has gone the way of the dodo, its glorious socialist legacy is still up for the picking.

One of these unparalleled Soviet achievements is the use of psychiatry to silence dissent and delegitimize political opposition...

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Southern Poverty Law Center is a hate group

SPLC is a hate groupThe word “haters” is a very loaded term, and a nonsensical one to boot. The left-wing Southern Poverty Law Center (SPLC), for example, claims to be the ultimate arbiter of “hate,” “haters,” “hate groups,” and “hate crimes.” This 501(c)(3) nonprofit collects handsome sums of money under the pretext of keeping what they call a hatewatch. At the end of 2016 their endowment stood at $302.8 million. That means they have a direct financial interest in painting a picture of a widespread organized hatred in the United States, which “proves” their importance and scares the donors into parting with even more of their money.

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A Demand for People's Paid Protest Leave (PPPL)

Power to the GovernmentWith all the Days of Resistance and Days Without Some Victim Group we’ve had lately, and will continue to have for the next four years—or until He Who Shall Not Be Named Because That Only Legitimizes and Worse, Humanizes Him—is impeached—it’s clear we need to set aside another Day, this one to demand paid leave for protesting. We shall call it the People’s Paid Protest Leave, or PPPL™ for short.

Because this is about People. People who care. People who are fighting fascism. People who want only to take back the democracy that last November 8th was ripped from us as if we were raped—which, in a sense, we were.

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Press misreporting, misquoting President Trump

Trump vs MediaI'm not sure if this has been picked up in America but our UK press are reporting that President Trump was "bashing" the BBC.

'Here's another beauty': Donald Trump bashes the BBC again in heated back-and-forth with 'impartial free and fair' reporter Jon Sopel during bizarre White House press conference

- President said 'Here's another beauty' after asking Jon Sopel where he was from
- North America editor replied 'It's a good line', adding: 'Impartial, free and fair'


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The People's Cube rolls into Europe, has reached Belgium

Cube BelgiumOur correspondent in Belgium, Comrade Minitrue, has sent us a transmission about the growing prominence of the People's Cube in the European Union of Soviet Socialist Republics (EUSSR) and its glorious capital, Brussels.

In an article describing the ongoing ruthless purge of all right-wing sources and personalities from Wikipedia, a Dutch-language Belgian newspaper, Sceptr [Scepter], describes us as a "right-wing satirical website." (How far to the left must the comrades in Brussels have gone in order to see our truly Stalinist Party organ as "right-wing"?)

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The Orange Supremacist Threat

Ornage supremacyThe ever-vigilant Komrad Silverman has done THE PEOPLE a great favor by korrektly identifying markings, disregarded by most wrong-thinking people, as simple utility worker symbols.

They are, in fact, secret and subversive codes of hatred, used by a world-wide conspiracy of fascists, known as the The Utility Workers' Army, whose hidden agenda is Orange Supremacy.

Thanks to the eagle eye of Sarah Silverman, the secret signs of the Trump Nazi Illuminati have been exposed.

Orange is the new white.

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Valentine Day in People's Cube history

The People's Valentine Guide to Dating Dictators

The People's Valentine Guide to Dating Dictators


Dating a dictator can be a scary and dangerous endeavor. But it also offers an opportunity to meet the authoritarian oppressor of your dreams, provided that the proper precautions are taken. Whether you are a young starry-eyed Utopian or have been around the eastern bloc for a while, everyone can benefit from these tips and guidelines for safe dictator-dating procedures.



Ivanka Trump boycott fizzles out

Ivanka Trump boycottNordstrom stores - among others - recently stopped carrying Ivanka Trump's wares. They claim that this decision is not at all politically motivated, but strictly a result of lagging sales. Nordstrom swears their Ivanka Trump dump has nothing to do with a boycott campaign waged by a random marketing consultant, under the hashtag #GrabYourWallet.

The timing that Ivanka's sales lagged around the same time her father became close to winning the election, which is also when the boycott campaign ramped up, but not a moment before, is purely coincidental.

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Flat Antifa smashes fascism

Flat AntifaArmed with a baseball bat and wearing a fashionable rioting unisex ensemble, Flat Antifa is looking for some fascism to smash.

Fascism is anything that Flat Antifa doesn't understand. It needs to be smashed. Fascists are those who refuse to conform to Flat Antifa's non-conformism. They need to be smashed.

Flat Antifa obtained these views in his/her extremely expensive school, and is prepared to swing his/her bat at anyone whom Flat Antifa's extremely progressive professor defines as extremist.

Included on the list of things to smash are gender fascism, sexist fascism, racist fascism, homo-fascism, hetero-fascism, bi-fascism, trans-fascism, adult fascism, and parental fascism.

Help Flat Antifa find more fascism to smash.

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Hooters offers 10,000 jobs to Muslim refugee women

Hooters to hire refugeeHooters announced today that they are preparing to hire 10,000 Muslim refugee women in a show of support to the immigrant community and in a display of solidarity with other American companies that have offered similar support.

Hooters joins the list of companies such as Starbucks, which has also offered to hire 10,000 refugees instead of veterans or unemployed Americans, as well as AirBNB, which has offered to house these immigrants.

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BREAKING: Putin Hacked Superbowl for Trump & Patriots

Putin Hacked SuperbowlVladimir Putin deflated footballs used by the New England Patriots - it was revealed today by CNN.

This is the only way that they could have won the Superbowl.

It has been determined that he did it to make Trump's team victorious. Women and minorities have been hardest hit by this latest defeat.

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Mona Lisa was originally meant to be a Muslim woman

Muslim Art CBSYou may have seen the recent fake news that the Statue of Liberty was originally meant to be a womyn of the Religion of Peace:

ISLAMIC LADY LIBERTY: CBS CLAIMS STATUE OF LIBERTY WAS ORIGINALLY A MUSLIM WOMAN, ACCORDING TO "RESEARCHERS"

No word on whether her clitoris had been removed. All of which is Well and Good. But it only scratches the surface.

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Sarah Silverman: Trump Voters Are Racist

Sarah Silverman BlackfaceOutspoken comedian Sarah Silverman thinks that Trump voters are racist, she said yesterday while wearing blackface makeup to emphasize her point.

Later, after working herself up into some kind of frenzy, Silverman appeared to call for a military coup in a tweet, while protests against Breitbart editor Milo Yiannopoulos turned violent after Soros' and the DNC's minions attacked people with shovels and clubs while burning things and breaking windows.

'WAKE UP & JOIN THE RESISTANCE. ONCE THE MILITARY IS W US FASCISTS GET OVERTHROWN. MAD KING & HIS HANDLERS GO BYE BYE,' Silverman wrote.

Later she added: 'We're all gonna die...

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Ayn Rand on the Berkeley Riots

Ayn Rand - Berkeley Riots "The carnage perpetrated in the academic torture-chambers of the mind leave students with the following sediment in their brains: existence is a jungle, fear is man's permanent state, skepticism is the mark of maturity, cynicism is the mark of realism and, above all, the hallmark of an intellectual is the denial of the intellect. These 'activists' are so literally the products of modern philosophy that someone should cry to all the university administrations and faculties: 'Brothers, you asked for it!'"

- Ayn Rand, 1965

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If Twitter existed in earlier centuries

Twitter in history
Famous Tweets in chronological order:

- Moses
- Jews for Social Justice & Against Moses
- Pharaoh Seti of Egypt
- King Xerxes of Persia
- King Leonidas of Sparta
- Thomas Jefferson
- King George III
- Abraham Lincoln
- Franz Ferdinand of Austria-Hungary
- Lee Harvey Oswald
- Jimmy Carter

And more...

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BREAKING: Beyonce pregnant with 2 Donald Trump's babies

Beyonce pregnant TrumpBeyonce has announced today that she is pregnant with two Donald Trump's babies at once, with experts predicting that this may inadvertently set the tone for the entire Black History Month, which has just begun.

The 35-year-old singer was disappointed that her previous pregnancy photo on Instagram only gathered 6,831,636 likes, 17,000 tweets, and some anemic media coverage at such lame old news organizations as The New York Times, LA Times, US Weekly, Chicago Tribune, and similar media holdouts, with not a single picture or a word about her in places where it really counts - Breitbart, Fox News...

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DON'T TRIGGER ME! - New flag for Safe Space Cadets

Sadsden FlagSo that the Safe Space Cadets will not be unequal in their kultural wealth, I have created a new, politically-korrekt version of the (in)famous Gadsden Flag (*ptooey*). It will be raised every time there is a call to "arms" (for hugging).

I haven't quite figured out yet what this flag should be called. The Thinskin Flag? The Hasbeen Flag? This humble Kommisar welcomes the contributions of the most equal masses for the christening dedication of this new...

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New social justice drink: Starbucks White Snowflake Smoothie

Starbucks Snowflake SmoothieReciprocating Trump's #MuslimBan, the CEO of Starbucks has vowed to start a campaign of discrimination against US citizens by hiring 10,000 Muslim refugees instead of the usual local applicants as baristas.

This, in turn, was immediately reciprocated by a call to #BoycottStarbucks by Trump supporters, who claim that Starbucks is an overhyped watering hole for pompous white Subaru-driving liberals in yoga pants. That is an outrageously divisive statement because it excludes unicyclists and Prius drivers, whose vehicles are equipped with three turn signals: a left turn signal, a right turn signal, and a supersized virtue signal.

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Leftist Quandary: Why doesn't Trump ban Saudi Arabia too?

leftist choiceThere is a chart circulating the internet, showing the numbers of American citizens killed by Middle Easterners since 1975. The purpose of this chart is to persuade us that President Trump is banning people from the wrong countries.

Citizenship from these countries does not equal Muslim. But a travel ban of these countries' citizens is a ban of all Muslims. We know that no Muslim would kill an American, because Islam is the Religion of Peace. According to this chart, Saudi Arabians are more dangerous than citizens of Iraq, Iran, Syria, Libya, Somalia, Sudan and Yemen. But we don't really want Saudi Arabians to be banned, because it is a Muslim-majority...

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Correct response to the Quebec shooting

Correct media responseAfter the tragic loss of life in the Quebec mosque shooting of January the 29th, it warms our hearts to witness the correct response we expect in such situations.

Major news outlets were quick to point out that the current prime suspect, a certain Mr. Buissonette, had serious mental issues and work-related traumas that may have caused him to act irrationally. To stress the "lone wolf" character of this attack, no links were made with other anti-Muslim actions or protests in the past that have no proven connection to this incident. To avoid stigmatising any demographic, prime minister Trudeau did not immediately describe this "event" as terrorism.

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Veils: Instruments of Resistance

NOW mosqueCalling out around the world, are you ready for a brand new protest? Trump is here and the time is right for protesting in the street!

Sister comrades, this is a call to arms (as long as they're covered) to demand freedom and equal rights, to stand up to the illegitimate Trump/Hitler regime, to keep the rights to your body, and to fight against cultural imperialism - by wearing your instrument of resistance - the hijab!

Enclosed in your hijab, you can, in the name of women's rights, proudly stand up and be a warrior against Trump's War on Women. Join millions of like-minded women in smashing the patriarchy, achieving freedom from male domination and oppression, fighting for gender-justice, and checking (based on skin tone) your white privilege. It's simple common sense: the Muslim veil is the only way to find true women's liberation and equality.

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Madonna tried witchcraft against Trump, her spell backfired

Madonna shrunkSpeaking to Harper's Bazaar, Madonna described focusing on Trump's image on the TV screen while casting magic spells as her agent and friend recited verses from the Quran.

"We were doing everything: lighting candles, meditating, praying, offering our lives to God, Allah, Satan, whomever - as long as they would shrink Trump into a hideous little monster and he would lose to Hillary," said Madonna.

In the end, her mystical witchcraft backfired. Trump defeated Clinton, and Madonna became a hideous little monster instead. Months later the transmogrified celebrity is still struggling to accept what has happened: "It's like suddenly losing all my money and power, and also being stuck in a nightmare, but I repeat myself."

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Live from New York it's 'He will not divide us!' comedy show

Hillary Clinton Sues SatanThis feels like a pilot for an absurdist comedy, or at least a TV skit. Arrested Development comes to mind. The best part is Shia pleading "Be nice, people" and then screaming "f*king Nazis" at the top of his lungs to the people offscreen.

Turns out, they are the police and they soon take him away in handcuffs. He is quite docile at first, but as he is being led offscreen, he gets back into character and starts screaming "f*king Nazis" again.

If Shia sells the rights to this episode, that should probably cover the medical bill from the upcoming month in the rehab.?

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International outrage as Trump enrolls ISIS into Obamacare

ISIS joins Women's MarchIt's only Trump's second full day on the job, and already he has drawn international criticism: in an executive order signed today, the new president has enrolled all members of ISIS into Obamacare, effective immediately.

Defending his decision, President Trump told reporters, "Look, I know it's controversial, blah, blah, blah. But to me it's genius. I'm gonna make ISIS go on Obamacare, and I'm going to make them pay for it. It's what I campaigned on, and I'm gonna make it happen in the first 100 days."

In the U.S. Senate, Chuck Schumer rushed to a microphone. "We're better than this...

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Get MAD! Get REAL MAD, with the Madonna Protest Mask!

Madonna Protest MaskLets blow up the patriarchal government and replace it with a governwomynt!

Attending a Trumphitler protest?


That Guy Fawkes mask is "old hat!" (and a symbol of patriarchal oppression). Don't be laughed at! Show your comrades just how revolutionary and equal you can be by wearing the latest thing in Protest-wear!

Madonna is more revolutionary, more nasty, more disease-ridden than that old... tired... BORING!, Guy Fawkes poseur!

But just like Guy Fawkes, she too wants to blow up the seat of government!!! Isn't that cool?!!!

Available now at your local Protest Supplies store. Made in Pakistan. Ask about the special limited-edition with bonus vial of Madonna's actual menstrual blood.

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Trump threatens to make the Oscars great again

Trump OscarsIranian actress Taraneh Alidoosti has recently vowed to boycott the Academy Awards ceremony as a protest of Illegitimate President Donald Trump's illegitimate proposal to illegitimately suspend visas for citizens of some African and Middle Eastern nations.

Alidoosti, who appears in the Oscar-nominated The Salesman, points out that foreign travelers to the United States have a right to come and go as they please without the illegitimate interference of the U.S. government. Her announcement has larger implications: we would be deprived of self-righteous tirades delivered with impeccable style by our betters.

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Hillary Clinton Sues Satan, Wants Her Soul Back

Hillary Clinton Sues SatanLawyers for Hillary Clinton today announced that they are initiating legal action against Satan for breach of contract.

They are demanding that he return the soul of Hillary Clinton who was promised the highest office in the land for her soul.

Satan's representative, George Soros, declared that the promise was made in New York City and that she will have to settle for mayor.

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Women's March in DC leaves millions of cats hungry at home

Women's MarchFollowing yesterday's Inauguration, half a million American women put on their pink "pussyhats" and marched on Washington, D.C., leaving an estimated 2.5 million starving, meowing cats in their homes completely unattended and deprived of their scheduled mandatory hugs and prolonged belly rubs.

Organized by Planned Parenthood, Council for American-Islamic Relations, the Communist Party, and other progressive movements, American women came to Donald Trump's doorstep to express their anger, fury, indignation, and outrage over the fact that they can't name a single right that men have and women don't.

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It's the End Of The World As Libs Know It

End Of The WorldNew lyrics - updated and improved:

That's great it starts like an earthquake cargo snakes on aeroplane
And Tammy Bruce is not afraid eye of a hurricane listen to the Dems churn
World serves it's own needs dummies serve your own needs
Feeding off of faux speak grunts no strength
The latter starts to clatter with fear fright down whites
Why're they on fire representing people's gains
In a government for hire and a left wing site
Leftists west and dying in a hurry with the people breathing down your neck...

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A retrospective on the Obama years

Obama selfies chairs

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Incompetent Trump protester fails to self-immolate

self-immolateA Trump-hating protester set himself on fire last night outside the Trump International Hotel a few blocks from the White House in Washington, D.C. but failed to kill himself, according to reports.

The as yet unidentified 45-year-old Californian used an unidentified accelerant and a lighter in an unsuccessful attempt to flambe himself for social justice.

It was unclear if the man was insane or simply a very dedicated demonstrator. Given his disinclination to fully combust he is unlikely to have been an Eagle Scout.

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We'll threaten anybody because our love trumps hate!

stalking letterA letter to all entertainers performing at Trump's inauguration: We are the party of love. We've told you that over and over again, but you just don't seem to get it, so we have no other choice but to send you this anonymous death threat. How DARE you reject our love? You JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND THAT WE WERE MEANT TO BE TOGETHER!!!! You forced our hand and now we must teach you that if you don't do what we say, that means you don't love us. And you're supposed to love us. We are beautiful. We are kind. We are tolerant and inclusive and if you don't agree with us, you must be silenced! We want to give ourselves to you, body and soul, BUT YOU JUST WON'T SEE IT AND GO OFF WHORING AFTER THAT BITCH!!!!!!

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Last minute pardon requests

obama pardonsWith just over 48 hours left of the Obama Administration, this is your last chance to remember if there is anything you might have done for which you need a pardon.

I'll go first: My transgression and my cat's transgression:

Years ago, Dear Leader's glorious face graced the cover of the magazine Fast Company. I failed to frame it and put it on the wall so I could bow as I walked by. I left it on the couch... and my racist reichwing rethugiKKKan cat got sick all over the picture. Naturally, I mandated the cat to take eight weeks of diversity and sensitivity training...

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President Obama Awards Himself Another Medal

Obama awards himselfPresident Obama awarded himself the prestigious, 'Distinguished Public Service Medal' on Wednesday, January 4th, 2017.

During his teary-eyed presentation speech, he referred to himself some 97 times while gloriously expounding on his many accomplishments, performances and outstanding golf games.

Through tears of joy during the acceptance speech, he referred to himself another 163 times expounding upon his many successes and how smart he is.

We breathlessly await more medals of this type to be awarded to Barack Obama.

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Putin gives golden medals to patriotic Russian sex workers

Putin Russian sex workersMOSCOW -- Following Buzzfeed's "golden showers" expose regarding president-elect Trump's alleged escapades in a Moscow hotel, Vladimir Putin held a ceremony in the Kremlin, giving golden medals to a group of heroic Russian women who served the Motherland in the course of this operation.

"Trump has been organizing beauty pageants, hanging out with beautiful women who had gone through medical examination. Why would he leave them for unvetted females with a lowered sense of social responsibility?" he said. "Unless they are highly trained and thoroughly examined operatives with a heightened sense of social responsibility and patriotism, like this group here."

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The Clinton Foundation's GOING OUT OF BUSINESS sale

Clinton Foundation fire saleDon't miss this post-election fire sale as the Clinton Foundation closes its doors and lays off its non-unionized employees. Everything & everyone must go!
br /> - All starving Third-World children are half off, barely used.
- Deep discounts on African and Middle Eastern dictators.
- Speaking fees now only $20,000.
- No refunds on pre-election deposits.
- Government influence all sold out.
- Uranium deals by appointment only.
- Now available in all totalitarian states.
- Doors close on 4/15/2017.

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Pee-Gate: A Documentary

Pee-GateA behind the scenes look at how Pee-Gate really happened.

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Why right-wingers are more attractive and how to fight it

right-wingersWe have long known that right-wing people are better looking, smarter, happier, and even have a better sex life without demanding that the government pays for their contraceptives.

No one knew how to effectively argue that fact, deny it, rationalize it, or turn it into an asset - until now. A groundbreaking scientific research has finally answered the most puzzling question of the Universe: Why would anyone in their right mind ever vote for a right-winger?

As a side effect, scientists also explained that people's right-wing politics stem from their beauty, talent, ability, strength, and well-being, which also signals...

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So much for peeing Russian prostitutes, comrades!

peeing prostitutesI raise a tin cup of glorious beet vodka (with a splash of tractor fuel) to the imaginary hookers.

Once again the mainstream media is trickling out details, one drip at a time...But I'm puzzled. People PAY to get their beds wet? I know some folks with pure talent.

This just in: The search for prostitutes who peed on Obama's bed has been narrowed down to one suspect...

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The People's Cube has just been purged from Wikipedia

GulagopediaThe People's Cube entry has just been purged from Wikipedia. Congratulations, comrades. We are now officially a non-site populated by non-persons sharing non-thoughts and making non-jokes. It makes me feel right at home, back in the Soviet Union, where an invisible hand obstructed any of my efforts to manifest my existence. How liberating. No visibility means no responsibility. Out of sight, out of mind.

As a linguistic experiment, scientists once had "out of sight, out of mind" translated into Russian and then back into English. The phrase returned as "invisible lunatics." That's who we are now. No need to think now, non-people. The Wiki-progs have turned us into invisible lunatics.

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Trumpian Horrors Magazine, Volume 1

Trumpian Horrors MagazineAnnouncing Volume 1 Number 1 of TRUMPIAN HORRORS - the new, hip, retro-pulp fiction magazine for Cis Males, Cis Men, Trans Males, ...and Androgynes ...who are feeling a little bit on the butch side today.

Each month (or whenever we get around to it -- publishing schedules are racist), TRUMPIAN HORRORS will bring you gripping fictionalized accounts (but NOT FAKE NEWS!) of the latest sickening atrocities inflicted upon the the U.S., the world, the Universe, and beyond by The Evil TrumpHitler.

Headline story (and Trigger Warning!) in our premier issue: I WAS FORCED TO SING AT TRUMPS INAUGURATION, the true story of a poor, but talented, single-mother, 1/16th Native American, trans-questioning, Chicago civil servant whom The TrumpHitler implacably forced to compromise her sterling liberal values to croon for The TrumpHitler's drooling delight while suffering the humiliation of the leering eyes of TrumpHitler's Deplorables Squads (with assistance by Russian hackers).

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Thank you, Mr. President

Finally, hope!Dear President Obama,

I would like to take the time to honestly thank you from the bottom of my heart for having a huge hand in creating the greatest age for satire that the world has ever seen. But aside from that, there is so much more to be thankful for.

I believe that I also speak for countless college-educated people when I say that during the dusk of your presidency we should take the time to list some of the amazing things you have done and to reflect upon them.

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Snopes embezzling: Life imitates The People's Cube big time!

Snopes honey trapWhen we first saw this headline, we thought it was yet another satirical spoof about Snopes, similar to our own previous exploits:

Snopes Co-Founder Embezzles $98,000, Drops Weight, Leaves Fat Wife And Marries Actual Whore

Turns out, this is a true story, fully backed by Daily Mail. But first, let's step back a little. We've had a few spates with Snopes in the past. It was all fun and games when Snopes co-founder David Mikkelson first debunked our story about Rosie O'Donnell getting a tramp stamp with ISIS flag to support Islamic 'freedom fighters'...

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Obama to receive medals from Iran, Cuba, Syria, and the PLO

Obama's medalsOn Wednesday, President Obama added another prestigious medal to his Nobel Prize collection when he had Defense Secretary Ash Carter award him the Department of Defense Medal for Distinguished Public Service.

??If ?this caught you by surprise, you're not alone. Most Americans had no idea that
the Pentagon ?had such an ?award??.? Additionally, you may not be aware that several countries are ?also expected to ?invite? president ?Obama ?to medal ceremonies in appreciation of his many stellar contributions.

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How the collapse of the USSR felt from the inside

USSR breakup25 years ago George Bush Sr. was still in office, and so was Saddam Hussein. The European Union didn't exist and neither did China's economic powerhouse. The Berlin wall had just come down and Germany had finally reunited. Hillary Clinton was a little-known mouthy First Lady of Arkansas and the media gleefully predicted that Donald Trump would never climb back to the top after his Atlantic City fiasco.

On the other side of the Iron Curtain, the Eastern bloc was in shambles, but the USSR was still standing with Mikhail Gorbachev at the helm. The KGB meddled in other countries' affairs as usual, spreading "fake news" and helping leftist politicians with no objections from the Western media...

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URGENT: People's Cube can be deleted from Wikipedia, HELP!

Wikipedia deletes the CubeThe Wikipedia page about the People's Cube may be purged in a few days and we'll become a non-site unless we take action.

There is an ongoing Wikipedia discussion / show trial, in which you can vote for or against deleting the People's Cube for being "unworthy" to grace the pages of Wikipedia. You can add your two kopeks to the discussion here:

Wikipedia:Articles for deletion/The People's Cube

First the reason for deletion was "confrontational language." Then it was phony "copyright issues." Now they question our "noteworthiness." This is plain harassment and trolling.

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Top 13 Things that Didn't Happen in 2016

Happy New YearIn this New Year edition of No News - Good News we are happy to inform our readers that the following things did not occur this year:

  • FBI: Santa disclosed naughty list on WikiLeaks, "Helped Trump win election"; Obama expels Rudolph, Prancer, Vixen, and 35 elves in retaliation
  • California builds wall to keep out Trump supporters
  • Bernie supporters stunned there is no socialist Santa Claus, vow to continue demanding free chocolate cookies, milk
  • Washington Post sues Internet for infringing on "fake news" business
  • Controversy in the lab: white mold excludes black mold; Harvard biologist blames "Petri dish cultures of hate"
  • Scientific News: Long after 1961 burial physicists uncertain Schrodinger is dead
  • Sexed-up Mother Russia becomes Milf Russia; Motherland renamed into Milfland on Putin's orders...

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Les Deplorables: buy a shirt, support this site!

Les Deplorables

By popular demand, we have made two versions of this design - cute and rebellious - pick whichever feels more "deplorable" to you.MORE



Even More Previously Current Truth™

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